Regulus isn’t sure why she’s here. Well, no, she knows why she’s here, she just doesn’t know how she let herself get this far. On a train 700 miles away from everything she’s ever known, with a notebook in her hand and a small bag at her feet. If someone had told her this last month, she would have laughed in their face and called them a few tasteful names. But that was before she got the letter.
The sound of the train horn wakes her from whatever daydream-like state she’s in, indicating she has reached her destination. She quickly stands, grabbing her bag and pushing past the slow risers. She’s in a hurry for nothing, she knows that. Once she steps off the train she will only have the contents of the small bag she is carrying, one that isn’t hers in the first place. It’s a good excuse, she told herself two days ago when she packed. The bag needs to go back to its rightful owner. She steps off the train onto the platform, making her way towards the payphone to call Sirius. She might be the only other person in the world who knows where Regulus Black is.
The California sun beams down harshly and she feels beads of sweat forming on her forehead as the phone rings. She begs Sirius to answer, her change running low and her patience running lower. She eventually hears the click and a familiar voice.
“Hello?” The voice asks, rough as usual.
“Where’s Sirius?” She cuts to the chase.
“Pleasant as always, Reg.” Remus laughs before calling out for Sirius.
Regulus hears clattering in the background before a breathless, “Hello?”
“Hey, I made it,”
Sirius lets out a breath she’s been holding for days, since they last spoke. “How was the ride?”
“Long. Dude next to me kept trying to look up my skirt. Almost killed him.”
“I taught you well.” She laughs.
“I-,” She cuts herself off before taking a breath and continuing, “I think I made a mistake.”
Sirius is quick with her reply, “No you didn’t.”
Regulus lets out a cynical laugh, “I have no money, no clothes, and no idea where to find him.”
“So?”
“What the fuck do you mean ‘so?’,” She mocks, “I’m probably going to get killed out here. Bad move on your part letting your little sister chase after a boy across state lines.” Sirius just laughs louder, her voice carrying so far Regulus had to pull the phone back. “You done?”
“Are you?” She asks once she stops laughing. “You’re being dramatic. You know where fuckface works, just hang out there until he shows up.”
“Isn’t that a bit… stalkerish?” She questions, immediately regretting it.
Sirius starts laughing again, “You took a 16 hour train ride with the slight chance of seeing him, and waiting at his work is too stalkerish? Goodbye, dumbass.” Regulus grumbles a goodbye back, with the promise of calling again as soon as she can.
With that, she heads off the train platform and integrates into the bustling crowd of people. She’s in awe, and slightly overwhelmed. Her buttfuck middle of nowhere Washington town had about 6 people in it. This was like a whole new world. She stops at a stand, paying a ridiculous amount for a big map, hoping to spot the name of the bar written in the letter she had tucked in her bag. Sitting down and studying it is the only option she has, the fear that it isn't there and she really is lost creeping into her mind, until she spots it. The Black Dog, all the way across the map from where she is. It’ll take her hours to get there. Hesitantly, she stands, map still in hand, and begins on.
She isn’t crazy, or she wasn’t before this. Now, though, after two hours of walking in this stupid skirt she only wore because it’s his favorite and a handful of uncalled for comments, she just might be. Her feet hurt, her eyes are permanently watery because she can’t stop thinking about what happened, and she’s so thirsty she might die. But, she makes it.
She stops in the middle of the sidewalk, earning a few glares from those around her, and stares at the fading sign. Of course this is where he works, she thinks to herself. Mustering up the courage, she walks inside the dinghy bar and is met with a roomful of people all winding down from a long day. She glances at her watch. 6pm on a Tuesday, she should expect nothing less.
Making her way across the room to the bar, she held her breath in case he was there. When he wasn’t she didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. She took a stool in the corner, ready to camp out until he shows up. If he shows.
“What can I get you?” A kind voice causes her to look up, a short bartender looking at her expectantly.
“Can I get a coke?” She requests, her mouth feeling like cotton.
“Gin and coke? Rum and coke? Gotta specify baby.” The bartender smiles at her.
She shakes her head, “Just a coke.”
She nods, and turns to pour the drink before setting it up on the bar, “This ones on me.” she glances around to make sure no one wants to order before turning back, “You from around here? I’ve never seen you.”
Regulus shakes her head, not knowing what to say or how to explain why she is in the bar, in this town, in this state.
The bartender sticks out her hand, “I’m Pandora.”
Regulus accepts with a kind smile, “I’m Regulus.”
Pandoras makes a small face, almost undetectable. “Are you here for something?”
She tries to find a way to ask without sounding completely weird. “Uh, yeah actually. Does someone named Barty work here?”
It’s like that’s the question Pandora was waiting for as her face lights up. “I knew it was you.” Regulus looks confused, so she continues, “He never shuts up about the love of his life back home in Washington. He’s been off the past few days.” She gives Regulus a look, “He’s in for the late shift, but it doesn’t start until 8. You mind waiting?”
Regulus immediately shakes her head, “I’ll wait however long.” At that, Pandora smiles. She smiles like she has known Regulus all her life.
The time passes slower than Regulus could have ever imagined. She rereads the letter three times, writes four poems, watches two fights, and draws Pandora once- which is enough to get taped on the wall behind the bar and free drinks for life, apparently.
While time does move slow, it does move. She watches the clock like a hawk, and when it strikes 7:55, her hands begin to sweat. What if this isn’t what Barty meant? What if he really was letting her go? What if he never wants to see her again? Her thoughts distract her from the tall man walking in and behind the bar, them not yet noticing each other.
When she finally looks up and sees him for the first time in over a year, Pandora whispering in his ear, she can’t breathe. He looks up too, their eyes connecting, and it feels like pieces of a puzzle falling into place. Regulus has always felt wrong, a phenomena that she can’t put into words. Seeing him, though, it’s like the coil in her chest loosening for the first time in a long time. Maybe it’s stupid, and maybe it’s cliche. Her mother told her it was wrong, but what about this could ever be wrong?
There isn’t a moment to think before Barty is around the bar, dodging drunk men asking for more beer as if they need it, and beside Regulus. He pulls her into his arms, and Regulus is sure she could never leave them again. She isn’t sure how she did it in the first place.
“You came.” He said, his voice cracking in her ear as he held her, almost as if he’s scared she’s going to disappear.
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to.” She says back, clinging to him just as frightful.
He pulls away ever so slightly, a look of shock still in his eyes, “I’ve wanted you since I left.”
At that, Regulus falls into his arms again, and she knows she made the right decision. She thinks back on the call with Sirius, her unsuredness, her nervousness. She’s glad Sirius saw through her bullshit, and reminds herself to thank her tomorrow.
There's a small clearing of a throat that eventually breaks them apart, Bartys hand still on her arms and unrelenting. It’s Pandora, smiling wide at them. “I called Sev an hour ago, he’s coming in for you.”
It’s like they communicate with their eyes, and Regulus is suddenly scared that she no longer knows Barty. They used to do that, communicate without words and know what the other was going to say next. Will they have to relearn each other? Will Barty want to know her anymore? A million thoughts pounded through her head, and she didn't even notice herself being helped out of the chair and out the door. She comes to her senses as the cool air hits her face.
Unable to think properly, she says the first thing on her mind, “It’s much prettier at night,” and turns to Barty, a small tear falling down her face.
Barty wipes it off and nods before grasping her hand and pulling her down the street. She looks around as they walk silently, thinking over what they’ll say when they reach their destination, which is still unknown. She’s weirdly nervous about herself now, walking down this street with a man she hasn’t seen in so long. Her skirt, one that he had bought her when they were 17 and dreaming of a place to wear it. It’s short, nothing that could have ever been worn in their small town, but it’s gorgeous. She has his bag as well, one he left at her house once and never asked for back. It’s so downright Barty it’s almost comical, worn and covered in patches to hide the holes. Nasty thing that she held onto almost every night for the past 18 months.
They reach what she thinks is their destination, a tall and run down apartment building. His hand, still clasped with hers, leads her through the unlocked- dangerous, she notes- doors and up one flight of stairs to another door. He unlocks it, and Regulus almost smiles when she walks through. It’s tiny, but perfect. It’s everything he had talked about having one day during the conversations over a joint, hanging out his bedroom window when they were 15. It’s open, the kitchen messy, and she dreams of being the one to clean it up. The living room has a small couch and chair, but endless bookshelves filled to the brim with books, CD’s, and other knicknacks she can imagine him picking up at thrift stores all over town. She can’t see the bedroom from here, but she imagines it’s just the same.
She looks over at Barty who is already staring at her. She tilts her head a little before saying, “I like it.”
“Do you?” He asks, borderline hopeful. She nods. That’s all they say for a while. He gestures to the couch for her to sit and goes to the kitchen, grabbing drinks from the fridge. He sits next to her and the couch dips like it was made to fit them both. She makes note of the fact that he had given her a Hi-C. He hates them, but it’s her favorite drink.
“Thanks.” She says to him as he sits, and he nods at her. She looks at it for a moment, studying the can before looking at him. He just stares at her and shrugs.
They sit for a while before he starts, “Why are you here?” His tone makes her want to cry, just a little.
“I can go, if you want.”
He quickly shakes his head, “That’s not what I meant, Reg.” She knows.
“I got your letter,” she pulls it out of her, well, his bag. “I had to come.”
“You didn’t have to.” Barty says, his face gaining the expression of a kicked puppy.
“You said you were letting me go. Was I supposed to let you?”
“I didn’t mean to rush you, I just didn’t want to keep waiting for something that wasn’t coming. I had to move on.”
“Did you? Move on, I mean. It’s been a month since I got it.” Regulus gets nauseous thinking about his answer.
Barty looks sadly at her, “I don’t think I ever could. Not from you, baby.”
Regulus smiles a smile she hasn’t in a while and leans towards him, bumping her head into his shoulder. He laughs and puts his arm around her, pulling her close. It’s nice, but the voice in the back of Regulus’ head is still saying something will go wrong. She doesn’t have a chance to think too long before Barty starts again.
“How long are you staying?” He asks before clarifying, “I don’t want you to go, I just want to know.” It’s sweet how in tune he is with her thought process, knowing exactly where she was going next.
“I don’t actually know?” She says it as a question, “I didn’t really… plan any of this.” He gives her a confused look, and she clarifies, “I got your letter, I read it every night for weeks, and one night I realized I couldn’t just let it all go. I called Sirius and was on a train the next morning.” She lets it out, confessing how bent out of shape she was over everything that happened.
“I’m sorry.” He says, and Regulus is confused.
“What are you sorry about?”
“I don't know,” He shakes his head and laughs, “Just seemed needed.”
She shakes her head, “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Neither do you,” He says with a sense of finality in his voice. That’s a lie, and she knows it. Her face must show it too, because he goes again. “Reg, you didn’t do anything.”
“I let you go.” Her voice breaks.
Barty shakes his head at her words, rejecting them as soon as they are told, “You weren’t ready to leave.”
He’s right, and she hates that he is. 18 months ago he had shown up in the middle of the night talking a mile a minute. When she finally got him calm, he told her he was leaving. It was something they talked about, dreamed about even, but never really planned on. Well, apparently she’s the one who didn’t plan on it. She couldn’t go with him, couldn’t abandon her entire life, everything she knew, to go slum around LA. That was just an excuse, though, covering the fact she was terrified. What 17 year old being begged to leave her life behind with the love of her life wouldn’t be scared? So, she said no, and he left. He left and she stayed. And that was that. Until a month ago when she got his letter.
Dear, Regulus
I hope this reaches you well. I hope you are well. LA is nice, I got a job at this bar, The Black Dog. It weirdly reminds me of Sirius, I think she would like it here. I think you would like it here too. I want you to know that you will always have a place here with me, but for now, I think we need to move on. I’m happy, or trying to be, but I can’t if I keep looking over my shoulder and hoping you are there. I’ll love you forever, but you need to move on as well. I hope you have or that you can. Again, I will love you forever. Hope Sirius is well. Bye.
- Barty
She threw up when she first read it, then she kept reading it. It got too much, and now she’s here. She pulls the letter out of her- his- bag, looks at it one last time, and crumples it up. It felt like breathing, she realizes, as she lets the paper ball fall between them on the couch. She looks up and she’s a large smile painted upon his face.
“How much do you pay here, for rent?” She asks, seemingly out of the blue.
He furrows his brows, “$200.”
She smiles again, the most she has in months, “I could swing $100, if I find a job.”
Bartys voice is hopeful as he asks, “You wanna stay?”
“If you’ll have me.” She says back, just as hopeful. Barty says nothing, just laughing and pulling her into his lap. She giggles, but it’s quickly cut off by Barty pushing his lips against hers. It’s funny that Barty thought for a second she could ever move on from him, not when they fit together so perfectly.
They pull back, breathless, and rest their foreheads against each other. They stay there for a minute, staring into eachothers eyes before Regulus says, “I need to clean that nasty kitchen.”
Barty laughs loudly, pecking her lips and standing up, carrying her bridal style into his, now their, bedroom. When the morning comes, Regulus will have to call Sirius, figure out how to get something to wear besides the clothes on her back, and find a job for the first time in her life. In the morning, they’ll have to sit down and really figure out how they’re going to do this, but tonight, they lay on each other and whisper 18 months worth of secrets and love.