Afterparty
The next morning, Remus woke up with a slow headache building behind his eyes and an ache in his hip. He groaned, rubbing his hands against his eyes, refusing to open them. He knew, if he did, he wouldn’t be able to sleep any longer, and he wanted to cherish as much sleep as he could. Maybe, if he remained very still, he’d fall asleep again, and it wouldn’t be six in the fucking morning again-
“Moons? Are you up?” The voice of Sirius’ voice made Remus’ eyes open instinctively, and he had to fight a defeated groan as he pushed his curtains aside to peek his head through. Sirius was sitting on his own bed, covers still wrapped tightly around him, looking intensely towards his bed. He realized their room was already illuminated, the sun high in the sky, and he blinked in surprise. Had he slept in? That would be a first in months; with everything that had been going on with his mum, he hadn’t even slept well at his own house.
“Hey, Pads,” he said, his brain still waking up, not fully caught up to everything that had happened last night yet, still in shock from having caught an almost full night of sleep.
Sirius had his hair up in a man bun, baby hairs haphazardly sticking out in all directions, and he looked utterly handsome. He was also staring very intensely at Remus, almost like he was trying to determine something, and it made Remus smile softly at him. He gave himself a second to indulge in Sirius’ features, the set of his jaw, the way his hands were straightening his duvet, a nervous habit he’d had for all the time he’d known him. His brain latched onto a memory from their second year, when Sirius had come to him first with his idea of becoming animagi, and he’d had the same nervous twitch, like he’d messed up something and wanted Remus’ reassurance that it would all be fine.
Suddenly, the events of the previous night came crashing down at him, and he was brutally reminded of the prank Sirius had pulled, of the anger he’d felt. He felt a rush of anger fill him in again, remembering how utterly helpless he and Lily had felt, how they’d both tried reasoning with Sirius, while he’d only continued laughing. While he’d been especially hurt by Sirius, Lily had told him in a clipped tone that it was Mary’s laugh that had haunted her most.
Remus wasn’t blind; clearly, there had been a trigger for Sirius, most likely his brother (Remus made a mental note to look for the younger Black and talk to him), and that was what had made him act out. It didn’t erase his feelings, though. He felt powerless enough in his daily life already, with his lycanthropy, and Sirius’ reminder of how everyone else could also hold power over him wasn’t very much a welcome one.
His face likely betrayed his feelings, because Sirius’ shoulders sagged, and his eyebrows scrunched up. “Yeah, wondered when you’d remember,” he said, bitterly, pushing the covers aside to go stand up.
He made a move toward Remus’ bed and then hesitated. Sighing, Remus opened his curtains fully, allowing him access to sit down beside him. He approached slowly and sat, although he did it a good meter away from Remus, almost by the foot of the bed, seemingly sensing that the blond boy didn’t want him close at the moment.
Remus let the silence stretch out. Yes, he had maybe exaggerated a bit, that much he could admit now that there wasn’t alcohol in his system, but that didn’t mean he’d simply let Sirius get away with hurting him and then acting like nothing had happened.
“I’m so sorry Moons,” Sirius started, eventually, looking at him earnestly. “I shouldn’t have done that. The sticking, I mean. I don’t know what came over me, and I’m sorry for that.”
Remus’ anger shriveled and died inside him immediately. It was hard for him to stay angry at Sirius for long, usually, and being objective, he hadn’t even done something too wrong this time. It wasn’t like he’d told anyone he was a werewolf, for example; in the grand scheme of things, it had been a fairly harmless prank.
“It’s fine, Pads, don’t fret too much,” he said, waggling his way out of his covers and standing up, stretching his aching back and trying to get some mobility back into his stiff hip. He saw Sirius staring at him, still wriggling his hands in anxiety, and he couldn't help but chuckle lowly. “Come on, don’t be such a wanker. We’re fine, I promise.”
“Are you sure? You were both so angry last night, and I was too drunk to see it then, but I’m sober now…” his voice trailed off as Remus went to stand up in front of him, offering him his hand.
Sirius took it, and Remus hauled him up, using the momentum to give Sirius a short, reassuring hug. He made sure to keep it short, all of his feelings closer to the surface than usual because of the full moon, careful to not give anything away to the shorter boy. Just a small bit of reassuring contact between friends.
“I promise we’re fine. I’m going to take a shower, but after we can go down for breakfast?” He offered, a small smile on his lips.
Sirius clicked his tongue. “Dang, I told Mary I’d have breakfast with her. She wanted to make it romantic or something? She said something like that…” Now reassured, he started rambling Remus’ ear off, as he did his best to swallow the bout of jealousy that it sparked within him.
His mood, a few seconds before excited, soured again.
He couldn’t keep doing this; couldn’t keep watching Sirius care for someone else, much else love someone else. His heart clenched with every word that left his mouth, the jealousy gripping him so hard and so unexpectedly that he simply needed to make his retreat.
“That’s neat, Sirius,” he interrupted, looking around the room, trying to determine how he could get out of the situation. He noticed James’ curtains were open wide, his bed already empty, but Peter’s was only now opening, the blond boy’s face half visible through them. “I’m starving, and you have a date to go to, so I’ll head down with Pete, yeah?”
Sirius blinked up at him. It was unusual for Remus to interrupt him; when everyone else got tired of his ramblings, it was usually Remus who indulged him every time. “Um… sure, mate, go for it. I’ll head down to look for her.”
Sirius looked at him one more time before leaving the dorm, and Remus sighed and forced himself to smile, heading toward Peter’s bed.
“Morning, Wormtail,” he greeted the boy, smiling down at him. The boy returned his smile, still sleepy. “Had a nice night yesterday? I didn’t notice when you came in.”
“I mean, yeah, sure, nice party and all,” he said, blinking his blue eyes open slowly, looking up at Remus with a lopsided smile.
Remus snorted a bit. “Mate, you weren’t at the party last night. I looked for you at least three separate times.” Peter finally opened his eyes fully, cheeks blushing as he averted his gaze from Remus’. He opened his mouth, seemingly to protest, but Remus cut him off. “You’re entitled to your secrets, Wormy, don’t you worry about it. I won’t ask if you don’t want to tell.”
Peter’s protest died in his mouth, and he shook off the covers to give Remus a warm smile. “Cheers, Moony, thank you. I think I’ll tell you all eventually if things go well. I just don’t want to jinx it yet, you know?” He said, his eyes glazing over, turning dreamy.
Oh, he was down bad for this girl, Remus just knew it. He smiled back at him and nodded reassuringly. “That’s all right. Let’s head down, shall we?” he gestured to the door, and Peter made a famished sound and quickly followed him out of the room, down the stairs, and out of the tower.
They chatted nonsense all the way down to the Great Hall, where they found James already eating beside Lily and Marlene. He looked up from his plate and waved them over, a warm smile on his lips, as the two girls turned to look at them and waved lazily.
“Morning!” Chirped James, happily attacking his plate again, no hangover in sight.
It made Remus’ headache stand out more against his temples, and he resisted the urge to massage them. “Morning, Prongs, Lily, Marls,” he greeted, piling food on his plate at an alarming rate. Normally, headaches would diminish his appetite, but this one was clearly not the case; he was positively starving.
Lily grunted in response. “I’m never drinking like this again,” she protested, and Marlene beside her hummed.
“Girl, you’ll be drinking again the second we’re given the chance.” Lily swatted her arm and Marlene ducked from it, laughing merrily, apparently also immune to hangovers like James. She looked at Remus for a second and her face softened. Memories from both of their confessions the night before passed through Remus’ head in rapid succession, and he gave her a light nod, understanding passing between them in a second.
They looked away at the same time. “Morning,” interjected Peter, sitting beside Remus and giving everyone a smile.
“Wormy! Where were you last night?” Asked James, looking at him earnestly, and Peter shot Remus a pleading look he couldn’t ignore.
“What do you mean, James? He was with me for most of the night,” he cut in. He shot Lily a look she also immediately understood.
“James Potter, were you drunk last night? I danced with him and everything,” she scolded him, and James shot everyone a confused look.
“He… was gone for most of the night? Maybe even all of it? What are you going on about?”
“Mate, I think you were too busy with Sirius to notice me,” Peter said, and Remus had to suppress a snort. He was truly a great actor, looking so convincingly betrayed that, if it wasn’t for the talk they’d had in their dorm, he would’ve been fooled and doubted his memories, too.
James looked at all of them for a moment before looking back at his plate. “Yeah, I guess I was distracted,” he said, and his eyes turned dreamy, a small smile on his lips. Remus had to do a double-take at that. He only got that look when he was thinking about Lily, usually turning to look at her, but now, he was staring ahead, seemingly scanning the… wait, was he looking at the Slytherin table?
Remus turned to look at the table, scanning to see who he could possibly be looking at, and saw that it was mostly deserted. Dorcas was seated on one end, Barty and Regulus with her, while Snape, Avery, and Mulciber were on the other end. Other than them, it was just a bunch of first and second years sitting scattered around, no one any of them would recognize.
He narrowed his eyes, looking at James again. His eyes had settled on the left corner, with Dorcas and her friends, and his gaze had softened to where Remus could almost see them take a heart shape. He looked at the corner, then at James again, and his brow furrowed. The only of them he’d seen James interact with was Regulus, and that had only been last night-
Oh, he said he was distracted last night, Remus thought, connecting the dots with growing concern. Wanting to believe he was wrong, but knowing it probably was what he was thinking.
Remus had to suppress a groan, because fucking hell, what in Merlin’s name did James think he was doing, falling for none other than Regulus Black? Was he even aware it was happening?
He was yanked back to the present by a hoot in front of him. He was startled to find his owl in front of him, a letter tied to its leg, looking at him like he better give him something for his trip.
He’d sent an owl to his mum a few days ago, asking how she’d been feeling and if there was anything she needed; he hoped this was her answer and not a letter from his dad. He would probably only be throwing things in Remus’ face, as he so often tended to do, and he wasn’t up for doing that just now.
He gave the owl a bit of sausage distractedly, as he untied the letter from her leg and looked at the front of the envelope, relieved to see Hope Lupin’s writing instead of Lyall’s. He opened the letter and started reading.
My dearest son,
All is well back here, at home. Your dad is at work, as usual, and I’m tending to the house. So, nothing new going on in that regard.
As for my health, son, I think you worry too much for your own good. The doctor at St Mungo’s said my lungs were about as good as could be expected, with a condition as chronic as mine, and I will be in this stalemate for a long, long time. Do not fret about me, dear. I’m doing well.
Do tell me how you’ve been, however; how’s Sirius? And the other two boys you’re friends with? What have you been up to these first few days of the school year?
Reply when you can, no pressure at all. You know I love you.
Your mum,
Hope
Remus heaved a sigh of relief at the reassuring words of his mum’s letter. Even if he knew she was downplaying her prognosis, hearing that she was about as good as when he’d left was a relief. She truly had no one to take care of her, out there, other than him and his dad. And since both of them were away so much, he couldn’t help but worry a little.
“A letter from home, Rem?” Lily asked, her voice laced with curiosity and its fair share of worry. He’d never told him Hope was sick, not explicitly, but he was sure she’d figured it out sometime during the summer break. She never commented on it, though, a fact for which he was grateful.
“Ah, just my mom,” he replied, casually, a tone that implied that everything was fine.
He saw her nod thoughtfully before Marlene dragged her up from their seats. The blonde girl gave James’ head of messy hair a kiss, almost as a passing thought, and he smiled up at her as the two girls left the great hall.
From the distance, he could make out Lily’s green eyes looking furiously at Marlene, and hoped the two girls would come clean to each other soon.
------------------------------
James was taking a walk around the castle, lost in thought.
It was late afternoon, and he’d left his fellow Marauders back in their dorm. Remus and Peter had been playing a game of exploding snap, while Sirius had been puffing in his bed, complaining about being ‘left out’. He’d gone out under the excuse of getting them some snack from the kitchens, and so he was headed down there, though he’d the longest route there. He wasn’t actually all that hungry, but he needed to get away from them for a few minutes, at least.
See, James was usually a very social person, but just sometimes, he needed to get away from people, take some time for himself. He usually felt bad doing so, knowing he was the one out of his friends they could rely on, but today, he couldn’t bring himself to care too much.
It was mostly the fact that he’d always said he did his best thinking while walking and, right now, he needed to think. The thoughts in his head were whirling, spinning around so fast they were almost impossible to catch, and it was as if he needed to walk right alongside them, or he wouldn’t be able to make sense of them. And at the center of them was none other than Regulus Black.
Since his conversation with Sirius the night prior, the younger Black had been almost the only thing James had been able to think about. He told himself it was because he was worried for him, knowing what had been going on in Grimmauld Place during the summer, but he knew it went a bit further than that. He didn’t want to think about it, though.
So, he didn’t think about why he was worried about Regulus; he spent the time actually worrying about him, about what had happened to him once Sirius was gone, and what he could do to help Sirius get him out of that house.
All of his plans started by befriending Regulus, but he wasn’t sure how to do that. Now that he thought about it, he mostly only saw him at meals; if they crossed paths during the day, while in the halls, he didn’t really notice. He started scouring his brain for images of the younger Black in the halls but came up empty. Surely, the castle wasn’t big enough for them to never see each other on a regular-
“My, my, do my eyes deceive me, or is that what James Potter looks like with a thought in his head?” A voice asked from in front of him, a voice he knew and cherished. He swiped up his glasses and focused on Lily’s form, walking straight towards him.
He smiled at her warmly, feeling his cheeks heat up, grateful for his naturally tan skin which prevented it from being too visible. “Hey, darling,” he greeted her, extending his arm out in offering, expecting nothing.
“Hey, James,” she answered. He felt a shock run down his arm when she took it, and they resumed their walking with their arms entwined. He purposefully made his strides shorter, to match Lily’s pace. “Were you headed somewhere important? You looked deep in thought.”
James shrugged, not wanting to disclose his thoughts, and much less his feelings. Not when he was as agitated as he was in that moment. “Nah, just headed down to the kitchens for a snack for all four of us.” He waited for a second to gauge her reaction, since not many people knew about the entrance to the kitchens, but she just nodded at him. “What about you?”
“Coming back from the dungeons,” she said and then sighed. He looked at her, not wanting to intrude but desperate to ask. “Oh, don’t give me those eyes. I was… I guess you could say I was talking to Severus?” Her voice went down when she said his name, and James had to suppress the instinctive ‘Snivellus’ that wanted to crawl out of his throat at the mention of the guy.
Instead, he gave himself a moment to settle, so he could speak calmly. “Yeah? What about?”
Lily laughed at that, but it was a dry sound, devoid of its usual humor. “You cannot possibly think me fool enough to fall for that. I’m not telling you just so you can laugh.”
James forced himself to continue walking, even if his mind froze at the thinly veiled accusation and the anger seeped into him in waves so intense they made him shudder. No, this was not him; he was supposed to be a ray of sunshine. So, for her, this one time, he would pretend. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, darling, but I won’t laugh.” Maybe his tone was a bit too tense, but he managed to say this with a smile on his face, so he’d count it as a win.
Lily seemed to ponder this for a second, then shook his head. “Thank you, James, but still, I… don’t want to talk about it. Don’t even know why I mentioned him.”
James nodded understandably at that, and they continued their walk towards the kitchen in comfortable silence.
Things had been better between them, since he’d stopped asking her out, harassing his best friend, and actually made an effort in trying to get to know her. Ever since that night, when they’d patrolled together, he even dared to say they were becoming friends.
It wasn’t what he had always expected to happen between them but, if he was honest, he liked the way things were developing, the connection they were creating.
When he got to the pear portrait, he took his arm out from where it was entwined with Lily’s, so he could tickle the portrait and get inside. As he did so, he caught Lily looking at him from the corner of his eye, a small smile on her face, her fiery red hair framing her face beautifully. Merlin, she was beautiful.
He got back to the task at hand when the portrait let them through, entering the kitchen and being almost immediately swallowed by a swarm of house elves, who greeted them happily and started offering them food immediately.
“Will you want some chocolate for your roommate, good sir?” Asked one of them, who had grown quite attached to Remus, always offering food choices for him and him only.
“Yes, Pinky, if it’s not too much trouble,” he said, smiling down at the elf, and she puffed her chest before marching down to one of their big storage rooms, determined.
“And what will you be wanting, my fair lady?” Asked another one, looking at Lily, a plate of pastries already in his hands, offering it to her.
Lily laughed, a beautiful sound, and accepted the plate with a nod and a heartfelt ‘thanks’.
It was at that moment that Pinky returned with Remus’ chocolate in one hand and a plate full of varied cakes in the other, which James took with a smile on his face, before thanking all of the elves profusely and leaving the kitchen through the same door they’d come through, Lily right behind him. He looked back at her and shot her a smile, which she reciprocated, and waited for her right outside the portrait hole.
They resumed their walk in comfortable silence, arms no longer entwined, because James was trying to be careful with his filled-over-the-brim plates. They did, however, walk slowly, both of them seemingly content with each other’s presence.
When they finally made it back to the portrait of the Fat Lady, James muttered the password to let them both in, gesturing at Lily to go before him. She smiled and passed through the portrait, shooting him a “thanks” before promptly disappearing up the stairs to the girls’ dorms. James took his time, surveying the people in the common room. He stopped to say hi to Emery, a third-year girl he knew for a fact wanted to try out for the Quidditch team as a beater. They had a small conversation, in which the poor girl stuttered over her words quite a bit (must’ve been a very shy girl, James reasoned), and then he finally went up the stairs to his dorm.
“Thank Godric you’re back!” Sirius exclaimed, jumping up from his bed and almost tackling him, in his haste of getting to the plates of food. He looked back at Remus’ bed, where he and Peter were now playing chess, and huffed, offended. “Those two have been ignoring me all afternoon, Prongs, I have no one to talk to.”
“Quit being so dramatic, Pads,” said Peter, not looking up from the board, moving a pawn almost distractedly, even if James knew nothing about what Peter did at chess was anything but overly calculated. “It’s literally just the one game.”
“Yeah, one you’ve been playing for like half an hour already!”
“Relax, boo, your savior’s here now,” James said, waggling his eyebrows at Sirius, who smiled ruefully before pretending to faint, making James put both plates of sweets on his bed hastily, in order to be able to catch him.
“Oh! Merlin help me, what would I do without this buff, strong man to save me?” Sirius fanned his face and looked up at the ceiling, still sagging in James’ arms.
They looked at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing.
“You both are so utterly ridiculous,” said Remus, finally looking up from the chess board, giving James and Sirius a stern look, which turned soft the second he saw one of the plates atop James’ bed. “Wait, you brought chocolate?”
“Of course, sweetheart,” said James, smiling now that he’d finally gotten Remus’ attention. The blond boy scrambled to get up from his bed and onto James’, smiling as he popped the first bit of chocolate in his mouth.
Slowly, all four of them made it onto James’ bed, sitting haphazardly in the utterly small bed, the plate of cakes in the middle, Remus with the plate of chocolates in his lap.
“Now, now,” started Sirius, a smile of pure mischief on his face, “about that prank we’ve been planning…”