Slipping through my fingers
In the weeks after the garden, their friendship shifted—just like their work shifts. The notes kept appearing. But now, so did Carina.
At first, Maya told herself it was just routine—a habit forming between them, as effortless as hose drills or the way Carina twisted her hair into a clip with casual ease.
But routine had turned into expectation. And expectation into something else. Something Maya wasn’t ready to name.
She hadn’t let herself think too much about it. She was too busy keeping her mind on other things.
Like Andrew DeLuca.
The first time she noticed something was wrong, it was subtle.
Andrew could be intense and focussed, especially at work, but this was different. His energy was erratic, his words too fast, his eyes too bright.
One night, she ran into him outside their apartment building. He was pacing, phone pressed to his ear, gesturing wildly. His words came sharp and clipped, switching rapidly between English and Italian and bouncing between topics at a speed Maya struggled to follow.
“I don’t care what they said—they’re wrong,” he snapped. “I know what I saw. Sta mentendo! (She’s lying) People just don’t want to believe the truth!”
Maya hesitated. “Andrew?”
He spun around, startled, his expression shifting too quickly—agitation, then forced brightness. “Hey, Bishop! Just handling some… important things.” He waved a dismissive hand, but his pupils were wide, his breathing quick.
Maya exhaled, a feeling of dread curling in her stomach as she remembered what Carina and Andrew had told her about the family history of mania. As Maya watched Andrew bouncing on his toes, his body vibrating with barely contained energy, the fear they'd shared with her was starting to feel all too real.
Before she could say anything, Andrew clapped a hand on her shoulder and gave her a too-wide grin. “Anyway, gotta go. Big things happening, you know? Ciao!”
And then he was gone.
Maya didn’t mention anything to Carina. She didn’t want to worry her unnecessarily over one isolated incident. Everyone had ‘off’ days. Maya was the queen of ‘off’ days. She opted for ‘watchful waiting’, instead.
But it wasn’t an isolated incident.
It started small. A case Andrew wouldn’t let go of – convinced only he could solve it. A sleepless night here, an impatient retort or burst of manic energy there. As weeks turned into months, Andrew’s behaviour became more and more erratic until it couldn’t be dismissed or explained away.
His ‘highs’ had him believing he was ‘a surgeon with a supernatural gift’ whose precision and surgical prowess was unmatched. His ‘lows’ were worse, leaving him paranoid and restless.
Andrew had spent his whole life trying to outrun his family history and now it had finally caught up with him.
The more Carina, Maya and his friends tried to reach him, the more he pushed them away, dismissing their concerns.
He lost interest in his hobbies. He stopped taking pictures.
Then he stopped coming home.
He buried himself in back-to-back shifts, running on adrenaline. The exhaustion clouded his judgment and fuelled his recklessness and agitation.
Maya did what she could to support Carina, schedules permitting. But most of the time, all she could do was watch as Carina’s world unravelled - along with Andrew’s mind.
***
Maya hadn’t heard from Carina in a few days. No texts. No teasing notes. No meals left on her doorstep. At first, she didn’t think much of it. Carina was busy. Work at Grey Sloan could be all-consuming, and Maya knew what it was like to get lost in long shifts.
Something felt off.
Three days in and two unanswered calls later and Maya was sprinting through the doors of Station 19 the moment her shift finished. Fighting the urge to break the speed limit on the way home. She was out of breath by the time she’d rushed across the car park, pulling up as she reached the door of Andrew’s apartment, phone in hand. She had already sent two more texts. Another call went straight to voicemail. She puffed out a breath, flexing her fingers before she knocked. She waited. Knocked again. Waited. Nothing. Maya frowned, shifting on her feet. Maybe Carina wasn’t home.
But something in her gut told her that wasn’t the case. She knocked again, louder this time, more insistent. “Carina? Are you in there?”
Still nothing. Maya sighed, running a hand through her hair.
Maya exhaled, resting her forehead against the door for a moment.
Please, Carina.
Then, inspiration struck.
She straightened, clearing her throat dramatically. “Look, Carina, I don’t mean to panic you, but the plants are dying,” she called through the door. “I walked past your herb garden earlier, and I swear I heard the basil begging for mercy.”
Still nothing.
Maya kept going. Her voice mock-serious, “And the oregano? Gone.” She sighed dramatically. “It just couldn’t hold on.”
Finally, she heard a muffled sound from inside. Maya pressed her palm against the door, voice softening. “Carina, please. Just let me in.”
A long pause. Then, finally, the lock clicked. The door opened just a crack, then a little wider.
And that’s when Maya saw her.
Maya had never seen Carina look like this. Her hair was pulled into a messy knot, strands falling loose around her face. She was in her pyjamas. Her usually vibrant, sharp eyes were dull with exhaustion, dark circles under them. The woman who always held herself with confidence, looked… lost.
Maya’s heart clenched.
She stepped inside without a word, shutting the door behind her gently. The apartment was dim, the curtains still drawn. The usual warmth and cosiness gone, the air felt heavy, oppressive.
Carina let out a weary breath, pressing her fingers to her temples. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I just—”
“You don’t have to explain,” Maya said gently. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Carina let out a hollow, humourless laugh. “Do I look okay?”
Maya didn’t answer. Instead, she reached for Carina’s wrist, guiding her to the couch. They sat in silence for a long moment. Maya glanced around, assessing the scene, noting the untouched cup of espresso on the coffee table, now gone cold. A blanket was half-draped over the couch, and the cushions heaped at one end were a tell-tale sign that this small corner of the apartment had been Carina’s universe for hours, days even.
Carina looked down, fingers twisting together, before finally speaking. “I don’t know what to do.” Maya swallowed, waiting. Preparing herself for what Carina was about to say.
Carina’s voice was quiet. “He’s gone.”
Maya reached for her hand without thinking, dread curling in her stomach, “Tell me.”
Carina exhaled shakily, gripping onto Maya like she was an anchor. “At the hospital…” She let out a slow breath, her shoulders tensing, “He accused a woman of trafficking. He—he believed it, Maya”, she paused, swallowing hard as she struggled to get the words out, “He started yelling, causing a scene, and security had to step in.”
Maya watched as Carina’s face twisted in anguish, feeling something coil inside her.
Carina squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. “I saw it happening, I felt it happening, and I couldn’t stop it.” Her voice cracked. “And now—he’s gone. He hasn’t been home. He’s not answering my calls. I…I don’t know where he is.”
Carina let out a shaky breath, her eyes wide and full of panic. “I can’t believe it’s happening all over again. Like my father.”
A heaviness pressed against Maya’s chest. These past few months she’d felt helpless as Carina’s worst fears unfolded before her eyes. The mania—once a distant shadow lurking at the edges of their lives—was now an unshakable reality. She wished she had the right words, but what do you say when someone is watching the person they love unravel?
Maya stayed silent, letting Carina speak, letting her feel.
“I tried so hard, you know?” Carina whispered, her lip quivering. “I stayed in Italy for him. I watched my father go through this, and I thought—I thought maybe I could fix it. Maybe if I just… loved him enough, I could make it better.”
Maya clenched her jaw, squeezing Carina’s hand gently as she shifted closer, “Carina…”
Carina inhaled sharply, shaking her head. “And now Andrea—” She broke off, pressing a palm against her forehead, her body trembling with barely-contained emotion.
Maya moved before she could think, pulling Carina into her arms.
Carina resisted at first before sinking into the embrace, gripping onto Maya like she might break apart if she let go. Maya held her, her own heart aching. She hated this. Hated seeing Carina like this, hated the helplessness she felt.
“I wish I could take this from you,” Maya murmured into her hair.
Carina sighed against her shoulder. “I wish I could take it from him.”
Maya tightened her hold, lightly stroking Carina’s hair as she nestled against her shoulder. They sat like that for a long time, holding each other, saying nothing. Maya wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Carina finally pulled back, just slightly. Their faces were close—too close.
Carina searched her eyes, something soft and unreadable there. “Thank you. For being here,” she whispered.
Maya swallowed, the tightness in her throat making it hard to speak, “Always,” she whispered. She meant it.
Something passed between them then. Something neither of them were ready to say out loud.
Carina leaned into Maya, burrowing her face into the soft fabric of her sweatshirt. Maya’s heart swelled as she felt Carina’s breathing settle into an easy rhythm and the tension in her body finally begin to ease.
When Carina finally drifted off to sleep, Maya did too. When she woke, it was getting late. She was loath to move, enjoying the comfort of their closeness. Reluctantly, she roused Carina, brushing a strand of hair from her face.
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty?" she whispered softly, her heart stuttering as impossibly expressive brown eyes fluttered open, locking onto hers. "It’s late. I should go."
Carina nodded sleepily.
"You’ll be okay?" Maya pressed.
Another drowsy nod. Something warm and undeniable bloomed in Maya’s chest.
She forced a small smile, her fingers brushing softly over Carina’s cheek.
“And for the record? I think I saved your basil. But the oregano? It’s definitely gone.”
Carina mumbled, her eyes heavy, “Maya Bishop, you are ridiculous.”
Maya grinned, “But effective.”
Carina gave the faintest shake of her head, her eyes fluttering shut as she succumbed to sleep.