Chapter 17
her practical was in three hours.
it was the very first thought that entered her mind as she awoke, weak early morning april sunlight filtering through the dorms windows and bathing the floorboards in a watery glow. she could hardly concentrate on it, or on the good morning mary bade her as she awoke alongside hazel, could hardly concentrate on anything but the anxiety that settled in with each second she became more awake. her practical was in three hours, and she was not ready. the worry was gnawing at her, nibbling away at any concentration she was able to muster as she readied herself, blinking away the last remnants of sleep from her eyes. it followed her into the shower, perched upon her shoulder as an invisible weight as she washed her face, dug unseen talons into her shoulders as she changed, tightening its grip on her flesh as each minute wore on. she made her bed. noticed her sheets where wrinkled. re-made it. started biting absentmindedly at her bottom lip, then stopped as lily shot her a concerned glance as she herself awoke from her own sleep.
‘hey.’ it was lily, and hazel turned from where she had started stress folding her pyjamas, schooling her features into the most neutral expression she could manage.
‘morning lils.’
‘morning.’ she smiled sleepily up at hazel as she slipped out from under her covers, hair half out of the bun she had slept in with several strands falling in messy tangle around her shoulders. the sight of her friend sleep rumpled was enough to coax a small smile onto her lips, that lily immediately noticed and mock narrowed her eyes at.
‘not a word, mckinnon.’
hazel held up her hands in surrender, fighting to wipe the smile of her face to little success. ‘hey, i didn’t say anything.’
lily hummed disbelievingly, a noise that was interrupted by a wide yawn.
‘sleep well?’ hazel couldn’t help but tease. lily shot her a look that was devoid of any heat, grumbling a few choice words under her breath that hazel was glad she couldn’t make out. lily, for all her natural sweetness and kindness could be exceptionally grumpy come exam season, something that was only heightened in the mornings before the red head had had her daily fix of caffeine in the forms of her breakfast cup of tea, followed by several more in close succession. lily’s exam self almost rivalled hazels regular tea intake, which was saying a lot.
‘like a baby.’ lily responded, plodding over to her uniform that she always left carefully folded by her nightstand the day before and snatching it up, shuffling towards the bathroom that mary had just vacated, the scent of her shea lotion clinging to her skin.
‘yeah, i can see that.’ hazel retorted, brow raised in disbelief. ‘try not to fall asleep and drown in the shower lils, i’d hate to have to find a new study partner.’
‘ill drown you.’ lily grumbled back and mary spun, grinning as she raised both brows at hazel in mock disbelief. ‘christ, a whole two minute before she’s started with the death threats during exam week. must be a new record.’
hazel laughed, and felt a small part of that anxiety that had been curling up inside her chip away, felt a bit more chip away further as lily stuck her tongue out at mary who returned the gesture, before locking herself in the bathroom. mary wandered over to her own bed, grabbing a bottle of her favourite lotion in one hand and readying to open it. she paused, glancing at marlene’s bed with its curtains firmly shut, and raised both brows at hazel, a coy smile tilting her lips upwards.
‘do you want to, or should i?’
hazel shrugged in indifference. ‘be my guest love.’
mary huffed a laugh, before crossing over to marlene’s bed in five long strides and yanking her curtains open with one sharp movement. the only part of marlene visible was the tangle of her blond hair spread over her pillow, while the rest of her was hidden as one lump under her thick duvet. the lump moved slightly, grumbling, and mary opened her mouth, before shouting a loud ‘up and at ‘em, sunshine!’ at such a high volume hazel almost winced. marlene shot up like a bullet and mary cackled, dancing out of range at the arm marlene blindly shot out to whack her, eyes still squinted closed with sleep.
‘morning!’ mary greeted her cheerfully, grinning as marlene brought a fist to scrub slowly at her eyes, cracking her lids open to glare at the offending girl.
‘you were going to oversleep.’ mary explained, which made marlene’s eyes widen suddenly before she blinked once, twice, ridding herself of the last of her drowsiness. she settled for levelling an accusing look at mary, asking ‘so you almost gave me a heart attack waking up?’
mary shrugged innocently. ‘just making sure you got up.’
marlene grumbled at her, peeling herself out of her own bed as she got to grabbing her own uniform, and soon all four girls where showered, dressed, and ready to head down for breakfast.
rooting in marlene’s jewellery pile for any last minute bracelets she wanted to wear, hazels eyes caught on a small spot on marlene’s cheek. it was a small speck of dust, and it stirred a memory from deep inside her, tugging on the corners of her mind. one from the second year she had spent at the mckinnon home, during the summer both her and marlene had been freshly twelve years old.
‘i wish my freckles looked like yours. they look strange on me, but they look so pretty on you.’
hazel frowned slightly, tilting her head to the side, considering. suddenly, a genius idea came to her, one that made her straighten and beam at the blond girl before her. ‘we can paint them on!’
marlene’s brows scrunched together in confusion. ‘what?’
‘paint them on!’ she replied, the idea seeming better the more she thought about it. ‘i heard one of the girls in the neighbourhood- her older sister uses some fancy stick to make fake freckles when she goes out on dates. apparently its supposed to make you look like you just came back from holidays in the sun. she wipes them off though apparently at night, so they don’t last forever.’
‘you mean she uses a wand to put them on?’
she shook her head ‘no, they’re nor- they’re muggle, they dont use wands. she says its a kind of making up stick, but im not really sure what that is.’
‘so im supposed to use a making up stick and paint them on each day?’ marlene questioned, sounding far too unconvinced.
hazel rolled her eyes. could marlene not see what a brilliant idea this was?
‘no of course not. first of all, we have no idea where to get one of those, and i don’t think cass would let us borrow her sisters one because she says her sister hates sharing her stuff with her. second of all’ she stresses her words ‘we wouldn’t need a making up stick because you have a wand. and third, since its magic we could make them last for however long you wanted, without having to wipe them off each night the muggle way!’
marlene’s eyes light up, smile blooming before abruptly falling. ‘i can’t use it though- my wand. witches aren’t allowed to cast magic outside of school bounds until they turn of age.’
‘oh.’ hazel deflated. she forgot how old one has to be in wizarding world to be of age, but based on marlene’s crestfallen expression was quite some years away.
‘wait!’ marlene seemed to spring up, facing hazel with shining eyes. ‘we could use mums tinting potion! ive seen her use it on her eyebrows before, its proper dark and stains for ages. do you think that would work?’
hazel grinned. ‘only one way to find out.’
several hours later had the two girls huddled in the upstairs bathroom after dinner that night, perched side by side on the cool lip of the porcelain bathtub, margrets magical tinting cream and bunched up toilet roll spread between them. weapons of various shapes and sizes were littered around the tub aimed to be used to apply the tint to replicate the appearance of freckles, ranging from a pair of tweezers, the bristles of a hairbrushes, and a singular wonky fork.
that was how the two of them found themselves passing the next hour, dawn sun sliding further down the horizon each minute that past, the hum of passing traffic and birdsong slipping into the bathroom from the cracked open window. the breeze was warm and gentle, carrying the scent of fresh mowed lawns and springing daffodils from the patch the mckinnons had planted days previous in the garden below. the only sounds from the upstairs bathroom where muffled giggles and whispered instructions, occasionally broken through with bouts of silence where the concentration of applying the paste ensured moments of focused stillness between the pair, brows furrowed and a pink tongue peeking out from a small mouth.
the first moment the silence was properly broken was when hazel had deemed the mixture adequately applied, and declared marlene could now rinse it off. both girls had created a rather worrying collection of thick brown smudges upon the blonde’s face, hazel from using the fork to apply the freckles initially, resulting in marlene’s left cheek having a row of four perfectly vertical freckles lines, and marlene by accidentally smudging a clump of paste on the tip of her straight nose, though neither girl could remember when exactly this had happened. hazel had risen from the lip of the tub, hissing at her cramped muscles and snatched up a plush white towel that was folded over the edge of the sink, carefully wetting it with warm water and then bringing it to marlene’s cheeks, gently scrubbing it back and forth as she reclaimed her perch upon the tub lid.
perhaps it was not such a brilliant idea as hazel had originally thought it had been.
both girls peered at marlene’s face the moment hazel removed the now stained towel, brown leaking through the water damp fabric like watercolour, hazel simple staring at the brown splodged face in front of her while marlene was looking slightly over hazels shoulder to the low hanging mirror, reflecting her stained cheeks back to her in crystal clarity.
hazel had laughed so hard she fell of the side of the bathtub.
the dye didn’t come off for three weeks after that.
she felt her mouth blooming into a soft smile, that strengthened as marlene caught sight of it and raised a questioning brow at her, small smile already forming on her own lips, as if caused by near proximity of hazel’s own.
‘nothing.’ hazel responded, answering the unspoken question in her friends blue eyes. ‘ i was just thinking that we both have wands now. we could have another shot at giving you freckles, without permanently ruining cass’s sister’s eyeliner pen in the process.’
marlene barked a laugh, and hazel was struck by how similar it sounded to sirius’s own abrasive one, as if both of their joy punched its way out of their throats in a singular loud burst of laughter. she loved the sound.
‘not a fucking chance.’ marlene responded, eyes crinkling in the corners from her grin as she levelled her most sincere look at hazel.
‘shame. i thought they suited you.’
marlene scoffed, widening her eyes to convey the sincerity of her next words. ‘three weeks. three.’
hazel shrugged, smiling. ‘could have been four.’
marlene laughed, moving to loop her arm through hazels and guide them out the door and to the stone stairwell below. ‘and thank merlin that it wasn’t. now, let’s get to breakfast. im fucking starving.’
________________________
as always, they met up with the boys and snagged themselves a spot towards the end of the gryffindor table, squeezing themselves in and rapidly piling their plates with an assortment of the spread before them. hazel almost immediately decided on pancakes this morning, as it was an exam day, and she could use a little treat. mary seemed to have a similar line of thinking as her own, and they each ended up cutting one of their pancakes in half and swapping them halfway through the meal once mary had tried her second one with chocolate spread and decided hazel absolutely had to try it, and hazel was insistent on mary trying her delicious creation of bananas and maple syrup pancake. hazel had just finished her half, and was debating going for one with chocolate spread and bananas as a combination (they both tasted delicious separately, so perhaps they would be even more delicious together?) when her attention was snagged by sirius who was attempting to convince marlene to share her last rasher, to little success.
‘black, there’s literally a whole tray of rashers like two plates down from you.’ marlene argued, ignoring sirius’s exaggerated pout.
‘c’mon marls, they always taste better of your plate.’ he retorted, making a half-attempted grab for it with his fork that she batted away, laughing. ‘sharing is caring, marls. c’mon, don’t you love me?’
‘not enough to share my last rasher, no.’
‘that’s probably not the most convincing argument you’ve ever made.’ lily piped up from where she too had been observing them, then stifling a grin at sirius’s offended expression.
‘why not? its pretty convincing. after all, everyone does love me.’ he dismissed, then looked suitably affronted at lily’s snort of disbelief. he straightened, tossing his hair as he continued.
‘prongs loves me.’
‘potter doesn’t count.’ lily countered, ignoring james noise of protest.
‘you love me lils.’ sirius retorted, to which lily only shrugged in agreement. ‘i do, but that still doesn’t mean that everyone loves you.’
‘of course they do.’ he dismissed, then grinned as he caught hazels eye, gesturing to her confidently with his fork.
‘pecan loves me, dont you pecan?’
‘of course i do.’ she assured him, watching as he slumped back down, preening under her flattery. ‘your my favourite eighteen year old pureblood gryffindor friend.’
‘exactly, see- wait.’ he bolted upwards, affronted. ‘im your only eighteen year old pureblood gryffindor friend.’
she shrugged, biting back a small smile. ‘they’re mutually exclusive.’
both peter and lily snorted into their cups of tea, while sirius took to grumbling to himself under his breath as he prodded at his plate of scrambled eggs. he was the first one of the group to notice the approaching figure, and by the time hazel followed his gaze dorcas had already made it to their table, long braids done in a half bun half down hairstyle and swaying gently as she stopped just beside where hazel and marlene where sitting side by side, flashing them a warm smile.
‘morning.’ she greeted the table, and james waved his half-eaten toast as a salute, mouth already full and managing a ‘hmp- mor’n’ before he managed to swallow his mouthful and grinning sheepishly up at her. the rest of them managed a far more civilised greeting, and hazel swallowed her mouthful of tea, smiling up at her friend. ‘morning cas.’
‘wait i still don’t understand. how do the two of you actually get to know each other?’ peter piped up from where he was wedged between james and remus, which had dorcas shrugging lightly, replying, ‘she rammed into me and then swore at me enough to take a year off my life. we’ve been best friends ever since.’
mary snorted, then scooted over on the bench, pressing further into lily as she made a small opening and glanced up at dorcas. ‘you want to join for breakfast?’
‘thanks, but im just popping over to kidnap this one.’ dorcas explained, jerking her head in hazels direction. she met her eyes then, explaining ‘me and the boy secured an empty classroom we can use to study in before our first class. you two coming?’
the last part was directed at marlene as well, who was already nodding her head in confirmation. hazel copied the motion, snatching up her remaining slice of toast as she slid of her place on the bench, marlene in tow.
they both bid brief farewells, and then the three of them were striding out of the great hall, following dorcas as she led them to one of the empty potions classrooms of the left wing of the castle. she could hear barty from inside the room as they neared, and she bit back a smile as his voice grew stronger as they approached, muffled curses seeping through the cracked open classroom door. she peeked her head in once they pushed through, and was met with the sight of a very agitated barty, a very amused looking evan and pandora, and a small textbook that was very much on fire.
‘fucking christ-’ barty swore, waving his wand in an arc and practically swearing ‘augumenti’ as he doused the now char crumpled book in a blast of powerful water, glaring at the now soggy pages as they slowly dripped water onto the stone tiled floor. hazel had just enough time to notice a small row of similarly burned books littering the desk beside barty before the boy was turning, eyes jumping to the three of them standing by the doorway.
‘you found them!’ he cheered to dorcas, before shooting her and marlene a smile. ‘alright marls, zel.’
‘morning.’ hazel answered slowly, levelling a concerned look at the small pile of burned books beside the grinning boy. ‘any reason your setting fire to small objects at eight in the morning?’
‘he’s practising a new spell.’ pandora explained from where she was perched on one of the classroom desks, at the same time barty cut in, looking worked up all over again. ‘i learned this new tracking spell, but whenever i try recreating the bloody thing it just ends up lighting things on fire. its doing my fucking head in.’
‘and im guessing that’s not what’s supposed to happen?’ marlene mused, to where barty shook his head vehemently.
‘no, the fire part is an accident, i just can’t get the bloody thing to work. i nailed it two fucking days ago, but every time i try it again something goes wrong. i think it’s using inanimate objects that the issue, though. i tried it on evan last time and it went well, but now that he’s seen what happens when i use it on random objects, he won’t let me go near him with it.’
he paused, then fixed marlene with an assessing look. ‘say marls, you wouldn’t mind if i borrowed you for a moment..?’
she was already shaking her head aggressively before he had even finished. ‘absolutely fucking not. i like not being burned to a crisp, thank you very much.’
‘well im not going to light you on fire.’ he countered, rolling his eyes. he then paused, considering. ‘well, probably not…’
‘alright lads, i thought we were here to study?’ dorcas interjected, clapping her hands once to get their attention. ‘we’ve got a test in less than an hour.’ she reminded them, fixing barty with a look that had him looking at least partly sheepish. ‘barty, you can set people on fire later. for now, i want a bit of quiet so we can start of the revising.’
‘fine.’ he conceded, moving to claim a desk beside evan as hazel found her own spot opposite him and besides pandora, while both marlene and dorcas settled themselves in as well. he shot hazel one last hopeful look when dorcas was momentarily distanced with setting up her study notes, that had her shaking her head.
‘not a chance, crouch.’
he slumped in his desk, kicking his long legs before him. ‘it’s safe, i swear i did it on evan and it went literally perfectly.’
‘then you can do it on him again.’ she countered, ignoring evan’s attention now jumping to her from where he had been invested in his notes just moments before. ‘he’s already had experience with it, im sure he’s your best bet.’
evan ignored the hopeful look barty was now giving him in favour of fixing hazel with an unimpressed glare. she simply shrugged, smiling sweetly back at him as barty snorted in amusement.
‘what? he’s already tried the spell on you once, which is more than the rest of us. you’ve got the most experience.’
‘and that’s supposed to stop me from catching on fire?’
she shrugged. ‘it didn’t happen the first time, who’s to say it’ll happen the next time.’
‘id rather not take my chances.’
‘what, no faith in his magic skills?’
he cocked a brow, looking a mixture between partly incredulous and mostly amused, and largely annoyed by both of those. ‘if you trust his spell so much, why don’t you volunteer?’
‘can’t.’ she replied smoothly. ‘i have a magic practical to fail. can’t do that if im set on fire.’
‘you can multitask.’
her lips quirked up into a grin. ‘i could. don’t want to risk it though.’
‘but your all set to have him try it on me instead?’ he asked, cocking a singular brow, that had her smile sharpening. ‘i didn’t know you where that eager to watch barty set me on fire.’
‘well, i can’t say your charming personality has won me over yet.’
he seemed to fight back a smile, the corners of his mouth quirking up slightly before he smoothed them out.
‘go bother someone else,’ he levelled at her as he brought his attention back to the books in front of him. ‘im trying to study.’
she rolled her eyes and barty smirked, flashing her a grin before he picked up the singular piece of parchment he had on the desk beside him and stood up, moving so that he plopped down in a desk beside marlene and began asking her questions about some of her notes in a hushed conversation. both dorcas and pandora where already both absorbed in their own notes before them, and quickly hazel brought her own attention to her own books before her, tuning out the hush of voices as she began to read.
a comfortable half an hour passed in which the only sounds that broke through the silence of the room where the turning of pages, the occasional scratch of a quill on parchment, and the soft lull of marlene and barty as they continued quietly conversing with each other. hazel had just finished revising her herbology notes, and satisfied that she knew enough for any upcoming questions sprout could possibly fire her way in case of a written exam, she snapped her book closed with a soft thud and reached for her defence against the dark arts notes.
she had just smoothed out a new piece of parchment and was looking for her defence against the dark arts book, brow furrowing as she couldn’t spot the title anywhere in her pile of texts when a thump of a book being placed on her desk drew her attention. she glanced at the new book, at the dark black inscribing on its spine, spelling out ‘defence against the dark arts; fourth edition’, and then at the boy who had just placed it there.
evan met her eyes for a brief moment, and offered up a short ‘you always forget your defence text.’ with a slight shrug. she bit back her surprise, instead replying with a quick ‘cheers.’ and small smile as she opened the book to the correct page and started scanning its contents.
she had only been at it for a few minutes before her attention was drawn away and to marlene and barty, who were currently engaged in some sort of rapid fire quiz. since amassing his first ring from marlene, barty had grown quite a collection much to the girl’s fascination, and the two had seemed to adopt a system where they would trade certain ones with ones they particular fancied from there other. now, they seemed to be some sort of studying game where each time one of them got a question wrong they would have to give up a ring and give it to the other. so far marlene had already lost three, and barty two, although hazel was sure this would change as they continued their speed quizzing.
the pair had just moved on to astrology questions (with barty proudly sporting nine rings, and marlene six) when they were interrupted by the classroom door swinging open and a student walking in. it was a boy hazel vaguely recognised as a gryffindor fourth year although his name evaded her, and he made it just through the door frame before spotting who occupied the room and freezing mid step, eyes blowing wide.
‘shit sorry- thought this room was empty.’ he stuttered in explanation, eyes darting over all of them as hazel gave him her most reassuring smile, and assuring the frantic boy with a gentle ‘its all right,’ even as marlene looked to be smothering her laughter over the boys flushed demeanour.
he nodded quickly, turning to scurry out the door before he was halted in place by barty’s voice.
‘wait a moment.’ barty said, levelling a lazy look at the younger student that had him freezing in place, eyes wide as the older boy ran a slow scrutinising look over him before he asked, ‘are you a gryffindor?’
the boy blinked, startled. ‘eh.. yes?’
‘excellent.’ he beamed, rounding on a confused looking marlene. ‘hear that marls? that’s your official replacement if you dont watch it.’
the poor fourth year looked as if he would rather by anywhere else, especially as both her, evan and dorcas let out small snorts of laughter that had marlene gaping at the three of them in betrayal. hazel raised her hands in mock surrender, though she was unable to keep the smile off her face.
‘you think a two week notice is fair?’ barty mused, throwing marlene a wink as she brought the full force of her glare onto him. pandora laughed, a pretty soft tinkling sound that had evan smiling, before he noticed the younger student still lingering at the mouth of the doorway. evan flicked a cool look at the boy who seemed to freeze up even further, before drawling a cool ‘you can go now.’
‘no need to be rude.’ dorcas chided as the boy practically stumbled in his haste to leave the classroom. she made sure to give the boy a warm smile that hazel mirrored that had him looking marginally less panicked as he exited, even as now there was a dark flush staining his cheeks a ruddy red.
‘wankers.’ marlene muttered, grabbing a note that she crumpled into a small paper ball and threw at barty’s head that he just managed to avoid, cackling as he did so. he retaliated with his own paper note that he crumpled up and flung at her, which quickly escalated into them engaging in a paper fight between the two as evan looked on in amusement. dorcas levelled a look at evan, reprimanding with a ‘no need to be rude to the poor gryffindor. he looked like he was about to faint.’
evan just shrugged, unbothered and while hazel voiced her agreement, she couldn’t help from adding a ‘could have been worse,’ while sharing an amused look with dorcas. ‘for a moment there i thought barty was going to find another volunteer to practise his flammable spell on.’
she regretted the words the moment they left her lips, especially as they had barty freezing mid paper throw, his eyes lighting up with a look that could only spell trouble, as he practically jumped up from his seat, wand in hand as he strode towards the door. ‘oi, hold up a second-’
he was out the door a moment later, and evan was already on his feet and making to follow him before hazel or one of the other girls could attempt to halt him from possibly setting a random student on fire, sighing an tired ‘ill get him.’ to no one in the room in particular before he, too, was out the door.
‘i will go check on them.’ pandora announced as she gracefully slipped of the top of the desk and gathered up her book bag, and then looking at hazel. ‘good luck in the exam.’ she wished her, and hazel smiled warmly back at her friend, even as pandora continued, ‘don’t forget that if any of the other students are rude about you finding it harder to produce magic today, i will put a dream curse on them that will have them having nightmares for two weeks.’
‘thanks dora, but i don’t think that will be necessary.’ hazel replied, although she would be lying if a small part of her wasn’t warmed by her friend’s protectiveness. pandora simply smiled serenely back, nodding. ‘that’s good. still, my offer stands if you change your mind.’
with that she was drifting out if the room and down the corridor after barty and evan, leaving just the three of them in the room.
‘so much for studying.’ dorcas mused as she stretched, standing up from her desk. ‘i say we head to the class now, it’ll be staring soon anyway. let me just grab a few of my books i left here last class and then im good to go.’
both hazel and marlene nodded in agreement, and the moment dorcas was tucked in the corner of the back of the class, rooting around in one of the oversized cupboards and pulling out textbooks at random and scanning for her own among the pile, hazel stood up from her own desk, and slipped into the one beside marlene. she glanced at her friend, and that one look was enough to have marlene already reaching for her wand, then casting a silencing spell moments later with a murmured ‘silencio.’
the moment the silencing charm washed over them hazel fixed marlene with her full attention, mulling over just how she wanted to approach this. marlene was a blunt person, and hazel figured that using that tactic was as good as any when approaching this subject. so, she simply leaned forwards across the small wooden table, propping her elbows on its surface and resting her head on one hand as she looked at her friend.
‘so,’ she mused, and marlene’s blue gaze flicked up to her own. ‘when are you going to ask dorcas out?’
marlene spluttered, eyes flying wide as she gaped at hazel for a moment, then whipped her head around frantically as if afraid of any nearby eavesdroppers, momentarily forgetting they were tucked underneath her own silencing charm.
‘what?’ she wheezed, pale cheeks flushing considerably. ‘i-’ she halted, then deflated, shoulders slumping as she stared at hazel in defeat. ‘is it that obvious?’
‘maybe not to the others, but to me it is.’ hazel answered softly, smiling gently at her friend.
marlene’s shoulders slumped further, and she took to coiling a strand of her soft blond hair around one ring clad finger in a nervous tell she had long since mastered. ‘i don’t even know if she likes me.’
‘marls.’ she pinned marlene with her most sincere look, pausing until she was sure the other girl was properly listening before continuing. ‘would i, as your sworn other half ever try to set you up with someone i didn’t think you had a chance with?’
she barrelled on, not giving marlene a chance to respond. ‘now i would never betray the confidence of revealing who a certain best friend of mine did-’ she widened her eyes aggressively as she emphasised the word. she was using about enough subtlety as an overgrown troll, and silently vowed to herself that if marlene didn’t pick up what she was saying she might seriously start having to look at finding another other half. one with more braincells, for starters.
‘…or didn’t like. all im saying is that you’ll never find out by moping around. now stop sulking, and act like a proper gryffindor by going and snogging the living daylights out of a certain someone.’
marlene snorted, lips quirking upwards. ‘brilliant pep talk as always, honorary mckinnon.’
‘i have a specialty for them, i know. just maybe refrain from the whole snogging bit until after the transfiguration exam. i have a feeling mc gonnagle won’t be the biggest fan of that kind of interruption.’
‘ill keep that in mind, thanks.’ marlene responded drily, then quickly waved her wand and muttered a counter spell as she disintegrated the silencing charm just as dorcas came hurrying over, textbooks in hand, which she was currently shoving into her bag while walking.
‘you lot ready to go?’ she asked as she reached them, stuffing the last of her books haphazardly into her bag, then glancing expectantly at them. hazel nodded.
‘as ready as i’ll get. lets go.’
dorcas flashed her a warm smile, offering hazel her arm which she took, liking them together. dorcas hesitated for a brief moment, then gave marlene a shy smile and slowly, almost hesitantly, offered the girl her other arm too. marlene blinked down at it for a moment, flicking her eyes up to dorcas’s before accepting, tucking her arm in dorcas’s and pressing in close, biting her bottom lip to supress a large, pleased smile. it didn’t work, and hazel decided then that if she was to face her practical with a beaming marlene and smiling dorcas, then perhaps the next hour or two wouldn’t be that bad after all.
________________________
she took it back.
the practical was even worse than she had imagined. sitting at her desk and watching as the student three seats down from her completed their assigned task of transforming a copper chalice into a ceramic mug, she felt a surge of worry claw through her. the task itself was straightforward. the students had all been assigned the same task, to transform the singular copper chalice they had all been handed into a mug, which had to be completed within the short time frame mc gonnagle had allocated.
the class itself was full of students, and from where she was sitting, she could spot dorcas’s dark braids as they spilled over her shoulder, dotted by small golden beads that glinted in the orange sunrise that poured through the large windows and spilled into the room, illuminating the students and objects within in a bright glow. a few desks down from dorcas she spotted lily’s dark copper hair, and a few desks down from her, marlene’s choppy blond mane. she knew both mary and sirius were situated somewhere behind her, but she did not bother to twist around in her desk and seek them out. not when her eyes were drawn to the thick dust swirling lazily through the air in slow, meandering patterns, glinting in the morning sunlight. it was better to focus on then the spells that where being carried out a few feet from her desk, anyways.
the spell itself, she had been assured from both lily and dorcas. the spell was not the difficult part, although it required an extensive amount of precision and detail to complete it. the main challenge was the time frame mc gonnagle expected it to be completed in, and already there was a large handful of students who had not completed theirs in the allocated time, left with half formed mugs and ceramic thick chalices, all marked with disappointed frowns and upset carved into their features.
mc gonnagle had been carrying the test out differently as they usually where too, and had decided that each student would be completing their exam at one at a time, to ensure there was no cheating when reaching the end result. so far there had been no issues with this, but hazel could not help but focus on the fact, as the third student ahead of her completed their work just barley in time and was greeted by a nod by mc gonnagle, that this simply meant there would be nothing to distract the rest of the class from her failings.
mc gonnagle moved on to the student directly before her, and hazel swallowed. at least her practical wouldn’t be as difficult as transfiguring an inanimate object. silver linings, or whatever the fuck. no, she had been practising both lumos and leviosa in tandem over these past few months, and although she had not known which one she would be tested on come the practical, it became pretty obvious when a small, grey lightweight feather was placed in the middle of her desk. somehow, she didn’t think she was being asked to turn it into a lightbulb.
still, the question remained of how she was actually going to manage to float it into the air, especially as the student before her had her chalice half converted into ceramic already. her palms began to sweat. only one more student left until her turn.
time seemed to warp, to slow down and then speed right past as she concentrated on not panicking. she could do this. she had to do this.
seconds became moments became minutes, and before she had fully realised it mc gonnagle was standing before her desk, peering down at her. her wand felt hollow in her grip as she gingerly picked it up. as she fixed her attention onto the small object before her, grey down dull and listless in the absence of the suns direct light.
‘you may begin.’ mc gonaggle stated, giving hazel a miniscule nod and even smaller smile she would have missed completely if she had not been studying the older woman face so intensely. she swallowed, nodding back, the movement wooden and stiff, as she forced her eyes back onto the feather before her. breathed in. out. let her chest expand, and imagined her magic slowly filling the empty space, imagined it traveling down her arms and spilling out through the tip of her wand and she waved it, and uttered ‘leviosa.’
her feather did not move.
she tried again, then again. pictured her magic filling the wood, running through each crack and crevice as she flicked her wrist. again. and again.
she felt nothing.
she flicked her attention down at the wand grasped tightly in her right hand, at the utter lack of any sensation, of connection she felt from it. she could have been holding a pencil for all that it felt like magic. she scowled down at it. stupid fucking wand.
she heard the rustling of a nearby student shifting, and felt the first beads of sweat damped her forehead, the first telltales of worry swirl in her gut. she had to do this. why wasn’t it working? she breathed in, then out, tried again.
the feather still did not move.
she risked a glance up at mc gonnagle, standing vigil at the top of her small wooden working desk. her eyes where calm, expectant as they met her own, and the moment they met hazel dropped her own gaze, latching it back onto the feather before her. she could not bear to see it. to see the disappointment, the pity that was sure to fill that calm blue stare when it became clear to the woman that she could not do this. that she couldn’t do it.
hazel glanced down at her wand again, and a thought halted her from waving it and uttering the spell again. instead, the beginnings of a thoughtful frown tugged on her features. the wood of her wand felt smooth and cold to her touch, devoid of any of the warmth she had come to associate with her power. she though back to it then. sent her mind back to a stone classroom, to a brown eyed boy, let herself remember the invisible patches of warmth left by his fingerprints that had lingered minutes after their initial contact. remembered the warmth, the surge of something she had felt before she had shut it down, had locked it back inside of herself. she had felt her magic that day. she was sure of it.
slowly, she unfurled her fingers, and let her wand drop from her grasp. it made a small thunk as it fell onto the wooden desk, rolling momentarily before rolling to a stop. she heard distant murmurs but shut them out, shut everything around her out as she breathed in again, then out, casting her mind back again to that night. to the promise she had made to herself in a shadow stained stone classroom. it was her magic, and she refused to fear it any longer. refused to let the fear they had carved into her bones, into her flesh settle. she would not let them win. would not let them have this.
she would not let them win.
she closed her eyes.
she stopped willing it to happen. stopped demanding the magic to rise, pleading and begging and attempting to force the power to drag itself from its hidden chamber, to command the spell leave her lips and flow onto the object below.
instead, she breathed.
she let herself slowly filter off her surroundings, until she could no longer hear the medley of the students breathing around her, no longer head the individual shifts of fidgeting limbs or the cough of a cleared through, no longer hear the incessant ticking from the small clock at the front of the classroom, no longer distinguish the individual sounds as they blended into a faint background hum. she let herself detach from them, and instead focused her attention inwards. not searching as she had been doing only moments previously, but simply observing. observing as she let her thoughts filter off, let her mind drift as she stopped forcing the magic out, stopped demanding the power to come to her, and simply breathed. distantly, as if from very far away, she felt the tips of her fingers begin to tingle.
there. there, somewhere deep inside her core she felt a movement, felt a shifting sensation as if something nestled deep within her was slowly unfurling its limbs in languid, unhurried movements, slowly rising from where it was buried and slumbering.
as if something was waking up.
there was no space in her mind for fear. no space for hesitation, or disgust or hatred, no space for anything as her thoughts trickled syrupy slow, calm and focused solely on that slowly rising presence inside her as it pushed forwards, seeping up through her flesh as it pushed up higher, higher. everywhere it touched, every crack it filled and settled into a warmth seemed to linger behind, not burning, but simply leaving a fading pleasant heat in its wake, as if rays from an evening sun were warming her from the inside out.
that swell of otherness reached higher, filling the space within her chest, her limbs, her lungs, and she let her eyes snap open, focusing only on the small feather before her. she did not let her attention falter. did not let a singular one of her surroundings snag it, not as every fibre of her focus, of her being, was latched onto the small object in front of her.
slowly, she reached out her hand.
she let her arm extend, fingers curled lazily before the lightweight feather and instead of wishing it to rise, she simply willed it. she pictured it drifting up from the desk, and poured every ounce of her concentration, of her magic, into making it do so. there was no room for doubt. no room for it, as she simply looked at the grey speckled object and merely willed it to rise.
hesitantly, the feather began to float up from her desk.
she did not let a single ounce of her concentration slip into noticing the fact that she was, without a doubt, and for the first time in over a decade, willingly preforming magic. not only preforming magic, but controlling it. did not let her concentration slip as in her peripheral vison she noticed movement coming from all around her. caught flashes of copper and ink on the outskirts of her vision. did not give herself a moment to consider any of it, not as she kept her eyes locked on the feather hovering in the air before her as she flexed her fingers, commanding it to rise, higher, and higher. it did.
it reached a meter above the desk, and for a moment time seemed to freeze in its place, as the feather hovered. it swirled slowly, lazily flipping over itself in a lazy curl of movement as the burnt orange of the rising sun’s rays caught on its delicate grey speckled down, illuminating the swirls of dust as they flowed around the feather and the small white dots that speckled its grey sheen. for a moment, it almost looked as if there were other objects in the air, but her brain simply filtered her surrounding out, unable to concentrate on anything but the floating object before her.
again, she flexed her fingers, now slowly furling them inwards towards her palm as the feather carefully began to lower, drifting down, down, down until it rested delicately on her desk without a sound. the orange suns glow was off it now, and the feather was back to looking an ordinary mundane grey. she blinked, and then suddenly everything came back into startling focus.
the first thing she noticed, was the absolute silence that coated the room.
the room was completely devoid of any noise. the only one sound that broke through the tombstone stillness of the room was the rythematic ticking of the small clock, a steady patter that accentuated the otherwise complete lack of noise. she didn’t think she could even hear the other students breathing.
a gasp, and the stillness was broken. her eyes darted to the owner of the sound- dorcas, who’s eyes were blown wide as they locked onto hazels own in absolute shock. it was in that everlasting moment when hazels eyes lifted up to find dorcas’s, that her brain finally made sense of what had just happened. she had just preformed her first spell in hogwarts. she had just preformed leviosa. and not only that, but her mind was now slowly catching up, was just now processing those surroundings she had previously blurring out, and now the sudden realisation of what she had just accidently done struck her. because it was just now that her brain was filtering back the surroundings she had been ignoring, and she was struck by the sudden realisation of just what she had been blocking off as the image of it hit her straight on.
she had not been imagining other objects floating alongside her allocated feather. because now, with her mind offering the image of the past few seconds back to her in full clarity, she could clearly register that not only had she preformed leviosa on her own feather, but she had also simultaneously preformed it on every other loose object in the room.
hazel had just accidently lifted every singular feather, ceramic tea cup, text book, clock, roll of parchment, ink pot, quill, copper goblet and bag into the air. wandlessly. and wordlessly.
the moment her eyes finally reached dorcas’s and their gazes met cold dread curled in hazels gut, and her eyes immediately flew to mc gonnagles, who was standing stock still and completely unmoving before hazels desk, own lips parted slightly as she stared down at hazels feather in what seemed to be shock. slowly, so slowly, her eyes drifted up, and met hazels.
she parted her lips, to apologise, to state her innocence, to defend her mistake she didn’t yet know, when another gasp stole her words before they left her lips. a student from one of the front rows, a student she had not yet bothered to learn the name of was moving her gaze all around the previously floating objects, gaze fleeting between them as her face was slackened. that singular movement seemed to finally break the calm that had settled over the room, and suddenly in place for the previous stillness there was a calamity of commotion, of shifting limbs as students turned in their seats, as whispered questions rang through the air, murmured hushed confirmations with seat partners of ‘did she just-’ and ‘was that your bag just..?’, of ‘did she just move those wandlessly?’ and ‘you mean did she just move those wordlessly?’
‘silence please.’
mc gonnagles voice did not rise- it did not have to, not as the commandeering cadence of her voice rang through the classroom like a gunshot, immediately dampening the murmur of voices and shifting of movement, until the room was once more silent. without the distraction of whispered conversations all the students previously distracted attention was once more latched onto her own, and she fought back a swallow. her throat was incredibly dry.
‘well,’ mc gonnagle mused, and hazel could detect no more of that previous shock she had glimpsed in her pale gaze, could not glimpse any other emotions that where locked behind the woman’s mask of calm, of authority. hazel was helpless to do anything but stare up at her, waiting for her decision. for her judgment.
‘although there were some… alternative methods used,’ hazel’s heart sank, cold and heavy as it settled into her gut but mc gonnagle simply continued, a miniscule almost pleased smile peeking through her mask and gracing her lips as she followed, ‘you did, although in a different manner, complete the task at hand. your feather was commanded up and down by your leviosa charm, and therefore this task has been completed.’
hazel barley registered the words, could hardly understand what she meant, as her mind was sent reeling, desperately scrambling to find purchase. she wasn’t in trouble? she had passed? what was going on?
‘i would wish to discuss briefly with you after this examination is concluded,’ the woman finished, but there was only a sort of calm kindness, a hint of pride shining through her eyes as hazel met them once more, not reprimand as she had been expecting. she had no time to reflect on it however, not as mc gonnagle was already moving passed her desk and to the one behind it, who’s occupant was still gaping, wide mouthed.
‘peterson, you may begin.’
the student blinked, startling back into the present as his wide green eyes flicked to hazels, then back up at mc gonnagle who raised a singular brow. that motion was enough for him to snap his mouth closed, and bring his attention to his copper vial before him.
she could still feel the majority of the students gazes on her skin, feel the weight of their eyes that latched onto her, but she ignored their presence, eyes instead searching for her friends. she found marlene first, always marlene. she was staring at hazel with her eyes blown wide in shock, and the moment their gazes met she blinked, blue eyes meeting gold and staying locked on one another.
she could read every fleeting emotion that flickered through marlene’s gaze as easily as she could read the twitched of her expression, of the lines and frowns and smiles carved there. she could spot the shock that lingered in her bright blue irises, the lingering surprise behind that shock, and the disbelief and relief that flickered behind that.
hazel knew that just as she could read marlene like an open picture book, she could do the same to her. had no doubt that marlene could spot her own shock and disbelief that lingered in her own gaze, her fear and hesitation that flickered there. so she was not surprised when marlene smiled, broad and fierce, burning away any traces of hazels own fear and panic with a bright, proud smile that was just for her.
she couldn’t help it. she felt her lips tug upwards.
marlene’s smile strengthened as she noted it, undiluted sunshine breaking through a grey cloud covered overcast and hazel let herself steal some of her sister’s warmth, of her bravery and tuck it into herself, cradling it close to her heart as she broke her gaze off from marlene and brought it to the next figure. dorcas.
it was dorcas, smiling softly at her that she saw next, flicked her eyes past to james, then sirius. looked at lily, then mary. noted the shock in all their gazes. noted their smiles too.
at that moment she found it impossible to feel the fear, the overwhelming panic and cloying terror that was sure to ensue. because her friends where smiling. and a small, minuscule part of her mind offered to her that nothing that made her friends smile like that could be so bad.
the panic would come later. but not now. because for that brief moment where she could still feel the lingering kiss of power that danced just below her skin, when thick rays of burnt amber sunlight poured through the glass window and illuminated her flesh, where she could still feel the warmth from her friends’ gazes, she forgot to be afraid.