Chapter 1
According to Regulus Black, there’s nothing better than an iced coffee after a whole day of saving lives. He’s been thinking about it since the morning, ever since he and Pandora decided they would go for one after work. The day passes quickly, and he finally gets to take off his paramedic uniform. He really enjoys his job, despite the constant stress and adrenaline, but his profession isn’t easy, and he probably hasn’t lost his mind only because he’s learned to find a balance and disconnect from everything once he leaves the hospital.
The blonde is already waiting for him in the car. Regulus is only thinking about how, after the weekend, he has one last week of work before spending two whole weeks in sunny Italy, where Andromeda and Ted’s wedding will take place. The entire event is set to happen in the family castle by Lake Como, where the entire Black family spent every summer. Currently, the place is mainly run by Alphard, who organizes parties there and rents out rooms all year long. For the two weeks in July, the place is closed off to tourists, because the first wedding of a child from the youngest generation must be organized with flair. It’s become a family tradition to dramatize everything and make something big out of it.
The entire family has been talking about this event for two years, ever since the engagement. Everything is arranged down to the last detail, and nothing can go wrong. Andy has always been the favorite cousin, granddaughter, and niece, all thanks to her exceptional openness. Her innate empathy and likability make it really hard not to like her, and Regulus is certain that if someone doesn’t, it must be out of jealousy. At first, Druella wasn’t thrilled that her daughter was marrying a Brit instead of an Italian, but Ted quickly won the family’s favor, and over time, the prejudice disappeared. Everyone is happy for them.
Almost everyone. Regulus would be much more content if his mother didn’t keep telling him that he should bring along some cute girl to show off to the family living in Como.
“Are we going to our favorite place?” Pandora asks, and Regulus hums in agreement.
“I’m still not convinced about my dress. Will you come shopping with me on Monday?” Regulus is already a little tired of Pandora complaining about all the outfits she’s bought for the wedding in Italy, which ended up being returned to the store. But it’s Panda, so of course, he’ll go with her to the mall.
“What about the one you ordered?”
“It has a weird cut, so the size doesn’t fit well,” she explains just as they pull up to the place where they can order drinks from the car.
They get caramel and raspberry lattes, and then park to drink their beverages. They head inside the café because they have more freedom there. Plus, it’s a habit that’s stuck with them from their teenage years, when they used to come to this little café every time something went wrong. Regulus thinks he was incredibly stupid when he once thought that after finishing school, his connection with Rosier would end. Now, not only do they work together, but their friendship is even stronger. At some point, she became a part of his family. He thinks they’re a little like his brother and James Potter. Everyone knows that no one can separate them, cause a rift, or become a closer friend to either of them.
“Mom still complains that I’m going to the wedding alone,” Regulus admits, feeling a little stupid at the fact that, as the only one, he’ll be there without someone accompanying him. It’s worth mentioning that Kingsley, his ex-boyfriend, is friends with Ted, so he was invited too, and from what Regulus knows, he’ll be bringing someone along. His situation now seems even more pathetic, so even though his mother’s reasons are far more ridiculous, he has to admit she has a point.
“Forget about her. She’ll get upset for a while, make a scene, and as always, she’ll get over it,” Pandora says. Walburga isn’t a bad mother. She loves her sons, even if Sirius doesn’t keep in touch with his parents regularly. Sometimes, however, she tries too hard to control everything, and in her vision of the family, there’s no room for anything less than perfect. But for Pandora, the woman isn’t close at all, and she never holds back her opinion about Regulus’ mother.
“It’s just, I don’t want to go alone either. Kingsley will be there,” he adds a bit quieter, and a moment of realization flickers across the blonde’s face.
“We have a week. We’ll find someone for you,” she says as if it’s the easiest thing in the world, but it doesn’t surprise Regulus because Pandora has so many random acquaintances that she’d probably find him a companion in an hour before the flight.
“I want to feel comfortable there and go with someone I know,” he insists, because if he’s going to fake a relationship, doing so with just anyone would be incredibly awkward and forced.
“Well, that’s a problem because all your friends are invited too.”
“Excuse me? I have other friends besides you,” he says half-jokingly, half-seriously.
“Who? Remus Lupin? Are you a homewrecker? And what about your brother’s relationship?” she teases, laughing together until Pandora suddenly stops. She looks at him and sees that look on his face, the one that only means one thing: she’s come up with an incredibly stupid idea, as ridiculous and crazy as it is, and he will probably end up going along with it.
“Oh no. I don’t like that look,” he raises his hands in protest before she even starts speaking.
“Listen to me,” she pulls his wrists, lowering his hands. She doesn’t speak right away, building dramatic tension as if that’s supposed to intrigue him, not scare him. “James Potter.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” There’s no world in which he would go to his cousin’s wedding with his brother’s best friend. He doesn’t even like him, so he has no idea where Pandora got the idea from.
“It’s the best option!” she protests, and he gives her a skeptical look. No one stirs up such extreme emotions in him like James Potter, with his huge ego and need to make everyone around him happy. They come from two totally different worlds.
“First of all, no one would believe we’re dating. Second, I’d jump out of the plane after forty minutes of listening to his chatter. And third, I’m not desperate enough to ask him for help with anything,” he lists his arguments, even though he doesn’t know why, since he would never consider her idea.
“Now listen to me. First of all, everyone would believe it faster than if you brought some random person. Second, you’re exaggerating and dramatizing. Third, think about Kingsley and his probably very handsome friend. You don’t want to go alone. It’s not just your mother, I can see it,” she says, but Regulus isn’t concerned about her dramatizing or the fact that his friends would be more likely to believe in a fake relationship with James. His attention, however, is focused on his ex-boyfriend.
It’s not that they broke up on bad terms or hold any resentment. Quite the opposite, they parted ways amicably, understanding that their plans were just too different to reconcile. Breakups are always painful, but their maturity in ending the relationship helped Regulus. It’s probably just his twisted belief, but he wants to show Kingsley that he’s happy too, and that his life is in order. With someone else.
“I don’t have another option, do I?” he asks, resigned. He’s not sure if he’ll be able to overcome such strong aversion, but facing his mother and his ex-boyfriend seems even worse than enduring James’ company.
“I’ll try to think of something else,” Pandora says, her tone much more serious now, and she gives him a reassuring smile. He knows his friend would do anything to help him in this situation. Regulus thinks everyone deserves their own Pandora Rosier.
“I’ll think about inviting James,” he says, almost grimacing.
In truth, his skepticism has no deeper reason. He’s known James for a long time, and they’ve always been as different as possible. From their personalities and interests to even the simple question of what should come first — milk or cereal. They argue over the smallest things, making Sirius lose all patience, teasing each other as if they were in a race to see who could irritate the other first. Everyone knows James Potter as the golden boy, the one no one can fault, while Regulus could list a whole set of things he’d change about the bespectacled guy.
Pandora’s right. Their friends would believe in a relationship with James because they could spin some weak story about how it’s just a short step from hate to love. It could work. But Regulus doesn’t want to do anything too against himself, and he decides that if he doesn’t come up with a better idea over the weekend, he’ll contact James during the week.
“Alright. Think about it seriously, though, because James is actually quite handsome,” Pandora says this time in a teasing, flirtatious tone.
“Pandora!” he exclaims, but can’t help laughing, so it doesn’t sound as scolding as he intended.
“I’ve got one more favor to ask,” he continues. “You won’t tell anyone that the person I bring isn’t actually my boyfriend, will you?”
“Reg, what do you take me for? We’ve been friends for twelve years, you know I won’t say anything,” she huffs at him, a bit theatrically again, and he smiles to himself.
Whatever will be, will be. What matters is that, through it all, he can count on someone.
xxx
Serious conversations with his mother had always been stressful for Regulus, no matter how many years had passed. He should have gotten used to her cold, evaluating looks and the stone-like expression on her face, from which nothing could ever be read. He knew that Walburga loved both him and Sirius, especially after the night his brother left, when he heard her sobbing through the night. However, the woman couldn’t express her feelings as she should have, and that made it easy to forget that she wasn’t an enemy, but a person with a history of experiences and traumas.
He walked around his old room for a long time, wondering how he should start the conversation, though it usually ended with him saying something completely different under the influence of emotion. He wanted to tell his mother that if he invited someone, it certainly wouldn’t be a pretty girl, but a charming boy. He had hidden his relationship with Kingsley, which was also one of the reasons they broke up. Regulus wasn’t ready to tell his family, and the other boy was tired of being a secret. He knew his mother had nothing against people of a different orientation, as sometimes it seemed that she got along better with Remus than with Sirius. However, he feared her reaction to the fact that she wouldn’t have the desired grandson, the next male heir of the Black name.
There was no point in delaying, as he wanted to return to his apartment and go to bed before Monday. He went downstairs to the living room and sat across from the woman, who was reading a book on the couch. She didn’t even glance at him, waiting for him to speak. At least he appreciated that she always gave him time to gather his thoughts.
“Mom, I’d like to talk about my plus one,” he said, immediately catching her attention as she put the book aside. She looked at him, waiting for him to continue. Regulus felt his hands shaking as if he were some sort of addict, so he placed them on his lap to hide his nervousness. “I’ve thought it over, and I will invite someone.”
“I’m very glad you’ve come to your senses on this matter,” she said, though she was tempted to roll her eyes but refrained from doing so. The worst might be yet to come.
“Yes, but it will be a boy. Not a girl.” Walburga remained unfazed. Regulus couldn’t tell whether she thought he didn’t need to tell her this, since it changed nothing for her, or if she was boiling inside and he should prepare for a yelling match.
“I’m not concerned with the gender of the person you invite. I just want you to not be alone there,” she said. Regulus felt as though his mother was deliberately avoiding an important fact, and he wasn’t sure if she was doing it on purpose or simply didn’t notice. He figured there would be no better opportunity, so he blurted it out immediately.
“I don’t like girls. You’ll never have a grandson. I’m sorry I disappointed you.” He said it all in one breath, making his voice sound a little unclear. His mother’s gaze did not change. She stared at him with cold, blue eyes — eyes he knew so well from the mirror. Regulus wanted to disappear. When he came here, he hadn’t planned on coming out, and now he was sure he would regret this impulsive decision, ruining the atmosphere on such an important day for his cousin. Tears filled his eyes, and he didn’t notice how Walburga’s gaze softened.
“Come here,” she said, opening her arms, which had last embraced him probably about fourteen years ago. He fell into them, seeking the approval of the woman, something he had always sought, whether consciously or not. “You didn’t disappoint me. In fact, I expected it, but I wasn’t sure. You may think of me as an ignorant mother, but just because I don’t say something doesn’t mean I don’t notice it.” She gently stroked his back, and there was nothing awkward about it.
“Thank you,” he whispered in a broken voice, and before pulling away, he squeezed her tighter, thinking that this might be the last time he would hug her.
“I know I was far from the ideal mother. I only realized that when I lost one son, and I wouldn’t have managed if the same thing happened to you,” she said, and the moment felt so unreal that Regulus might have confused it with a dream. Yet, the relief proved to be worth the risk. He no longer felt that heavy emotion that always accompanied him in her presence. “I’m glad you told me. It’s a shame that the wedding pushed you into this, but remember, I would never disown you for something like this. And you can always come to me with any problem. I’ll talk about it a bit, but I’ll always help you,” she added.
That evening, Regulus learned that a mother’s hatred is very easy to confuse with love. He had always thought he was very similar to Walburga and hated that part of himself, but now he felt that his judgment had been too harsh, and perhaps it could change.
“What about continuing the family line?” he asked, and the woman chuckled quietly. Regulus looked at her in astonishment because for the first time, he heard such a sincere laugh from her.
“Why would I care about that?” she shrugged.
That evening, however, Regulus doesn’t return to his apartment early. He tells his mother about Kingsley, easily avoiding questions about his current date, which is, of course, a fake one, but essentially doesn’t exist yet. They reminisce about a few funny moments from his childhood, particularly focusing on their summer trips to Italy. Regulus wants to hold onto this moment, keep it in his hand, and hide it in his pocket, so he can play it back whenever he doubts that his mother loves him. He sees a completely new side of the woman she might have been all along if it hadn’t been for his grandmother and the nightmare she inflicted on her daughter during her childhood. It’s too soon for Walburga to share her difficult experiences with him, but he knows a bit from her brother, Alphard.
“Tell me, Regulus, do you think I’m a monster?” she asks, as stars are already shining in the sky — stars that Regulus blames for every tragedy in this family.
“No,” he hesitates for a second, but then, to confirm his words, he squeezes the woman’s hand. And then he notices it. “Mom? Did Dad hit you?” he asks, pointing to the bruise on her arm. Regulus, of course, knows bruises very well and recognizes that this one is fresh.
“I hit myself with the iron. Don’t worry about it,” she replies, and Regulus, being so much like his mother, can’t help but notice how quickly she looks away, lying on command, exactly as he does himself.
xxx
The three friends sit on high stools around the kitchen island, all dressed in coordinated athletic wear. They’ve just finished one of their impromptu training sessions and have come over to Regulus’s place for breakfast, as they do every Wednesday.
They still meet up as a group of five quite often, but adulthood has changed their friendships, and Regulus can’t help but notice that their group has split into a duo and a trio. He works with Pandora every day, so naturally, he spends the most time with her, while Evan, Barty, and Dorcas stick together, as they all live in the same neighborhood and are practically neighbors. It saddens him that they’ve drifted apart. He understands that responsibilities take up most of their time, but it still hurts that they’ve lost touch. He wishes he could fix it, but he’s not sure how to do that without seeming desperate or overly nostalgic.
The very fact that he’s wondering what his friends will think of him, or whether they’ll judge him, should be enough to tell him that they’ve grown more distant than they should have.
But for now, they’re here, and he doesn’t want to ruin one of the last shared things they still have.
“Dorcas is afraid of flying, and that’s her biggest problem right now. I don’t get it, because just three years ago, she was flying all the time,” Barty gestures wildly with his hands, as he always does when he can’t understand something.
“I watched too many movies about plane crashes!” Dorcas tries to defend herself.
“Then why do you watch such stupid stuff?!”
“Why do you watch horror films if you’re too scared to take out the trash at night?!” The argument is amusing, and both Evan and Regulus chuckle.
“I’m more likely to be murdered than for a plane to suddenly crash!”
“Enough with the horror films and the planes,” Black interrupts, setting down plates, a basket of fresh bread, and a pan with scrambled eggs. He also places glasses and pitchers of tea and juice on the counter. “You should be thinking about the fact that in a week, we’ll be drinking Aperol and soaking up the sun.” He nearly drifts off, imagining returning to his favorite spot on Earth.
“Flirting with handsome Italians,” Evan adds.
“That’s just me and Reg, of course,” Meadowes finishes, and Regulus furrows his brow when he notices the sudden, awkward expressions on Crouch and Rosier’s faces. Unaware of what’s happening, Dorcas spears a piece of tomato with her fork, but the silence confuses her, and she looks up. “What?”
“Reg doesn’t know,” Evan says, and Black suddenly feels like an outsider in his own home. “Barty and I have been together for two months. Surprise?” He tries to ease the tension with a joke, but the clink of the fork being dropped onto the plate makes it even more uncomfortable.
“What the hell?”
“Sorry we didn’t tell you, but you and Barty… well, you used to…”
“You didn’t tell him?!” Meadowes seems just as shocked as Regulus. At least she wasn’t helping them hide their relationship from Black. He would have been devastated if he’d lost trust in all three of his friends at once.
“I haven’t been with Barty for three years. Thanks for caring, but I’m doing fine. I’ve been over it for a long time, and I’ll just remind you that I was seeing someone until recently. This is ridiculous!” Two months? He knew they weren’t as close as they once were, but hiding something like this for so long? “Tell me Pandora knows,” and that’ll be the end of it. Of course, he doesn’t add that, but he’s desperately hoping they’ll tell him that the twin sister of one of them has no idea either.
“She doesn’t know. If she did, she’d have told you, so we didn’t tell her,” Evan’s voice is apologetic, but Regulus is too angry to care. Besides, he feels completely justified in being hurt. “Sorry, Reg.”
“Don’t call me that,” he interrupts, his voice cold, worthy of a son of Walburga Black. After his conversation with his mother, he’s starting to appreciate this sharp, ruthless side of himself, so he doesn’t mind that his words are like daggers. “You’re such great friends, really. And you? She’s your sister, don’t you know how she’ll feel when she finds out?”
“Don’t tell her, please,” Evan looks genuinely scared, knowing that Regulus wouldn’t hesitate to do so. Especially now, when cruelty is guiding his every word.
“When were you planning on telling us?” he mocks, as he always does in situations like this, hiding his pain behind sarcasm. He doesn’t get an answer fast enough, so he assumes they hadn’t even known. “Thanks so much,” he mutters, standing up and walking away from the table, locking himself in the bathroom.
He cries quietly, even as he hears the sound of the front door slamming and then a knock at the bathroom door. He tells Dorcas “not now,” and she leave him alone. He spends a good fifteen minutes on the cold tiles, feeling betrayed by those closest to him. The people who made him open up to someone the most have now hurt him the most. He feels that this will affect their group even more than they think, putting not only him and Pandora in a difficult situation, but also Dorcas.
He would probably wallow in his sadness even longer, but someone decides to interrupt his self-pity. He approaches the peephole, hoping it’s not one of the guys. To his surprise, standing at the door is none other than James Potter, who lives across the hall.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, without the usual sarcasm he often directs at the neighbor. This fact seems to worry Potter even more, as he furrows his brow and his smile fades.
“I heard shouting and the door slamming. Then it suddenly got quiet, so I got a little worried and decided to check if anything serious happened,” of course, the hero had to check if someone needed saving. Regulus bites his tongue, not saying it out loud. The events from earlier had emotionally exhausted him, and all the sharp comments have already been used up. “I can leave if everything is fine and I’m just interrupting,” he adds, when the silence, caused by Regulus’s lost thoughts, starts to stretch.
“Come in, James,” he steps aside so Potter can cross the threshold.
Sometimes it’s hard to admit that he needs company, anyone really. The feeling of another person’s presence and understanding. Regulus may have just lost three of his closest friends, and he can’t even reach out to Pandora, so the list of people he could turn to for support is short. If the only option now is his brother’s incredibly annoying friend, he can accept it. Especially since today, he himself was going to visit the apartment across the hall.