Brothers
It was a Monday afternoon, and James was standing in the middle of a deserted corridor of the castle, with only the map as company. He was roaming the big parchment, looking for a very specific name, trying to decipher where in the world the fourth-year Slytherins had class now, because he was sure they were about to finish their day, and he wanted to be there when Regulus got out.
He smiled triumphantly as located his name in a classroom, not too far from where he was now, and he started walking there.
It was a new development, the way James had decided to escort Regulus at the end of every school day. He didn’t know who the Hufflepuff boy he’d seen him with was, and he didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew he wanted to keep that haunted expression from reaching Regulus’ eyes ever again if he could help it, and so he had started this little project of his a few days ago.
He wasn’t sure how Regulus felt about it, nor what he thought of it; he just started popping up to the outside of his classes on a random Wednesday, and he had continued doing it for the rest of that week. The first time he’d done it, Regulus had said nothing to him, letting him trail behind him until they got to the library and Regulus waved him off. On Thursday, it had been pretty much the same thing, accompanying him to his common room, but on Friday, Regulus had rolled his eyes and told him he was going to the library, and so James had set off to go there, now with Regulus staying behind him.
He planned to do it for this week, too, which was why he was thankful their schedules aligned enough that James had enough time to sneak out of his own classes a few minutes early to go find Regulus in his. He always found himself speaking his mind off to Regulus, reviewing his homework, trying to decide what to do about an issue he had with his quidditch team, or working through his issues out loud, even if Regulus never gave any indication to be listening. He was fine with filling in the silence and knew that, if Regulus didn’t want him to talk, he would’ve said so the very first day.
He got to the door of the classroom and decided to prop himself against the wall beside it, eyeing the map nervously, waiting for the Slytherin’s class to be finally over. As he waited, he thought about his team’s latest Quidditch practice, which had had a few hitches; nothing too big, it was just a small squabble between Marlene and Gabriel. He wasn’t even sure what had caused it, he just heard Marlene berate the guy over something he’d said about some Slytherin. Well, that had been weird; he didn’t know Marlene to be friends with any of them, or maybe it had been because he was talking about a girl. Or was it because-
His train of thought was interrupted as the door beside him opened, and he blinked as he saw the first green ties go out the door, talking between them and laughing, most of them entirely ignoring him. Only a few of them shot him a look or two, but, seeing as he’d been making an appearance for a few days now, none of them seemed to be surprised by his presence.
There was a blond boy, specifically, who gave him a long, long look, before looking back at his dark-haired companion and continuing walking, as if nothing had happened. James had been paying enough attention to Regulus these past few weeks to know both boys were his roommates, the blond one being Rosier, the other one Crouch. He had worked out that Regulus was at least friends with Rosier, but his relationship with Crouch was much harder to define. They seemed to be amicable, at the very least, but James remembered the cold voice he’d used on him during the prank he’d pulled in their dorms, and he wasn’t so sure of it. Was it all a façade, then?
“You,” Regulus’ voice shook him out of his thoughts again, and he looked down to the shorter boy, grey eyes boring into his, his expression bored. There was a hint of something in his eyes, though, something James wanted to decipher desperately.
Instead, James smiled warmly down at him and fought the urge to put his arm around him. “Hey there, sunshine,” he said and started walking down the corridor, looking back for just a second. Enough to confirm Regulus was following him. “Headed to the library today?”
“Yup,” Regulus confirmed, still behind him, and James nodded, setting off to go there, trusting Regulus would be right behind him.
“I had an issue during Quidditch practice today,” James started, after a few steps, letting his mind go back to the thing that had been bugging him since the morning. “Nothing about our strategy, or anything of the sort, but Marlene and Gabriel-”
“Who?” James was caught off guard by the interruption, but he was also elated to see Regulus had taken step right beside him, so they were walking side by side, their arms almost touching, though not quite.
Regulus was looking straight ahead, but James still smiled at him, hoping he’d see the smile from the corner of his eyes. “Marlene is from my year, the blonde girl, she’s also a beater. Gabriel is our seeker, brown hair, sixth year.” He paused for a second, waiting to see if Regulus added anything, but he only nodded. “Anyway, Marls is a very strongheaded girl, and I love that about her, and Gabriel likes to run his mouth sometimes, and so I don’t know what he said, but it really pissed Marlene off, and it threw us off our rhythm.”
“And your match is this week, is it not?” Regulus asked, frowning slightly, and James nodded. The match was that Friday, and then Halloween was on Sunday, and Sirius’ birthday was the Wednesday after that.
Of course, it meant that their party planning was out of the world at the moment, planning out a huge party to combine all three events into a single party; James had been left out of the planning bit, with his captain duties taking up most of his mental capacity, but the rest of them weren’t mad. “As long as we win this, Prongs,” Sirius had told him, his sharp smile on full display, “then you can disconnect from the party until the second we’re in it.”
James shook his head to get the thought out of his head, and instead focus on the conversation he was currently having. “Yes, exactly! Marls said it’s no big deal, and I am terrified enough of her that I wouldn’t question her, but I don’t want this to affect us on Friday.” James sighed, and he ran a hand through his hair, not caring how tousled it already was; it honestly couldn’t get any worse, and the gesture helped calm him a bit.
Regulus looked up at him for a second before he spoke. “Well, how mad were they at each other? I don't mean heat-of-the-moment mad, but maybe I-won’t-communicate-with-you-during-the-match mad?”
James took a second to consider this. “No too much, I’d like to believe? Like, yeah, Marls was mad, and I guess Gab was also responding, but they both care more about the game than about a petty squabble. I hope.”
“Then, there you have it,” Regulus said, and James heard the small smile hidden in his lips. “Tomorrow, you check in on how their moods are, and if you have to, you get them in check, remind them what’s at stake here.”
James smiled. “Yeah, that’s… actually brilliant, Reg, thank you,” he said, not for the first time thankful for the younger boy beside him. Regulus waved a hand in dismissal, but James saw the small blush covering his cheeks and smiled to himself, proud for having managed such a feat.
“How have you been, sunshine?” James dared ask after a few minutes of them walking in silence, still side by side. He side-eyed Regulus and saw him stiffen for a second at the question, but then his posture relaxed a bit and his face went blank.
“All good, of course. Why are you asking?” James could feel the tension in Regulus’ voice, in the way his posh accent came out more than usual, even if his expression suggested calmness. There was also something in his eyes, the way they were crinkled, that told him he’d entered thin-ice territory without meaning to.
“I just…” he thought his next words carefully, something he wasn’t really used to doing. Why had his question triggered a stress response in Regulus? He thought of Sirius, always eager to hide his feelings, and came to the conclusion the brothers probably shared that as a trait, even if they didn’t mean it. Nodding, he decided to downscale the question to something more manageable. “You said you had trouble sleeping, after the prank, so I wanted to check if that had gotten any better now that your beds are back?”
Regulus’ face lit up slightly again, and James had to fight the urge to sigh out loud, out of relief. “Feeling guilty, James?” He teased, and James snickered, giving Regulus space to give him an actual answer if he wanted. “I’ve always had trouble sleeping,” he said after a moment, and James cocked his head to the side to show he was listening. “Especially after… anyways, yeah, I wasn’t sleeping too well before the bed thing, anyway.”
James saw the younger boy shrug from the corner of his eye, and something inside his heart shattered at the thought of the Slytherin boy fighting with the covers, tossing and turning, alone during the long nights, with nothing but his thoughts for company. He wasn’t an idiot, he was fully aware Remus was also an insomniac, but at least he also had Lily to spend the long nights with. If he had to guess, he’d say Regulus had no one.
“And what do you do when you can’t sleep?” But Regulus shook his head, and so James nodded, accepting that he wouldn’t receive an answer to that. He thought about it for a few more moments. “If I give you the Gryffindor password, do you promise to come look for me if the lack of sleep is ever getting to you?” He blurted the words out before they had fully processed in his brain, but he realized he didn’t really mind, being awoken by Regulus.
If it meant he could help him, James would probably do much more than just wake up for Regulus’ sake.
Regulus seemed taken aback by the offer, if his wide eyes and the skip in his walking were anything to go by. His head turned to fully look at James for a moment, who felt himself squirm under the intensity of Regulus’ gaze on him. They both stopped walking, almost on instinct, but before James could say, or do, anything, Regulus spoke. “Why are you doing this, James?” He questioned, and now James turned to look at him, his sharp cheekbones, his black curls framing his face ever so beautifully.
“I worry about you,” James answered, sincerely, hoping his voice translated all the things he didn’t say, everything he didn’t even understand.
The Slytherin boy looked at him, his gaze turning even sharper. “Am I your newest little pity project?” He asked, voice full of venom, and it made James almost cower, if it wasn’t because Regulus had gotten it so wrong it was almost comical.
“I- what? Of course not, sunshine,” James said, and Regulus arched his eyebrow, a move so painfully like Sirius it made James blink. “Seriously, Reg, you surely don’t believe that.”
“You’re my brother’s best friend, and you’re notoriously known for doing the stuff he doesn’t want to do.”
That actually felt like a punch in the gut, if James was honest, and he had to fight the urge to jump to Sirius’ defense immediately. Instead, he passed a hand through his hair, trying to will his temper into something manageable. “This has nothing to do with Sirius, sunshine, and I mean it. I care about you outside of your brother, and I’ve honestly been worried since your Quidditch game,” James explained.
This seemed to take out some of the fight from Regulus, if only because he switched to a confused look. “The game? What about it?”
“Not the game, exactly, but what happened before.”
Regulus’ expression then closed off. “Ah, yeah, that.”
“You don’t have to tell me about it,” James rushed, not wanting to make him uncomfortable, correcting himself right before he put his hand on Regulus’ shoulder, pulling it back to his side. “I just… don’t want anything of the sort happening again.” He waited for a moment, trying his best to stop himself, but his impulse got the better part of him. “Can I touch you?”
Regulus didn’t even seem to think about it, his head shaking no. “Just… give me a moment,” he said, gulping visibly. “Get me to the library and we’ll see then, okay?”
James nodded, deciding to not question Regulus any further, and so they walked in tense silence for the rest of the way to the library, still side by side but now farther apart than before.
It was a few minutes later when they stood in front of the library, its doors closed, no one seemingly in sight. Regulus then turned to him, and he exhaled softly before awkwardly saying, “fine, you can touch me now.”
James all but rushed forward to give Regulus’ shoulder a tight squeeze, his other hand instinctively going towards his face, brushing a dark curl back, to see his face better, then cupping his cheek affectionately before he could think too much of it. Regulus frowned a bit. “Don’t touch my hair,” he said, though it wasn’t in an aggressive tone. “I hate it when people mess up with it. They never know how to treat the curls right.”
James nodded, thinking about how Sirius also hated it when people messed with his hair. “That’s fine, sunshine, I won’t do it again,” he promised. And then, because he couldn’t help it, “you know whatever it was that boy did, I won’t let it happen again, right?”
Regulus closed his eyes, exhaling shakily before nodding, and James could’ve sworn he was leaning into his touch, but that was certainly his mind playing tricks on him. “You don’t have to, though,” he argued weakly.
“Well, I want to,” James said simply, smiling before letting his hands fall from Regulus and into his pockets. “Now, about that password…”
------------------------------
When James came into the dorm, he did so with a light step, humming softly to himself, smiling a little as he closed the door. Remus looked at him with a mixture of amusement and curiosity. He was very clearly in a good mood, something not so rare for him if not for the fact that he was acting almost lovesick, something that only used to happen with Lily.
Remus, however, had spent the past few minutes down in the Common Room with Lily, organizing their schedule for rounds before parting their separate ways to study. He had actually just finished grabbing his bag, ready to head down to the library to find Regulus, when James had strolled in.
“Someone’s cheery today,” Sirius commented. He was lying down on his bed, feet propped up against the doorframe, hands behind his neck, staring at the top of his four-post bed. “What happened with Lily?”
“Can’t I just be in a good mood?” James said, frowning his brows softly, confirming Remus’ suspicion that he had been with Regulus, again.
“Mate, you’re wearing your lovesick face,” Peter informed him, also sprawled out on his own bed. His comment made James’ brows furrow even more, like he was trying to figure something out.
“Leave the poor sod alone,” Remus said, walking toward the exit of their dorm, bag propped over his shoulder.
“Wait, Moony, you’re leaving?” Sirius called out from behind him, and he turned around to see he had sat down on his bed, black hair a tangled mess, looking at Remus like he’d betray them all if he walked out the door.
“I am, Pads. I’m off to study,” he said, trying to not pay any mind to the way Sirius was looking at him. It was a stare so intense, grey eyes boring into amber ones, and it gave him chills.
“With my brother again?” He asked, his tone undecipherable, and this actually made James look up between them like he could sense a fight coming.
Remus, however, was too tired to bite into it. “Yes, Pads, with Reg. you could come, if you wanted,” he offered, instead of giving him one of his usual dry quips.
Sirius seemed taken aback by this, looking at Remus with a swirl of emotions in his eyes. “Wouldn’t I be interrupting you two?” He asked, but he was slowly carding his hands through his messy hair, trying to get it to be presentable.
“They literally just study like the nerds they are, Pads, as long as you’re not a pain in their asses you should be fine,” James answered for him, not before looking and Remus and confirming this information with a nod of his head, which he gave.
He didn’t even have time to be offended by James calling him a nerd (which he was, he knew that, though he’d never admit it aloud) before Sirius was jumping out of the bed, haphazardly collecting some parchment and ink, putting his hair up in a bun with his wand and coming to a halt right in front of Remus.
He was wearing a careful smile, but it was also a hopeful one, which made Remus bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from grinning like a lovesick moron. He couldn’t resist putting his arm around Sirius’ shoulder though, bringing the shorter boy toward him as he made a small salute with his other hand to the other Marauders, who looked at them with a mixture of surprise and concern.
James gave him a small nod in warning, which Remus returned. Yes, he knew things could get ugly between the two brothers; he simply wouldn’t let them.
Remus untangled his hand from Sirius’ shoulders as they went down the stairs and out of their common room. He looked at Sirius from the corner of his eyes and saw he was staring straight ahead, biting the inside of his cheek, hands in fists, trying (and failing) to seem nonchalant.
He sighed and turned to Remus, his eyes betraying his anxiety. “You think he’ll want me there?”
Remus thought, truly and carefully, about his answer. He and Regulus never talked about Sirius openly, but it was a topic breached in the things they didn’t say, in their body language, looming over them from a distance. He knew Regulus longed to ask about his brother, even if he would never admit it to anyone else; he saw it in the way he drank up everything Remus said about his friends, even if he didn’t mention any of them by name, and in the way he always asked how everyone from Gryffindor was, even if he didn’t mention anyone specifically.
“I do think so, Pads,” he said, and he felt Sirius relax a little, his hands unclenching from where he’d had them fisted, moving his fingers like they were sore from the extenuation. Remus had to look away, the movement making his stomach lurch violently.
They made the rest of the walk in silence, save for the few comments Sirius made about some of the students they found along the way, clearly in an attempt to distract his mind from where they were headed.
When they were at the entrance to the library, Sirius turned to look over at Remus, his eyebrows furrowed. His hand found Remus’, entwining their fingers and squeezing. “Give me a hug?” He asked, his voice a little choked, and how could Remus say no to that?
He closed the distance between them and enveloped Sirius in his arms, feeling the shorter boy relax against his chest, arms snaked around his torso with force. He inhaled against Remus’ jumper, and then sighed contently, as Remus fought the urge to kiss the top of his head, keeping himself from being consumed by the overwhelming sensation of having Sirius in his arms.
He let Sirius be the one to break the hug, after one second too many of having been in each other’s arms. He looked up at Remus and smiled, a genuine smile that had Remus melting on the inside. “All right,” he said, straightening his Gryffindor tie, “let’s go in.”
They made their way through the tables in the library, looking for the younger Black boy. Remus saw him first, his head hung low, focused on a parchment he was writing on, all the way in the back. He tugged Sirius’ sleeve and pushed him toward the table.
Regulus didn’t react until they were scraping chairs to sit with him. He looked up and smiled at Remus, but it faded when he realized the company he’d brought. His lips pursed into a thin line, but he said nothing as they sat down, both of them placing their parchments in front of themselves.
It was Remus who broke the silence, after seeing how intensely the brothers were staring at each other. “How have you been, Reg?” He asked, trying to sound casual.
“Why the fuck did you bring him here?” Regulus asked, his voice ice cold, making Sirius flinch and shiver for a second. Then, his stare hardened.
Oh, fuck no. “He asked to come, actually,” Remus informed him, ignoring the way Sirius looked at him, mildly betrayed. “You are both a couple of idiots who clearly care about the other but won’t admit it, so I’m giving you both exposure therapy to see if things get any better between you.”
Regulus huffed and turned back to his parchment while Sirius looked between Remus and his brother, seemingly trying to decipher something, before giving up, sighing, and turning to his parchment as well.
Remus looked at them for another second before dipping his quill in ink and starting writing for his Ancient Runes assignment, due on Wednesday.
They worked in tense silence for a few minutes, broken only by the sound of the quill moving over the parchment, or the movement of the parchment as it was adjusted by any of them. It was Sirius who finally broke the silence, startling Remus from his concentration and making him spill a few drops of ink onto his parchment. “I’ve missed you, Reg,” he confessed quietly.
“You didn’t seem to miss me when you left,” was Regulus’ quick reply, not even looking up from his assignment.
Sirius sighed and pushed his hand through his hair. “You know it was killing me to stay, Reg,” he said, his voice more desperate now.
Regulus finally looked up, meeting Sirius’ eyes with a grey to match. “And what do you think it’s been doing to me?” He asked, and Remus noticed how hard he was clutching his papers, knuckles white from the force of his grasp.
Sirius sat back against his chair at this, blinking rapidly. “But she…” he started, his face growing paler by the second as his brother’s words sank deep within him. “She’d never-”
“Not while you were there, no,” Regulus answered, his shoulders slumping slightly. Remus’ eyes went from one brother to the other, like he was watching a tennis match, the ball jumping from court to court. Even if he didn’t understand everything they meant, he had a very general idea of what their conversation was about.
He wasn’t sure he wanted either brother to win; he wasn’t sure they did, either.
“Reggie-” Sirius’ voice was strained, slowly lurching himself forward to grab Regulus’ hands, probably in a gesture that was meant to comfort.
The second he made contact with him, though, Regulus pulled his hand away and flinched violently. “Don’t- don’t touch me, please.” Regulus’ voice was small, and it seemed to take Sirius by surprise because he simply sat back and surveyed his brother, stealing some glances at Remus like he wanted to confirm something with him. Remus had no idea what it could be, though, and so he sat there, unmoving, watching as both brothers tried to compose themselves on their own.
Talk about a butchered family dynamic, indeed.