Chapter 2
Remus was half way down the staircase to the dungeons when he heard footsteps behind him and felt Lily loop her arm through his, pulling him into her gently and squeezing.
‘Glad you're back,’ she said, smiling. ‘Sit with me? I’ve been missing you.’
Remus nodded, appreciating the attempt to make it seem like he was doing her the favour, and let her steer him into the classroom. She set her cauldron up by Sirius' desk and tapped the seat beside her. He sat, trying not to look across at the table to their left, or the person who he could see out of the corner of his eye was looking at him. Instead, he let his gaze slide to the tiny window above the blackboard. A column of light shone through it, forming a perfect circle on the stone floor. He watched the particles of dust suspended in it, moving slowly through the air as Slughorn's voice echoed around the classroom. Vaguely, he wondered what he was doing here, a monster sitting amongst children, in a place they should be safe -
‘Remus?’ Lily's hand was on his arm again, her green eyes round with concern. ‘Do you want to cut the arrowroot?’ she pushed it towards him. ‘Inch long pieces? I’ll do the mistletoe.’
He took the root in one hand, his eyes on the berries she had arranged in front of her, wondering - did she know -
‘Unless you want to do the mistletoe?’ she asked earnestly, mistaking his hesitation for something else.
‘No, no. This is fine - thanks.’
He reached for the knife, carefully measuring the root with his ruler and marking it gently with his blade. Inch long pieces, the entire length of the tuber. He centred it on the board and cut through it, letting the pieces roll onto the table with soft thumps. He chopped them steadily, enjoying the rhythm of the knife rocking back and forth under his hand. One, two, three -
‘Remus!’
Lily had grabbed his hands, pushing the knife away from the right one, pulling his left one into the air. Remus watched as a shining river of red slid down his palm and dripped from his wrist, splashing past the edge of the desk and onto the stone floor.
‘Sir!’
Slughorn appeared beside them, tutting over the mess, reattaching the tip of Remus’ finger with nothing more than a wave of his wand.
‘Watch your blades please, ladies and gentleman! I’d prefer your blood in your bodies and off my floor if you don’t mind.’
He peered down at Remus, his watery eyes narrowed. ‘Miss Evans, perhaps you should finish these roots.’
Remus inspected his finger as Slughorn strode away, turning his hand, examining it from both sides. There wasn’t so much as a scar. As if it had never happened. He couldn’t, he realised, really remember doing it. One minute he’d been slicing the root and then -
‘Sorry,’ he whispered, turning to Lily, who was carefully measuring the remaining root, ‘Just - I think I - I - didn’t really sleep.’
She looked back, her mouth twisting as she wrestled for something reassuring to say. Remus found his eyes sliding from her freckles, over her shoulder to where another face watched him. Their eyes met for a moment, brown and grey and Remus felt a horrible ache, somewhere in his sore chest.
He looked away.
*
Remus turned over for the millionth time, huffing as he did so. This was pointless. He was never going to get to sleep. He sat up and slid out of bed, pushing his feet into his slippers and creeping through his bed curtains. He pulled on a jumper that had been left over the back of a chair, not realising until it was on that it was someone else's. Sirius' by the smell of it.
He padded over to the window, drawing his knees up, resting his cheek on the cool glass. It was snowing outside, he could see the pale glow of it as it moved through the dark.
‘Can’t sleep?’
Remus jumped, turning to find Sirius watching him from between his own curtains. He climbed out of his bed, dragging his quilt with him and slotting himself into the alcove opposite Remus.
‘Me either,’ Sirius continued, pulling the quilt across both of them. ‘Bloody freezing out here though - is that my jumper?’
‘Sorry - first one I found -’
‘No worries,’ Sirius grinned at him, ‘Looks better on you anyway.’
Remus watched him for a moment. His face was pale against his dark hair. He'd come back to school with it short, but it was getting long again, falling in waves over his forehead.
‘Didn’t mean to wake you,’ he said, eventually.
Sirius met his eyes. ‘I was already awake. Usually am.’
Remus nodded and turned back to the window. He knew Sirius didn't sleep well. He would hear him sometimes, creeping back and forth to the bathroom, or slipping down to the common room in the small hours, but they hadn't ever sat together like this before, united in their insomnia.
‘Me too,’ Remus said, pulling the quilt further up around his chest and easing himself down a little on the window seat. He could feel Sirius' socked feet tucked against his own.
‘I know.’
*
Lily was good at keeping busy. Remus wondered what James had said to her. Something, definitely, because she seemed to have made it her mission to ensure he didn't have a moment to mope.
‘Ok, I'll see you in the library after last lesson then?’ she asked as they left the Charms classroom. ‘I told Angela you'd be there before dinner. She needs some help with transfiguration,’ she smiled, ‘And then I thought we could go down for food together? I wanted to go through with you what we're doing Saturday?’
Remus nodded vaguely, watching as she headed off in the direction of Ancient Runes before turning back towards the stairs that would take him to History of Magic. He climbed them slowly, hugging the bannister as students with more urgency passed him. He couldn't be less in the mood for an hour of Binn’s monotonous voice, sat right behind -
He shook his head as he reached the classroom, stopping in the doorway. About three quarters of the class had already taken their seats and were chatting quietly amongst themselves. He spotted James, who was arranging his jumper on the desk, plumping it up as if ready to assume a sleeping position as soon as the lesson began. His eyes slid sideways involuntarily, finding beside Marlene - an empty seat -
‘Oh, sorry -’ a voice behind him.
Remus whipped round, squeezing himself back against the door frame, his breath caught in his throat. Sirius hesitated, their eyes locked. They stared at each other, both stuck in the doorway.
‘Are you going in?’ Another voice from the hall broke the spell, and Sirius dropped his gaze, looking around for who had spoken and stepping forwards so they could pass. Remus, suddenly able to move, made his decision, and ran from the room without looking back.
He stopped once he reached the portrait hole, bending over to catch his breath. His chest was burning and he rubbed at it viciously, cursing the stinging sensation it created. He coughed out the password and crawled through the hole, pulling himself up the stairs to his dormitory and collapsing onto his bed. He could feel his heart racing as he struggled to suck air into his lungs and cursed himself. Stupid stupid stupid, he thought, stupid idiot, stupid coward, stupid cursed injury.
He jumped as the door handle rattled and turned, managing to shoot a spell at his bed curtains as it opened and tried desperately to quiet his breathing as they closed around him, horribly aware of the dreadful wheezing sound he was making.
There was a long pause, and Remus had just begun to think he had imagined the intrusion after all, when a voice whispered from across the room.
‘Remus? Are - are you alright?’
He said nothing, forcing himself to focus on his breath. Sucking it in, even though it made his chest ache, and letting it out again. In and out. In and -
‘I - I know you don't want to talk to me, I just had to -’
Out. And in and out and -
‘I - please Remus, please -’
In and out, in and out. The sound of the door opening again, a turning handle, a squeaking hinge, a hesitation, a choked whisper -
‘I’m sorry.’
*
‘I was thinking we could go and grab a hot chocolate and take it to Tomes and Scrolls, see if they have anything new in,’ Lily said, as they walked up the lane towards the village.
‘Not sure we’ll get away with that,’ Remus said, thinking of the old bushy eyebrowed wizard that sat at the till, watching his customers like a hawk, ‘Abernathy will have our guts if he sees us with liquids near his precious books.’
‘Ok well we'll drink them on the walk over,’ she shrugged, ‘I’m just saying I need something hot and sweet if I'm to survive this freezing landscape.’
‘Ok -’ Remus shoved his hands into his pockets and burrowed his chin into his scarf. She wasn't wrong. It was bloody cold. The weather didn't seem to have deterred many of their fellow students, however, and bundled figures moved down the hill in small groups, their identities obscured by layers of wool. He watched as a group of third years broke out into a light hearted scuffle further down the lane, snow billowing from their gloved hands, erupting in showers on the backs of their jackets. He followed the path of a stray snowball as it soared across the road, stopping abruptly in the air inches from a dark head. Remus watched as the head turned, it's profile heart stoppingly familiar -
‘Jesus, did Regulus just stop that wandlessly?’ Lily said, her voice filled with awe.
Regulus. Remus blinked hard. Of course it was.
‘The Blacks: unhinged but powerful,’ Lily muttered as the group of third years scurried away down hill, no doubt thinking exactly what she was saying. ‘Sorry,’ she added, looking up at Remus, ‘Sorry, didn't mean to - where's Potter anyway? Thought he was coming too?’
The casual disinterest in her voice was so forced, Remus almost forgot his brooding.
‘He’ll catch us up,’ he replied, ‘Quidditch thing. He's got to train up a new Beater. Not sure it's going so well.’
‘Ah-’ Lily looked away again, down the hill where snow covered roofs of cottages were coming into view, and upstairs windows glimmered orange through the grey air.
‘He probably wanted to shower, tart himself up a bit,’ Remus smiled at her, glad to have an excuse to focus on something else. Someone else's relationship drama.
‘Showering after Quidditch is just common decency,’ Lily muttered, pulling her scarf over her mouth as her eyes crinkled, giving her away.
‘Be nice to him,’ Remus said, feeling suddenly guilty at his eagerness to tease her, ‘He's having a bad time.’
Lily met his eyes, ‘Because of -’ she hesitated, searching his face, ‘Because of this thing with Sirius?’
Remus nodded.
‘So he's on your side then?’ she let out a long exhale, ‘Shit. What on earth did he do?!’ She clapped a hand to her mouth, ‘Sorry, sorry. I promised I wouldn't ask. Just, it's been what? Two weeks? And I thought whatever it was was between -’ she gestured to Remus.
‘It was. It is.’ Remus hesitated, unconsciously rubbing at his chest. If he was honest, it had surprised him too. He hadn't for a minute thought James’ silent treatment towards Sirius would last. Certainly not this long.
‘Do you think you'll all get over it?’
Remus didn't answer. They were almost in the village now, the welcoming glow of shop fronts just up ahead. He clenched his fists, both now back in his pockets.
‘Don’t know,’ he said eventually, ignoring the concerned look she was throwing at him. Not over it.
*
Sirius had managed it first, of course. Of course he had, he'd been trying the hardest.
‘Moony Moony Moons!’
Remus grunted, rolling over and pulling his pillow over his head. He had a splitter of a headache and definitely wasn't in the mood for whatever Sirius was about to -
‘Moooony. Wake up. I've got a present for you!’
Remus didn't move. Maybe if he lay still enough, Sirius would give up and go away. His brain was throbbing, his vision blurred if he opened his eyes. He needed a pain potion. Or a sleep. Or for it not to be almost the full moon -
‘Moons, come on! What's wrong? Are you alright in there? Shall I -’
Sirius, voice quiet now, careful, appeared through the curtains at the head of the bed, ‘Hey,’ a cool hand found Remus' forehead, ‘Are you ok? What do you need?’
Remus scrunched his face against the light that Sirius was letting in.
‘Headache,’ he mumbled, ‘Bad.’
‘Ok, ok,’ the curtains flapped closed again, and he could hear rummaging noises, each one smacking into his head like a hammer. ‘Here, turn over,’ Sirius pulled the pillow away and placed a hand under Remus’ head, tipping it up and pushing something cool against his lips. Renus opened his mouth, letting the potion slide down his throat and settling his head back against the repositioned pillow. He felt the weight of Sirius sitting back somewhere on the bed, his hand finding Remus' shin, tracing gentle tracks up and down it.
‘Better?’ Sirius asked after several minutes. Remus supposed his face must have relaxed and he opened his eyes, blinking in the light. Sirius was sitting by his feet, his face a little tense, his hand still moving.
‘Yeah. Thanks.’
‘No problem,’ Sirius' fingers continued their path, up to his knee, down to his ankle. He found himself struggling to keep his eyes on the other boy's face. Now the pain in his head was subsiding, he was acutely aware of the sensation in his leg.
‘Sorry I came in shouting,’ Sirius said, a crease between his brows, ‘I was just excited - I didn't think.’
‘S’ok. Glad you came,’ Remus closed his eyes again. ‘What present?’
‘Huh?’
‘That’s what you were shouting. That you'd got me a present.’
‘Don’t know what you're talking about,’ Sirius said, and Remus could hear the smile in his voice, ‘Must’ve been the headache making you hear things.’
‘Come on,’ Remus smiled back, ‘Have some mercy.’
‘Well you'll need to open your eyes to fully appreciate it.’
Remus opened his eyes again, the light less harsh now. Sirius was sitting exactly where he had been, grinning down at him.
‘I have to warn you,’ Sirius said, ‘It's impressive.’
‘Can hardly wait.’
Sirius removed his hand, leaning on it and adjusting his position on the bed. Remus almost cried out at the loss.
‘Ready?’
‘Whenever you are - oh, holy shit!’
Remus stared at the black dog opposite him for a moment and shook his head. He blinked, and Sirius was back, grinning broadly.
‘Now I can come with you! For the full moon!’
‘How on earth?’
‘Where there’s a will, Moony, there's always a way.’