Chapter 17
The night had settled in, and the once chaotic world outside seemed eerily quiet. The battle had left them all on edge, and despite their victory, the weight of it still hung heavy in the air. Santana found herself unable to shake the images of the vampires she had fought; of the blood, the violence, the destruction. The fear that had been buried deep inside her during the fight had only grown stronger once the adrenaline had worn off. She couldn’t escape the reality of what had happened. They weren’t just defending themselves; they were killing. And that thought gnawed at her, making her feel like she was losing a part of herself with every passing second.
She didn’t want to be alone. The thought of facing the night by herself, wrestling with the turmoil in her mind, was more than she could bear. She needed to feel safe, to feel the warmth of someone who cared. And that someone, the one person she trusted above all others, was Brittany.
Santana’s steps were quiet as she made her way down the hallway, her blanket and pillow clutched in her arms. She paused at Brittany’s door, her heart pounding in her chest. She hadn’t expected to feel this vulnerable, but the thought of sleeping alone in her own room seemed unbearable. She had always been the strong one, the one who didn’t need anyone. But tonight? Tonight, she needed Brittany more than she could put into words.
Without knocking, she pushed the door open, the soft creak of the hinges breaking the silence of the room. Brittany was sitting on the edge of her bed, her legs tucked beneath her as she scrolled through something on her phone. She looked up as Santana entered, her face softening when she saw the pillow and blanket in Santana’s hands.
"You’re not going to sleep in your own room?" Brittany asked, her voice gentle, though there was a trace of concern in her eyes.
Santana hesitated for a moment, her gaze dropping to the floor. She could feel the vulnerability creeping up on her, but she forced herself to look at Brittany. "I... I don’t want to be alone tonight," she admitted quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. "Can we sleep together? Just for tonight?"
Brittany didn’t hesitate. She had always understood Santana in ways that no one else did. She knew that Santana rarely showed her vulnerable side, always putting up walls to protect herself from the world. But tonight, those walls were down, and Brittany could see the raw fear in her eyes. It was a side of Santana she hadn’t seen in years, and it broke her heart.
"Of course," Brittany said softly, her voice full of warmth. She patted the space beside her on the bed, her heart swelling with affection. "You don’t have to ask."
Santana let out a quiet breath of relief, her shoulders sagging as she walked over to the bed. She sat down beside Brittany, her pillow and blanket spreading across the mattress. As she settled in, the weight of the night seemed to settle on her too, and for a moment, neither of them said anything. The silence between them was comfortable, yet heavy with the unspoken words they both knew were there.
Finally, Santana broke the silence, her voice low and filled with uncertainty. "I can’t believe I killed people tonight," she said, her words trembling slightly. "I never thought I’d be capable of something like that. And I... I’m scared, Britt. I’m scared of what I’m becoming. What we’re becoming."
Brittany turned toward her, her heart aching at the pain in Santana’s voice. She had known that this was coming, that the weight of their new reality would hit Santana harder than it hit her. She could see the conflict in her eyes, the guilt, the fear. Brittany knew that feeling all too well. She had killed, too, in defense of herself and the people she loved. But that didn’t make it any easier.
"I know," Brittany said softly, her hand finding Santana’s and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "But you didn’t just kill anyone, Santana. These people, they tried to kill us first. They attacked us. It wasn’t murder. It was self-defense. We didn’t have a choice."
Santana shook her head, a troubled look crossing her face. "But it still feels wrong," she murmured. "Even if they were trying to kill us... I’m not supposed to be like this. I’m not supposed to be a killer."
Brittany’s grip tightened on her hand, and she gently turned Santana’s face toward her. "I get it," she said, her voice firm but kind. "It’s not easy. But sometimes, in this world, it’s a matter of survival. If we don’t kill, we’ll be killed. If we don’t fight, we lose everything. I hate that it’s this way, but it is. And you’re not alone in this. I’m right here with you."
Santana looked into Brittany’s eyes, searching for the certainty she desperately needed. "I just... I don’t know if I can do it again," she whispered, her voice raw with emotion. "What if I lose myself? What if I become like them?"
Brittany shook her head, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "You won’t lose yourself. You’re not like them, Santana. You’re you. And I’m here with you. I won’t let you forget who you are."
Santana closed her eyes for a moment, taking in Brittany’s words. She wanted to believe her, wanted to feel that certainty, but the fear still clung to her like a second skin. Despite Brittany’s reassurances, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something inside her was breaking. She had crossed a line tonight, and the repercussions of that would haunt her for a long time.
Brittany, sensing her unease, reached over and wrapped her arms around Santana, pulling her close. "I know you’re scared," she whispered, her voice soft and comforting. "But we’re in this together. You’re not alone. And you don’t have to fight it by yourself."
Santana inhaled deeply, letting the warmth of Brittany’s embrace wash over her. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to relax for the first time that night. The comfort of being close to Brittany, of feeling her presence, was exactly what she needed. The outside world could wait for tomorrow. Tonight, she was safe. Tonight, she had Brittany.
"I’m so tired," Santana murmured, her voice heavy with exhaustion. "I just want to sleep. I don’t want to think about all of this right now."
Brittany nodded, pressing a gentle kiss to Santana’s forehead. "You don’t have to think about anything. Just rest. I’ve got you."
Santana’s body relaxed into Brittany’s arms, and as the warmth of sleep began to settle over her, she felt the tension in her muscles ease. It wasn’t a perfect solution. It didn’t erase the guilt or the fear, but for now, it was enough. She could fight those battles tomorrow. For tonight, she would let herself be vulnerable. She would let herself feel safe.
As Santana drifted off to sleep, Brittany held her tightly, her own eyes growing heavy. She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but she knew this: they would face it together. No matter what came their way, they would survive. And as long as they had each other, they would always find a way.
With one last kiss to Santana’s temple, Brittany closed her eyes, her heart at ease for the first time in days. And with that, she too succumbed to sleep, knowing that they were stronger together than they could ever be apart.