The Wild One, Forever
8th September 1978
Remus bolted up from his chair and swayed on his feet, then reached a hand back to brace himself on the back of the chair. He needed to move or think or… something.
Fuck, how did he not see it?
“Woah, there, pup.” Otto rushed out, stepping up to Remus’ side and guiding him back into his chair. “Did you get him too high, Bernie? You know you’ve gotta go easy on the younglings like this. The boys all skin and bones.”
“Oh, hush, you.” Bernie laughed. “I think I just shook his little head up. Poor pup.”
“What happened, Bernie?” Shawna asked in concern.
“He didn’t know what the bond was, but judging by that reaction, I’d wager he’s already met her.”
“Oh, Remus.” Shawna gasped.
Remus stared at the fire, the thoughts in his mind spinning by far too fast for his focus to land on a single one. A fucking mating bond, because of course it was a mating bond. He was smart. He knew some creatures had bonds, and he knew that he didn’t know shit about being a werewolf so he should have put it all together, really. Why didn’t he put it together?
He wasn’t sure if he had been speaking aloud, or if, perhaps, his internal struggle was written across his face. Either way, the calming voice of Gibs rang out as a hand clamped down on his shoulder.
“You wouldn’t have realized because you’ve never learned. And because you deny your wolf, pup. Did you think you wanted to hurt her?”
Remus nodded slowly, then slumped forward and pressed his palms to his eyes as he groaned.
“Yeah. I… there was this, uh…” he trailed off and gestured to the side of his neck, then slumped back in his chair and lit another cigarette. He was keenly aware that he was going to run out at this rate, but he was also keenly aware that he didn’t rightly give a fuck right now.
“Ah. Man, I still remember how bad my teeth hurt.” Gibs laughed. “Listen, pup, it’s all normal. Anything you felt. Is she… you know her? She’s someone good, yeah?”
“Yeah.” Remus laughed. “Yeah, she’s…” he trailed off and brought a hand to his chest, rubbing absentmindedly as he tried to choose his words.
“Well, she’s my best friend’s sister and we all share a flat so it’s awkward but she, um. She likes me.” he said, then quickly shook his head again and took another drag. Gods, he felt foolish.
“The neck thing.” Otto spoke up. “That’s the marking bit, I was telling you about earlier. Its… well, I’ve not been through it all personally, but none of it’s a bad thing.”
“I would imagine it was terrifying, not knowing what was happening.” Shawna soothed as she took a seat in the chair next to Remus.
“Did you…um… when the… when it happened, did it happen for… for you, too, or is it just…?” He stuttered out, mentally cursing himself at his inability to form a coherent sentence.
He wanted to scream, or cry, or something and he was relieved and freaking out and he was crawling out of his fucking skin, and she was his.
His mate.
Gods, it was so right. This is what it was supposed to be. That feeling, since he’d first looked into her eyes, as if she was just so fucking his.
“When the bond snapped into place, the mate feels it as well. Although I’ve heard it’s not as intense for the mate if they’re human, it’s still quite powerful. So yes, if you have met your mate, she would have at the least felt the pull. Although depending on a great number of things, she may not have recognized it for what it was either.” Shawna explained softly.
“I have. Met her I mean. I think. I don’t know um… it feels as if I’m sure. Though I didn’t know about this whole thing at the time, I couldn’t really put words to how it all felt, so I suppose I could be mistaken.”
Gibs looked out across the clearing for a moment in contemplation, then shoved his hands in his pocket and looked back down at Remus.
“There are a number of little things that all sort of add up to the big picture. The pull to her scent. That urge to mark her, so bad you can feel it in your teeth. The list is a mile long, but all roads lead to the same point. You see her, and you know. The wolf chooses. Say you remove the idea of trying to rationalize everything you feel away, decided to let yourself feel it, it all just boils down to one thing, doesn’t it?”
One thing. Hermione was everything, in all of the best and the worst ways. She was gorgeous and mysterious and confusing and hilarious. She was a shit dancer that he never wanted to stop seeing dance. She was smart and funny, and she made him feel… everything.
She made him feel like he was supposed to feel everything. He was supposed to keep her safe, to make her happy, to bite down on her fucking neck.
…She was his, and this was his…
“She’s mine.” Remus barely whispered, the words rolling out of his mouth as if they had grown legs and crawled their way out of his chest without his knowledge.
“Well, there you have it, then.” Gibs laughed.
“Bout time to go shake off these meat suits and run. We’ll talk more about this tomorrow, yeah, boy-o?” Otto added as he gestured to where the other pack members were beginning to gather near the path they’d take into the forest to prepare for their transformations.
Remus nodded lazily and rose from his chair, his feet carrying him behind the others of their own volition while his mind continued to spin.
Gods it was true. Right. The exact thing that he hadn’t been able to put into words. She belonged to him, and he to her. And yes, yes, of course, she was her own person and of course she was Sirius’ best friend and of course he didn’t dare to claim ownership over someone without getting to know them first, and of course all of the appropriate and right and just things.
And, of course, he had so many questions. There was so much to learn. He wasn’t even sure what this all meant. He just knew it…was.
Every breath he had taken since he’d rounded that corner and saw her perched on the couch in an oversized, threadbare jumper, all wild-hair and wide-eyes, with her lips wrapped around a cigarette, had belonged to Hermione Black.
His fucking Mate, and she felt it too.
13th September, 1978
“You ready, Moonrocks?” Ford asked as he poked his head inside of the tent. “Gods, how many letters did you… fail to write?”
“Shut up, Chevy.” Remus blushed as he vanished all the balled-up bits of parchment on the cot next to him and then finished wrapping the necklace before he slid it inside of the envelope Shawna had given him and sealed it. He stood and tucked his own necklace under his shirt – very proudly not doing a little happy dance over his excitement. Gods, he hoped she liked it.
He also hoped she didn’t think he was a creep, but chances had to be taken. In lieu of being able to just fucking go to her, as he’d so desperately wanted to do so many times since he’d arrived, some semblance of a connection to her would have to suffice.
Stupid fucking Dumbledore and the stupid fucking Order giving him stupid fucking important work to help protect the stupid fucking world. They were all lucky Hermione had to live in said world, because – though he would never say it to anyone else - the fact that the war put her in danger, too, was the only thing that had kept him from going home the second he woke up after the full moon a few days ago with the knowledge of what she was to him.
He wasn’t a monster. Well, he was, but he wasn’t any more of a monster than usual when it came to her. This was fate. She was his, and he was going to claim the hell out of her as soon as he was done with all this… stupid fucking important shit. He was rather looking forward to the claiming aspect of the whole thing.
Remus bent down and re-tied his shoe, then tucked the letter into his satchel and then grabbed his jacket and gestured with his hand for Ford to lead the way as they excited the tent and headed into the woods.
The two were handling a supply run into a nearby village (nearby in that it was only a four-mile walk, three points of apparition, and then another three miles away, deep as they were in the forest) and Remus was taking the opportunity to send off a letter and gift for Hermione’s birthday. He wasn’t sure, given the distance, if it would arrive on time, but he had to do something for her. He couldn’t stomach the idea of the day passing by without her knowing she was on his mind, pathetic as that may make him.
He was pathetic, when it came to her. Desperate and yearning and soft, in addition to all the feral, manic feelings. She had this way about her, that made him feel everything, all at once, and he craved her. She was his mate, yes, but she was also so fucking intelligent and funny and kind. Even with his previous lifelong resolve to never fall for anyone, he was quite certain he would have been head over heels for her, bond or not.
But the bond did exist, and he could feel it pulling at his chest every waking moment, beckoning him back to her. He wanted to go home. Not to his flat and his books and his records and his bed. All of those familiar comforts would be rather lovely to return to, sure. But home was no longer four walls and a row of bookshelves. Home was no longer a collection of rooms and material objects.
She was home, and he had wanted to turn around and go back home from the very instant he had walked out of her bedroom the night he left.
Now, though, it had reached a fever pitch. Finally having the answers to what the hell had been going on in his head over her had both helped and hurt the situation at hand. He knew what this was now, knew without a doubt that it was real, and that it wasn’t going away.
But he knew now, and he knew all of those feelings and thoughts and urges weren’t born of some secret wolfy desire to harm her, and he wanted to go home and just… smell her, a bit. Still, there was the whole ‘stupid fucking important mission’ factor, so he would have to settle for this tiny connection.
He’d been talking with a couple of the little girls who liked to busy themselves making jewelry and little baubles about having a necklace made for Hermione (and listening to the pups oooh and aahh and go all starry eyed over him getting his mate a gift, which… okay, it was kind of cute) when one of them suggested a set so they could match ‘like friendship necklaces’ and the idea to charm them struck him like a lightning bolt.
It was perfect. Some possessive part of him rather liked the idea of having her wear something he’d given her, so the idea of the necklace in general pleased him. But he’d been running on blind faith to convince himself she was safe, so the prospect of having a tangible way to check in was too tempting to avoid. From what he’d learned, once they’d sealed the bond, he would be able to feel her in a more tangible way, but until that point, this would help.
Well, until that point, if that point came. She would, of course, need to be amenable to the idea of being bound to a broke, moody werewolf for life, but for all his skill in the art of talking himself into a panic, he just hadn’t been able to bring himself to worry that she didn’t want this.
She knew. She, likely, didn’t know that she was his mate, as he was the damn wolf of the two and he’d only just learned that little tidbit himself. But she knew anyway. She felt it too, wanted him to. She even said she liked him, and, cheesy as it was, he was still riding the high of that little confession.
“Is the letter for that girl you mentioned?” Ford asked as they made their way from the third apparition point toward the trail that led into the village. “Karen, right? Your roommate’s sister or sister’s roommate or whatever?’
“Carina.” Remus corrected. “Yeah. It’s her birthday soon.”
“She must be pretty special, Wolfjamin Wolfson.”
“Aye, Generic Car Brand Name.” Remus laughed. “She’s uh… well, I didn’t know a lot of this wolf shit, yeah?”
“Yeah…” Ford said, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Turns out she’s the big deal.”
“You’re shitting me.”
“Nope.”
“You found your MATE and you didn’t even know? What did you just think ‘hmmm this chick makes me feel really bitey, strange.’ Or something?”
“Uh…. Kinda. Yeah. Actually, that’s exactly right. Though I suppose I was a bit more tortured and self-loathing about it.”
“Well shit, Wolfy.”
“Yeah.”
“Well does she dig you?”
“She uh… yeah. She digs.”
“Oooohhhh, she diiiigs.”
“Piss off, cunt.”
“So testy.” Ford laughed and tutted his tongue. “So how are you not already running screaming back to her to get on with all the…matey things?”
“I’m, um…” Remus busied himself lighting a cigarette as a means to stall.
“Well, couple things, I guess. This has been really good for me. She already didn’t expect me back for a few months at the earliest and while I’m more than ready to get on with all the things I guess some part of me feels like I’ve got more to learn here. I’m more settled with all this werewolf shit than I was before, and I guess I want to give it just a bit more time, another moon or two at most, to make sure my head is right. Its, uh, for life, they say, so I figure I’d do best to make sure my shit is straight before I go dump all this bond shit in her lap.”
The half-truths rolled off his tongue with ease, because really, it did all have some merit to it. Remus had never realized how much he needed this until he’d been here, in it. Especially now, having learned about the bond – he had no idea what would have become of him by this point had he remained at home surrounded by her and her scent and her fucking hair and her jumpers and her peppermint tea and her dancing and gods, he fucking missed her.
He had needed this. This was good. But he was ready to be done. For all he could tell, not a single member of the pack had any desire to deal with anything related to magical society, let alone an evil wizard that wanted to kill half-bloods, muggleborns and muggles. Any creature with half a brain would be able to discern how well that agenda would fare for themselves once Lord Dickface was done using them, as it were.
Sure, there were wolves such as the one who had sired him, who chose evil, and were likely begging for a place amongst the ranks of the Death Eaters, but shitty people were going to be shitty people, and werewolves were, at least primarily, humans. They came in all forms and personalities, just as the rest did, and save for a single fucking day a month, they were pretty well driven by whatever moral compass they would have followed regardless of a blood curse.
People like the Order couldn’t see that, though. Remus was, don’t be mistaken, all in on the cause. But the idea that recruiting werewolves was such a big deal was laughable at best to begin with. They were humans, who transformed into beasts that could not even be fucking controlled for one night a month. In theory, sure. The git who called himself the dark lord could let them lose on the full moon to eat people, but even he had no way of predicting or controlling what they’d do or where they’d go. It was all a foolish notion.
At the most, recruiting werewolves could bring in more bodies, but more bodies could be found anywhere. Alas, society had decided they were beasts first, and even the Order, progressive and understanding as they thought they were, couldn’t seem to wrap their minds around the fact that being a werewolf didn’t mean…
Oh.
Oh.
Remus almost laughed out loud as realization hit. The burden he’d been carrying, placed on his shoulders by his father at the age of four years old, lightened just enough that he felt as if he could breath easier for the first time in his life.
Being a werewolf did not mean he was a monster.
It meant he became one, once a month. An important factor, not to be overlooked, yes. But it was not all it was.
It was not even the most intriguing thing about him, according to the one person who, all cards on the table, Remus cared to hear the opinion of more than anyone else. He really had needed this. As tough as the distance was, and as much as he missed the comforts of home, missed his friends, missed her – his mate – to be able to return home with his mind a little clearer could only be a good thing.
“Well shit.” Ford said, pulling Remus from his thoughts. “Sounds like we’ve got more in common than I thought. I had a lot to learn when I came here too, and I was scared shitless at first, but I think I’ll always be glad I did it.”
“When you came here? I guess I assumed you grew up in the pack. Were you older, then, when your Mam and Gibs were mated?”
“I was about fifteen. I’m twenty-one now. But I, uh…well, shit. It’s a long story. My parents met at university, got married three months later, and I popped out six months after that, so I’m sure you can do the math. Female wolves don’t shift when they’re pregnant, and my mother was going through a ‘denying the wolf’ phase like a lot of people do, so she’d never had the guts to tell my Dad. When she finally did, after I was born, he flipped his lid. Roughed her up pretty bad, though I didn’t learn that part until just a few years ago.”
“Shit. I’m sorry, that’s tough.”
“Yeah.” Ford nodded and adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “So, he finds out, sues for custody on the grounds of her being a danger to me. The case goes in front of the Wizengamot, and I’m sure you can guess the outcome.”
“Ffycin rhagfarn” Remus cursed.
“I don’t know what that means but it sounds angry, so I agree.”
“Ah, sorry. Fucking prejudice. I’ve a tend to go all Welshy when I’m irritated. So, they gave him custody then?”
“Yep.” Ford said with a heavy sigh. “And he was a nightmare. He died in a car accident when I was fourteen – a favor to the world, really – and I came to live with my mother’s old pack, then she met Gibs and we moved out here. It was a major adjustment, and I was a petulant kid, so I hated it.”
“And now?”
“They’re my family. I couldn’t live here full-time. Too much of a traveler. I suppose if I were more wolfy it would be different, but I just get the weird energy and the sense of smell. Once I did come to run with the wolves, though, I learned a lot. Grew. I still hold a hell of a lot of anger toward the Wizengamot for taking me away from a family that loved me and giving me to a father like that, but I’m more settled now, too. Reconnecting with family helped, and all that sappy shit. There had to have been other kids like me that missed out too, because of the fucking stigma, and I’d like to see the laws change for the better, you know?”
“Yeah. I get it. Times are tense all over and I know werewolf rights are hardly at the forefront of everyone else’s mind, but it’d be nice to be able to just choose whatever career I wanted, shit like that, like any other bloke my age.”
“Well for what it’s worth, I hope that when all this war shit ends, things get better for your kind.”
“Awwww, Chrysler, you going soft on me?”
“Watch it, Wolfster Moonsworth.”
19th September, 1978
Remus woke with a start, clasping onto the charm of his necklace, and let out a loud, booming laugh.
She got it.
She was safe.
Fuck, he felt as if he’d been drowning since he walked out of their flat, running on the fumes of a dwindling hope, and now she’d read his letter, and clearly hadn’t run screaming for the hills because she’d put the necklace on and had used it to check in with him.
He was pathetic.
Over the moon.
Obsessed.
He was okay with that.
Pressing his thumb to the charm, he whispered ‘Nexum’ and moved to lay back down, then laughed again when he felt the warming sensation against his collarbone a mere few seconds later.
This was going to be so much fun.
Happy fucking birthday, he thought, a wistful smile playing across his lips.
9th November, 1978
“You got a second, pup?”
Remus looked up from the book in his lap to see Gibs standing in the entryway of the tent with a serious expression on his face. He nodded and set his book aside as he gestured for Gibs to take a seat.
“Otto said you’re thinking about heading out?”
Remus nodded, and stretched, twisting a bit to try to pop his back in an attempt to ease the lingering soreness from the full moon.
“I was thinking I’d leave next week. Another couple days to recover and then I’ll say goodbye to Ford and Todd when they pop back up for Teeny’s birthday Sunday. Shawna made me promise I wouldn’t miss the party, of course.” he smiled.
“I do appreciate everything you and the pack have done for me though, truly. I just…”
“You just need to get home to that little mate of yours.” Gibs said with a knowing grin. “And I’d imagine The Order of the Phoenix is waiting with bated breath for a full report.”
Remus stilled and opened his mouth to protest, but couldn’t find it in himself to lie, so he simply nodded.
“I thought that was the case.” Gibs pressed his lips together in a thin line, then nodded. “Few of the packs, myself included, received owls from the Order in the spring, so when I opted not to respond, I figured it was only a matter of time before they sent someone. Once you had your revelation about your mate and you still stuck around, I knew there had to be a reason.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t… well, I suppose I can’t rightly say that I didn’t come here to deceive you all. I just…”
“You had a job to do. An important one. I can respect that. We’ve heard stirrings about everything that’s happening out there. I think, or, I should hope, that it’s clear to you that our pack wants nothing to do with the war. Should push come to shove, though, and ONLY if it does, we will fight for what’s right. And not to be mistaken, I do believe that your people are doing what’s right. My pack, we just prefer our life to be peaceful. We’ve worked hard for that, and would like to protect that the best that we can.”
“I understand. And for what it’s worth, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to disrupt your peace. If I’m honest, I… I needed this time, more than I can put into words. I suppose I was more motivated to undertake this mission when the Order suggested it, even knowing it was asinine, because I was… curious, about all of this. What I’ve learned here is invaluable, and I’m eternally grateful for everything. I am in your debt, truly. Should there ever be anything you need…”
“I’ll keep that in mind, pup.” Gibs said with a soft smile as he stood. “Listen, I’m gonna be blunt here. I don’t want your Order sending anyone else out here. But we like you, kid. You fit well. I know you’ve already declined the invitation to join the pack, but it still stands. Should that push and shove arise, they send YOU. Tell them we won’t let any other Order member past the wards. Got it?”
“Got it.” Remus said with a nod as he stood and shook Gibs’ hand.
“And truly. Thank you, again.”
“Stick around for Teeny’s birthday so Shawna doesn’t kick both our asses, and we’ll call it even.” Gibs told him as he turned to leave. He reached the exit and then paused before turning back around.
“Listen, Remus. You come back any time, yeah? Bring that mate of yours round to meet us, too. She’s welcome to come stay at the den with the rest if you ever get the itch to come run with us for the moon, or just want to come for a visit. But if things go sideways out there… that invitation does still stand, and you know that extends to her as well.”
“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Gibs laughed and waved his hand. “Enjoy your week and then go claim your witch.”
Remus watched Gibs leave and then glanced down at his necklace as he felt it begin to warm again. They’d been at it nearly constantly for weeks. He’d been worried he would be too over-zealous with it, but it seemed as if Hermione had her hand on the necklace almost constantly - Not that he was complaining, of course. Remus rather liked the idea of her being a bit desperate for him.
Such a needy little witch.
All for him.
Gods, he was ready to go home to her.