The Aftermath
Harry doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night. Neither does Remus. They just watch SpongeBob and manage to finish a tub of Ben and Jerrys between the two of them. They watch the sun come up together and Harry suggests making pancakes for breakfast. Remus knows its for a distraction but he’ll take it. It’s something for Harry to do.
They’re just finishing up the last pancake when two very sleepy 5-year-olds enter the kitchen. Archer’s trousers are rolled all the way up his legs and Nova’s night dress falling down on her shoulder and her hair looks like a bird’s nest.
“Good morning you two. Did you sleep well?” Remus asks trying to sound happy for them, they don’t quite understand the concept of death yet and he doesn’t need to explain it to them right before school.
“No- I woke up to daddy crying.” Nova answers simply and goes to the kitchen table happily taking a pancake from the middle of it. Remus nods and turns to his son who has taken hold of Harry’s hand and is tracing his fingers. Harry’s just watching him as he does it, eyes not moving from Archer.
“Arch, you want some breakfast?” Remus questions trying to get him to give Harry some personal space.
“Pancakes?” Archer questions happily and runs over to the sit next to his sister, happily tucking into the pancake stack. Remus smiles ever so slightly and grabs a couple for Harry, plating them up with whipped cream and strawberries.
Breakfast goes relatively normal, the twins both eat all their food and happily drink their juice that Remus gives them. Harry doesn’t eat much of his food, but he does drink lots of juice so Remus is taking that for a win. It doesn’t take long for any of the kids to get ready and Harry is the first one ready. He doesn’t have many clothes at their house so he’s got a pair of grey jogging bottoms and a red jumper but it’ll do for now. Before Remus rushes the twins down the stairs he goes and checks on Sirius, who’s still in the same position as the night before. He’s got the same clothes on and there’s still the same tear tracks running down his face.
“Love, I’m taking the twins to school, Harry is coming with me and then we’re going to Lily and James’ to get a few bits. We’ll probably be gone for a few hours, you’ll be ok?” Remus questions. He doesn’t get a reply and Remus has to take a moment to compose himself to not shout at Sirius before he once again leaves and shuts the door.
All three children are waiting for him when he reaches the bottom of the steps and mutters a small apology before they leave.
Walking into Lily and James’ house without Lily and James feels strange. There’s an emptiness that’s different from before. It’s not like when they babysat their old cat when Lily was giving birth, that was fun, exciting, waiting to hear that call saying Lily had given birth to a healthy baby. She hadn’t wanted to find out the gender of Harry, she wanted it to be surprise.
“What should I get?” Harry asks. He knows that in the event something were to happen to both Lily and James then he would go to Remus and Sirius. They had talked about it in the past, not in detail, no one had really thought it would happen. It was supposed to be a ‘just in case’, ‘it’s not really going to happen’. God Remus wished they had spoken about it in depth, maybe if they had been more prepared they wouldn’t be dead.
“Erm, I’m not really sure. We’ll probably have to be back but you can grab whatever you want. There’s loads of space in the cupboards at ours.” Remus promises. Harry nods and disappears up to his bedroom and Remus feels lost. He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know if he should stay where he is or move around.
His questions are answered because not even 10 seconds later his phone starts to buzz. He looks down to his phone to see that it’s the school that he works at is calling him. Fuck. He forgot to ring them in all the chaos of the past 12 hours. It doesn’t take long for him to answer.
“Hello?” he says it more of a question than he means it.
“Remus, oh thank God you’re ok. When you didn’t show up we got worried. Is everything ok? Why aren’t you in? Are you coming in soon?” it’s the wonderful young woman at reception, Jess. Remus hasn’t known her for very long but she is the most kind and gentile person he has ever met, besides Lily.
“Hi, Jess.” He starts, it’s as if he says it out loud it makes it more real. “We had some personal loss in the middle of the night and it’s unfortunately ended up with us having to take in their son.” Remus says.
“Oh my god, I saw on the news this morning there was that awful car crash. I didn’t know that was something you knew, Remus I am so sorry. I can write it off as some personal leave or something like that, I can talk to Albus about it.” Jess says in quick succession and Remus knows she means well but all he comments make him want to do is cry.
“Tha- Thank you Jess. I need to go now.” Remus says and hangs up the phone. He takes a few deep breaths to centre himself and then turns to the stairs, seeing Harry at the top of them with a suitcase and a backpack. “Hey, let’s go put that in the car and then get Pumpkin and Judy.” Remus forcefully smiles and helps Harry with his suitcase.
“Judy doesn’t to be put in the carrier. It’s going to take a while.” Harry says to Remus who nods. He knows that his mum had cats when they were growing up but she always delt with having to put them into their carriers and moving them around – this is new territory for him.
They find Judy under the dining table and it takes almost 30 minutes and several scratches to both Remus and Harry’s arms to get her into the carrier. Pumpkin is much easier; Harry just puts her into a separate container and they put the larger cage into the car and Pumpkin stays on Harry’s lap for the trip home.
Harry goes straight to his room when they get back. Remus lets Judy out in Harry’s room, knowing she’ll adjust better with familiar scents. He let’s Harry get himself settled and goes back to find Sirius.
Sirius is in the same place as he was when Remus left.
“Sirius, please, get up.” Remus pleas. He wants to shout at Sirius. He almost needs to shout at Sirius. The room is dark and he wants so much to rip the curtains open and pull his husband out of bed but he knows that will just make the situation worse. “Sirius please.” Nothing. Remus once again nods and leaves.
He goes and gets himself a glass of water and sits down at the kitchen counter. The moment he does his phone starts ringing and he can’t recognise the number but he knows it’s going to be some lawyers or some funeral director. He answers the phone and tries to happily talk to the person on the other side who is very apologetic about his loss and wants to talk about how the other driver also died in the impact. He finds that the conversation about the legal matters and the death certificates and the passing of custardy for Harry the easiest thing he has done in the past 12 hours. They email him over a load of documents that he prints and signs and gets them ready to send off to the lawyers’ office.
Once he’s done that he finds it in himself to call the funeral home and sorts out the funeral. They decided that a closed casket would be best, not wanting to traumatised Harry more. Remus decides to have both pink and red roses for the ceremony, picking out both Lily and James’ favourite colour. He promises the director he will be down the next day to pick out coffins. He lastly tells the director to pick out plots for them to be buried next to each other.
Once he’s completed both of those phone calls, it’s lunch time. He quickly makes up three ham and cheese toasties. He takes Harry’s up to his room, finding him sitting on his bedroom floor playing with Judy. Remus wouldn’t say he looks happy but he looks peaceful and he can only be grateful that he’s a pocket of peace, even if it is just a pocket. He then goes back into the bedroom and finds Sirius in the same place again.
“Hey, I brought you some lunch, it’s just a ham and cheese toastie but it’s something.” Remus promises. He sets it down next to Sirius who just pushes it away and it ends up going on the floor. “Sirius please. Eat something. Talk to me, Siri-”
“Remus stop.” Sirius replies rather harshly. “Stop. My best friend and my brother is dead. My Godson’s parents are dead. There’s no one else around and I’m alone. James’ parents are dead. He is dead. To many people are dead and I’m all alone.” Sirius says and Remus can just feel the anger inside him.
“Sirius you are not alone. You have two 5-year-olds at school who love and need their father. Your Godson needs his Godfather because both his parents are dead and last night we spent it eating ice-cream and the only questions he had for me are ‘where’s Sirius?’, ‘why isn’t Sirius here?’, ‘Is Sirius ok?’. Not about his grief, he wanted to know where you were. And Sirius, I’m right here. Your husband is standing in front of you. I need you. My best friend is dead to, my sister is dead. You are not the only one suffering right now and you do not get to be the person who lays around in bed whilst I deal with everything. I took the twins to school. I took Harry to get his things. I’ve just been on the phone to the funeral director and the lawyers, I did that on my own. Please Sirius, fucking talk to me. Scream and me, yell at me, anything. Just do not say you are on your own. In the last 12 hours, you lost a best friend and a brother, I lost a best friend and a brother, Harry lost his mum and his dad, and Nova and Archer both lost an amazing aunt and uncle. You are not alone.” Remus says. It comes out in such a harsh way that Remus does not mean it and he can see in Sirius’ eyes he’s hurt him. He can see the tears well in Sirius’ eyes but he can’t think about that in the moment. He can just feel his own tears and grief and anger. He does, however, find the sense to leave the room before he escalates it any further.
He exits the room and finds Harry standing outside, he’s got tears streaming down his face and he’s holding a stuffed dear that he hasn’t seen since Harry was 8 and decided that he was too big to have stuffed animals. Harry has also changed into a pair of pyjamas and it makes him look like an 11-year-old James standing in front of him.
“Y-you- y-you planned a funeral?” he asks and he looks so broken, as if it’s all just really hitting him.
“Yeah, I planned the funeral.” Remus admits and Harry runs full force at him and wraps his arms around his waist. Remus feels some air leave him, Harry isn’t exactly weak, and he isn’t exactly strong. Harry sobs into Remus’ stomach, letting out strong pained cries and Remus doesn’t know what to do. He wasn’t exactly close with his dad but it still hurt when he saw his mum and saw the empty arm chair he would sit in, or only seeing his mum’s pair of bright yellow wellies by the back door without the addition of his dad’s dark blue ones.
Both of them sink down to the floor, Harry continues to let out body wracking sobs against the wall and Remus while all Remus can do is sit their and rub his back up and down. After about 5 minutes Remus hears the bedroom door open and looks up to see Sirius standing at the door and in an instant he’s the other side of Harry, pulling him from Remus’ hold and embracing him into his own. Harry latches onto his godfather and in seconds there’s a wet patch on Sirius’ shirt but Remus knows he doesn’t care.
“The twins need picking up.” Sirius says. Remus takes a quick glance to his phone screen and sees that if he were to leave at that moment he would only be 5 minutes later picking up Archer and Nova. “Go, I’ve got him.” Sirius promises and turns his attention back to Harry, gently stroking his hair and places soft kisses to his head. Remus nods and kisses both his husband’s and Harry’s foreheads before he leaves.
Once they’re left alone, Sirius pulls back slightly and looks down to Harry who has stopped sobbing but there’s still thick tears falling down his face.
“Hazza, come lay in our bed. You look exhausted.” Sirius whispers and Harry nods, letting Sirius help him to his feet and guides him into the bedroom. Sirius and Remus don’t usually let the kids in their room, they like to set boundaries with the twins and one of those was that daddies’ bedroom was for emergencies’ only. Of course there’s exceptions to the rule, both twins have spent nights and days in their bed when they’ve been sick or if they’ve had nightmares.
Harry crawls right under the covers and gets himself settled under the blankets and has his deer firmly tucked under his arm. He looks so small in Sirius and Remus’ super king bed, he’s swarmed in the blankets and the pillows.
“Hazza, you should try to get some sleep. You’ve not slept in over 24 hours.” Sirius suggests and Harry gives the smallest nod. “I’m going to shower, ok?” Sirius says and Harry also nods and continues to burrow into the bed if that’s even possible. Sirius waits until Harry has fallen asleep before he goes into the adjacent bathroom to take a quick shower.
He’s only in the bathroom for 10 minutes, just enough time for him to wash his hair, before he hears Harry making uncomfortable noises from the bedroom. He quickly dries himself and goes into the bedroom finding Harry viciously move around the bed and his face is contorted into pain. Sirius quickly goes over and wakes Harry up, he knows that he probably shouldn’t, but he can’t watch his godson have so much pain inside him.
Sirius goes over and gently shakes Harry to wake him up and the moment he does Harry launches himself at Sirius.
“Hey, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok.” Sirius whispers. Harry doesn’t seem to hear and in seconds he’s gagging and he throws up all over the bed sheets. Sirius gently rubs Harry’s back up and down, making sure to move his deer out the way so they wouldn’t have to wash the poor teddy. It takes a while before Harry finally stops and when he does he just replaces his convulsions with sobs. “Come here, come here.” Sirius whispers. He pulls him into his arms and gently lifts him out the bed. Sirius is surprised he can still lift the boy at the bed but he supposes it’s the want to comfort him that does it. They both once again end up on the floor but it doesn’t really matter.
“I saw it again.” Harry whimpers. “The crash. I didn’t think I remembered it.” He says, his voice just audible. Sirius nods but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t care when either of his parents died, there was no love lost. He brought a load of alcohol and drank with James the whole night. Yeah, he felt heartbroken when Euphemia and Fleamont died, but they weren’t really his parents, just the people who took him in, and they weren’t gone as quickly as Harry lost his. They knew Euphemia and Fleamont were going to die, no one could have predicted James and Lily’s death. Sirius is brought of his thoughts when he hears a tiny meow coming from the bedroom entrance.
He looks over to the bed to find Judy standing at the entrance. Sirius has never been one for cats, let alone the little ginger thing that Lily and James brought home one day, but said ginger thing had grown on Sirius. Sirius gestures for the cat to come over and she gladly does, bounding over to Harry and Sirius, curling up on Harry’s lap.
“I don’t want to see it Sirius.” Harry then mumbles.
“I know. I honestly don’t know what to say bud. Although, the team has to have a psychiatrist, sport obviously, but maybe I can talk to her, see if she knows of anyone. Remus and I can help but, but not in the way that maybe a professional would be able to.” Sirius offers. Harry gives an ever so small nod, but it’s enough for Sirius. They then hear the front door open and close and then the twins’ loud talking throughout the house. Remus’ footsteps are then heard coming up the stairs and a small knock on the door.
“Hey. Got pizza on the way back, you guys hungry?” Remus questions. Harry shrugs and Sirius takes that as not a no so he helps Harry stand and Remus gives him a sympathetic smile. “The twins are picking out a movie to watch, you want to go join?” Remus asks and Harry gives a small nod and leaves the room and starts to head down the stairs. “What happened to the bedsheets?” Remus asks when Harry is out of ear shot.
“Oh, Harry had a nightmare and then threw up.” Sirius answers and then a thick silence falls over them.
“I’m sorry.” They then both say at the same time.
“I shouldn’t have shouted at you. That was unfair of me. You’re grieving and you grieve in a very specific way and I should have given you time to process your emotions.” Remus apologises. Sirius nods.
“I shouldn’t have left you alone with the kids, that was unfair of me. You’re also grieving, I didn’t think that you would be grieving also, I was being selfish. It’s not just us anymore, we have children and that means I can’t just spend all day in bed grieving.” Sirius says. Remus nods and pulls Sirius in and places a soft kiss to Sirius’ lips.
“I love you, so much.” Remus mumbles against Sirius’ lips.
“I love you, so, so much.” Sirius replies.
“Come on, I’m sure the twins are arguing over Moana or Frozen.” Remus says.
“Yes well, both our children are wrong, clearly the film to watch is How To Train Your Dragon.” Sirius says back, “Let’s just buy a new duvet, we have a spare one, let’s just use that for now.” He then says, Remus nods. They both then start to head downstairs, hearing the twins arguing before they even reach the bottom.