Chapter 5
This task, mother, was the one thing I tried to do right. Right as in the morally right. Something that, as I mentioned before, must be one of the most foolish things a Black can do. It surely was the most foolish thing I had done.
I think you've already guessed it by now, at least I hope. But let me state it so there are no misunderstandings about my betrayal. For that is what I did. I betrayed the dark lord and all (okay, maybe not all - I shall never become a practitioner of white magic when the dark arts are so much more practical and get the job done without all the sparkles) of the virtues you taught me.
You may curse Sirius for this one, mother.
But I may not be able to do that. Blaming him for what had become of me, I mean. (Or maybe I do, but not for my death - which happens to be quite bearable.)
No, I blame him for many other things, mother, (It seems to be a custom I picked up from you.) but I do not blame him for this.
Is it strange, mother, that I'm actually grateful?
He made me see, made me aware. Aware of many mistakes. (If only someone had done the same for the rest of you, if only you would listen when I tried)
I'm grateful, mother, I really am. (But don't tell Sirius, if somehow he gets himself killed and ends up down there because the higher ups can't handle him and the devil somehow was stupid enough to let the two of you meet (I already mourn his ears))
...
Dying hurts, but being dead is peaceful. I may not enjoy it, being a ghost and all, but I may will.
One day, mother, even the dark lord shall die. I cannot but believe that. And after that, I shall go on.
But until then, I shall be a good ghost, haunting this childhood house of mine, and keeping Kreacher company - he really needs it. Maybe one day, Sirius will show up, and I'll finally get my chance to scream at him for everything.
Thanks for your time mother, it meant a lot to me.
No longer yours (or maybe for one last time),
RAB