Echoes of the Heart

Aiah grew up having people gush over her beauty; they always praised her, how she carried herself, and how she looked like a high-paid model. In fact, a lot of men tried to get her attention, all those charms and confidence vying for her attention, yet Aiah never gave them any. Her eyes are fixed only on Stacey—the girl who lights up her world with every laugh they share. Aiah’s heart was a single, shining star, forever drawn to the girl who will never be hers. Or so she thought.

Aiah remembered it all too well, how her heart skipped a beat when Stacey stated that she is the only one who can have Aiah. Stacey is the jealous type when it comes to Aiah, and when Stacey found out that everyone in their high school calls her Ate Aiah, Ate Aiah, and claims that they’re close with her, she cried to Aiah and swore she would never call her Ate again, as per Stacey, “Ayaw ko ng may kaagaw sa’yo.”

Grade 8 Aiah and Grade 7 Stacey

Stacey’s waiting for Aiah outside the latter’s classroom, eyes on the floor and hands clutching. She could still hear the voices of the other students boasting about meeting Aiah and getting to talk with her, everyone claiming that they are close with Aiah, and they even call her ‘Ate Aiah’ like they’ve known Aiah their entire life. She’s been dealing with all of these students who claim that they are somewhat related or have a connection with Aiah ever since she won as the Grade 8 representative, and Stacey hates it.

“Aubrey, let’s go na? ” Aiah spoke while walking towards Stacey. 

When Stacey looked up, Aiah got worried immediately; her best friend looked like she was about to cry. She stood up in front of Stacey, her voice filled with concern, and asked, "What happened? May umaway sa’yo? Tell me who.” 

Stacey shook her head. “Everyone’s also calling you Ate Aiah; only our friends and I can call you that. Why did you let them call you that? ” And a tear fell. “Hindi na kita tatawagin na Ate, it’s annoying. You’re only mine.” Stacey sobs, “Ayaw ko ng may kaagaw sa’yo,” and then she hugged Aiah.

As an academic achiever Aiah always receives awards and unending compliments from other people, she never basks in it though, because no one, not even her achievements could match the intoxicating warmth that radiates from her best friend, Stacey. Everyone lauded her with honey like words, pure of admiration, yet there is nothing compared to how Stacey sets her heart aflame even in the littlest thing she does. 

Because for Aiah, Stacey did all of these without the latters knowledge;

Stacey shook her earth. 

The details of how she realized she likes her best friend are still vivid in her mind.

It was one sunny afternoon; they were out, a picnic date, under the mahogany tree, just the two of them. Stacey’s talking about her first week as a grade 11 student, smiling so brightly and eyes shining while the dappling sunlight dances on her face. Aiah just watched and listened, and then something clicked inside her. Stacey shook her earth out from beneath her.

Suddenly Stacey looks brighter, almost like she had a ring light with her.

Eyes sparkling with a warmth that mirrored the golden rays above, Aiah is sure as hell mesmerized.

And oh—that smile—it had a way of igniting the thousands of butterflies in Aiah’s stomach, wreaking havoc, inviting her to lose herself in Stacey's world.

And when Stacey leaned in a little closer to get the leaf that had fallen from Aiah’s hair, Aiah swore it was as if the ground had trembled and shifted, leaving her both exhilarated and unsteady.

Stacey sucks her air out. 

Stacey for Aiah is a gentle breeze of hope.

There are too many times Aiah had loose hope, mostly about failing an exam, losing on a quiz bee, and being replaced by someone in Stacey's life, but Stacey was always there, reminding her that there is hope in every second she lives.

Aiah comes to realize that Stacey's presence brings whispers of hopes and new beginnings, yet there's an ache in her chest that feels like Stacey’s the very air out of her lungs. 

Every shared laugh of them together fills Aiah with warmth, but the very thought of losing Stacey leaves her gasping for breath. She knows, one way or another, Stacey will find the right guy in no time, and that thought scares her the most.

Stacey has woven herself into Aiah’s heart so deeply that without Stacey, her world would grow dim, and she would be left in the sea of longing. It was painful, just thinking about losing Stacey.

And the essence Stacey brings is intoxicating; every glance, every smile, and every shared laughter is like a gentle reminder for Aiah that she is only alive when Stacey is near.

Stacey burned her down.

It was yet another one of the many sleepovers with their friends; they were watching “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” with Stacey wrapped up in Aiah’s embrace. It was like it's just the two of them when, in fact, all of their friends were also there.

Aiah’s focus wasn't on the movie anymore; actually, it had been a good 20 minutes since she found herself just staring at her childhood best friend.

And when Stacey looked up at her, she found herself so consumed by Stacey's presence. It was like a slow ignition, a spark that caught her off guard, and soon became a wildfire that she couldn't escape from. 

Then the realization hits her like a bolt of lightning: Stacey burns her down.

It was unplanned, unwanted at first, trying to rationalize the feelings she harbors from her best friend, but to no avail; she was cornered by the flames of this feeling.

Stacey burned her down. It wasn't a destructive fire; it was a slow, agonizing, passionate blaze that consumed every part of her being, leaving her both scorched and vulnerable. 

The intensity of what she feels scared her, but the warmth it brings her lets her embrace the burning sensation.

Storm, lightning, thunder.

It was Stacey's 18th birthday party; everyone was waiting for her to grace the pink carpet. Of course the carpet should be pink; it wouldn't be Stacey's party if everything wasn't pink. 

The crowd suddenly went silent when a slow music started playing, and in that moment, everything around Aiah faded, and the time slowed into a gentle hush. There she is, her Stacey, illuminated with the soft glow of lights—a view that took her breath away. 

Aiah felt the brewing storm already raging inside her.

When Stacey looked at her, the girl flashed her the brightest smile. And she swore Stacey shimmered like a flash of lightning, bursting her heart out.

The unspoken feeling she has for her best friend lay heavily on her; the realization that her feelings are far deeper than she could imagine rolled through her like the echoing rumblings of thunder that resonated with every beat of her heart. 

And Aiah thinks, no, she knows that Stacey is the unending storm in her life, bringing thunder and lightning in the deepest truths of her feelings.

Fuck, I think I'm falling for you.

Stacey is like a roaring tsunami because Aiah swore her feelings came crashing in like an act of God. 

She never really admitted it, too scared to name all the feelings that are flowing inside her, begging for attention to acknowledge them all, yet Aiah kept them concealed and obscured. No, there is no way she will let all these feelings out, not at the expense of losing Stacey.

Every inch of Stacey was etched into Aiah’s memory like constellations at night, from the way she smiles—oh, she memorized the curve of it—to the way she speaks, the emotions that dance around her eyes, her touch, and how her voice drops a little lower when it's just the two of them—all of it was engraved deeply in Aiah’s heart.

But maybe God has other plans for Aiah; she just found herself drowning more each day she spends with Stacey, unraveling the feelings she tries to hide so much. It was like she was stripped of all the garments she was wearing—bare, vulnerable, and helpless. She’s drowning in the deepest of truths; fuck, she’s falling harder.

The realization hits her like a crashing wave that drowns her gasping for air.

All the places she loved, there was Stacey beside her. She is an echo of all the places Aiah has been.

Aiah never met someone who is so perfectly her favorite person, except for Stacey; it has been Stacey all along. 

And for her, in every universe, it is Stacey she will love unconditionally, even if it’s not her for Stacey.

“Are you cold? ” Aiah asked when she saw Stacey rubbing her hands together. 

“A little, malayo pa ba? ” So Aiah adjusted the temperature of the aircon. “I just got a message from Ate Maloi, andon na raw sila,” Stacey added. It was Aiah’s birthday tomorrow, and she decided to spend it with the girls, and so they rented a villa in Batangas.

“Okay, malapit naman na tayo. Continue what you were talking about kanina.”

So Stacey just did what she was told. She recently just finished the book, ‘The Mountain Is You,’ and she feels the need to share it with Aiah. “Our mind is antifragile raw, diba? We worry too much, like to the point that we’re catastrophizing ourselves.” Aiah nods, so Stacey continued, “Basta, I understand it like, if there’s no adversity, it means we’re not getting better. Parang mas okay na we overthink, kasi ayon nga our mind is antifragile; if the adversity is there, it means we are getting better. So parang if your goal is just to keep on chasing happiness, it will weaken us mentally. So tama pala na i-overthink ko if ma dedefend ko ba thesis ko or hindi, it will make me mentally prepared, A! How good is that?”

Aiah laughed softly, the excitement of Stacey’s voice getting into her. “Well, tama naman. I mean, I do understand the point. Our minds need to balance out the things we think about; if puro happiness lang naiisip natin, mas malaki ang magiging effect nung bad situation for us kasi we only seek out happiness tapos ayon ‘yung dumating diba. It’s not like you’re manifesting for a bad thing to happen to you, but it’s more like balancing the expectation of the unexpected.” Aiah ended as she maneuvered the car to park.

“You just prove my point, A! I am going to overthink my research kahit wala pa naman.” And Stacey exited and ran to the villa they rented. 

…

Everyone’s busy doing their own thing when Aiah and Stacey arrived, Mikha and Jhoanna playing video games, Sheena practicing a TikTok dance challenge, Maloi organizing her clothes, Gwen lazily lying on the couch, and Colet busy reading a book in the far corner of the living room. They are all so busy in their own world that they didn’t notice the two arriving.

“Grabe, feel at home na feel at home na sila oh.” Stacey said loudly, making all the girls turn their heads towards the door entrance.

And then Sheena clapped, followed by Maloi and Jhoanna, “Grabe ang love birds, oh, hindi na nga naki convoy sa amin, late pa dumating, nag date muna kayo ‘no? ” Maloi teasingly asked.

Chuckling, “baliw! ” Aiah shouted, “Nag grocery na kami so we wouldn't worry about the food na.”

“Ah, grocery date, cute! ” Mikha whispered loudly, trying to subtly tease Stacey, but everyone heard her. 

“Ewan ko sa inyo, I’ll go upstairs muna. Magpapahinga ang prinsesa!” And everyone jokingly said, ‘prinsesa ni Aiah.’.

…

When the clock strikes 5 pm, they all sit down at the seashore, watching the sun set. There was always something about watching the sun finally take the rest it deserves. Maybe not all people see how hardworking the sun can be when it’s daylight, its light giving everyone the chance to see the view the world could offer, letting every human being appreciate God’s work, yet some people still curse it when there is too much heat, not even thinking if it could also feel. For Aiah, the sun is everything, she is not the biggest fan of sunset for she prefers sunrise more, but seeing the sun take its final rest makes her heart feel at ease, because it just means the sun will have enough energy to give another light, another hope for tomorrow. 

They all sat up when the sun was replaced by the moon. “Okay, it’s dinner time! ” Sheena shouted and happily ran back to their villa.

“Taas ng energy eh,” Gwen said, smiling, looking gently at Sheena’s running figure.

…

The dinner they shared together was filled with laughter and teasing. Everyone shared how they feel about the new semester, asking and giving advice to each other.

Aiah, Colet, and Maloi shared how nervous they are now that they are graduating students. Maloi even jokingly said that muntik na siyang hindi payagan ng parents niya dahil nga graduating student siya, at delikado ang mag swimming o gumala, but her parents relented when they found out na sina Aiah pala ang kasama nila. They even shared how fourth year is the longest year; it would make you suffer and feel how slow the time is.

While Stacey, Gwen, Mikha, and Jhoanna asked for advice on how to survive the second semester of college, because no joke, even if they have different programs, everyone from different universities said that third year, second semester, will make you want to drop out because of how loaded the semester is.

And Sheena? Well, she said she’s just a chill 2nd-year college student; she doesn't have to worry about it for now, and what she wants is chika, chismis, at marami pang chismaks.

They talked more about anything and everything, killing time before they rested and preparing for Aiah’s birthday salubong.

…

The twinkling lights from the establishments near the ocean reflected on the water creating a chill and calming atmosphere coursing through Aiah’s veins. It was exactly 11 pm when she decided to go out and sit on the balcony of their villa. The villa feels like home, and when you are out here on the balcony, it makes you feel at ease.

She was staring at the vast ocean when she heard the door creak; when she turned around, she saw the love of her life, Stacey, in her pink sleepwear, with that cute fluffy Care Bear she’s hugging. 

Stacey sat quietly beside her, just watching the waves hit the shore. While Stacey was watching the waves, Aiah watched her, and the tide of her feelings was raging inside her. 

“May gusto ka bang sabihin? ” Stacey suddenly asked in a soft, almost whispered voice.

Aiah shook her head; she kept her mouth shut because she could feel her emotions getting the best of her, and she might just lay herself bare in front of Stacey. 

“You know, Aiah, you could tell me everything.” And Stacey looked at her, “You’re hiding something from me; I can feel it.” 

Once their eyes met, Aiah’s time slowed; she was once again inside Stacey’s orbit, trying to run, but she couldn't move. 

“Don’t be so tongue-tied, Ai. Alam ko may gusto kang sabihin. Tell me now, mhm? ” Stacey softly said and cupped Aiah’s face. 

And suddenly Aiah found her voice, but the only words she could say were, “I’m scared.”

Shock is written all over Stacey’s face. What do you mean Aiah is scared? Saan ba siya natatakot? Wala naman siyang dapat ikatakot. “Saan, Aiah? You have nothing to be scared of, lovey.” Aiah was stunned; Stacey never calls her love or lovey; it is only her that uses that endearment.

But no, Stacey was wrong, for Aiah dapat siyang matakot. Every feeling that she kept from her best friend is trying to escape, like literally and figuratively, gusto ng kumawala ng mga ito upang malaman na ng mundo ang iba’t ibang kulay ng mga nararamdaman ni Aiah para kay Stacey.

“This is nothing. Let’s go inside na, baka gising na sila.” Aiah dismissed and tried her best to conceal her feelings more, kaya niya, makakasurvive siya.

“No, let’s stay here. Stop running away. Ilang beses na Aiah, you have so many chances that you could tell me whatever's bugging you pero never mo sinabi. Now is the time,” Stacey said with finality.

“Hindi ko kaya, Stacey,” she dejectedly said.

Stacey frustratingly sighed. “Alin ba ang mahirap sa sasabihin mo? ”

And then the raging emotions ran wild, the feelings she had kept freed. “I would lose you,” she said haltingly, “...I can’t do it, Aubrey. Ayaw kong mawala ka.”

“You know you wouldn't lose me, Aiah.”

“Not until you hear whatever it is that I’m hiding from you.”

“Try me, A. Try me,” Stacey said provokingly.

And then… tsunami. “Mahal kita, matagal na.”

Stacey was stunned by her place. She was well aware of Aiah’s feelings, but hearing it from Aiah herself sent shockwaves through her. The world around them suddenly faded into a blur, and all that remains is the sound of her heartbeat.

Aiah said it with agonizing love, in Tagalog, the most romantic way Stacey could ever dream of.

The silence from Stacey was too much for Aiah, which sent her into a blubbering mess. “I—I don’t know how or when, but it suddenly just happened… I’m sorry, this is why I kept it to myself; I don’t want to ruin our friendship, Aubs. Please forgive me.” And then she took Stacey’s hands and buried her face into it. “Patawarin mo ako, Aubrey, hindi ko napigilan mahulog sa’yo.”

Stacey held Aiah’s face and gently caressed it. “Why are you sorry? You don’t have to worry, A. You wouldn't lose me.” Then she kissed Aiah’s forehead; she had never seen Aiah like this before, so vulnerable and bare.

“Tell me about it, mhm? Your feelings, everything that’s inside your heart, I will listen.” And Stacey gave her a reassuring smile, a promise that Stacey will hear her out no matter what. 

“Mahal kita.” Stacey chuckled softly; yes, she knows that already, but she thinks that’s the new phrase she would want to hear forever. “Mas minamahal kita sa araw-araw. And I know tomorrow I will love you more, kasi every piece of you is another reason to fall in love with.” Then a tear fell from Aiah’s eyes. “You take my breath away, Stacey. It is suffocating, yet it is also the only air I breathe. You are the air that I breathe, Aubs, and ayaw ko, hindi ko kaya na mawala ka.” And Aiah was crying now.

A sob after a sob, “Let’s just forget this night, Aubs. Pretend this night didn't happen, please.” 

Stacey laughed heartily; she cannot believe this, actually. Is Aiah just dense or actually stupidly in love? Because she swears, her actions since last week gave way that she is actually ready to take a risk with her, and this? Aiah still thinking that she would lose her just means Aiah didn't take any of the hint. 

“Aiah, listen to me. I would prefer the world to end than lose you; do you understand that?” Stacey said, and she leaned her forehead into Aiah’s. “I know, I still have a lot to figure out about this, about my feelings, about us, but the one thing I know is, no matter where you go, that’s where I belong. Because I only belong to you, it’d be you beside me, every time, anywhere; I’d choose you, Aiah; it’s only you I’d figure everything out.” And then they were both crying, hearts finally laid bare, speaking to each other with every heartbeat, every tear, and every wave of emotions they felt.

Stacey leaned in closer, “Now we can do this properly, without alak in our system. Can I kiss you, Ai? ” And Stacey doesn't have to ask, because Aiah’s been waiting for this moment since she first felt Stacey’s lips on hers. 

“Mahal kita,” Aiah repeatedly said while they were kissing passionately, smiling in between, with tears still falling.