Chapter 2
Sirius still had James. Remus had no one.
James was the last person Sirius got a hold onto.
But with most relationships, they get rusty, bored, angry, shut and too bared open.
James had been able to be there for Sirius in that time period when he needed him. Only after, when James started befriending Peter Pettigrew and lying to him about who he was hanging out with, and when, and where, Sirius grew angry again.
They had fought once before and it had not worked. This time Sirius did not back down. He made James feel it, made him see it. Made him feel alone and scared and Sirius liked it because James had hurt him hadn't he? So he deserved to know what it feels like. To feel like him. To get abandoned by the one you love more than yourself.
James finally understood. He did better. Did not shove people in front of Sirius anymore, everything returned back to normal.
Except Sirius hated Peter now. He never forgot or let go of a grudge. Anger seeping through every vain in his body, waiting to be spilled out by even the softest scratch.
When Sirius started trusting Peter, Peter hurt him as well. At many different occasions. He forgot, but he did not forget.
If he was angry, he would not calm down until it all spilled out in a fit of rage.
He and Peter were no longer friends but Peter was still with James which did make Sirius feel a bit jealous, but he'd accepted it. James wasn't his to claim.
James was the only person who Sirius had left now.
His onkt friend to talk to, to vent to, to play games with, and to hang out with.
Only Sirius felt he was putting much more effort into his friendship with James than James was.
He felt as if James abandoned their eight year long friendship, and left Sirius to clean it up. To let it all unravel.
Sometimes, Sirius would let it all unravel. Questioning how long it would take for James to talk to him first, but eventually gave up after a few days. It becoming too tired or he forgot again.
Sirius opened up to this and James admitted that he was tired of Sirius.
That he would never be good enough for Sirius.
And Sirius didn't understand.
If he was that tiring, overbearing, annoying, insecure, then how could anyone ever love him?
Support him?
Be with him?
Accept him?
Once again, Sirius has been abandoned. This time by the only person he expected to talk to every day fir the rest of his life.
Losing everything's and everyone he ever cared for.
He did see Remus a while later. Smiling, he was happy. And he wasn't alone.
It's been two years at this point. Only, he was still not over his Moony. His first love. His first kiss. His first everything
But Remus did not wish to attach his puzzle piece to Sirius' scarred, bended, and ugly one. He was happier without him.
He had nothing left.