Chapter 5
hazel leaned back in the wooden kitchen chair, straightening her back and rolling her head to the side in attempt to relieve her neck from the painful cramp that had nestled there somewhere between finishing the third paragraph of her essay and revising her flashcards. she felt a small crack and sighed in relief as the tension dispersed, the sigh turning onto one of defeat as she starred down the assortments of books and scrawled on pages before her. idly, she wondered if she should have taken tony up on his offer to join in him at his house where he and a handful of their friends where currently having one of their semi regular for a movie nights- the exorcist, one of her favourites- instead of spending her evening finishing the various school assignments she had for next week.
margret had held true to her word as she always did, and had both her and cass spend yesterday afternoon working tirelessly on their english essays and whatever geography readings cass had to get through, two of which were already past their hand in date, before allowing them to help her prepare dinner once satisfied that both girls had completed an adequate amount of work. although neither of their preferred ways to spend an afternoon, hazel had to admit those three or four hours had actually benefited her in finishing three particularly difficult home assignments, and now meant that she had now only to finish off her dreaded macbeth analysis before she would be caught up with not only all the assignments she had due for this week, but all the ones due next week too. it was that simple fact that kept her here, at a little past six in the evening on a friday night perched by the kitchen table, with only text dense books and strewn out pens and small flashcards to keep her company, even as a rather large part of her was itching to slam close her play reading and pop over to tony’s.
just this one last assignment left, she reminded herself as she slumped back in her chair, reaching forward to grab the nearest stack of small flashcards- nothing more than several pieces of a4 paper she had torn into smaller chunks and scrawled upon, but handy all the same, and began shuffling them. just this essay finished to write, and she would have the whole weekend stress free, as well as next week, with no readings or essay writings looming over her head. encouraged by the thought, she let herself sink back into that studying calm, letting the minutes slip past as she went through the flashcards once, twice, before picking up a new stack and going through them, again and again.
she didn’t know what it was that made her reading halt mid flashcard of her last pack. that made her body tense up, and her eyes glance up from the pages before her, automatically scanning the room. the radio was still on, quiet and peaceful in the background, and she could still hear margret and dolly in the hallway. nothing had changed. yet she felt it still.
something was wrong.
she felt it, a subtle shift in the atmosphere that had the hairs on the back of her neck rising, a low warning thrumming through her bloodstream as she went utterly still. something was terribly wrong.
she instinctively glanced around the kitchen from where she was sitting by the table, homework and pens missing their lids scattered around the blue checkered table cloth, brain automatically making a mental note to where her family where. she was the only occupant in the room, and both danny and marlene had returned to hogwarts three days ago. save from margret in the landing dusting a few bookcases with dolly’s help, and felix sitting in the living room unwinding with a glass of wine and his favourite wizarding mechanics magazine, the house was empty. still, she couldn’t shake off the oppressive, unavoidable sense of dread that coated her skin like glue. she waited, breaths halted in her chest as she strained her ears for any sounds other than the faint hum of traffic emanating from the outside road and the gentle murmur as margret and dolly chatted while they cleaned, yet could hear nothing that had set her so on edge. she waited, muscles locked into place.
the kitchen clock struck six.
nothing happened.
silently, she rose to her feet and padded towards the kitchen door, heart thundering in her throat as she slipped through it. there was a faint crack outside the front door as both margret and dolly paused at the noise. felix appeared moments later, wine glass still in hand as he made towards it, despite dolly making to move towards it first. margret placed a hand on the little elf’s shoulders, murmuring some sort of request as the elf nodded before quickly apperating. moments later, hazel heard the crack of apparition as dolly appeared in the kitchen she had just vacated, and moments after that, she heard the oven being turned on. felix shot his wife a small smile as she made to pick back up the duster that dolly had placed down on the empty bookcase shelf as he stretched out a hand, wrapping it around the handle of the door and moving to open it.
it was at that exact moment, as his fingers came into contact with the metal door handle that she realised exactly what she had sensed. remembered the feeling from the first time she had sensed it eight years, the thick syrupy rot that hovered in the air from just outside the front door that was now slowly opening right before her eyes.
dark magic.
she opened her mouth- to shout, to scream, to stop felix, to get them both away, to warn him.
she was too late.
because standing by the doorway, bathed in yellow lamplight that illuminated their dark rain soaked cloaks, where two death eaters.
time slowed, and then stopped.
she did not think. did not take a single moment to pause. she saw the figures in the doorway, saw the movement as one of them reached within the folds of their cloak and suddenly she was not standing in the hallway of the mckinnon household but standing before an open front door of a house she had not seen in eight years. standing in a hallway before an open door in a house that was now nothing more than rot, an empty decaying shell that had not been stepped foot in for almost a decade. standing before an open door in a hallway covered in bodies and blood. blinked, and she was standing in a room clogged with rust thickened air. blinked again, and was standing by the kitchen door frame of the mckinnon household.
the hallways looked the same.
felix lurched back in shock from the two figures, and something within her snapped. he was too delayed as he reached for his wand, they both where as margret made to raise her own, because margret was moving too slowly, they were both where, and something inside hazel cracked wide open. she had been to slow last time. she would not make that mistake again. this time she was not rooted to the spot in terror. this time she was able to move and she did so without realising, body instinctively lurching forwards as she did not think, did not breath, did not halt, did not give herself a moment to realise what she was doing as she thrust both hands out before her as something nestled deep within her surged forwards, rushing through blood and bone and erupting through her skin in a sudden explosion of white.
the windows exploded.
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she came back in pieces. she noticed the wood hard floor panels first. blinked, as her vision sharpened, the overwhelming ringing her ears subsiding just enough to make out the shouting, loud panicked cries of alarm and a singular firm bellowing voice bleeding into one. blinked again, as she lifted her eyes up from the floor below her and to the now empty open front door, nothing but inky black sky and a faint glow from the street lamps spilling into the house.
outside. the voices, the sounds of a struggle and harshly commanded spells where coming from outside, from the front lawn that could just be made out from the open door. two figures where bounded in thick ropes, shoved face first onto the damp mowed grass lawn as felix stood above them, chest rising in heavy, uneven pants as he levelled his wand at them both, eyes hard and glowering at the two detained death eaters bounded and helpless before his feet. as if sensing her bleary gaze, his eyes lifted until they met hers. they were opened so wide that she could see the whites surrounding his irises from where she was standing.
wait, no. was she standing? she blinked again, and registered the hardwood floor panels beneath her knees, from where she was slumped onto the floor in a sitting position. she did not remember sitting. when had she sat down? there was still a ringing inside her skull, the sounds muffled around her as if she had been plunged head first into freezing water, noise blurring and shifting around her. it all sounded very far away. she blinked again, and now there was a noise that broke through the cotton stuffed stillness of her mind. margrets ragged intake of breath. her ragged intake of breath, because the hallway that had been peaceful and utterly ordinary only moments before was now covered in broken shards of glass from every window in the ground floor of the house. windows broken from a surge of magic.
from her magic.
no.
it was the one word that broke through the haze of her mind, that shattered the artificial groggy calm in the heartbeat it took for her to realise what had just happened. horror seized her, grabbing her flesh with unrelenting burning fingertips as she gasped, the noise a broken ragged thing as the magic, her magic churned momentarily underneath her skin before seeming to dissipate, warm for a single moment before evaporating back to wherever she had dredged it from seconds before.
it burned.
margret took a shuddering step forward, then another as she surged over to where hazel was sitting, starting at her hands in muted terror. distantly, hazel was aware of three flashes of light from beyond the front door, as three cracks of apparitions rang out into the otherwise silent night air. she did not notice as the first to appear went straight towards felix and the two bounded figures on the lawn, did not notice as felix shakily stumbled towards the man, hand raised in greeting. did not notice as margret collapsed to her own knees beside hazel, brining one hand to gently rest upon her shoulder. she did not notice anything but her trembling hands before her, the smooth skin of her palms that concealed the thing that she should not have, the horrifying power that she did not posses. because hazel did not have magic.
no.
it was the only thought that looped in her mind as the terror, the unrelenting, all consuming terror sharpened, wriggling inside the gaps between her bones and spreading like rot until her insides where coated with its sticky substance. she felt the numbness then, as it crept over her. as she stared at her hands, at the smooth skinned innocence that masqueraded the horrifying magic resting just beneath. at the magic she was not meant to have anymore.
at the magic she had been grateful to loose.
things became blurry after that.
she knew rationally, that she was in shock. recognised this as margret used gentle, caring hands to raise her to her feet, to guide her to the living room and sit her down on top of one of the plush couch cushions, nestled between a slightly itchy, fuzzy blanket and a thick embordered pillow. as she sat beside hazel, taking one of her frozen hands in her own and using the other to gently stroke hazels hair as she sat on the couch, motionless. she sat there, as three of the figures from outside entered the living room. the first man to appear was not there, nor where the two restrained death eaters. instead, standing now inside the warmly lit living room with the fire crackling merrily in the background was felix, who immediately came to hazels side and sat down, brining one large hand up to her trembling shoulder and squeezing lightly. she did not look at the two other figures standing by the door of the living room as they began discussing with margret and felix, tuning out the words until one snagged her attention. her name. she looked up.
the man who had addressed her she knew. would recognise his pale blue eyes, crinkled at the corners by a combination of age and frequent smiling, the long beard that trailed down to his navel that was tied off with a pale blue ribbon, would know the wrinkled skin and soft calm eyes that regarded her with her eyes closed. he looked older then the last time she had seen him, but not by much. a few more wrinkles around the corners of his eyes and mouth perhaps, but he still emanated a steady thrum of power that seemed to pulse softly from his skin, emitting a soft of gravity that captured all those in his orbit, a lone star in a dying galaxy. dumbledor regarded her with a calm friendly gaze, that almost entirely concealed the spark of curiosity she was certain nobody but her was able to detect. he smiled at her, and the warmth in it was genuine.
‘good evening, hazel. i must say, it is a pleasure to meet you again, although i cannot say the same for the circumstances that have made it so.’
she said nothing, simply blinking up at him as margret squeezed her hand again in soft reassurance. dumbledore continued smiling, as if expecting her silence as he carried on.
‘i understand that you have undergone a rather stressful past few minutes, and i sincerely apologise if alestor and i’s presence are adding to that in any way. i also understand however, that you, without any prior indication, just preformed magic. wandless magic’
felix shuffled a bit beside her, voice hoarse as he spoke to the now silent room.
‘none of us knew.’ his voice shook slightly as he cleared his throat, equal parts shock, confusion and concern staining his words. ‘i mean, she has never- she didn’t have… i didn’t know that…’
‘no. i didn’t assume that you did.’ dumbledor reassured kindly, cutting off his rambling. ‘i assume young hazel here didn’t either.’
her silence was enough confirmation for him to continue. ‘however, i am hoping that you would perhaps grant me a few moments of your time. there are some things that i would like to discuss with you, if you would be so kind. this is not a command, dear girl, but simply a request. i understand if you would rather go to bed and put this night behind you. the details can be discussed with both mckinnons, if you would prefer. it is your choice.’
she looked at him then, really looked. people could lie in many forms, but it was the eyes that where harder to conceal. she had learned to read people from a young age- too young of an age, and looking now into his eyes, she could detect the kindness there, the curiosity and intrigue disguised behind it, but nothing else lurking behind them. nothing else that she had learned to fear. it was because of that that she nodded, barley a dip of her chin. it was enough for him to straighten, and grant her a reassuring smile that made her stiff muscles relax ever so slightly as he turned to the second man standing beside him, who until now she had hardly glanced at.
he was unfamiliar, with chin length auburn hair and a stern expression, as if the scowl he now wore had been etched into his face from such permanent exposure his muscles did not know how to smooth out into any other expression. although his expression was grim, his eyes where kind, if not calculating- or at least his one remaining eye was. the space in which his left eye should have been was replaced with a mechanical replica, that seemed to peer through her as she sat on the couch. with both their attention on him he straightened, jerking his chin at both margret and felix as he grunted ‘felix, margret, if you would both be so kind as to come with me to the kitchen. there are a few things we should discuss.’
they were both hesitant to move but it was felix who moved first, giving hazel’s shoulder one last reassuring squeeze as he lifted himself off the couch, his wife following behind him with her own soft kiss to hazels temple as all three exited the room and shut the door silently behind them. dumbledor paused for a moment, waiting until the three sets of footsteps retreated before crossing the room to lower himself to the couch, leaving a comfortable gap between himself and hazel that she was silently grateful for. he folded his hands in his lap, angling his head so that he was looking at her. it was hazel that spoke first.
‘i didn’t know. that i had it. magic. i didn’t know.’
he nodded, and it gave her the courage to continue, to push the words that where clogging her skull out through her mouth. ‘i shouldn’t- i mean, i don’t have it. i don’t have magic. i’m a squib.’ even to her ears, it sounded hollow. fake.
his gaze remained calm, trusting. she knew that he believed her, that she hadn’t known. could see it in his pale eyes, the understanding there even as something else flickered in them, something close to sympathy. she wanted to burn it out.
‘i understand that this is not what you expected, or wanted to happen. however, unfortunately no matter how much you wish for it to not be true, one cannot will the truth from existence. i am sorry, my dear girl, that you had to discover your magic in such a frightening way. but it is that- your magic. your magic, hazel.’
‘no.’ it was the only thing she could think to say. did not know how to explain. tried to anyway.
‘i didn’t- i thought it was gone.’ her voice broke as she continued, the final confession whispered into the empty room, a broken secret that spilled from her lips that only he would understand. ‘it was meant to be gone.’
he looked at her for a long moment, before unclasping his hands that where resting in his lap. ‘i am sorry that i cannot do more, but there is help i can offer.’ he waited until she met his gaze before continuing. ‘you fear your magic, which makes it unpredictable. what you demonstrated today, wielding wandless magic demonstrates great control over ones power, control that you lack, through no fault of your own. left alone, it may become dangerous for you or those around you. there is a solution to all of this. to tackling your fear, to learning to control and understanding your magic. to learning how to embrace it.’
she waited.
‘i would suggest, that you attend hogwarts at the closest opportunity, which would be during the january term in a few weeks’ time. it will give you an opportunity to learn control over your powers, to shape them into what you see fit. i have already suggested it to both margret and felix, who agree that this would be beneficial to you. i strongly urge you to think this over. i believe that right now, hogwarts is the best place for you to be.’
she nodded mutely, thought fizzing through her brain at too rapid a speed to properly digest them. hogwarts. she would be studying with marlene, would be studying magic. but what about cass and tony? what about her life here? And than a more worrying thought, a thought that wriggled into the forefront of her mind. what happened if she didn’t attend, and her magic broke free again? what if the next time it happened, it would accidently hurt them? She knew, with absolute certainty, that she could never allow for that to happen, for an outburst that she had just experienced to happen to her again. but attending hogwarts? it had both been her biggest dream and nightmare since she had been eleven years old. Had envied marlene for attending just as much as she was grateful that she was not.
she nodded again, hesitant as she spoke out. ‘how do i- how do i even start? all of this?’
dumbledor smiled at her, a soft, warm thing.
‘i would suggest that first things first, we start by getting you a wand.’