Chapter 2
Many times I have wondered about death, mother.
Feared it, saw it, caused it and in the end experienced it. I have held death within my hands, mother. I did it at a younger age than even you had known.
It was my little secret, shared it only with Siri, and I shall tell you all about it when I'm ready - but I don't think I'll ever be. Some things even the dead may not know.
And don't you be upset, mother. Even Sirius doesn't know all of it. (Mainly because he was no longer there to listen, but let us ignore the fact he ran away like we've always done.) I promise, some things I've kept hidden - even for him.
After all, I didn't want to lose him sooner than I already did. You know how things were between us, mother. (Or you should've known, but didn't, because you were you. )
...
Maybe I should tell you, mother. Sirius lost the privilege to know a secret of mine all on his own, didn't he? Maybe telling you shall make it less special, make him less special.
We both know it won't work, but let us try anyway. But not now, I shall avoid talking, and thinking, about my life as long as possible, mother. You surely wouldn't mind, right?