Chapter 2
Sirius woke up when the clock next to him read 5:33 am. He didn’t know what time they were leaving for the new placement, and the thought wouldn’t allow him to go back to sleep. Sirius glanced at the clock that was moving way too slow and way too fast all at the same time. He needed to know when he needed to get himself and Regulus up. He needed time to prepare. He needed time.
Sirius’s breath started coming out in short, rapid breaths, and the clock still only read 5:34. Sirius couldn’t remember how to fall asleep, and he was sure his legs wouldn’t carry him very far if he tried to get up now. “Reg,” he managed to get out of his mouth miraculously, but Regulus remained decidedly asleep. “Regulus, please,” Sirius got out again, yet his breaths hadn’t slowed at all.
Regulus groaned as he shifted beside Sirius, “Mmm… What's wrong?” Regulus said not registering that his brother’s breathing was way too fast to be normal.
“Don’t know how to- help!” Sirius said.
Regulus finally sensed the panic his brother was under and pushed himself up with urgency. “Sirius, we are fine. We are safe. Can I touch you?”
Sirius nodded, feeling light headed. “Okay look at me,” Regulus held his brother’s face with his hands, “breathe in with me, okay?” Regulus grabbed Sirius’s hand and placed it on his chest, hoping that Sirius would feel his rib cage expanding or at least his heart beating at a steady rhythm. “In-two-three-four. Out-two-three-four. Good. Let’s do that again, okay?” Now, some may be surprised that Regulus is so good at this. Maybe this happens a lot to Sirius? No. It’s usually Sirius talking down Regulus from a panic attack. Regulus is just doing his best to copy what his brother usually does for him.
Sirius’s breath eventually slowed, his breath hitching every now and then, with tears streaming down his face. For Sirius, it felt like hours since he had been able to breathe normally, but with another glance at the clock, it was only 5:38. It hadn’t even been a full five minutes. Regulus still held his hand. It wasn’t like either of them were planning on going back to sleep. They were up. Silence filled the room once again, and while Regulus knew he should ask what was wrong, he was too scared for Sirius to confirm what he already knew. If Sirius was this panicked about going to a new placement, then this house had to be even worse than the last.
Sirius squeezed his brother’s hand a couple of times, trying to get the message across that they’d be okay, and Regulus answered with a shaky smile. “Pack your stuff up, Reg, and put on something nice.”
“Something nice? Jeez, Mother would be proud.”
“God, I hope not,” Sirius said with a chuckle that both of them knew was just for show.
“Yeah, no. I promise she still hates you.”
“Wow, thanks for the kind words, Reg”
“Of course!”
Both brothers finally felt a weight lift off of their chests when they laughed with genuine humor.
They packed in silence before Sirius broke it by using two pencils to make walrus tusks for himself. He laughed like it was the funniest thing ever, as Regulus shook his head trying so hard to keep the smile from his face. There was no way he was going to laugh at something so stupid. He refused. But if a small noise resembling a giggle left his mouth, his brother didn’t need to know about it.
Sirius laughed on and on about stupid things, and Regulus smiled as they packed. When the social worker came to wake them up, he was surprised to find them already awake and packed. “Breakfast is ready. We leave at 9.”
He left them alone in the room again, and the clock read 7:30. Finally, some actual time had passed. They both put on their “something nice” as Sirius had phrased it before, and Regulus tried to gel his hair back before Sirius messed it all up again. The gel remained forgotten on the counter after a couple more tries when Regulus just gave up. Sirius was, of course, delighted at the fact that his brother’s curls hadn’t been flattened out of existence and were actually more defined because of the gel.
As they descended down the stairs to the kitchen, both of the brothers felt more nervous than they had felt ever in their short lives. This really was their last chance. They couldn’t just leave if it reminded them too much of what they got away from before. Shit… what if the placement was even worse than Grimmauld place. How would Sirius be able to keep them both alive in a place like that?
They barely touched their scrambled eggs. They looked almost artificial anyway, and they had a concerning gray tinge to them that made them look inedible. Honestly, they probably were.
Regulus studied his brother’s face one last time, watching only him as the social worker gabbed on and on about whatever he deemed important, and his brother, even now, was still trying his best to offer Regulus a comforting gaze. Regulus vowed now, and forever, that he would be the one to protect Sirius from harm. Always. Sirius had done it for him for far too long without expecting anything in return.
“I love you,” Regulus mouthed at Sirius.
“Love you too, Rabbit,” Sirius mouthed back. Regulus always hated that nickname, but Sirius always liked the way Regulus’s nose scrunched up when he found something annoying. Sirius always thought that most of Regulus’s expressions were endearing. Of course, he always hated the fear and sadness that sometimes made its way across his younger brother’s face.
At 9 o’clock sharp, both brothers were walking out of the house and into a car that would take them to their new life.