Chocolate and Honey

Suffering is like anything else. Live with it long enough, you learn to like the taste.

-Kaz Brekker, Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

The first week of Hogwarts had already flown by as fast as James Potter on a broomstick. Just like that, the upcoming full moon was right at their doorstep. Remus had already thought about what he was going to tell his roommates. He had run it over and over with his dad, and again with Professor Dumbledore. His mother was sick, so he had to visit her for a couple of days. Simple enough.

This month the full moon was on a Sunday. Remus had spent the day meandering around the castle, trying to make sense of the twisting and turning corridors and the ever-moving stairways. He could hardly believe one could navigate their way with such ease through the school. Hallways housed doors, which gave way to more corridors, which snaked across to the other side of the castle in just a couple moments. He had so far discovered one secret passage which lay hidden beneath a tapestry, which would be helpful in the future. 

After dinner, Remus followed James, Sirius and Peter back up to their dorm room. There, he collected his travelling cloak from his trunk at the foot of this bed and draped it across his shoulders, trying to ignore the growing tension in his muscles.

“Where are you going?” Sirius looked up from where he was scuffling with James on his bed. Ah, yes. The question they had all been awaiting.  

“Um, I have to go visit my mother. She’s sick,” responded Remus, crossing his fingers  the other boys wouldn’t hear the slight tremble in his voice. 

“Okay, see you later then,” James said brightly.

Remus headed out the door. That seemed too easy. Although he could still feel Sirius’s gaze lingering on him as he left.

Remus hurried to the hospital wing. It wasn’t quite the curfew yet, but he didn’t really want a confrontation from a prefect at this time. Golden light slanted through the windows of the castle, signifying the last of the sunlight for the day. He timidly opened the door of the hospital wing to find Madam Pomfrey waiting just inside. 

Madam Pomfrey wasn’t a young woman, yet she wasn’t old either. She had a stern face, though when she smiled her whole face lit up with joy. Remus would discover through all his years of being cared for by the nurse that you could always find kindness in her eyes. It was always shimmering there infinitely, if you knew where to look for it.

“Hello Mr. Lupin, I’m Madam Pomfrey,” she said to him with a slight smile. Remus shook her hand politely. “Now, are you all ready?”

Remus nodded. He followed her to the end of the corridor, and then through a small door. To his surprise, Remus inhaled a breath of fresh air as they stepped out onto the grounds near the quidditch pitch. This was definitely not the way to the dungeons. Madam Pomfrey led him across the grounds towards a large tree with aggressive swaying branches. She grabbed a long stick from the undergrowth and approached the tree. Carefully, she reached out with the stick and prodded a knot near the base of the trunk. Instantly, the branches stopped swinging about. 

Remus kept following Madam Pomfrey as she walked to the base of the tree and slid into a tunnel lodged near the roots. The tunnel was dark and narrow, seemingly going on forever for Remus’s eleven year old mind. After what was probably only five minutes, they reached a trapdoor and climbed through.

Remus’s first impression was that it was very wooden. Decaying, creaking, musty wood that trapped anything that ever lived here. There was dust forming a thin layer on every surface imaginable, hiding the footsteps and secrets of earlier generations. A thin rickety staircase crept up to the next story of the house, where more shadows lay between rooms. He had a flashback to the picture books his mum used to read to him and his sister of stereotypical haunted houses and pale ghosts lurking around the shadowy corners. Of course, that was before he got bitten. 

Madam Pomfrey led him up the stairs and through a doorway to another room. This one had a small bed in the corner with a holey mattress and a closet with flaky paint in the corner. Cobwebs weaved into the corners and Remus could spot a few spiders climbing their way up and down the walls. Wow. Someone else would probably find this whole shack disgusting, but through Remus’s eyes, it was much more than he could ever ask for.

“I haven’t had a patient with your condition before, but I have researched as best as I can,” Madam Pomfrey said, glancing around the bedraggled room. “Are you sure you’ll be alright here? This place is horrible. I wish we could make it more comfortable.”

“I’m fine,” Remus mumbled, staring at a rusty nail poking out of the floorboards. Looking anywhere but her kind eyes. “If we put stuff in here I’ll probably ruin it anyways.”

The woman’s face scrunched up with concern. “I’ll come back to get you at dawn, not a minute later. Okay?”

Remus nodded, forcing a small smile despite the sharp jabs of pain sparking through his body already. Suddenly, he found himself being pulled into a giant, warm hug. He froze for a second, holding his breath, his chest thumping too hard to be human. Breathing out, slowly wrapped his skinny arms around the woman. “So young,” Remus heard her whisper.

After a moment, Madam Pomfrey released him. She flashed a quick smile his way, and walked out of the room. 

Remus sat down on the bed, then stood back up again. He started to pace the room, arms wrapped around him even though the late summer heat still pricked at his skin. He sometimes thought this part of it was the worst part. Waiting for the unavoidable agony. Waiting for the excruciating pain and knowing nothing can stop it from happening in a few minutes. It was like falling off a cliff into a river in slow motion, knowing the ice cold water is going to hit your body inevitably. Remus dug his nails in his arms and clenched his fists. He could feel the wolf stirring in the back of his mind. Soon it will be clawing its way back out again, transforming his body into its own for the night.

He always knew he was wrong about the waiting when the transformation began though. White hot pain seared through his bones. He could hear them cracking and reforming. Remus stifled his scream as fur tore through his skin and grew out. His whole body was spasming from the agony. He couldn't take it. He screamed. He screamed until his mind was lost to the wolf. All he could remember the day after was the hunger shredding his canine stomach, the craving for human blood. That night, the residents of Hogsmeade heard the sounds of howling coming from the Shrieking Shack.

—

Remus came to just as the last parts of the transformation back into his own body wore off. He could feel the cool dusty floorboards beneath him and the smell of fresh blood. Slowly, he lifted his head up slightly to survey the damage made to him last night. He inhaled sharply at the shudder of pain that coursed through his body. A bite on his left arm, two gashes on one of his legs and several shallow scratches snaking across his chest and sides. Not to mention the nips on his ankles. How did the wolf’s teeth even reach his ankles?  Worse than usual, but not the worst. Gradually, Remus sat up and crawled over to the bed, biting his lip as his body protested. Exhausted, he collapsed onto the mattress and tried to get some rest until Madam Pomfrey came. 

It was all a bit of a blur when the nurse got there. She helped Remus into his clothing, which he had stored under the bed in the farthest corner the night before to keep them from being wrecked. He vaguely remembered limping back through the tunnel with Pomfrey supporting him, stifling whimpers as the injuries sent jolts of pain through his body. When they got back to the hospital wing, Pomfrey eased him into a bed and gave him two potions; one for the pain and another for sleep. He downed them both and instantly felt his eyes start to droop. 

Remus woke up to a sliver of late morning light creeping through a crack in the curtains and beaming onto his face. He opened his eyes and slowly looked around at his surroundings. Bright white sheets, bright white curtains, and the stench of painkiller potions and disinfectant met his eyes and nose. Remus tried moving his legs, testing the pain. The movement sent throbs through his body, making him wince. A pretty bad moon, then. 

A few seconds later, he heard shoes clacking over to his bed. Madam Pomfrey pulled his curtains back and gazed down at him. “I heard you moving around. Are you okay, sweetie?” she asked in a gentle tone.

“Fine,” he said, repositioning himself on the bed and then wincing again. 

“What hurts? Here’s another potion for the pain,” Pomfrey said, placing a vial into his hands. “Now, I think you’ll have to stay here at least overnight. No classes for today, maybe tomorrow too.”

Remus lifted his lips from the now empty vial and groaned. “But everyone else is going to class!”

Madam Pomfrey tutted. “Not everyone just went through what you did last night.”

Remus slumped back into the pillows, defeated. Pomfrey’s face softened. “Is there anything else I can get you, Mr. Lupin?”

Remus glanced up at the witch. The one who had cared for him so much already. Who would care for him every month for the next seven years. “Please just call me Remus,” he said quietly. 

Madam Pomfrey smiled at Remus. “And you can call me Poppy, Remus. We are going to be seeing each other a lot over the next few years, after all.”