Something just like you

Raising a kitten turned out to be a lot more difficult than Remus had anticipated. Despite being small enough to fit into a singular palm, Remus was simply no match for the wriggling bean-sized feline that had blades for claws. He was yowled at, used as a scratching post, and yet, not a single drop of medicine made it into Kitten Lupin’s eyes. Raising a kitten, Remus realised, was not a one-person job. 

It was with a fatherly sense of duty that Remus had decided to knock on his neighbours’ door to request for assistance, and it was to Sirius’ own misfortune that he had been the one to answer the door. The state in which he presented himself to his neighbour must have been telling, because even without a single word spoken, Sirius had nodded his head with determination, and gestured them back towards Remus’ opened front door. 

As it turned out, raising a kitten was almost not a two-man job. Almost. Anguished screams and shouts accompanied the yowling of the kitten as Sirius’ arms were scratched through by sharp little claws, and it was a whole other struggle to get Kitten Lupin still enough for the medicated eye drops to even fall into his eyes.

Orders to hold still, and frustrated shouts bordering the gist of “fuck you if you think you can hold still while holding this medieval torture device” rung out between the two, and it took another five minutes before the medicine was successfully administered. Remus had fallen back down against the hardwood floor in exhaustion, Sirius following suit shortly after him, and they both laid panting, with shoulders pressed up against each other.

“Hey,” Remus called, turning his head over to regard the other with guilt lacing his voice. “Sorry about the arm,” he said, pointing towards the equivalent of a human flesh scratching post with a wince. 

Sirius glanced over at him, and with a dry chuckle, brushed the apology off with a wave of his hand in the air. “Don’t worry about it,” he smiled, turning over to face Remus, “you might have forced the Lupin onto him, but I happen to think of him as my baby too.” 

Remus rolled his eyes at the grin on the other’s face, before shaking his head in resignation. “Oh, so we’re co-parenting now, are we?” He asked, a small smile playing on his own lips as Sirius nodded excitedly in response. 

“Why, yes, of course! Little Paddy here needs both his Papas, wouldn’t you agree?” 

“Excuse me,” Remus propped himself up against his elbow, turning over with an inquisitive raise of his brow at the other at the sudden name-drop, “Paddy?”

Sirius mirrored his position, pushing himself up to keep their faces levelled. “Paddy.” He repeated, “You gave him your last name, so it’s only right that I give him his first.” He was looking at Remus with dead serious eyes, and Remus had to stifle the grin that threatened to break. 

“Of all names, why Paddy?”

It was just like the time he had asked about Lily — Sirius had immediately brightened at the question, pushing himself upright into a proper sitting position. “It was my code name back in boarding school! Well, Padfoot to be exact, but back then, almost all of us had code names. I got the idea from some spy movie that I happened to watch, and James and I began using code names with each other, and then the other students started following suit. God, it was amazing, we could pass notes between classes, and the teachers were never able to figure out whose code name belonged to whom.” A reminiscent smile graced his lips as he thought back to his boarding school days, and subconsciously, Remus mirrored it. 

“So how did you end up with Padfoot?” 

The corner of his lips dropped at the question, and Sirius hesitantly shifted his gaze back onto Remus. He bit his lips in reluctance, and just as Remus was about to apologise for the question, Sirius spoke, and dear God, had he wished that he was the one who came up with the nickname. “You can’t laugh,” Sirius had prefaced it with a warning, and well, Remus was glad he didn’t agree to that. “But we were out looking for cows in the field near our school when I stepped in… dung…”

There was a drawled out moment of silence as they stared at each other — Sirius waiting for Remus to work it out, and Remus desperately trying to figure out the link between the story and the nickname. Nothing was coming to mind, there wasn’t a single link between dung and Padfoot, until he remembered — Pat. 

Pat foot. Padfoot. 

The unadulterated shriek of laughter that he let out, while not something he was particularly proud of, was uncontrollable as he connected the dots, and Remus fell back down to his back from the intensity of his laughter. That beautiful man, that fucking Greek Goddess of a man was actually nicknamed after cow dung, and fuck, did Remus want to kiss the feet of the man who thought up the name. 

“Shite,” he exclaimed between bouts of laughter, and when he realised the unintentional pun he had just made, it only made him double down into hysterics. It was a good five minutes before Remus was finally able to collect himself. “First of all, we are not naming our kitten after dung. What the fuck, Sirius?”

“But Paddy!” He flung his hands out in exasperation, “I even cutesied it up for him.” Sirius stared at him in disbelief, undeniable disappointment laced in his tone at who he had just chosen to co-parent his adopted child with.

Remus took in a much needed breath, exhaling slowly as he curbed the urge to laugh. “Fine,” he relented, turning to face Sirius in all, well, seriousness. “I’ll compromise with you — Teddy Lupin. Deal?”

“Paddington?” Asked Sirius with a tilt of his head, and Remus nodded in response. “Fine,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “that’s basic as fuck, but whatever.” He was quick to roll aside as Remus attempted a kick in his direction, and Remus, who was not as blessed when it came to reflexes, was caught in the shin when Sirius returned the favour. 

Remus howled in pain as he brought his shin up to his chest, eyes glaring dagger at a laughing Sirius who was none the bothered by the pain that he had just caused. After all, Remus had started it, hadn’t he? “So,” he started, shuffling away from Remus on his bottom, “Can we please do something about this drab? How is your flat still empty after living here for so long?” He gestured towards the empty room they were situated in, brow raised inquisitively.

Since having given up on retaliation, Remus laid back down onto the floor. “How is it any of your business, anyhow?” He asked with a sigh, head turned to face Sirius who had his back pressed against a wall, as he petted Teddy who had crawled out of his hiding spot after the initial torment just minutes ago.

“Well, my son has to live in this dump?” He raised his eyes to meet Remus’. “As a parent, I only want what’s best for my child, and if that means forcing you to spruce this place up, I will do it.”

That motherfucker.

Really, truly, as Remus sat there gaping at his audacity, he realised that there were no words in all the languages of the Universe that could describe exactly how infuriating Sirius Black was as a person. By God, did he want to wring his neck.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

As it was, that was how Remus found himself out and about in town just a week later, with both his neighbours and the ever-lovely Lily Evans in tow. A shopping trip for two had quickly turned into a group outing when James had found out about it through Sirius, who had instantly invited himself and his girlfriend along for the adventure.

“We have to build good neighbourly relations,” was what James had said when Remus found him and Lily by Sirius’ sides that afternoon, arms linked, and albeit a little surprised, he didn’t actually mind the additional company. Sirius, on the other hand, was glaring at James with murder in his eyes, though that only seemed to last no longer than five minutes, and they were soon skipping off into the sunset - though mid-afternoon sun, and a little ahead of them down the road was a much more accurate depiction of the scenario - while Lily had hung back in step with Remus, arms linked.

“Look at them,” she sneered, her voice laced with disdain, and Remus had to stifle a laugh as he caught the look of disgust on her face as she stared after her boyfriend. “You’d think that they were the couple if you didn’t know any better.” 

He looked back out towards them, who were walking with their arms linked between them, their heads pressed firm against each other’s, without an inch of space between their bodies. He snorted at the sight, catching Lily’s eyes with a tickle of a laugh playing on his lips. “I know better, and yet,” he shook his head, gesturing towards the two with his free hand, “I can’t be sure that they’re not a couple.”

“Exactly!” Lily exclaimed, throwing her hands up in defeat, taking Remus’ along for the ride. “Just- just look at them!” He did, and their foreheads were now pressed together as they whispered to each other, and wasn’t it a sight to behold, knowing that they weren’t together. “Sometimes, I think James wishes he was gay just so that he could date Sirius or something.”

Remus couldn’t agree more. With a laugh, he reached out to wrap an arm around her shoulders, pulling her back into his side as they continued on their stroll. “Well, if he ever leave you for Sirius, I’m all yours,” he offered comfortingly, though if the flash of anger that passed through those otherwise-beautiful green eyes were anything to go by, it was, in fact, far from comforting.

“Uh-huh, that’s a real wonderful offer coming from you, Remus Gay Lupin.” 

Well, at least he tried.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Stood in line at the homeware store with plates and bowls stacked high in his shopping basket, Remus glanced towards the two men who were still situated by the cutleries section. Despite it being Sirius’ incessant teasing that had led them to the store in search of kitchenware in the first place, the man in question had gotten distracted by the chopsticks as soon as he caught sight of them, dragging James down with him as they challenged each other into a chopsticks skills battle.

For the past fifteen minutes, soft thuds of objects hitting carpet and hushed swears could be heard travelling through the store, and from the sounds of it, there was a clear winner between the two bumbling idiots.

Remus watched as James attempted to pick up a baking bead, his head bent low in concentration, glasses situated low on his nose bridge. It was going well at first — the bead was held steadily between the chopsticks, with no signs of a wobble, but then man must have gotten cocky as he lifted it up into the air, because it shot right out from between the two wooden sticks, effectively reducing Sirius into a fit of laughter, with his head thrown back.

Remus snickered at the sight from where he stood, the queue still unmoving, his eyes subconsciously making its way towards the noiret, whose wavy hair was coming loose from his messily tied bun, black strands tickling the ivory of his neck. Even from afar, Remus could see the bob of his Adam’s apple, and oh fuck, how could he have forgotten how bloody beautiful the man was. 

“Enjoying the view?” Came a whisper by his side, and it was hardly an overstatement to say that Remus jumped at the sudden intrusion, his gaze devastatingly torn away from the sight before him. 

Lily was looking up at him, face alit with humour as her green eyes shone beneath the florescent lights, and Remus rolled his eyes in response. “No,” he said, turning back towards the counter, a subtle burn gracing his cheeks. He was, indeed, enjoying the view, but she didn’t need to know that.

“You know, if you care about my happiness at all, you’d do the honourable thing and take him off my boyfriend’s hands.”

Remus looked back down at her with a glare, though that seemed to have the opposite effect, as her smile brightened. “Oh, so now you’re just using my sexuality for your own benefit?”

“My own benefit?” She raised a brow, challengingly. “Remus, do me a favour and look at the man.” He didn’t need to look; the sight of him with his head thrown back in laughter was ingrained in his brain; it was carved into stone; it was his Mona Lisa. “Now tell me, who's really benefiting if you were to date him?” 

The answer was strikingly obvious to everyone involved — it would be to Remus’ own fucking benefit if he were to date the fucking Greek Goddess of a man, but again, Lily really didn’t need to know that. Instead, he gestured towards the box in her hand, not-so-subtly changing the subject to suit his convenience. “What’s with the utensils?” 

“Real subtle, Remus,” she rolled her eyes, before lifting the box up towards him, with a light shake of her hand. “It’s my housewarming gift to you,” she smiled, dropping the box back by her side, as Remus hastily shook his head in response.

“You don’t have to do that, Lils,” he placed a hand over hers, head still shaking in protest, as he tried to snatch the box away from her grip. “I really appreciate the thought, but it’s not like I’m going to have a housewarming party or anything. Even then, you don’t have to get me anything!”

For a lady that stood no more than five foot five, she was incredibly strong. Her grip remained unrelenting on the box of utensils, and even as Remus put force into pulling the box away from her, it hardly budged towards him. “I know I don’t have to, idiot, but I want to.”

“Yeah but-”

“Gods, stop being stubborn!” With a force quite unlike something that should belong to a lady of her size, Lily snatched the box fully away from his grip, causing him to take a slight stumble before he caught his footing. “You don’t need to have a housewarming party to receive a housewarming gift.”

“Did I hear somebody say housewarming party?”

Remus’ head whipped back towards the voice, and greeting him, were matching grins as James and the male Goddess looked at him expectantly. Despite himself, his eyes found Sirius’ neck, tracing down from his neck to his collarbone, where the strands of black were still curling around the based of his throat. So, so, pretty.

“I heard somebody say housewarming party.”

James’ voice brought him back to reality, and it was with another hasty shake of his head that Remus denied the unfounded allegations. “No!” He exclaimed, a little louder than necessary as he took a step up towards the counter to make his payment, Lily and her gift completely forgotten as his attention flitted between the two man who didn’t seem to have heard him. 

“I definitely heard it, Prongs.” 

“Yes, I heard it too, Pads!” 

He tapped his card onto the screen, throwing a quick glance back at the two. “No!” His fingers grasped blindly for the handles of the paper bag, eyes trained on the two who were now blatantly ignoring him. 

“Housewarming party!” Sirius shouted as James pumped his fist into the air, Remus following closely behind them as they made their way towards the exit; Lily, seriously, honestly, forgotten thanks to the scheming duo. Moths to a flame when it came to parties, they were, just like their mental capacity. 

Exasperated, and finally remembering that he left the only sane person of the group behind, Remus placed the bag on the floor with a sigh as he crossed his arms across his chest. “Does no one hear me saying no?” He asked, much more to himself than the other two, who were hell bent on ignoring his protests.

Sirius turned towards him with a titled head, and with a smile so condescending and hateful that it made Remus forget about his God-like looks once again, Sirius popped his ‘p’ as he chimed an upbeat “Nope,” his smile breaking out into a toothy grin. Well, Remus was once again reminded about how pretty the infuriating git was. 

“Fine,” he sneered, turning to point a finger at James with a glare. “You host the party since you want it that badly, and you,” he shifted his finger towards Sirius, jabbing it straight into his chest. “You want a housewarming party that badly too? I better be getting a gift.” A threat. How could that ever backfire?

At that, Sirius clapped his hands together, grin widening into open-mouthed delight. Uh-oh, an elated Sirius Black was never a good sign. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“What-”

Sirius cut him off with a hand to his wrist, effectively silencing him as the cool digits wrapped around his arm. “Come with me, Mr. Lupin,” he said, tugging Remus along behind him just as Lily came out from the store, confusion apparent on her face as she found her boyfriend standing alone, laughing with hands to his knees.

“But my things- Lily-” Remus pointed back towards the retreating figures with his free hand, though Sirius wasn’t looking as he continued towards his destination without a second glance back. “Where are we going?” He asked, eventually, eyes fixated on the hand on his, until grey eyes found him. 

“To get you a housewarming gift, like you said.” Sirius replied with a soft chuckle, slowing to match his pace as he continued leading them towards his destination.

Remus scoffed with a light shake of his head, partly in disbelief that his threat failed, partly in remorse that he thought it would work. “That was meant as a threat!” He whined in protest, which only seemed to entertain Sirius further.

“You really need to grasp the knowledge of a threat if that was the best you could come up with,” he teased, the grey of his irises disappearing behind crinkled lids as he smiled, and pretty, pretty, pretty; he blamed Lily Evans for planting the seed in his mind.

His eyes flickered momentarily to the arm that was still held firmly in Sirius’ grasp, and because no, he really shouldn’t, Remus groaned as his forced his gaze away. “So where are we going?” He asked, for the umpteenth time since they begin their little breakaway.

“Why don’t you answer me first — Gay? Pan? Ace? Straight?” He spat the last word out in disgust, earning another scoff from Remus, who reminded him that he had spent the better half of the afternoon cuddled up to his straight best friend. 

Before Sirius could retort, he caught sight of their destination, and with all prior conversations forgotten, dragged Remus towards the swinging glass doors spotting a paw print — a pet shop.

It became a blur. One moment they were stepping over the threshold into the store, the next, Remus was hurriedly chasing behind a Sirius Black that had seemingly been possessed by the devils of consumerism. 

“Do you think Teddy prefers chicken or fish?” He had asked, and before Remus could even open his mouth to reply, Sirius had treat bags flying into their shopping basket at horrendous speeds. Chicken jerky, freeze-dried fish, seafood pate — Remus could hardly see his hands as they reached for a bag of treat after another.

An aisle later, toys; mouse plushies, string toys, feathers on a stick, some of which, larger than Teddy himself, finding its place in their shopping basket that was getting heavier by the millisecond. Remus called out after him, a plea to stop, but no, the devil had since stolen Sirius’ ears, and evidently, his ability to use a brain.

He eventually stilled to a stop by the cat towers, and because Remus had absolutely refused to pick one out of sheer defiance and a little bit of fear, a disgruntled Sirius took it upon himself to pick one - a treehouse cat tower with fluffy green floorings and giant flower beds - all the while grumbling under his breath. “Utterly useless,” he muttered, and if Remus’ hands weren’t full with the consequences of one man’s shopping possession, someone would definitely have been hit. 

The bill, unsurprisingly, came up to a little over three hundred pounds, and despite Remus’ insistence that he was going to chip in, Sirius was not having it. He paid for everything himself, threatened Remus with returning to the store for more items if he said another word - which he later explained to Remus, rather condescendingly, was what an actual threat sounded like - before they trudged their way back towards the direction they came from. 

They coincidentally bumped into the couple on their way back to the homeware store, and James wasted no time in reaching over to help with the bags, freeing Sirius’ hand of the unassembled cat tower that Remus refused to help carry. “Thanks, baby,” Sirius said, planting a kiss on James’ cheek like it was all very normal behaviour, though judging by the look of resignation on Lily’s face, it very well might be. 

“At least help Remus with the bags too, love,” Lily said with a sigh, much to Remus’ amusement at the scene unfolding before him, and very much at the expense of her. 

At the very least, James was quick to detach from Sirius at the voice of his girlfriend, bounding over with his bag-laden hands held out for Remus to add on to. “Oh, no, it’s fine, I’ve got it.” Remus brushed him away, worried about the weight that he was already carrying, though James simply shook his head with a bright grin.

“Don’t be shy, Rem, a gay of Lily’s, is a gay of mine!” He winked, a snort escaping from Remus’ lips at the quip he just knew James had been waiting to use. “Hand the bags-”

“I knew it!”

His head snapped towards Sirius in surprise, who was looking back at him with sparkling pools of grey that shimmered like silver, lips parted in excitement. He was bouncing excitedly on the toes of his feet, and when Remus finally realised that their little game of ‘Guess Remus Lupin’s sexuality’ is over, he whipped his head back towards James, accusingly.

His eyes were beginning to widen in horror and confusion as it darted between the two men with contrasting reactions — one absolutely beaming and excited, the other half-scowling, and half-smiling at the ridiculousness of the situation. Before he could get a word out, Sirius was on him again, smothering him with smooches, as Lily grasped the situation from the sidelines. 

“Oh, James, my love,” Sirius said between kisses, giddy laughter resounding down the street. “Thank you for this wonderful revelation.” He chimed, and at the sight of this ethereal looking man laughing without restraint, Remus couldn’t help the small crack of a smile that knocked against his lips. To think that a simple divulgence of a not-so-secret secret could bring him this much joy, Remus honestly couldn’t imagine what it’d be like if he remained on outs with Sirius.

“That wonderful, huh?” He teased with a slight shake of his head, his smile widening as his eyes caught Sirius’.

“Oh, you have no idea, Remus.”