The Gryffindor common room, just an hour ago full of laughter and loud conversations, now started getting calmer, quieter. Lily barely noticed the change. She’d been studying since the classes ended and it seemed like nothing could disturb her quiet bubble. She was sitting alone in the corner of the room on a worn-out armchair with a stack of various books beside her. She didn’t mind being alone. In fact, it was her that wanted a little bit of space that day. Her friends respected that wish and only came up to her during dinnertime to ask her if she’d join them. The only answer was an absent smile, barely visible, hidden in the shadow.
Later that night Lily realized that it might’ve been rude, but what was done was done. She looked down at her watch and frowned. She needed sleep and yet her body didn’t seem to get the message. With a swing of her wand, she sent her books to her dormitory, but didn’t follow them. The cozy armchair gave her comfort and leaving it would be a hard task. So, she stayed right there, in that corner, completely alone. Her eyes started getting heavier. The thought of getting up and going to her bed disappeared, as she gave in and closed her eyes.
Somebody’s hushed cuss woke her up. Something fuzzy covered her whole body and kept her warm. The light of a candle showed the face of the person in front of her. He seemed to be unaware of the fact that Lily was awake, but when she moved, he turned around quickly with an apologetic look in his dark eyes.
“Shit, Evans, sorry... didn’t mean to disturb, I was just leaving-” James stopped talking when her hand grabbed his wrist. He looked down, shocked at the turn of events. Because Lily Evans holding his hand? That’s ridiculous, everybody knew that.
And yet she was. And by the look on her face, she was as shocked as he was. It was like her body had a mind of its own.
“What are you doing here?” the words left her mouth before she could stop them. She retracted her hand and looked down at the blanket. She’s never seen it before. It must’ve been his.
“Just got back from the patrol and you looked cold. I'm sorry for waking you up. Just tried to be nice.” That was a first. The only time Potter was nice to her was when he was hitting on her. But he’s never done something for her without wanting anything in return. It warmed Lily’s heart that this boy wasn’t so terrible after all.
“Thank you.”
He looked up from his fingers that were picking a loose thread on his jumper and gave her a quick smile. Lily knew that smile all too well. It was the one she saw on his face when his mind was somewhere far away. It was the one he gave Sirius when he asked if everything’s alright. The answer was always the same. ‘I’m fine, mate.’. It was the one that didn’t reach his eyes. And it broke Lily’s heart to just let him go and drown in his own thoughts so she grabbed him once again and asked him to sit with her.
They sat in silence for a while. It wasn’t awkward; actually, it was the first time since the beginning of seventh year that Lily could properly breathe. She put so much pressure on herself and when you add that to all of the assignments and tests the teachers had assigned them it might’ve been too much to handle. She needed to rest. Surprisingly, it was James who made her comfortable enough to do so.
Without realising, her hands found their way into his hair and began detangling the biggest of knots. James didn’t object, but after a while he looked up at her and then down suddenly very interested in his nails. Lily heard him take a deep breath before saying anything.
“I’m sorry. I truly am. I’ve been working up the nerve to apologize to you for months and just couldn’t find the right moment, because I'm a coward and didn't want to do it in front of your friends. I’ve been a real dickhead to you since like first year and it took me too long to realise how uncomfortable I must’ve made you. And there’s the thing, I don’t think I ever liked you, not in that way. Shit, probably shouldn't have said that. Point is, you’re such a kind and bright person; I wish we could be friends, but I guess I fucked that up. I really need you to know how truly, deeply sorry I am and that I’ll leave you alo-”
He caught the look in Lily’s eyes and his mouth fell shut. She was at the verge of crying and that was not what he intended to do. He hoped she’d scream, say he really is a dickhead for expecting her to forgive him for the years of stupid pick-up lines and silly pranks.
That wasn’t what happened at all. Lily sat down beside James on the floor and wrapped her arms around him. She hugged him and, seconds later, he hugged her back. James’ eyes were wet, though no tears streamed down his face. Lily sniffed and pulled back, using her hand to wipe off the tears that escaped her eyes. She stayed silent for a while, resting her head on James’ shoulder, lost in thought.
“Never thought I wanted to hear you say it so badly.” her voice was quiet, but steady. James relaxed and looked down at her face. “I’d love to be your friend, James, really. You're smart and caring and I believe having a friend like you is the best thing that's happened to Sirius, Remus and Pete. They are lucky to have you.”
Before James could answer, someone tripped on the stairs leading to the boy’s dormitory and cursed loudly. Lily recognised that voice and, obviously, she was right. Sirius Black in all his glory stumbled into the common room, hair a mess and tears of pain shining in his dark eyes. He didn’t seem to notice them before turning around, surprised at the light that shouldn’t be turned on this late.
“Woah, hey. Sorry to disturb your- whatever it is the two of you were doing. Ah, ah, ah” he stopped James from saying anything “don’t wanna know. Listen I’m gonna go, you carry on being sweet and lovey, ‘m not gonna interrupt.”
Before any of them could say a thing, he was already lost in the darkness of the stairs. Lily looked at James, her face full of concern.
“Look, we can talk tomorrow. This sounded rather serious.” the words slipped out of her mouth before she bit her tongue. That brought a smile to James’ face.
“Yeah, I should probably go check on him. Hey, make sure you get some sleep. In your bed preferably.” he followed Sirius and seconds later Lily was alone, sitting at the feet of her favourite armchair, a small smile across her freckled face.
Maybe James Potter wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe they could be friends.
Friends. That sounds nice, Lily thought. Folding the blanket neatly, she made her way up to her dormitory. She could barely keep her eyes open when her head hit her soft pillow. For the first time in months she felt truly relaxed. Surprisingly, it was James Potter that made her feel that way.