Chapter 8
Santana sat cross-legged on the floor of Kol and Davina's home, the room eerily quiet except for the soft hum of the air conditioning. She had been trying to meditate for the past hour, her eyes closed, her hands resting on her knees, palms up. It wasn't easy.
Her mind kept wandering, each thought flitting through her like a panicked butterfly; too fast, too much to catch. But the thought that always came back, without fail, was Brittany. She missed her so much it hurt. She missed her bright smile, her enthusiasm, her absolute confusion over the simplest things. The way she asked questions that made no sense but somehow still managed to be endearing. Santana felt a deep, aching loss in her chest, like a part of her had been ripped out.
And then there was the regret. I’ll never be able to tell her any of this, Santana thought, her jaw tightening. The pain in her heart made it hard to breathe. How could she? How could she ever explain what happened? Becoming a vampire, the strange way she felt about herself now, the overwhelming rush of emotions she could never quite tame. Brittany deserved better than that. She deserved someone who could protect her, not someone who could potentially drag her into this monstrous world.
Santana sighed, running a hand through her hair, her thoughts swirling back to the days when things had been simpler. When they were just teenagers, singing and fighting over stupid things, and somehow still managing to be a family. She thought back to the Glee club, the crew she had spent her high school years with. Kurt, Blaine, Finn, Quinn, Mercedes, Tina, Mike, heck, even Rachel, no matter how annoying she could be. Santana had missed those days so badly. They were carefree, unburdened by vampires, magic, or life-or-death situations. She remembered laughing until her stomach hurt, arguing with Brittany over the dumbest things, singing their hearts out.
Those were the days she missed the most. When everything felt like it could be fixed with a song or a well-timed argument. Back when life wasn’t this complicated.
A tear slipped down her cheek, which she wiped away angrily. Get it together, Lopez. You’re a vampire now. Feelings don’t matter anymore.
But they did. They mattered more than anything. And that was exactly what she was trying to control, those damn emotions. She had to.
But every time she closed her eyes and thought about Brittany, her, the ache became unbearable. Could she even see her again? Would Brittany ever accept her, now that she was something else entirely? What am I even supposed to do now?
Her meditation was a failure. She opened her eyes, blinking at the blurry, dimly lit room around her, and rubbed her face, trying to shake the weight of it all off. She could feel the anger building inside her, the restlessness, and it scared her. She wasn’t sure how to deal with it anymore. She didn’t know how to control the rage that flickered beneath the surface.
"Well, that’s a lovely picture of inner peace," Kol's voice suddenly broke through the silence, dripping with sarcasm. "Don’t suppose you’ve figured out how to meditate properly yet, have you?"
Santana groaned, rubbing her eyes as she got to her feet. "Kol, if you’re gonna be this annoying, can you at least come back later? I’m in the middle of something, okay?" she snapped, trying to hide the vulnerability she felt in the moment.
Kol raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by her reaction. "I can see that," he said, walking into the room with his usual air of arrogance. "And that’s exactly why I’m here, actually. I’ve come to drag you out of your little brooding session and get back to work." He paused, his eyes scanning her expression with a flicker of understanding. "You can’t meditate your emotions away, Santana. It’s a vampire thing. But you’re going to need those emotions. All of them."
Santana scoffed, crossing her arms. "Really? You want me to embrace my anger and frustration? Because I’m already pretty good at that, Kol."
Kol smirked. "Well, you’re not wrong about that. But controlling it, channeling it, that’s what you need to learn. Trust me. The more you push your emotions down, the more dangerous they become."
"Yeah, but who said I wanted to be dangerous?" Santana shot back, her voice bitter, almost as if she was trying to convince herself as much as him. She wasn’t dangerous, she was just... confused. And hurting. She didn’t want to be this monster, this creature that couldn’t control anything, not even her own thoughts. She just wanted to be... Santana again.
Kol’s face softened, just a fraction. "You are dangerous, Santana. Whether you want to be or not. But you can use that to your advantage. I know you feel the rage bubbling inside you. You’ve always had it." He stepped closer, his voice low and purposeful. "I’m going to teach you how to focus it, how to fight back with precision. It’s time to stop running from what you are and start mastering it."
Santana felt a wave of frustration flood her chest, but this time, it wasn’t quite as overwhelming. It was more like a crackling energy, something she could work with. "So what, you’re gonna teach me to kill people?" she asked, the sarcasm dripping from her words. "That’s your brilliant solution?"
Kol smiled darkly. "Yes, but not just people. Vampires. You’ll need to learn how to defend yourself, how to end someone else’s life when the situation demands it. And trust me, it will. We’ll start with the basics, like how to kill a vampire the right way."
Santana raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were gonna teach me how to be some sort of emotional Zen master or something."
"I am," Kol replied, smirking. "But before you can be a Zen master, you need to know how to kill someone when they’re threatening you. Otherwise, all that peace crap is useless."
Santana wasn’t entirely convinced, but she was intrigued. Maybe this was what she needed, control. It wasn’t just about shutting off her emotions, but learning how to wield them, how to make them work for her. She could feel the fire inside her, the need to do something, to fight back, and maybe, just maybe, this was the answer she’d been looking for.
"Alright," she said, finally uncrossing her arms and standing up straighter. "Teach me then, Kol. I’ll do whatever it takes."
Kol’s grin widened, pleased with her response. "That’s the spirit."
And so, Santana prepared herself to learn. No longer would she hide from her emotions. It was time to take control. She was a vampire now, and it was time to stop running from what she was.
Kol began to outline the basics, starting with the key methods for dispatching vampires, from the most efficient to the most brutal, depending on the situation. "You’ll need to use what you’ve got. Strength, speed, and those emotions. Get mad if you have to," he said. "Use everything you have inside you. The rage, the grief, the hurt... all of it. Turn it into your weapon."
Santana nodded slowly. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to cope with everything she felt, but right now, it was all she had.