Prologue
Sirius
After today, I’ll be free. I’m running away. My family won’t be able to find me, and I don’t have any friends to stay in touch with even if I wanted to. I’m leaving France.
The only person I feel bad about leaving is my brother. My little brother, Regulus. I’ve always protected him, but he doesn’t want me to protect him anymore. I’ve tried so many times to convince him to come with me when I run away, but he refuses every time. He hasn’t told our parents, though, and for that I’m grateful. He’s the only one who knows I’m leaving, the only one who’ll ever be able to find me. I bought a phone for him, put my number in his contacts. I hope he’ll use it, one day.
I already have a place to stay: a friend I met online who lives in the UK. Him and I were talking in a game, and we became friends almost immediately. When he found out about my parents, he immediately offered me a place to stay. I never expected I’d be able to leave Regulus, but…I think he wants me to leave, honestly.
I finish packing the last of my stuff around midnight. I had to start packing after my parents had gone to bed, otherwise they might have come in and realized what I’m doing. Though honestly, I don’t know if they’d try to stop me. Without me, they would have the well-mannered, well-behaved Regulus as heir. They might be glad to see me go, honestly.
I slip out into the hallway. I have everything planned out. Regulus’s window faces the street, so I’ll pass through his room to get out. That gives me an opportunity to say goodbye and give him the phone, anyway.
I don’t bother knocking on his door. He’s always the last one awake in our house, whether he’s reading, writing sad poetry that he never lets me read, or just staring at the wall questioning existence.
“What do you want?” Regulus whispers, sitting at his desk. Then his eyes catch on the duffel bag hanging from my shoulder. “You’re leaving?”
“I have to. I can’t stand it anymore, Regulus.” I sigh. “You should come with me. Please, Regulus, come with me. Don’t stay here.”
“No. I can’t leave, Sirius.” Regulus’s eyes fill me with guilt. “You don’t have to go. All you have to do is not make them angry, Sirius. Don’t…don’t leave me.”
He’s fifteen now, and me sixteen, but when I look at him all I can see is the little kid that I would hide in my closet when Mother was especially angry. All I see is the boy that would climb into my bed for stories when he couldn’t sleep. It makes it all the more harder to look away, but I do.
“I can’t stay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Regulus. I—” He cuts me off.
“Don’t. Just don’t. If you’re going to leave, leave. Don’t try to make me feel better with empty apologies.”
“I’m no—”
“Get out of here, Sirius. I know you’re only here to use my window. Use it, I don’t care.” He looks away.
“Take this, at least.” I hold out the phone, “It has my number in it. If you ever, ever need help, call me.”
He doesn’t look up at me, doesn’t acknowledge that he heard what I said. I leave the phone beside him on the desk and leave.
Once I’ve climbed the two stories down from his window, I stand in the street for a moment. I can still go back. I could climb back through Regulus’s window, tell James that I decided against leaving. I would have to put up with all of the abuse from our parents, marry my cousin, and hate myself for the rest of my life. But I would be with Regulus.
In the end, I keep walking, my bag slung over my shoulder and bruises on my body from the last time Mother got angry with me.
When I get to my friend’s house, I’m met with hugs and warm food. They show me my new room, and we make plans to go shopping for anything I need tomorrow. When I finally collapse into bed, I fall asleep almost immediately, my phone under my pillow just in case Regulus ever calls.
He never does.