summer (wolfstar interlude)
Summer: Potter Estate
Remus Lupin never much liked summer. As a child, he was kept inside most of the summer in fear that someone may spot his uncovered scars due to weather appropriate clothing. In his older years he knows his mother was right to do it, but it was not enjoyable for a young child to be confined to the small Lupin family home for weeks on end until the weather cooled.
After attending Hogwarts, summer took on a new appearance for Remus. It was stupid to hide his scars from the very people he lived with for the majority of the year, so Remus was free to enjoy shorts and summer shirts around them. And since none of them really cared to spend the summer with anyone else, his boys were the only people who saw him much during the summer anyway. Every hour he wasn’t with them, Remus was either baking with his mother (something he enjoyed immensely) or trying desperately to avoid awkward silences with a father who had no idea what to do with a gay werewolf for a son. Even in the tense atmosphere of his father, Remus was suddenly freed from the anxious summers he knew so well.
Until now, that is.
Turns out that summer can be just as anxiety ridden when you have a hopeless crush on one of your best friends. Especially, as you approach the stream where said crush will inevitably remove his shirt to take a dip in the water.
The stream was not too far from Potter Estate and the young boys often walked out to it during the summer for a refreshing afternoon. Remus and Peter were walking side by side many steps behind their friends who were having a rather animated conversation. The way James was flailing his arms meant he was talking about one of three things: Lily, Regulus, or Tessa. Although, he wasn’t sure his friend realized his habit of talking about the Ravenclaw girl just yet.
Remus wasn’t sure how he felt about Tessa’s presence slowly bleeding into his other friendships. He loved the girl dearly, and wished to keep her to himself for a while longer if he’s honest. Instead, he has to listen to James go on and on about how fascinating her quidditch calculations are or Sirius tell stories of their interactions at pureblood balls when they were younger. For once, Remus had felt like he had made a friend that wasn’t just because of his friends. Now that Tessa is friendly with them all, that feeling was lessening by the day.
“Oh no, you’ve got a thinking face again.” Peter groaned from next to him. Remus loved Sirius and James very much, but it was Peter he considered his true best friend. There was something magical about the way the two of them clicked into place immediately upon meeting.
“I do not have thinking face, you tosspot.”
“Oh yes you do. In all fairness, I would too if I were about to have to pretend I wasn’t staring at my crush with no shirt on.”
“Piss off, Pete. I’m just being pensive, alright?”
“Alright. But you shouldn’t worry too much. The water should still be cold after all.” Peter grinned up at him. There was no way to escape the endless teasing, so Remus returned his gaze ahead to await his doom.
A short time later, the quartet arrives at the familiar swimming hole. When they first started visiting the swimming hole, the boys would be able to jump in without injuring themselves. Back then, Sirius was the only one who would swim fully clothed. He told James it was because he didn’t want any of them to feel self conscious next to him, but Remus knew it was to hide the bruises from his mother. Now, the boys are much too tall to jump in the shallow swimming hole and both James and Sirius were already stripped down to their shorts and wading in the water before Remus and Pete set their bags down.
“If you two move any slower it’ll be dark before you get in here! Come on!” James yells from the water.
“One of these days I’m gonna break your kneecap in your sleep so you’ll stop taking your healthy joints for granted.”
“It’s not our fault you’re an old man at the ripe age of seventeen!” Sirius butts in. And, really, Remus doesn’t even know why he tries. HIs eyes are immediately drawn to the boy. When their eyes meet it feels like slipping into your comfortable bed after a long day. He is sure that he would spend the rest of his life just looking at the boy if he were allowed.
But, he isn’t allowed. Not really, anyway. Which must be the reason he feels Pete pinch the spot on his back that always makes him squirm.
“Don’t hate on Moony, imagine what it would be like if he were youthful and hot all at the same time! None of us would stand a chance.” Peter adds as he prepares to join the other boys in the water.
“Ain’t that the truth.” Remus responds as he too removes his shirt and shoves it in his bag on the ground. As he does so, a whistle comes from the direction of the water. And yeah, there’s that.
Sirius had always been flirty with girls. Before he really knew he could also flirt with the other gender. But then there was Marlene, and then Regulus, and then James, and all their friends coming out to each other. Remus is inclined to think that Sirius had never known that liking boys was an option until all his friends turned out to be the gayest bunch of people in all of Hogwarts. The day that he had barged into the dorm declaring that he likes boys and girls was the worst day of Remus’ life.
Upon his realization, Sirius doubled down on his flirtatious nature. Everyone was a target now, including Remus. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his long time crush flirting with him. It was like he really liked it. Which meant he would never be able to actually get over him if he didn’t quit it.
Today was not that day.
“Hey hot stuff, join us would you?” Sirius asks as Pete joins them in the water.
“Hey don’t flirt with my man, Pads. It’s just plain disrespectful.” Thank Merlin for Peter. He had made it his mission to try and reign in Sirius’ false advances from the moment he realized how much it bothered Remus.
“Says the straightest guy I’ve ever met.” James remarks with a laugh.
“I’m only gay for Moons. Even I can’t deny myself that pleasure.” Pete says as he floats on his back.
“Gross, Wormy.” Sirius says with a sneer.
“Oh shut it you lot, we all know I’m the least dateable person here.” Remus says as he finally starts walking towards the water. It’s cold in a refreshing way, and his aching joints are grateful for the relief.
“Not true, Remus. You just don’t realize how many people have a crush on you.” James argues.
“Don’t lie for my benefit James. I’m well aware that I’m not the stud of Gryffidor tower. I would have to know considering I live with the people who are.”
“I am pretty stud like, aren’t I?” James inquires with his signature egotistical smirk. The other boys resort to splashing him in response to his bragging.
The rest of the afternoon is spent splashing about and laying in the sun. They spent hours talking about the year they just completed and what they can’t wait to do in their last year of school. They solemnly talk about the upcoming war, and how their future is so unsure due to it.
“Oh fuck! Is that really the time?! I’ve got to get back home before my mother kills me for missing dinner.” Peter exclaims as he gathers his stuff. “Walk back with me, James?”
James, the people pleaser that he is, immediately jumps up and follows quickly after Pete. “Pads makes sure Moony gets back alright! And make sure to get back before dark or mum will lecture you again!” the boy exclaims as he dries off and trails after the other boy.
The silence that follows is comfortable. The kind of comfort that comes with being friends with someone for so long. Remus floats on his back with his eyes closed enjoying the peaceful scenery. He is close to falling into a light sleep when the silence is finally broken.
“James is right, you know.”
“That Effie will lecture you? I’m sure he is. You can’t help but cause trouble.” Remus responds, not moving from his relaxed position just yet.
“No. Well, yes, but that’s not what I was talking about.” The boy pauses before continuing his response. “You are the most datable of all of us, Moons.”
Oh.
That gets Remus to stand up and meet the boy in the eyes once again. He is relaxed against the stone wall that runs along the back of the swimming hole looking at Remus in a way that he can’t decipher. He does this sometimes, gives Remus a look that is unreadable before quickly looking away. Remus always assumed he was lost in thought, but here, he knows he isn’t. That look is intentional.
“Maybe he is. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m too shy to do anything about it.” Remus says hesitantly, treading lightly into the conversation.
“Why? Don’t you want to…”
“What, Pads?”
“I don't know, like experiencing young love and all that?” So this is about love? Where are you going with this, you idiot.
“I think everyone does. It’s just that, I can never be sure the people I like are … like me. I’d rather not risk getting pummeled by someone for liking boys.” Remus explains. “Not to mention the werewolf thing. So, no, it’s not about wanting or not wanting love. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t want that. But, my love comes with a lot of strings. Strings that could easily choke out any good feelings once they get tangled.”
Remus reverts his gaze, looking down into the blue-green water. He can only slightly see the scars on his feet through the water, and for a moment he imagines that they aren’t there at all. That he lives in a world where he wasn’t bitten as a child, a world where he wasn’t taught to be quiet and unassuming. Maybe in that world he would have already told the other boy how he felt. And maybe in that world the other boy didn’t live with the weight of his past on his shoulders. But, this isn’t that world. So he looks down into the water and prays to whatever is out there that he would make it through this conversation without embarrassing himself.
“But if there was someone, who you knew liked boys and who didn’t care about you being a werewolf, would you want that?” Sirius asks, his signature confidence seeping through his voice.
“Of course, assuming I liked him back.” Please stop talking about these Pads. I can’t pretend to be around you much longer if you keep saying things like that. “But that’s a fantasy, it’s not real. There's not someone harboring a crush on me out there who thinks that way. Prongs was just being nice.” Remus says in hopes to shut down the conversation. “Should we head back?”
“What if there is.” Sirius blurts out, words hurried. “Someone like that, I mean.”
Remus turns to look at the boy once more. Standing before him is not the flirtatious boy who approaches people at parties and asks flat out if they want to make out. No, in front of him is the nervous boy that only a select few people get to know. And he’s looking at Remus with a pleading gaze, like whatever he says could crush the boy underneath the weight of it.
“And do you know this mystery person? Or is this just some elaborate hypothetical to make me…” Remus doesn't finish his sentence because the other boy moves swiftly through the water and grabs hold of him. His hands are on Remus’ face, pulling his gaze down to look straight at him. And all Remus can think is he would do anything to be able to have this boy's hands on his face until his heart inevitably gave out.
“Yeah, I know him very well.” The boy blurts out before pulling Remus into a kiss.
In the shock of it all, Remus immediately pulls back. Feeling the confusion cross his face. But the boy in front of him does not look confused. He is smiling in that way that Remus always thinks about before he falls asleep, when his mind is weak and he’s too tired to fight it. And it hits him.
He likes me too.
“Oh thank Merlin.” Is all Remus says before pulling the other boy back into the kiss. It’s clumsy at first, both of them not used to the other in this way just yet. But, Remus is a fast learner. Before he knows it, the two of them have found a delicious rhythm that causes them to melt into each other like they might just be able to become one person if they try hard enough.
When Remus reaches behind Sirius to pull his waist towards him, the other breaks the kiss quickly. Immediately thinking he did something wrong, Remus lets go and takes a step back uttering an apology.
“No, don't leave me.” Sirius mutters as he yanks the other boy’s wrist to bring him back into a comfortable embrace. “I just don’t want to move too fast.” He says with a shy expression, biting his lower lip in a way that is not helping slow Remus’ brain down any at all.
“You want to slow down? I really did not see that one coming.” Remus muttered nervously.
“It’s just…this is different from anything else. Can’t you feel it? I don’t want to mess this up too…” Sirius says through a weak smile. And Remus can feel it. It’s like all the particles in the world completely rearranged the minute he got his lips on the boy in front of him.
“We won’t mess it up, Pads. I’ll make sure of it.” Remus says as he pulls the other boy’s head under his chin, breathing normally again. “And we can take it slow…. We’ve got all the time in the world, I think.”
The other boy relaxes into him, and Remus still can’t believe he is here, holding the boy he has been dreaming of holding since he was fourteen. The two of them stay there, holding each other in the water until Remus notices the sun start to set.
“Pads, we need to head back.” He says regretfully. The other boy lets out a groan of protest but pulls back to meet Remus in the eye.
“Can’t we just stay here forever?” He asks wishfully.
“We will be here forever. I don’t plan on ever letting you go.” Remus says without thinking. And if it were anyone else, he would probably feel embarrassed. But not with Sitius. Not with the boy who has seen him at his worst. Not the boy who would wake him up for a calm conversation after a particularly bad nightmare. Not his safe place.
“Good. Because I think I would simply stop existing if I had to let you go, Remus Lupin.” Sirius mutters back before retracting his arms and looping his fingers into Remus’. He pulls lightly, wordlessly asking Remus to follow him out of the water. The two of them dry and dress in silence, occasionally catching the other staring and trading shy smiles.
The entire way back to Potter Estate they walk with their hands intertwined, and they chatter away the time like the best friends that they are. It’s easy. Remus can’t remember anything else coming to him so easily in his whole life. He suddenly understands what people mean when they talk about finding their true calling in life. Remus never quite understood that, not being able to ever find a subject or activity that felt like his one true thing. Until now. And he is rather happy that his calling in life is to love Sirius Black.
***
Sirius Black had never been so happy in his whole life. To be fair, happiness was never really his strong suit growing up. But, finally kissing his very own gay awakening? Now that made him immeasurably happy. So happy that when the two of them entered the kitchen, James’ face immediately looked shocked.
“Took you long enough.” Is all he says before turning back to the vegetables he is chopping next to Effie. To anyone else, it would appear that he is just commenting on them taking their time getting back from the stream. But Sirius knows he means something else entirely.
Later that evening, once dinner and talking had finished, Effie and Monty promptly declared they were off to bed. The other three boys drank tea and continued talking until Remus also disappeared up the stairs. Sirius’ heart tugging at the distance growing between them.
“Please tell me the two of you did not shag in our sacred marauders spot.” James pleads from across the table from him.
“Goodness Prongs, maybe ease into it a bit next time? How do you even know anything happened?”
The other boy laughs at the comment, “I know you better than I know myself, Pads. That expression right that screams ‘I just kissed Remus Lupin and I really liked it.’”
“I’ll have you know, that a kiss was all that happened. I am a gentleman.” Sirius declares, glaring at his best friend.
“Sure. And I’m white.” Is all James says before steering the conversation in a slightly different way. “So, is he your boyfriend now, or what?”
Fuck.
Sirius did not think about that.
What if he thinks I’m just fooling around? What if he starts dating someone else because I didn’t ask him to be mine? What if…
“Hey hey, Pads? Calm down, all right.”
“I can’t calm down when I don’t know if he is my boyfriend or not.” Sirius whines like a child in response to the mature tone in James’ voice.
“Well… why don’t you just ask him?”
And, well, that never really occurred to him. He will just go ask.
Before James can say anything else, Sirius is bolting up the stairs to Remus’ room and knocking rather loudly in case he is already asleep. When no one answers, he starts pacing the hallway and trying to come up with ideas to wake Moony up. Just as he was about to kick down the door, Remus opens it and casually leans against the doorframe. He’s so hot.
“Padfoot? Everything al—”
“Are you my boyfriend?” Sirius interrupts before he loses the courage.
An expression of tired confusion falls over Remus’ face. “What?”
“Are you my boyfriend?” Sirius repeats with more control. He is expecting anything but what he gets as a response. Maybe some anger, or even an expression of disgust. But that’s not Remus, and Sirius feels ashamed for even thinking about it in the first place.
“Oh… well, yeah.” He says simply in a calm tone. Almost like it was an obvious answer. “Did you think I wasn’t?”
“Well, I never asked. In my head you’ve been mine for a long time, so I kind of forgot that I was supposed to ask. And then I got scared that you thought this was just like a casual thing, and I can’t do anything casual with you Moony. I need you to be mine like I need air to breathe.” Sirius rambles on. He doesn’t even realize he has said half of it until the surprised expression comes across Remus’ face.
“Oh. Well, that’s really sweet Sirius. I’d like it if you were mine.” He says with a shy smile coming across his mouth. And now Sirius is looking at his mouth, so he just has to kiss it. He leans forward, rising slightly to his toes, and leaves a short but meaningful kiss on the boy’s lips.
“I’ll see you in the morning, okay? Goodnight, boyfriend.” Sirius says, slowly lowering back onto his heels.
“Goodnight, Sirius.” Remus says with a more confident smile than Sirius has ever seen him wear as he closes the door to his bedroom. Sirius spends who knows how long staring at the space in the door frame that his boyfriend just occupied. When he finally comes to his senses, he walks quietly to his room down the hall.
The door is not closed for a full thirty seconds before Sirius hears a familiar knock. It’s in the pattern of the knock that Sirius and James came up with when they were twelve, so he knows exactly who it is. When he opens the door, James barges in and drags Sirius down on the bed with him. The look he gives Sirius is somewhat reminiscent of the look he sees Mary give her friends when there is good gossip to tell. Giddy and happy.
“Tell me everything.”