Chapter 7
James is close. Too close.
In all this chaos, Regulus is most angry at himself. He should have known that James is James, and sooner or later, he would start to worry, try to break through his cold, artificial demeanor. James’s need to save people, to prove to himself and others that everything is fine, only makes things worse. And Regulus knows that eventually, it will happen, pretending in front of James will become too hard. He’ll show him care that he doesn’t deserve, and then disappear, because everyone disappears. Evan and Barty are perfect proof of that.
But in the end, it’s not about James. It’s about him.
For his entire life, Regulus has built walls around himself — high, solid, unbreakable. But James Potter is the kind of person who climbs those walls, ignoring all the warnings. And now that he’s reached the top, Regulus knows the only solution is to push him back down.
James doesn’t realize what he’s dealing with. His inexhaustible optimism, his relentless need to make others feel better it all irritates Regulus more than anything else.
Maybe it’s because Potter sees something in him that he never wanted to see in himself — someone good, someone worthy of attention.
But that’s not true. Regulus knows that, in time, James will understand. He’ll see that beneath the façade of cold confidence is someone drowning in his own anger and disappointment. Someone who can’t stand the thought of relying on anyone, because every closeness ends in pain.
He doesn’t want to hit rock bottom alongside James. He’ll destroy whatever it is they’ve built, before James sees all the ugliness that Regulus carries within himself. He’ll make sure James never realises how broken he is.
It’s Regulus who can’t control his own emotions, who’s been unraveling over the past few days. The anger eating him from the inside stems from feeling hurt by his friends. And he’s even more annoyed by how James is forcing his way into his world when Regulus wants nothing to do with it. He knows he lashed out at James and is angry at himself for it, but that’s who he is. It’s better for Potter to figure that out before he gets too close and regrets it.
And even though James is doing everything he can to break through Regulus’s carefully constructed walls, Regulus knows that whatever is between them needs to be destroyed. Because eventually, he won’t be able to hide his darker side anymore. The side consumed by anger.
His plan was simple: keep his distance, play the role, never let anyone closer than arm’s length. But James Potter doesn’t play by his rules. He breaks through barriers — sometimes accidentally, sometimes deliberately.
That’s why Regulus knows he has to be faster. Faster than his own emotions, faster than James, faster than this strange feeling growing inside him when Potter smiles at him in that way that seems to say, “I know who you are, and I don’t mind.”
And he should mind.
So when James steps closer with that effortless ease, Regulus straightens his back and puts on the mask of indifference that has become second nature.
Because even if James tries to come closer, Regulus will make sure to destroy this before it becomes something that could break them both.
“We need to talk,” James whispers with a smile, intertwining their hands. It’s all part of the act, really, since other guests have decided to take a walk through the nearby parks. James leans in with a grin, but there’s confusion in his eyes that Regulus can’t miss.
“We do,” Regulus sighs, knowing that he at least owes James that much.
The park they walk through looks like something out of an Italian travel guide. Expansive pathways of pale stone wind through lush greenery, and the trees form natural canopies overhead, with rays of afternoon sunlight breaking through. Everything here seems perfectly arranged — every flower, every bush, every bench has its place in this picturesque scenery.
In one of the more shaded corners of the park, an old iron bridge spans a small pond, its surface shimmering in the light. Water lilies float lazily, and a few ducks paddle among the leaves. In the background, the faint singing of birds echoes from the tallest branches.
Regulus feels a cool breeze carrying the scent of flowers. In such surroundings, it would be easy to relax, but he feels as though he’s standing on a battlefield. With every second, he becomes more aware of James’s presence, his warmth, and the way his gaze seems to see right through him.
“Listen, I’m sorry.”
“No, James. I’m the one who should apologize. I shouldn’t have shut you out like that, but I was talking to Evan and Barty at the party, and it… threw me off. Of course, that’s no excuse, but I just want you to know I was unfair.” Regulus sighs heavily, staring at the tangle of branches above them. Sunlight filters through the leaves, casting soft patterns of light across his face. James is silent for a moment, processing his words.
“You don’t have to explain yourself, Regulus. I just wanted to know what’s going on because…” He trails off, the words in his head feeling too serious, too intimate. “You know, we’re in this together, so… I was a little worried.”
“James,” Regulus stops walking and looks at him with a mix of exhaustion and amusement. “You don’t have to worry about me. All of this… it’s just pretend, remember? There’s no need for you to take it so seriously.”
“I know it’s just pretend, but…”
“But nothing.” Regulus gives him a faint smile, softening the edge of his words. “Come on, James. I can handle myself. You don’t need to worry about me or let this get to you too much.”
James furrows his brow, as if wanting to argue, but ultimately he just nods.
“All right. If that’s what you want.” He seems to understand what Regulus is trying to say, though he clearly isn’t convinced. For now, that’s enough for Regulus. Things between them were already awkward, and he just wants to ease the tension.
“That’s exactly what I want,” he says, flashing one of his most convincing smiles. “Now let’s catch up with my brother and Remus.” He squeezes James’s hand and quickens his pace, pulling him along.
xxx
The sun rises higher, and the air is heavy and oppressive. Somewhere in the background, birds chirp and trees rustle, but Regulus doesn’t pay attention. He focuses on controlling his breathing and keeping up with the climbing pace set by Sirius. His brother is clearly in his element, glancing back every so often to toss out sarcastic comments.
Their park outing has turned into an impromptu climb to a scenic lookout when Sirius insists that the view from the hilltop is worth every effort. The group shares his enthusiasm, though some of them (Regulus included) clearly regret the decision as soon as they step onto the narrow, rocky path winding upward.
“Peter, I swear, we’ll leave you on this hill,” Mary calls over her shoulder, helping Emmeline navigate a particularly steep section.
“Peter, stop annoying them,” Caroline chides, laughing. She and Pettigrew seem to handle the hike best, likely due to their frequent weekend mountain trips.
James, bringing up the rear, stays close to Regulus, who looks like he’s plotting Sirius’s demise for coming up with this idea. The younger Black narrows his eyes, wiping sweat from his brow with his sleeve.
“Are you okay?” James asks, offering a hand as Regulus slips on some loose gravel.
“Perfectly fine,” he replies dryly, ignoring the gesture. James stifles a laugh.
“At least think about the view waiting for us,” James says. Regulus doesn’t respond, just rolls his eyes and keeps climbing.
“Come on, Regulus, it’s just a hill! You’re not going to die, I promise!” Sirius shouts, his face splitting into a mocking grin.
“If you say one more word, Sirius, I swear you won’t make it to the top,” Regulus snaps, wiping the sweat off his forehead. His fancy shoes are utterly unsuited for this trek, but of course, no one warned him. “I’ll make sure of it personally.”
“Brother, you had better stamina when you were seven!” Sirius laughs loudly, while Remus rolls his eyes, walking beside him.
“Maybe instead of provoking him, you could carry his backpack?” Lupin suggests calmly.
“That would imply I have a heart. And we all know I don’t!” Sirius replies with mock drama but stops and practically wrestles the bag off his brother’s shoulders. James lingers at the back, watching Regulus. He steps closer, lightly touching his arm.
“Hey, do you want to stop for a bit?” Regulus shoots him a sharp glare but softens it quickly.
“No. I have to get through this to prove I’m not weaker than him.” James smirks slightly but says nothing. He knows better than to push. Sure, Reg is terrible at activities like this, but above all, he’s the younger sibling.
Meanwhile, Peter and Caroline trail behind, stopping frequently to take pictures. The blonde looks amused as Pettigrew dramatically pretends to lose all his strength, making her pull him along.
“Maybe we should stay here forever?” Peter proposes, sitting on a rock. “I could be the guardian of our base, like in adventure books!”
“Peter, get moving, or you’ll be left behind in the middle of nowhere,” Mary quips, holding Emmeline’s hand as the latter bursts into laughter. “If you starve to death here, we’re not coming back to find you.” Caroline helps the boy to his feet, and the group presses on.
“Emm, say something!” Peter protests, feigning offense as he looks at the brunette.
“Mary’s got a point. You two already annoy everyone enough by looking like you’re on a casual stroll,” Emmeline adds, half-jokingly.
When they finally reach the summit, everyone is sweaty and exhausted, but the view makes it all worthwhile. Spread out before them is a panorama of the entire park, with a valley, a lake, and a small town visible in the distance. Everyone takes a moment to admire the scenery, agreeing that the effort was worth it. Caroline finishes snapping a few pictures and pulls something out of Peter’s bag.
“All right, group photo time!” she announces, setting up the camera on a tripod they’d packed. “Regulus, stand closer to James, you’re out of the frame.” Regulus sighs but moves next to James, who immediately wraps an arm around his waist.
“Smile!” Caroline yells before running to join the group.
The photo turns out slightly blurry because Peter pulls a goofy face at the last second, and Sirius shoves James out of the frame. Despite it all, everyone bursts out laughing, and the tension Regulus felt that morning slowly begins to fade.
As the group spreads out blankets and pulls out snacks, Regulus stands next to James, gazing at the expansive view.
“I don’t know how you do it,” he begins quietly.
“Do what?”
“Make these stupid situations feel not so bad.” James raises his eyebrows, unsure if that’s a compliment or another jab.
“Maybe because they’re not actually so bad?” he replies with that signature mischievous smile that seems to break through every wall. Regulus looks away, his gaze returning to the landscape as if searching for the right words. He’s silent for a moment before softly adding: “No. It’s more like you make them feel that way.”
“You can’t just say things like that,” James freezes, surprised by the sudden honesty. He knows Regulus rarely speaks so openly.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know when we’re just” he gestures between them “playing. And I need to know when it’s just playing.” Regulus lets out a quiet huff but doesn’t deny it.
“Don’t get used to it,” he mutters, but his tone is softer. James grins wider, as if those few words are enough to brighten his day.
“Too late. I already have.”
Regulus shakes his head, but his eyes gleam in the sunlight. For a moment, he forgets his own worries and how hard he tries to keep his distance. Beside James, everything feels simpler.
And that’s exactly what makes it so dangerous.
xxx
Regulus had actually known Remus for quite a long time. They met even before Sirius and Remus started dating, when Black avoided his brother and most of his friends. Back then, he wouldn’t have called Remus a friend, but they were certainly more than mere acquaintances.
Lupin worked in one of those small, atmospheric libraries where Regulus loved to spend his time. At first, their exchanges were limited to brief remarks when Regulus borrowed books. Sometimes a word or two about the author, sometimes a quick comment on a favorite quote. But over time, their conversations grew longer.
Regulus quickly noticed that Remus had a similar taste in books and could talk about literature with a passion that instantly drew his listener in. Discussions that began as simple comments about books soon turned into analyses of favorite novels, debates about classic films, or even delving into more abstract topics.
Remus always had this calm confidence that impressed Regulus. He didn’t try to prove his point forcefully, didn’t impose his opinion, but listened and made Regulus feel like his perspective mattered. It was a new and strangely comforting feeling.
Once, after a long conversation about Crime and Punishment, Remus gave Regulus a half-smile and asked, “You know we’ve been talking for two hours, right? Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”
Regulus shrugged. “If I’m honest, this is exactly where I want to be.”
Lupin didn’t say anything at the time, but his smile said it all.
He was surprised when Sirius introduced him to his new boyfriend, who turned out to be Remus. At the time, his relationship with his brother was strained, and they rarely spoke. Remus was the one who brought them back together. Not intentionally or forcefully, but with a natural gentleness and patience that eventually broke down barriers.
Regulus knows that without Remus, that reconciliation would never have happened. Maybe that’s why, despite initial reservations, he accepted their relationship. Because if anyone could help Sirius understand what it meant to love and be loved, it was Remus Lupin.
“Hi,” Remus finds him sitting on a tall chair at the summer bar, watching James talk to some girl.
“Hi,” he replies, shifting his gaze to the boy. He recognizes that look on Remus’s face. Calm but attentive, and Regulus knows he wants to discuss something serious.
“That’s Hestia. His ex-girlfriend,” Remus says, as if he noticed the earlier curiosity on Regulus’s face while watching Potter.
“I know,” he responds almost automatically because they’re supposed to be pretending to be a couple, and it would be strange if he didn’t know that. Lupin raises an eyebrow, and Regulus knows he’s been seen through.
“Listen, you can lie, but James can’t,” Remus says calmly, though there’s a hint of firmness in his tone. He leans against the bar, watching Regulus as if trying to read his thoughts. “He might fool Druella or Bellatrix, but the people who really know him? That’s another matter.” Regulus scoffs, as if trying to turn it into a joke.
“I don’t need to defend him from you, Lupin. He’s doing just fine.”
“It’s not about him, it’s about you,” Remus persists. “You need to be aware that James sees more than you think he does.” Regulus lowers his gaze to the empty glass in his hands.
“Why do you care?” he asks quietly, with a barely detectable note of anger. Remus sighs, as if he already expected this response.
“Because, despite everything, I don’t like watching one of my friends eat himself alive.” Regulus lifts his head, his gaze sharp.
“I’m not eating myself alive.” Lupin smiles faintly, as if that statement only confirmed his earlier suspicions.
“Of course. That’s why you’re sitting here alone instead of enjoying the trip.”
“And you? Why aren’t you with the others?” Regulus tries to deflect, shifting the attention away from himself. Remus doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, he shakes his head in amusement.
“You really are a Black. Always on the defensive.”
“So what?” Regulus snaps, though his voice sounds less certain. Remus straightens up, as if to give him some space.
“Nothing. Just remember, if you want to talk… I’m here.” Regulus looks at him for a long moment but doesn’t respond. Remus merely smiles faintly and waits, giving Regulus the time to gather his thoughts.
“He’s just so… he’s trying too hard to get to know me. I mean, he’s worried and he cares, and I didn’t plan for that. We were just supposed to pretend,” Regulus says quietly, as if afraid someone might overhear his words.
“And that scares you?” Remus sums up with a note of understanding. Regulus sighs, running a hand through his hair.
“It’s not that. It’s just… I’m not used to someone…” He trails off, as if he can’t find the right words. “He shouldn’t care. This is just a game. He wasn’t supposed to get in deeper.”
“Maybe that’s why,” Remus says thoughtfully. “Because James doesn’t do things halfway. When he commits to something, he does it wholeheartedly.” Regulus grimaces slightly, as if those words are hard to swallow.
“But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I didn’t want it to… to mean anything.”
“The problem is that James doesn’t follow your rules, Regulus. He never has, and he never will. He sees people for who they really are, even when they don’t want him to,” Remus says with a gentle smile. “It can be terrifying, but sometimes it’s also the best thing that can happen to you.” Regulus stays silent for a moment, his hand tightening around the glass. Finally, he looks up at him, his gaze a mix of anger and exhaustion.
“And what if I don’t want him to see me for who I am?” Remus shrugs.
“That’s your choice. But remember, you’re not just who you think you are. And with James, it’s hard not to be yourself. Maybe what really bothers you is that you can’t pretend around him.” Regulus doesn’t respond, but his expression suggests he’s thinking about what he just heard. Remus stands up and places a hand on his shoulder.
“Just remember, sometimes it’s worth giving yourself a chance, even if you think you don’t deserve it.”
With those words, he walks away, leaving Regulus alone with his thoughts and anger directed not just at James but at himself.
The sun hangs high in the sky, flooding the garden with warm light. Somewhere in the distance, there’s laughter and chatter. Peter is trying to convince Caroline to play a game of chess, but she hesitates, saying she prefers just to watch. Mary and Emmeline, sitting side by side on a soft blanket, flip through a book, occasionally making quiet comments. Sirius and Remus are at a small table, bent over Lupin’s sketchbook, where he’s showing him some new design.
Regulus sits off to the side, leaning against the bar with a glass of wine in hand. He feels the warm air brushing against his face, but it doesn’t bring the relief he needs. He watches James, who’s standing on the other side of the garden, engrossed in conversation with Hestia.
There’s a strange feeling that won’t leave him. Like something is tightening inside him, even though he was certain just moments ago that he had it all under control. He watches as James throws his head back, laughing at something Hestia said. He looks so natural, as if this place and this moment were made for him.
Regulus tightens his grip on the glass. For a moment, he imagines himself getting up, interrupting the conversation, and pulling James away. But he quickly pushes the thought aside. This doesn’t mean anything. It’s just like a game. He repeats the words in his head, trying to believe them.
“You look like you want to go over there,” Sirius says, suddenly appearing beside him with a bottle of beer in hand.
“I don’t,” Regulus replies quickly, maybe too quickly. Sirius just raises an eyebrow but doesn’t press.
“If you say so,” he says, sitting next to him and tilting his head back, letting the sun hit his face.
At that moment, James turns toward them, and Regulus freezes as their eyes meet. James smiles faintly, and Black quickly looks away, pretending to notice something interesting in the sky.
“Not bad,” Sirius mutters, amused.
“Shut up, Sirius,” Regulus snaps, but his voice is quieter than usual, as if he lacks the energy for real irritation.
Meanwhile, Emmeline and Mary get up, heading toward the garden gazebo, and Peter and Caroline finally start setting up the chessboard. She gives them a small smile, and Peter seems excited at the chance to show off his skill, as if they all didn’t already know how good he was at the game.
Regulus takes a sip of wine, trying to push down the growing emotions inside him. He shouldn’t care about this. He shouldn’t feel all of this. And yet, in this quiet, lazy moment, thoughts of James seem louder than anything else.
“Hey,” comes the voice of the boy he had just been thinking about. James approaches and brushes his fingers against Regulus’s hand. The touch lingers even as James sits beside him, so subtle and natural that it feels like they’ve done it countless times before. Regulus could almost forget they were pretending, if not for the tall brunette who accompanies him.
“Regulus, meet Hestia Jones,” James says with his usual enthusiasm.
“Nice to finally meet you,” says Jones. Her voice is warm, but there’s an undertone to it that makes Regulus instinctively raise his guard.
“You too,” he replies shortly, making an effort to keep his tone neutral. Hestia glances at James and then back at Regulus.
“James talks about you a lot,” she remarks, and he can feel her scrutinizing gaze.
“I hope it’s all good things,” he retorts with a faint smile that might seem genuine but isn’t at all. James beams broadly, either oblivious to the tension between them or choosing to ignore it entirely.
“All good, I promise.”
Hestia looks as though she wants to say something more, but at that moment Sirius waves at James from across the garden, clearly trying to call him over.
“James, you’ve got to see this! Mary just won her first chess game against Peter!” Sirius shouts, and James casts an apologetic glance their way.
“I’ll be right back. Regulus, Hestia, enjoy yourselves,” he says and hurries off before Regulus can protest. Left alone, they stand in awkward silence for a moment. Regulus crosses his arms over his chest, keeping his gaze fixed on the brunette.
“James seems happy,” Hestia begins, her voice calm but firm.
“He is,” Regulus replies, his tone making it clear he has no interest in this conversation.
“I just hope you know what you’re doing,” Hestia adds before turning and walking off toward the gazebo, leaving him alone.
Regulus watches her go, trying to figure out what exactly she meant. Bitterly, he thinks to himself that he has no idea what he’s doing at all.