you are the sun, you've never seen the night
Someone taps Regulus on the shoulder and he nearly jumps out of his skin “Reg? You okay there?” and he looks up at Sirius, it's not her, it's just Sirius, just Sirius, just Sirius
“Fine.”
“..Are you sure?”
“Yes, Sirius, merlin.”
Contrary to belief, Regulus does not hate his brother, merely resents him a little—but isn’t that what being siblings is?—it's just… sirius cares so much, and regulus doesn’t know what to do with all of it, it certainly wouldn’t all fit into the pockets of his robes so he hikes up his walls and shuts off his heart, if he didnt he is sure all that love would kill him. Almost like it was a drug he quit years ago and every time he sees it he itches to take more more more until he overdoses on soft looks and quiet touches. And ever since they left, Sirius has been unnervingly gentle with him, handling him like a fragile christmas bauble, it's almost enraging, regulus is not a porcelain doll to be looked after not played with, he is capable of functioning just as sirius is. But like he said, it's not quite enraging yet, regulus will not admit it to anyone, but its nice to be handled with care after everything, it is nice to feel as if his heart is being cradled even if it is only out of a sense of obligation born of guilt and lingering lessons of duty.
Regulus black was not made to be loved, he thinks, only to observe others being loved and wish it was him, which is ironic as when he is shown any gentleness he kills it, something about biting the hand that feeds.
Then Sirius starts speaking again “only, you’ve been staring daggers at James for at least five minutes and the only reason he hasn’t noticed is because his oblivious as fuck” he points over at James who is—to give credit to Sirius—completely oblivious to their conversation, engrossed in watching raindrops trickles down the windows of the Potter residence.
Oh.
He hadn’t meant to do that.
“I stare daggers at everyone when I'm not paying attention. James isn't special”
And Sirius raises his eyebrow before sighing and turning away, Regulus does not know what his brother’s expression and quite frankly he doesn't want to.
“Whatever you say Reggie" Sirius smirks
"Don't call me that"
"But you're my ickle wickle baby brother"
"I will suffocate you in your sleep."
And Sirius laughs, moving to ruffle Regulus’' hair, and Regulus moves in turn to avoid it before surrendering to his black curls being tousled and messed up.
He glares at Sirius, but they can both tell that there’s no real heat to it, so Sirius just sticks his tongue out and goes upstairs to his room, presumably to write disgusting love letters to Remus that Regulus would later have to proofread for his brother
It's been a year since he has been smothered in the dark and the cold, a whole year of breathing. A whole year to learn how to not flinch at the shut of a door or at a hand on his elbow. He isn't perfect, Regulus doesn't think he ever will be, but for now he can pretend to hate being called Reggie, mock Sirius for his inability to construct metaphors and let his brother screw up his hair without smoothing it back down in a panic, and that, he thinks, can be enough for now.
And as for James? Well.. Regulus had never thought he could feel warm. Not after a lifetime in that house, in the cold and the dark. He’d never even entertained the thought he might one day be able to get so close to the sun, so close that he could feel the heat on his fingertips. But after James’ hand skimming his side, manoeuvring around him in the hallway, after the touch burning and smouldering and lighting him on fire, he thinks privately to himself that maybe it isn't so improbable.
But James is so James, shining so brightly Regulus has to avert his gaze, staring at the wall or his book or the floor or anywhere else other than James' eyes because if he meets James’ eyes then he might as well surrender and let himself be blazed into ashes and he can't, won't, let that happen. He will not be a trinket for James Potter to warm by his fire then discard as soon as it begins to char.
He will not belong to another person but Sirius, Regulus has decided, there is no point if they will only be disappointed by him and all his emotional baggage, at least Sirius cannot get rid of him, they’re the only family they have left..
At least, Sirius is the only family Regulus has left. Sirius still has James. Sirius will always have James Bloody Potter.