Remus watched as Sirius stared out the window during divination class. The teacher spoke in her whimsical voice as half the class listened and the other half ignored her, the marauders usually participating in the latter.
“I hate the rain,” Sirius muttered and rested his chin in the palm of his hand. “Hey, Moony?” He looked over quickly with a mischievous grin.
“No,” Remus replied instantly, a clear warning in his voice.
“Aw, I didn’t even tell you what it was,” he complained, blinking with his pouty puppy-dog eyes. Remus caved. He couldn’t look at him without wanting to kiss him, so he usually ended up looking away and letting the boy do what he wanted.
“What is it?” he asked, returning his eyes to the board filled with markings.
“What if we snuck out to Hogsmeade after school?”
“Why would we do that?”
“I’m sure the weather is nicer, and we can go get chocolate.” Remus looked to the boy and narrowed his eyes.
“You can’t bribe me with chocolate every time you want to do something.”
“If that were true then you wouldn’t go along with it every time,” Sirius quipped with a grin.
“Besides,” Remus sighed, “we have that essay due tonight for McGonagall. You still have 7 inches of parchment to go.” Sirius huffed and looked back out the window.
“I can’t believe it’s still raining,” Peter said as he sat on the window ledge. The rain pounded hard on the windows as the thunder and lightning raged outside. “I mean, how much rain can possibly be in a cloud?” James seemed to give it serious thought as Remus sighed and rubbed his eyes.
“Did you see Lily today?” James said as he flopped onto his bed. “She was completely soaked coming from herbology class,” he said dreamily.
“Prongs shut it, you already told me in great detail 5 minutes ago,” Sirius complained. He slid on a jumper, recently stolen from Remus’s closet, and flopped onto his bed causing the pillows the bounce haphazardly across the room.
“I didn’t hear it!” Peter said which quickly set off James to tell them all about all of their interactions for the day.
“Good! Night!” Remus said strictly when James was still gushing after 15 minutes. He closed his curtains and opened the most recent book he’d started, but his mind was elsewhere. He flipped back a few pages when he realized he wasn’t comprehending and had no idea what happened throughout the last few pages. He reread the first sentence, then again. He groaned and closed the book. Nothing was working out how he wanted it to. He peaked behind his curtain to where Sirius’s bed sat. It was silent, too silent.
The rain was still pounding against the windows outside making the room a little colder. James was snoring and Peter was quiet, as always. But Sirius’s blinds were closed, as they usually were, but Remus couldn’t shake that something was off.
“Oi, pads you awake?” No response came from the bed. “Sirius?” He fiddled with the blanket as his concern started to grow. He knew it was probably nothing, he knew Sirius was likely asleep, he knew that he was making something out of nothing, but his concern persisted. He quietly got up from his bed and took a few steps to Sirius’s bed. “Padfoot?” He opened the curtain, Sirius flinching dramatically away from the movement.
“Oh sorry, didn’t realize it was you.” Remus looked at him for a moment. He was wrapped into a ball, the blanket wrapped around him. His eyes looked a little red and sore. He sniffled and Remus knew. They both knew he knew.
“I can’t sleep, mind if I sleep over?” Remus asked.
“Um, s-sure.” Sirius pulled the blanket from around him as Remus awkwardly climbed into the bed. Remus flipped the blanket over both their bodies then casted a warming spell. They lay awkwardly next to each other for a few seconds until Remus reached out and pulled Sirius to him. Sirius allowed himself to be pulled closer, his face resting on Remus’s chest.
“You don’t have to do this, y’know?” Sirius muttered into his chest. “I’m not some kid afraid of the thunder.” Remus squeezed him tighter, his lips resting on the top of Sirius’s forehead. The scent of his hair products filled his nose.
“I know it’s not the thunder that scares you,” Remus replied. He knew that Walburga had a bad knee that acted up in the rain. He knew what type of thing happened in the household on a good day, let alone a bad one. He knew the thunder and rain reminded Sirius of his own mother lashing out at him. “But more importantly, it was me who couldn’t sleep. You’re always trying to make everything about yourself Pads,” he said with pseudo-annoyance. “Feeling you in my arms helps me fall asleep.” Sirius huffed at his remark but buried his face into the soft sweater with a sigh. What Remus said was true, however. Having someone rely on him…finding comfort from him, was overwhelmingly the best feeling he had ever felt.
“I’m gonna get snot on you,” Sirius mumbled as if that were to deter Remus from snuggling the boy he was so desperately and pathetically in love with.
“Cleaning spells exist believe it or not.” He heard one last wet sigh (a whine might describe it better) and relaxed completely into Remus, his arms wrapping around the boy and his fingers digging into the material of his sweater. Remus petted down his hair, secretly smelling the scent released. His hair was always soft with a clean scent that drove the werewolf crazy.
…
“Remus?” Remus kept his eyes shut, even though the boy’s soft voice melted his heart, but it would be weird if he was awake and cuddling Sirius this much. When Sirius fell asleep, he selfishly pushed his hands up the material of his sweater. Nothing that couldn’t be explained as a natural movement in his sleep. His fingers hung lightly by his back dimples, the urge to rub his fingers in the divots never ceasing. “Remus,” Sirius cooed, “are you asleep?” As if he could sleep with his heart pounding so hard against his rib cage. He felt a finger press into his cheek, then tease one of his nostrils. It took everything in him not to react. The finger dipped into his ear, then traced along the side of it, a few stands of hair being tucked as it made its way. “Ughmm.” A sound of frustration and a bit of a whine left Padfoot’s mouth, his fingers lingering near his neck.
“I love you,” Sirius said quickly, his voice was normal, not the quiet soft whispers from before. “There, I said it,” his voice back to a whisper. Remus’s heart was beating faster by the millisecond. “You say it to me all the time and I can never say it back. Merlin you’re so good to me Remus, it makes me feel so guilty when you say it and you leave the space for me to say it back, and when I don’t you change the topic. But I just can’t-“ Remus was sure his face was bright red, his chest was heaving so much he was surprised Sirius hadn’t caught on yet. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Remus tried to calm down and keep his face from reacting. Why would he lose him? If Remus had any say in it, they would be next to each other for the rest of their lives.
“You are so nice to me. I can rely on you the way I can’t with the others.” Remus thought his chest was going to explode, that or he was going to hyperventilate and give up that he was faking it this whole time. He knew that Sirius and James were best friends. They were brothers, that’s not a spot that can be easily taken. Remus was always jealous of how much time they spent together over the summers. For him to speak of Remus in a way that put him above James filled his heart with false hopes. “I feel guilty taking so much from James, same with you, but I can’t help myself but be a burden to you because I want to be around you so badly….. Sometimes, when you say those words, you look at me in a way I can’t help but take it the wrong way. Merlin, I am so in love with you,” he finished with a sigh. The fingers pressed to his neck softly but with a purpose and a pair of cold lips pressed against his. It was a short and soft kiss, allowing Remus to barely react at the last moment before he pulled away. He opened his eyes without thinking, storming grey meeting his only a few centimeters away. He watched Sirius’s face grow pink then bright red.
“What?” Sirius stared back at him blankly. He pushed off of him and stumbled out of bed. “Sirius wait!” He heard the tapping of feet running, Remus quickly reacted and ran after him. “Sirius!” He barely saw his foot as he darted through the portrait. Once he came out of the common room Sirius was nowhere to be seen. “FUCK!” He turned around quickly and grabbed the map, looking to see his footprints running to the astronomy tower.
His thighs hurt from the stairs, his lungs hurting from the cold air, his body aching from the full moon a few days ago, but he persisted. He pulled himself up by the railing, pushing his legs so he skipped a step on the stairs. The door to the top of the tower slammed open loudly, his breath drowned out by the heavy rainfall that continued to fall. “Sirius?!” He screamed into the night air, the sound barely traveling. The door slammed shut again, Sirius coming into view. His hands were on the railing.
“NO!” Remus watched his feet leave the air as he jumped. He slammed both their bodies into the railing, Remus desperately grabbing Sirius’s waist with all his strength. “Don’t, please don’t,” Remus begged, both of their upper bodies leaning over the railing and getting drenched in rainwater falling from the tower roof.
“Let go of me!” Sirius sobbed, his body squirming under Remus’s.
“NO, NEVER!” He pulled both of them from the railing and onto the floor. He pinned Sirius to the ground, his breath heavy. Sirius cried under him, his chest jerking with every sob. “What the fuck do you think you are doing!?” Remus yelled in a panic, his hands trembling against Sirius’s wrists. “Why would you do that to me!? Killing yourself, how would that solve anything!?” Remus couldn’t tell if the drip landing on Sirius was from his wet hair or his eyes.
“I messed it up, I messed it all up, Moony,” Sirius cried, his voice barely heard over the rain.
“No, you didn’t!” He let go of his hands and cradled his face. “You didn’t mess up anything.” Sirius’s eyes flashed to him; despair trapped within them.
“You’re just saying that.” His hands pushed at Remus to move him, but Remus refused to budge. “You don’t mean it!”
“Sirius! I love you.” He settled for a moment; his eyes locked on Remus. His hands moved hesitantly, unsure if he wanted to push him away or pull him tighter. Remus still held onto his face, his hands trembling from the cold and the fear.
“Don’t say that!” Sirius finally responded, his fist pounding on Remus’s chest. “Don’t say that; you don’t mean it the way I do! Don’t….” His fist fell limp back onto the floor. “Don’t say that because there is no way that you do…” Remus leaned down and kissed him, holding his face in place so he couldn’t escape, not that he tried. His lips were cold, his face was wet from rain and tears, but Remus could only think about the body underneath him and the way his heart ached as their lips touched. He sat back up, his heart racing and his face feeling hot despite the cold weather.
“How could I not love you Padfoot? I am so desperately in love with you Sirius, I love everything there is about you.” Sirius had tears pouring from his eyes, but he didn’t sob, didn’t make a noise, just stared up at Remus. A hand pulled at Remus’s sweater, he willingly leaned down and let Sirius wrap his arms around him and tuck his head into the side of Remus’s neck. He wrapped his hands around the boy and sat up, pulling padfoot with him. He rubbed the other boy’s back as he sat on his lap, practically tearing into his clothing.
“Do you really love me?” Remus heard mumbled into his neck.
“Yes, I seriously love you, Pads.” He chuckled at his own joke softly and watched Sirius peel himself away from him, a small smile on his lips. “Can I kiss you again?” He reached up and softly held his jaw, his thumb tracing his cheek. “Please?” Sirius lightly nodded and Remus closed the gap. It was a real kiss this time, both parties actively kissing the other. His hold on Sirius became more demanding, his hand gripping his jaw tight; the other pulled Sirius tighter so their bodies were pressed together. He felt bad getting hot and bothered given the situation, but he couldn’t help it. He had Sirius Black, Sirius Padfoot Orion Black, in his lap kissing him willingly. He slipped a hand under his wet sweater and felt the skin of his back. Smooth, wet, soft, cold, sexy, he whined slightly feeling it and knowing he didn’t need to feel guilty about enjoying it more than a friend would. Sirius shivered as his hand traveled the length of his spine. Remus wondered how low his hand could travel. He teased the hem of the pajama pants Sirius was wearing, his fingertips dipping under the band to feel the skin next to his hip.
“Okay, Okay,” Sirius said breathlessly, a weak laugh in his voice. “I get it, you don’t have to keep proving it to me.”
“Huh?” Remus, just as out of breath, replied.
“I get that you like me. You don’t have to keep touching me like that.”
“Love,” Remus corrected, “I love you. And I’m not trying to prove anything. The boy I fancy is in front of me, of course I want to touch you.”
“From where I’m sitting it feels like you want to do a lot more than that.” Remus flushed hot.
“It’s to be expected,” Remus reasoned and shifted underneath him. “Let’s go get warm and snuggle in bed again, okay?” Sirius nodded and let himself be led in hand by Remus back to the Gryffindor dorms. They dried off and changed, both crawling back into Sirius’s bed.
“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered after they settled in. “I-I wasn’t thinking straight.” Remus stayed silent but rubbed his hand up and down Padfoot’s arm. “The rain and- and thinking that I ruined everything clouded my judgment.” Remus kissed his hairline.
“You won’t ever do something as stupid as that again, right?” Sirius nodded against his chest. “And I don’t have to worry if we fight, or merlin forbid break up, you won’t even think of doing something like that?” Sirius didn’t move. “Right?” Remus asked sternly.
“We won’t ever fight moony or break up. I won’t allow it.” Remus huffed bemused.
“I feel like I need to hear you say it again.” Sirius leaned back and looked at him puzzled.
“What, that I’m sorry, cuz I am.”
“No.”
“That I won’t do that again?”
“Mmm-mm,” Remus responded, a cocky smile lifting to his cheeks. Sirius flushed hot and sputtered random noises.
“I can’t say that, it’s weird now!” Sirius pleaded. Remus kissed him, his tongue teasing his lips.
“Tell me you love me,” he whispered into his mouth. His hand twisted to his black hair, freshly dried from a spell. Sirius pouted when Remus pulled away, waiting for an answer.
“I love you, Moony.” He buried his face back into his favorite spot. “So, let’s make this work no matter what.”
“Okay,” Remus whispered, sleepiness now hitting him in waves. “I’m falling asleep, Siri, I can’t keep my eyes open.” A snore was his response. “I love you.” His eyes closed, a smile permanently placed on his face.