How did we all get here?
James
When James has a hard day, he sneaks out at night to go find a place to exist where no one else can hear or see him. Because of this and the Marauder's map, he knows of the typical locations of other students that do this, so James doesn’t have a spot that’s ‘his’. James’ spot is just any place where someone else isn’t. Tonight, that place is the stairs of the astronomy tower.
The stairs. No, not the top, where the balcony and open sky is. It’s too much. Far too… everything. The tower is a lot like James in that respect. It’s open, a lot, and a safe space for those that need it. For that reason, on a normal day, he would love it. But, now? He needs to have nothing.
Anyway, today, especially with the drama with Lily, has been one of those days. Thankfully, the floor is cold and smooth, his hair feels even and right, and there are no bad sounds, movements, or feelings, and there are no foods or smells here to upset him. If you were to ask him, this is the number one place in Hogwarts to go. Sure, maybe not the most touristy spot, but it’s so distinctly calm and solid.
Even though this is his favorite location, he doesn’t get to come here often. This is because Regulus Black comes up here pretty regularly, but he isn’t tonight, much to James’ relief. Nothing against Regulus, of course, it’s just that, it’s very likely that neither of them would appreciate it much if they were trying to relax after a long day and saw their brother’s brother.
James does try to always stay mindful of others, so every once in a while he checks the map to make sure no one’s coming. This isn’t his space, after all, and he wouldn’t want to intrude upon that. After a while, he sets down the map and decides to look out the small window next to him and take a glance at the stars. Quickly scanning the sky, James finds Sirius in under ten seconds, having been shown his best friend’s star many times, whether that be in class for astrology, or by Sirius himself. Out of habit, he also finds Regulus. Sirius had pointed it out to the boys many times during their first year, proudly proclaiming that his brother was ‘the heart of the lion’.
It is a Thursday, however, which means that the first Quidditch game of the year is tomorrow. Gryffindor isn’t playing, but James needs to try and get some rest anyway. Now that he thinks about it, Regulus does have his game tomorrow, which is likely why he’s not at his normal location. If nothing else, James is grateful for Quidditch, because he doesn’t have to see Regulus.
Remus
James is not one to be nervous or much of a mess. While James is a literal mess, he’s typically quite composed, energetic, and stable in terms of mood and emotions. However, weirdly enough, James has been incredibly jumpy for days now. It all manages to resolve itself rather quickly.
Remus is proud of James. Truly, he is. Peter and he used to make bets on how long they thought it would take for him to have a gay awakening. They had just been beginning to think that would never happen, but then, the Quidditch game happened. With it being the first one of the year, many of them are seeing the Ravenclaws and the Slytherins flying for the first time since March. Something during that game must have caught James’ eye because he was in quite a trance the entire time.
There are no girls on either of the teams this year, so that means it has to have been a man, yes? And then there’s a matter of which one. James’ type remains consistent: passionate, sophisticated, and incredibly intelligent. There aren’t many of those on the Slytherin team so that leaves Ravenclaw. There’s Benjy Fenwick, who’s rather intelligent, but he’s already been fawning over James quite a bit, which gets rid of the whole chasing aspect that he seems to enjoy. Then, of course, there’s Caradorc Dearborn, but he caused quite the drama with their group a few years back in an incident that involved chocolate frogs and Polyjuice Potion.
There’s not anyone else who played in the game that James would typically drool over, so maybe he’s just… expanding his range.
Of course, right as he says that James, who is walking next to him to class at this moment, trips and falls flat on his face. Assuming he must’ve been too distracted thinking about his dream boy, Remus sighs before reaching out a hand to help up his friend.
“Thanks, mate, not sure what just got into me,” James laughs, grabbing Remus’ hand.
“No problem. I’m here for you no matter what.”
And if there was a deeper meaning to that, no one would know but them.
Sirius
Have you ever heard of ‘Imposter Syndrome’? Well, he hasn’t. Truly, Minnie mentioned it to him while he was in her office today and that’s the first he’s heard of it.
He is feeling it, though, the ‘Imposter Disorder’ or whatever it’s called. James has been avoiding him ever since the stuff with Lily first happened and he’s not sure what to do. Not that he’s mad at James, because James never does anything worth being mad at. Plus, James has kind of been avoiding everyone, and Sirius is getting concerned.
Right now, he’s cuddling with Remus in their dorm, with Peter off somewhere hanging out with Emmeline Vance, and James is at Quidditch practice. Playing with Remus’ hair and twirling it in circles around his fingers, Sirius wonders why James could be avoiding them. James isn’t gay, he knows that, and he certainly didn’t hook up with Crouch.
“What’s wrong?” His boyfriend questions, eyebrows furrowing slightly in concern. Sometimes he hates how well Remus can read him.
“Jus’ worried about Prongs. He’s been… weird, recently.”
“I know, Pads, but we have to give him space and let him be his own person,” Moony reassures, putting a comforting hand on his boyfriend’s cheek.
“Yeah, you’re always right.”
James
James desperately needs his friends to stop giving him so much space. He needs people around him all the time. It fills him with so much energy and joy.
Since they’ve been giving him so much space, he’s just been using all of it to practice. On days that he doesn’t have classes, he’s gotten up to twelve hours a day of practice. Currently, he’s in the best shape of his life, but Merlin’s balls he’s tired. Tomorrow, though, Gryffindor has their first game of the season. With all the work James has been putting in, they’re sure to win by miles. It’s against Hufflepuff, who, completely coincidentally and not done to pass the time, James has researched a ton on their plays. They’re a good team, but Gryffindor is better.
“Potter, are you paying attention?” McGonagall snips, jerking him out of his train of thought.
“Of course, Minnie, I always listen to you.”
“What is Grenkenroot most commonly used for?” She asks, a knowing look on her face.
“Making… pie?”
“Brewing an antidote for Unicorn venom, Mr. Potter. I know you have a game tomorrow, but do pay attention,” she scolds, returning to the lesson.
-
Gryffindor won, as per usual, which means that it’s time for a party in the common room. Typically, James and Sirius plan them, but the girls have taken it upon themselves to plan the first party of the year.
James is already through a few bottles of beer. Somehow, muggle alcohol is far more intoxicating, so he’s been sticking to that all night. Both he and Sirius are dancing on the speakers, leading the party with their energy.
‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ starts playing, and they all know that it belongs to Sirius, so James takes some time to go off by himself. By ‘go off by himself’ he means linger with Remus in the corner with another beer and silently watch Padfoot together. It’s a tradition that they have for every party, and no one knows about it but them. The silence is always nice and calming for James, and it’s like a bonding experience special to them.
“Hey James, I was wanting to talk to you.”
Well, there goes that silence he was talking about.
“What’s up, Moony?” he replies, maintaining an effort to make sure the conversation is lighthearted.
“You know you could talk to me if you need anything, right? If there’s anything at all you want to talk about, or not, I’m here, Prongs.”
“Yeah, of course, Moons! And I’m here for you too!” He says, mostly just because he doesn’t know what Remus could be referring to.
His friend sighs and gives a gentle smile, one that doesn’t show teeth but emanates warmth. James’ friends are so warm, and he loves being warm. Existing near them feels like sitting next to a fire on Christmas morning.
“I love you, Moony,” he whispers, allowing his smile to become more gentle.
“I love you too, Prongs.”
Regulus
If it weren’t for the fact that he is the heir to the Noble House of Black, Regulus would be a writer. Mostly a poet, but maybe a few books as well. This is the thought that occurs to him late tonight as he finishes reading The Song of Achilles.
Muggle literature is so beautiful and heartbreakingly relatable in every sense of it, as well as deeply symbolic. Every word he’s read out of a fiction book has changed his very existence.
‘There was no blood on his hands then, and no death sentence on his head. Another life.’
Another life. The idea of something he desires being true in some other universe or life has occurred to him on more than one occasion.
‘They never let you be famous and happy.’
Is that just for the heroes? Could Regulus be happy? His name is known in most of wizarding society— is he doomed to misery because of that Somehow, it is the straightforward sentences, like these, that hit him the hardest. The symbolic ones are things that he lets himself enjoy.
‘As if he heard me, he smiled, and his face was like the sun,’
‘He was spring, golden and bright. Envious Death would drink his blood, and grow young again’
‘We were like gods at the dawning of the world’
This book had truly been so beautiful to read, and with each chapter came more love and awe for the literature he’s been missing for his entire life. It’s magic, but not in the way that wizards know it. Magic in the way that muggles believe it to exist, which is in things being so good and pure and amazing, that there is simply no word or explanation for it.
Regulus can only dream of creating something so powerful, of making people feel that deeply.