Regulus has been to hell and back, but this is the worst thing he's ever experienced; love. Not the kind of love you may receive from your family or perhaps your friends, but pure, raw, insatiable love. The kind that you can’t get rid of no matter how hard you try. Regulus felt so much pain as he realized how much he loved him.
Regulus sees him from across the hall laughing away, laughing with that damn smile of his. Oh, the way his gums show when he smiles and his eyes scrunch up, He can't seem to look away from him. He says he hates him; he took his brother away. He lives the life he wants, but for some reason, He can't stop these feelings. Regulus feels as if he shouldn't feel this way. That these feelings are vile if his mother ever found out she’d beat him or, worse, disown him. He’d never even look in Regulus direction, no matter how much he wanted him to, and honestly, He’s thankful. Thankful he’ll never have to confront these so called sinful feelings.
“Regulus… REGULUS” Barty said, trying to get his attention about something. Regulus just shrugged him off, not wanting to deal with his antics. His eyes never left that mesmerizing face. He feels like he doesnt ever want to stop looking at him. Just looking makes everything alright; He feels as if he can be at peace. But if Regulus never knew James, or more like never saw that smile, and if his mother wasn't who she was, He'd probably date Barty. He's a fit bloke and the smartest person Reg knows. He'd be the perfect marriage candidate if he weren't a man.
Regulus looks outside the window, It's raining, but when it is not in bloody England, it's either rain or storm, though we get the occasional snow or something along those lines. Regulus hates the rain; He’s never had a reason why he just kind of does. Maybe it's because of his mother and her hatred of anything that can make a mess. One day Sirius and Regulus decided to go out in the rain for the first time. They snuck out of the manor in their day clothes. Oh, it was so much fun. He loved the rain, but when we eventually went back inside, Mother was there waiting. Let's just say her reaction to them going out getting wet and dirty made them never go out in the rain again. Or at least Regulus will never go out again. Sirius does whatever he wants now because he left.
Sirius left him in that godforsaken house with that horrible woman and that terrible excuse for a father. He hates him yet He misses him so bad, that ‘asshole’ James took him away from Regulus. Sirius doesn't even view him as his brother anymore; James is now his brother. James and his, I guess, that perfect fucking family took Sirius in after he ran away. Sirius didn't even think about him; Regulus doesnt even think he was even a passing thought when he left. “Reg… Are you alright?" Barty looked worried.
“I'm fine, don't worry about it.” No, he’s not. Hes crying of couse hes not alright. When has he ever been alright? He need to leave. He cant deal with people seeing him like this.
Regulus then stood up, and that's when he saw James, Sirius, and the rest of their friends looking at him. He immediately bolted out the door, tears streaming down his face, worrying others nearby. It took him a while before he reached the courtyard. He knew he shouldn't go out there; it was raining, and if someone told his mother, he’d be done for. She has eyes and ears everywhere. He didn't care anymore if he wanted to do something he was gonna do it. So he took a step out letting the rain envelop him. His tears now burn his skin as the cold water washes over them. He laid down in the wet grass, watching the raindrops fall around him as the clouds above grew darker. The ground felt cool and wet against his back. It made him feel at peace.
Regulus felt the rain slowly come to a stop, his clothes clung to him, sticking to his skin and weighing him down. He had lost all sense of time, lying on the ground for gods knows how long. As he looked up, he noticed the sky was now a deep inky black, and the last few drops of rain that fell from the clouds dripped onto his face. The only light was a single full moon in the sky, illuminating the entire courtyard. The night was eerily quiet, and not a single sound could be heard except the slow dripping of the water. Suddenly, Regulus sat up, he heard something, a rustling sound in the distance. He strained his ears, trying to make out the source of the noise. Someone here. He waits a moment until he sees a head pop out of a bush. I was James of course it was James when is it not? Regulus and James stood facing each other. Regulus was soaked, his hair sticking to his face and clothes clinging to his body. James didn't seem to mind the rain, standing there in a similar state of dampness.
"How can you stand here soaking wet without a care in the world?" Regulus let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"I don't mind a bit of water, it's refreshing. Plus, I've got a built-in umbrella on my head, which helps." James gave a small smirk, pointing at his messy, wet hair.
Regulus rolled his eyes at James' comment. "How lovely for you. Some of us aren't as fortunate."
"Oh, come on, Reggie. It's just a little water. Doesn't have to rain on your parade."
"Oh, very funny. You have a way with words, don't you?" It took a few seconds for it to register in his head Regulus felt his stomach drop slightly. Only Sirius had ever called him that. It was special to him. "Don't call me that." He tried to keep the irritation out of his voice, but he couldn't hold his emotions back when it came to anything about Sirius.
James looked at Regulus, surprise registering in his eyes. "Oh, sorry. I didn't realize it would bother you." He rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. "Just figured it was a cute nickname, y’know?"
Regulus couldn't contain the small surge of anger that flared up within him. He clenched his hands into fists, trying to maintain his composure. "It's not cute. Only Sirius calls me that. No one else." Regulus felt a pang of confusion as the words left his mouth. Why did he feel the need to explain that only Sirius could call him that? He hadn't even told Barty, his best friend, about why the nickname bothered him so much. But James, stupid, perfect James... he couldn't help but open up. He had a feeling if he kept talking he wouldn’t ever shut up.
James' expression softened as if he understood the deeper meaning behind Regulus' statement. "Oh... Right. I'm sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it." There was a pause, a moment of uncomfortable silence as the two boys stood there. The rain started again. Regulus found himself stuck in place, his feet refusing to move even though every fiber of his being was telling him to run. There was something in James' gaze that held him captive. His eyes showed a mixture of concern and understanding that Regulus couldn't ignore.
James took a step closer to Regulus, closing the distance between them. He reached out a hand as if to touch one of the wet strands of Regulus' hair, but then he seemed to realize something and he pulled back. Regulus’ heart spiked. He did. He was longing for James to touch him but was grateful he didn't. He didn't want to have to deal with what came next if he did.
James spoke gently, "Can I ask you something?"
Regulus tensed, not sure where this was going. "What?"
"Earlier, in the dining hall, you... ran out in a hurry. Was everything okay? You seemed pretty upset."
Regulus felt his defenses rise as James brought up the incident from before. He didn't want to talk about it, not with James. But something about the way James looked at him made it hard to keep it all in. "I'm fine. It was nothing."
James didn’t look convinced by Regulus’ vague answer. He took a step closer, so they were standing almost toe to toe. "It didn't look like anything. You looked like you were crying."
Regulus looked away, avoiding James' gaze. He hated the way James could see right through him, like no one else could. "Leave it alone, It's none of your business."
James was unfazed by Regulus' attitude. He knew that beneath that cold, hard exterior, there was someone who was hurting. "It is my business if it involves you. You may not believe it, but I care about you, Regulus. I'm not going to just stand here and watch you suffer in silence."
Regulus scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Why do you even care? You've got your own perfect life with Sirius. You've got everything you could ever want. What difference does it make if I'm suffering or not?"
Regulus' eyes widened as James moved even closer, closing the small gap between them. His heart was racing, and he could feel the heat from James' body. “Regulus…”
Regulus could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks, his heart racing in his chest. He stared at James, speechless. James looked equally shocked, his mouth slightly agape as he tried to process how close they were.
Regulus’ emotions were a tangled mess inside of him, and he needed to get away. So he did the only thing he could at that moment. He ran. He didn't look back, not even once. He just ran, as fast as his legs could carry him, leaving the courtyard and James behind. He didn't know where he was going, he just knew that he needed to get away from those confusing feelings that were now spinning out of control.
As the semester drew to an end, Regulus found himself dreading the upcoming holiday break. Returning home to the manor was never a pleasant experience, but after the incident in the courtyard with James, it felt even more daunting. He had been avoiding everyone, especially James, ever since that night, unable to face him or his own feelings. Finally, the day came for him to head back home for the holidays. Regulus packed his belongings and reluctantly made his way to the nearest train.
The train ride back home was a long and uncomfortable one. Regulus sat in a compartment alone, staring out the window at the passing landscape. He tried to distract himself by reading a book, but he couldn't concentrate on the words on the page. His thoughts always went back to James.
Regulus strode up the long winding back towards the tall, stately manor. As soon as He stepped through the front door, he could feel the oppressive atmosphere of the manor. settling around him like a dark cloud. His mother, Walburga, stood in the entrance hall, waiting for him with a stern expression on her face. He knew something was wrong and she never waited for him to get home. Regulus braced himself for whatever his mother had in store for him. As he took a step forward, she finally spoke, her voice cold and commanding. "Regulus. Come here."
Regulus silently approached his mother, trying his best to hide the mixture of anxiety and fear that was churning inside of him. He knew that whatever his mother had to say, it wouldn't be good. Walburga waited until Regulus was standing directly in front of her before speaking again. She looked him up and down, her eyes narrowing as she spoke. "Your behavior has been less than satisfactory of late. I have received reports from teachers that your marks have been declining, and you have been seen associating with questionable individuals."
Regulus gritted his teeth, bracing himself for the inevitable blow from his mother. And sure enough, she didn’t hesitate to strike, her hand connecting with his face with a sharp stinging pain. He stumbled backward, catching himself on the nearby wall. As he touched his cheek, he could feel the skin already starting to bruise. This wasn’t anything new; his mother had always been quick to use physical discipline when she was displeased with him.
Walburga continued, her voice cold and calculating. "But I'm much more concerned with you... personal indiscretions." And then, suddenly, she said the words that Regulus feared the most. "I know about your... preference for men.” She looked at him disgusted. “ And I know about your little affair with that boy.”
Walburga's words hit Regulus like a punch in the gut. Her eyes had a glint of determination and cruelty as she spoke about his relationship with James and the need to "fix" him. "This... infatuation with that boy needs to end. You will forget about him. You will marry a proper young woman and carry on the family legacy. She will fix you, make you normal again."
"Or do you want to end up like your wretched brother?" The mention of Sirius sent a pang of pain through Regulus' heart. He knew all too well what his mother was referring to. Sirius had been disowned by the family after his fallout with Walburga. Regulus clenched his jaw, feeling a mixture of anger and despair swirl inside of him.
Regulus could feel the pressure building up inside of him, his emotions nearly boiling over. He wanted to scream and rage, to shout at his mother and tell her that he would never sacrifice his happiness for her approval. But instead, he found himself responding in a quiet, defeated voice. "No, Mother. I do not."
Walburga's lips curled into a sneer. She seemed pleased with his response, but there was still a hint of maliciousness in her eyes. "Good. Then you will do as I say. You will forget this... attraction to that boy, and you will marry the girl I choose like a proper boy. Now go upstairs and get washed up."
Regulus felt like a puppet, his strings being pulled by his mother's every command. With his cheek still stinging from the blow, he obediently made his way upstairs to the bathroom, where he could clean up and try to gather his thoughts.
Regulus stood in the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. The swelling on his cheek was getting worse, turning the skin around his eye a dark shade of purple. He felt hopeless like there was no way out of here. Regulus ran the bath, he couldn't help thinking about the kiss with James and the life he could have had. A life filled with love and happiness. But he knew that was not possible. Not with Walburga around. The steam from the bath filled the small room, making the air thick and heavy. Regulus looked around the bathroom, taking in the cold, sterile surroundings. He knew he was never going to get out of here Sirius was only able to leave because he was there because they had a spare.
Regulus knew if he wanted out he wasn’t going to be able to live. The only way out of this house of this family now that Sirius is gone is death. This is the only way he got to control his life. This would be the only time he's ever been in control of his own life, his own future. So he decided why not go out using something he loved. The water. The bath was deep enough to where if he went to the deep end and didn’t swim he would drown.
Regulus slowly lowered himself into the tub and moved toward the deep end. The water engulfed his body, and he closed his eyes, enveloped by the soothing embrace of the water. The deep end offered a sense of solitude and tranquility. He then stopped swimming and let himself sink to the bottom of the bathtub. He stayed down there no matter how much his body and mind yelled at him to go back up for air he didn't. He never moved. Not until the last moment that he couldn’t breathe and finally the water made its way into his lungs. Then there was nothing. Regulus left this world with a smile on his face.
Walburga walked down the hallway, towards the bathroom where she had sent Regulus. It had been too long - she knew something was wrong. Without warning, she twisted the knob and pushed the door open. The only sound that anyone could hear was her screaming.
James and Sirius were sitting in the common room of their dormitory, chatting idly. Sirius was lying lazily across a sofa, reading yesterday's paper as he missed it, while James was sitting nearby, sketching something in a notebook. Suddenly, the door burst open and Remus, looking pale and distraught, stood in the doorway. Remus looked winded as if he'd been running. He clutched a copy of the paper in one hand. His eyes darted from James to Sirius, his expression grave. Sirius immediately sat up, sensing the seriousness of the moment. "Remus, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.
Remus crossed the room and thrust the newspaper into James' lap. The headline read: "Regulus Black, Heir to the Noble House of Black, Found Dead in a Bathtub." James' eyes widened in horror as he read the words. Beside him, Sirius had gone completely still, his face draining of color. Neither one of them could believe what they were reading. Sirius was the first to speak, his voice barely above a whisper. "No... that can't be right." He snatched the paper from James' lap, skimming the article for any hint that it was a mistake.
James looked equally stunned and confused. The last time he'd seen Regulus was just before the holidays. They'd kissed. Regulus had seemed upset, but he hadn't seemed like he wanted to...die. Sirius continued to read the article, his expression growing more horrified with each passing second. The details of Regulus' death were grim and gruesome, painting a picture of loneliness, despair and desperation that twisted the knife even deeper into their hearts.
James and Sirius sat in silence as the weight of Regulus' death sunk in. They couldn't believe it had happened, couldn't reconcile the vibrant, complicated person they had known with the cold reality of his death. As the days passed, they both struggled with their grief and with the questions that were left unanswered. Why had Regulus chosen to end his life? What had driven him to such a dark place? In the end, they were left with only their memories of Regulus and the haunting guilt that they could have changed his fate. Remus tried to comfort them both, but there were no words that could truly ease the pain they felt. James and Sirius mourned not only the loss of Regulus, but the loss of the relationship they might have had. The loss of a brother. And the loss of what could have been. Regret and guilt gnawed at them both, whispering what-ifs and wondering if they could have done something to change the outcome.
the end!! This sucks lmao :3