Revelations
Remus walks past the bar counter where Poppy is chatting with a regular of theirs, Agatha. He waves at her to get her attention, then points towards the backroom. “Just a few more minutes,” he calls over the clamour. She holds her thumbs up.
He leads Sirius into the backroom, where he goes to the medicine cabinet in the corner and opens it. There, on the side, is a small hook with a pair of keys dangling off it. He takes them and heads for the door again. “Where are we going?” Sirius asks, jogging to keep up with him. “Are those Alphard’s keys?”
“You’ll see in just a second,” Remus says. They re-enter the pub and push through the flocks of people again. Most of them greet him, familiar at least to some extent, but he doesn’t have time to stop and chat right now. He’s going to take Sirius up and then return to work.
They step outside again. He shivers, regretting having not brought his coat. He didn’t exactly think the night would take a trajectory like this.
“Is it far?” his companion inquires.
“No,” Remus says, walking past the pub’s huge windows and stopping at the next door. “It’s right here.” He pushes the key in the lock and opens the heavy door, holding it open for Sirius, who looks into the dark staircase curiously. Remus ushers him in, rubbing at the skin of his arms to warm himself up.
They ascend the narrow stairs together, Sirius in the front and Remus right behind him. It’s dark, the single light in the space long since burnt out, and so they take it slow. The stairs creak under their weight.
Up on the landing, Remus steps past the other man and manoeuvres the key inside yet another lock, struggling a little with the lack of light. Finally, he manages to click the door open. He looks at Sirius, who meets his eye. He seems hesitant.
“You first,” Remus says.
Sirius swallows and slips past him. Remus closes the door behind them but remains in the small front hallway, watching as Sirius takes in his surroundings in wonder. It smells weird there now, not as homely as he remembered. It has been a while.
“This is where Alphard lived?”
Remus nods. Alphard’s place isn’t huge – in fact, it’s nothing if not modest. The space is crammed with furniture, every single antique piece the late pub-owner saved stuffed against one wall or another. Each surface is covered with books and papers, or small, peculiar items that certainly do not belong there. But they make the apartment exactly what it is. They make it Alphard’s.
Sirius is inspecting the ceiling now, it seems, quiet in his curiosity. Remus takes a few more steps in, leaning against the wall as his eyes rake the space. Poppy has been there after his death, that much is clear. The bed has been made, and the laundry bin in the corner is empty. There are no dishes in the sink when he peers in through the doorway to the kitchen. It looks the same, but it’s obvious no one lives there anymore.
“She’s been here,” Remus says as Sirius gently smooths his fingers over the bedding. He’s yet to say a word. “Poppy, I mean. She must have come in after Alphard’s death to clean up the place. But I suppose it’s yours now, too.” Like everything else.
“It’s... nice. I didn’t know he lived above the pub.”
Remus huffs a quiet laugh. “Alphard lived and breathed the pub. You couldn’t have got him to move any further away.”
“I always imagined him living in some big house in the country. Nothing flashy, nothing too expensive, but his own house.”
“I don’t think he ever cared about that sort of thing. Here, he was always close to what he loved most. Close to who he loved most.” He smiles sadly, eyes moving to the bookshelf against the opposite wall. The streetlights outside illuminate the space some; the dim, dusty lamp on the ceiling, not so much. “He used to invite me up for coffee sometimes,” he confesses. “I always loved it. He told me all these crazy stories. Some sweet ones, too. I’ve even spent a few nights here.”
Sirius’s face lights up. “Yeah?”
Remus smiles at the memory. “On that couch,” he nods to the corner. “He always offered if I’d had a few too many beers on a night off, or otherwise if I was dead tired after a shift. My place isn’t far, but he never had a problem housing me for a night or two.”
Something twists in his chest. He misses Alphard so much. It’s almost like missing his own father, except he remembers Alphard better. He knew him for much longer, as sad as it is.
He needs to get away from there.
“Hey, look,” he clears his throat. “I better get back downstairs and see how Poppy’s doing. But you’re free to stay as long as you like. Uh, obviously.” He chuckles dryly. “It’s your apartment now. Just... I’ll be down there. If you need me.”
He winces at his own words. He’s turning softer each passing minute, it seems. Didn’t Sirius just call him a git? And now, here Remus is, pitying him. He hardly knew Alphard!
Sirius nods quietly, tearing his eyes off the picture frame he’s holding. He blinks, his eyes almost watery. Remus is glad he’s chosen this moment to make himself scarce.
“Thank you, Remus. Really. I, uh...” Sirius stops himself and merely shakes his head. “Could you tell James I’m here? Just so he doesn’t think I just got up and left.”
“Yeah, of course.” He makes to step back, but for a crucial second, his eyes remain on Sirius. He watches as the other man looks back at the picture, his hands shaking a little. He looks so very small.
Silently, Remus cusses to himself as he turns back around and steps even further in. He can’t just bring Sirius up here and then leave him alone with all of it. Never mind if he and Alphard never developed a real relationship – they’re still related. There must be some sort of a connection there.
“Hey? Are you okay?” he asks, tentatively. Sirius jumps a little at his voice and looks up, then back down.
“It’s... it’s a photo of me and my brother,” he explains, quietly. “Right here, on the nightstand.”
Curiosity taking over, Remus slowly makes his way to where Sirius is standing. He leans down to examine the photograph. He doesn’t think he’s seen it before, or maybe he has just never paid enough attention. But it’s clearly Sirius in the photo, some twenty years younger than in the present day. Next to him stands another boy, perhaps slightly younger than him but with the same raven-black hair. They’re smiling shyly, as if the moment isn’t really that happy.
“That’s your brother?” he confirms softly.
“Yeah,” Sirius whispers. “Regulus. I—I didn’t know he had a photo of us. I thought he never spoke of us at all.”
“He didn’t. But I suppose he still missed you a lot. You know... loved you.”
“But we were never close.”
“No, well, that doesn’t always matter. You were kids – you probably don’t remember him all that well, but it was different for him.”
“You think he knew how unhappy we were?”
Remus freezes, lifting his gaze to Sirius’s face. Perhaps he didn’t mean to say so much. It doesn’t seem he even realises it himself, what he just let out. But then, maybe it’s not that big of a surprise either.
“I think he must have,” Remus whispers. He doesn’t know what he’s saying, but it feels right. He looks at the photograph again. How could anyone have felt anything but sympathy towards those two small boys? “He likely cared about you a lot, even if he didn’t see you often.”
Sirius nods, only very curtly. His eyes don’t leave the picture. “We didn’t really have photos of him back home, growing up. I found a few when I went through some albums once, but I think my parents must have tossed most of them away. Burned them in the fireplace or something.”
“That sounds horrible.”
“It does, doesn’t it?” Finally, he lifts his gaze and peers up at Remus with a wan smile. “Thank you for showing me. I think I’ve seen enough, though.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“I’ll stay a while longer. Just to... stay in the quiet.”
“Okay, Sirius. I’ll be down at the pub.” He takes a step backwards.
“Tell James for me, please?”
“Yeah, of course. Uh... take care.”
He turns around quickly and walks to the door. Take care. What a stupid thing to say! He’s never been great at knowing what to say in tough situations. Feelings are hard for him sometimes, as much as he hates to admit that. And talking about them is even harder.
He shuts the door behind himself quietly and stands on the landing for a while. He can hear the sounds of the pub from beneath, loud music and joyous laughter. He thinks grimly that this might be one of the last times he’ll get to hear it like this, in its truest form, from this otherwise dark and quiet stairwell. He suddenly wishes he had sat down on the couch one final time, just to hold onto the feeling for a while longer.
Down at the pub, it seems the atmosphere hasn’t shifted in the slightest. He makes his way to James and taps him on the shoulder. “Sirius is upstairs, in Alphard’s apartment,” he says. “He asked to see it.”
“Shit... He’s okay, though?”
“Yeah, he seemed fine. Well, he found an old photo of him and his brother up there. I guess it threw him for a loop, but otherwise, I think he’s okay. Said he doesn’t much fancy looking around anymore, just wanted to have a bit of quiet.”
“Okay... Thanks for letting me know, Moony.”
Remus smiles at him and then joins Poppy behind the counter. He opens a craft beer from the fridge and hands it to James. “On the house,” he says.
James grins at him. “I should start coming here with the owner more often,” he says.
Poppy, passing by them, tuts fondly. “Oh, when have you ever paid for anything here, James?”
“Aye, true,” James winks.
“Where is Sirius?” she asks then, more quietly.
Remus meets her eye. “Upstairs.”
“Upstairs—oh?”
“He didn’t know. About the apartment, or where Alphard lived. He asked me, that’s why I showed him.”
“Of course. It’s his now, isn’t it? I just hope he doesn’t mind that I’ve been up there a few times to clean up a little bit.” She chuckles, quietly. “He never was very tidy, was he? Bless his soul.”
“No,” Remus smiles, shoving his hands in his back pockets. He watches as the front door opens and Sirius steps back in, accompanied by a gust of cold wind. “No, he wasn’t. I remember how every time I went there, he quickly just threw everything off the couch and kitchen chairs and onto the bed. ‘I was just about to put that away,’ he’d always say.”
Poppy laughs, heartily. “Yes, exactly. And the office, too... Well, he certainly knew where everything was, but lord, whenever he asked me to go and get something for him... All I could find were half-empty cups of coffee and piles of receipts.”
“Right,” Remus snorts. “Sirius said that too. He told me it was one hell of a job to get everything organised.”
Poppy glances at him, then at the man in question, who has just been stopped by a woman Remus doesn’t recognise. “He seems to be a bit less reserved now,” she observes. “He was so very formal when he first got here. You don’t suppose his plans have changed?”
Remus shakes his head, pulling his hands out of his pockets now to fold his arms across his chest. He leans against the counter behind him. “No, I don’t think he’s budging. But maybe he’s coming around, just a little bit. At least I’ve convinced him to reconsider redoing the walls.”
“The signature wall too?”
“The signature wall especially.”
Poppy lifts her hand to her chest, sighing dramatically. “Oh, thank heavens. The only other rightful place for that thing would be in a museum.”
“Hear, hear.”
“Well, then.” Poppy slams her hands against her thighs, briskly. “I better go on a round to collect some empty pints. You’ll be fine here?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Remus nods, glancing in Sirius’s direction again. The woman is still speaking with him, animatedly. He looks a little tense, but perhaps Remus is merely imagining that. He does have a charming smile on his face, something akin to what he saw before, too. He’s surprised to realise he knows that smile already. It’s not flirty or pompous – it means business.
***
“And—oh, bloody hell, James! Stop taking photos of me.” Lily laughs, shoving James away gently. He grins, quickly slipping his phone inside his pocket. “It doesn’t look that funny,” she insists.
“It does, actually,” James says.
“Well, shame, because you look just as stupid.” She pokes her tongue out playfully, adjusting her position on the couch. Remus watches them both in amusement. She came in with face masks and then convinced James to put one on too – not that he needed much coaxing. Remus refused, opting for comfort instead. He almost died of laughter when the two others emerged from the bathroom.
He leans back in his armchair, sighing contently. He’s missed this – just the three of them together, doing absolutely nothing. They used to do it more frequently, but lately, it has seemed all of them have been too busy with other things. At least he’s glad to see that nothing has changed.
Well, almost nothing.
James has never said it aloud, but it’s quite clear he fancies Lily. Remus figures it’s been going on for a while now, and he’s only surprised that she doesn’t see it. Or maybe she does, but she has never acted on it. Neither has James. It has never been a problem before, but now he’s obviously feeling it hard. He keeps looking at her wistfully, but the way he treats her remains the same. Remus supposes it’s mostly a good thing, but he does wish he could help somehow.
He doesn’t want to bring the matter up with his friend, because he doesn’t think it’s his place to do so. James will tell her when the time is right, though it would certainly be a lot easier if he just fessed up as soon as possible. He’s sure Lily wouldn’t react badly, even if she doesn’t feel the same about him.
But, as it is, Remus knows that she does. She has told him herself—not directly and perhaps under the influence, but she’s told him, nonetheless. He has all the right cards in his hands, but he’s learned a long time ago not to get involved in other people’s business. He fears that if he starts playing Cupid now, he’ll only ruin the whole thing.
“I’m hungry,” Lily announces, stretching her arms overhead and then popping onto her feet. “Can I raid your fridge, Remus, pretty please? Next takeout is on me.”
“Go ahead,” he says. He looks at James. “Do you want something?”
“Nah, I’m good,” James yawns.
“He’ll just eat half of mine,” Lily glowers, ruffling his hair as she walks past. “Either of you want water?”
“Kind of you,” Remus says.
She leaves the room and begins warming up food in the kitchen, loud enough for them to hear. Remus watches James, who’s staring at the doorway, deep in thought. He reaches out his foot and touches James’s. His friend looks up.
“What’re you thinking about?” Remus inquires. He tries to sound as casual as he can.
“Oh, nothing,” James smiles easily. “Just... things.”
“Mhm. You do look ridiculous with that mask, by the way.”
“Ha, I don’t care. Anything for her.”
“Yeah? Anything?”
James meets his eye, and Remus could swear a wave of panic washes over his features. He straightens up a little. Remus chastises himself. He just swore to himself he wouldn’t interfere.
“Yeah,” James says, as if testing the waters. “She’s my friend...”
“Yeah, Prongs, I know that,” Remus laughs, attempting to break the tension. To his chagrin, it doesn’t seem to work. James eyes him suspiciously.
“What do you think you know?”
“Nothing! I didn’t say anything!”
James’s eyes widen. “Wait—he told you?!”
Now, Remus is truly confused. “He—huh? Who? Told me what?”
“Sirius,” James says slowly.
“What?” Remus laughs again. “No, he didn’t tell me anything! What would he have told me?”
James glances at the doorway, then leans closer to whisper, “That I... might have some feelings for her.”
Remus can feel his smile drop. He was right, then, but he doesn’t feel very elated about it. He can only think of one thing – James told Sirius before him. And how long have they known each other? Two weeks?
“You can’t tell her,” James hisses. “Shit, I didn’t mean to... I didn’t mean to tell you.”
“James, I kind of knew already.”
“Oh.”
“Not that it’s obvious, but...”
“I just don’t know what to do about it! Or, I don’t know if I should do something about it.”
“Can’t hurt, can it?”
James raises his brows. “You don’t think so?”
“Well, I don’t think she’ll react horribly, so it’s worth a shot. But... you told Sirius?”
James opens his mouth, perhaps to explain himself, but just then, Lily steps back into the room, bearing a tray with a food container and three glasses of water. She smiles at them and sets it down on the coffee table. “Right, I think fifteen minutes have passed. James, we need to take off the masks.”
James gets up quietly and makes to follow her out of the room. On his way out, he glances at Remus with an uncertain expression. Remus forces a smile and holds his thumbs up. “Do it,” he mouths. “Say something.”
The two disappear into the bathroom, leaving Remus alone in the den. He scoots to the edge of the armchair and reaches for his glass of water, listening to the sounds coming from the other room. James and Lily are both laughing, presumably trying to peel off the slimy face masks. He thinks about Sirius and why James chose to disclose this information to him. Remus has been there, right there, for so many years. They’ve known each other since their childhood. Why wasn’t he the first choice?
He jostles back into the present time as a loud bang echoes from the bathroom. He hears James cuss and Lily laugh like she’s trying very hard not to. There’s a small groan, and then they appear in the doorway again, James clutching his forehead, fingertips turning crimson. He smiles weakly at Remus.
“You don’t happen to have a first-aid kit, do you, Moony?”