Coffee & TV
The feeling of using drugs was great. Regulus loved to feel the effect that cocaine had on his body. He got lighter, as if nothing and no one could hurt him.
Regulus started using when he was fourteen years old. Lucius Malfoy was the one who presented the wonders of cocaine. He vaguely remembers that night when Lucius took him to all kinds of places that someone fourteen years old shouldn't be attending, Sirius was grounded, he had made Walburga angry about something Regulus didn't remember, at the time, Regulus and Sirius no longer talked to each other, but Regulus knew that if his brother was there he would never have left that night and most likely he wouldn't be here today. At that time the Black brothers were just two strangers sharing the same story.
With no one to talk to, Regulus began to get closer to Lucius Malfoy, his cousin's boyfriend. Lucius was a tall man, with blonde hair and eyes as dark as his empty soul. At that time, Regulus did not know the harms that being close to Lucius would bring.
He was naive enough to believe in all the empty promises Lucius told him.
Lucius promised fame, money and freedom. He said that Regulus would be able to get out of Walburga's ties.
Regulus was a silly, innocent and passionate teenager.
Lucius Malfoy was his first love.
Nowadays Regulus realises how fucked up that was. He was fourteen and Lucius was close to twenty, but Regulus believed in the empty promises of an adult.
Everything that happened between them was fundamental for Regulus to get where he is today.
An addict, narcissist with a lot of sadness kept inside himself.
When Regulus met Dorcas and her band, they played in Barty's mother's garage. Regulus saw potential in that garage band, so he called Lucius. And that's it, they debuted at the top of the charts.
There were some rumours circulating in the band from the beginning, when a journalist named Rita Skeeter found out more about Regulus' family
His dead name was in all the headlines.
"Walburga and Orion Black's daughter makes her debut, will she be more famous than her parents?"
That made Regulus sick. No one had the right to call him her.
"Black brothers, why do you hate each other?"
Regulus laughed, and smelled a little more of the white powder that was on his coffee table.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
His brother still haunted him, Regulus wanted to feel hatred for Sirius, but it was practically impossible, because deep down Regulus would always love his brother.
“Reg-“ Barty enters the room. “What the fuck, how much of this shit did you use?”
Regulus sniffed and scratched his nose. “Not enough.”
“Lucius will kill you.” Barty whispers helping Regulus to get up. “You need a shower, come on, take off the binder.”
Regulus still used the binder. He had already removed he’s breasts years ago, but the habit of using the binder still continued, as much as it was a very annoying piece, Regulus could not get rid of it. He could never get rid of what ruined him.
“Barty, I’m fine,” Regulus said. “Did you see the news?”
Barty, who took him to the bathroom, nodded with his head. “It’s everywhere Reg.”
“They revived Regina.” Regulus whispers the last part, as if someone were going to hear that name.
“I know, Lucius scheduled a meeting about it.” Barty says, pouring shampoo into his hand and soon starting to wash Regulus’ hair. “Hey, you need to be sober until then.”
“I don’t want to be sober, it means getting stuck in the sad and miserable reality of my life.”
“Reg, we need you sober, it’s you who knows how to talk to Lucius and all those people, me, Dorcas and Evan need you.”
Regulus doesn’t answer, he just closes his eyes feeling Barty’s fingers massaging his scalp.
Barty was his friend. Regulus loved him for that. The two got together to drink, inject anything they could. Barty understood him better than anyone else.
Barty helps him change, putting the binder again and a giant Led Zeppelin T-shirt on Regulus’ thin body, with a torn jeans. He wasn’t as miserable as he was before, but the dark circles were apparent and his hair dripped against the hotel carpet.
“Come on, we need to go.” Barty says helping him get up. “You need to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.” Regulus murmurs.
Barty helped him walk. “I didn’t ask if you’re hungry, I said you need to and will eat. Let’s go to the hotel restaurant and you’ll have a very reinforced coffee, even if I have to force it in your throat.”
Evan and Dorcas were there, laughing and talking loudly, there were some people around who whispered and pointed at them, the buzz increased when Regulus entered the restaurant.
His dead name had ended up in the media. The family that Regulus had been to had ended up in the media. Now everyone knew that Regulus was Sirius’ brother.
Desperate. That’s how Regulus was. He didn’t know what to do.
“Man, you’re shit,” Evan says as soon as he sees Regulus, he pulls a chair by his side for his friend to sit. “Were you using it?”
“Guess what.” Regulus responds sarcastically. “I need coffee.”
“I’ll get it, I’ll be right back.” Barty says going to the restaurant buffet.
“We saw the stories that came out about you,” Dorcas pulls the subject. “You must be feeling like shit.”
“I’m always feeling like this,” Regulus answers by fixing his sunglasses, since the light was bothering him.
“Lucius said he needed to schedule a meeting about, but only with you.” Dorcas says taking the coffee cup to his mouth.
Alone with Lucius. Regulus wanted to bury himself seven palms of land at that moment.
“Alone?”
Evan shrugged. "You've always been better at dealing with him than we are, I mean, you're from the same family."
Regulus moves his head, feeling all his insides squirm.
"I hope they sue this Rita, she didn't have the right to disclose your dead name like that," Dorcas says angrily. "and they still miss their pronoun on purpose!"
"Regulus, are you okay with all this?"
"Yes." Regulus answers.
It was a lie.
Regulus was good at lying.
...
Lucius' office was cold. Very cold. Regulus didn't like it there.
He didn't like that he had done many things, which he wasn't proud of, to be famous.
Getting involved with Lucius Malfoy was one of those things.
Regulus felt dirty. Dirty for not being able to stop that disgusting relationship.
Lucius used it and Regulus left it.
He had nowhere to run, he had signed a contract.
This contract consisted of Regulus having to endure Lucius' management in his band for five years.
Death Eaters only had one year together.
None of his friends knew, that was out of the question. What Regulus did to make the band famous should be kept secret.
There were sacrifices in life that not everyone needed to know.
Upon entering that cold room, Regulus felt all the hair on his body stand on end, he shrank hugging his arms trying to somehow keep the cold weather away from his body.
This time Lucius was not alone, no, there was a girl with curly hair and dark skin sitting next to him. Regulus was surprised, his meetings with Lucius were practically made with the two of them alone, with no one around.
When Regulus entered completely he can see that the two would not be alone.
His brother was there.
Sirius was sitting with a cigarette on his lips, his blouse was black torn, he didn't wear anything underneath, his tight black pants and a boot of the same colour on his feet. You can see the tattoos that surrounded his white back. Sirius stared at his brother with arched eyebrows.
Remus Lupin was also there, standing near the large window. He wore a green and brown sweater, torn pants and a brown all star. His gaze was lost in the street under them, he didn't even realise that Regulus had entered the room.
Peter Pettigrew wore sunglasses, a David Bowie T-shirt and jeans very similar to Remus's and on his feet a black boots.
And finally him.
James Potter, with his red plaid blouse, a white T-shirt glued to his body, and a very slate black all star. His hair was messy, his round glasses fell on his nose, his brown skin highlighted all his clothes.
He was handsome.
"That's good, you finally arrived." Lucius says opening a Machiavellian smile going to hug Regulus' shoulders and forcing him to sit on one of the vacant chairs. "This is Regulus." Lucius introduces him.
"We already know." Remus answers, he doesn't look at Regulus at any time. "What are we doing here?"
"Business." Lucius' voice comes out with pride.
"With you?" Sirius speaks. His voice remains the same as years ago, Regulus' heart speeds up when he sees his brother there bringing that cigarette. "I prefer death."
"Sirius!" The woman catches your attention. "Sorry Mr. Malfoy for that."
"It's okay, McDonald's." Lucius replies by sitting back behind his table. "As you may have already seen, some very biased news about my client went public."
"Yes, we saw it on MTV." James responds by interrupting Lucius. "And what does that have to do with us?"
Lucius threw his back against the leather chair he was sitting on. "Everything, Potter. My client is Sirius Black's brother, son of Walburga and Orion Black and in case you don't know, the Black family is very influential in this field that you all meet."
“Oh, we have two nepobaby’s in this room, what does that mean?” Peter asked.
Sirius put out the cigarette on Lucius’ table. “I’m not famous because of my parents.”
“Come on, you’ve probably already used your last name to have some advantage.” Regulus answers. His voice came out loud and everyone looks at him. “We are Black, nothing fairer than using this to our advantage.”
Lucius smiles towards Regulus. His head is tunning. “My client is right, that’s what Miss McDonald and I were talking about, we’ll take advantage of the last name Black to try to appease the whole situation involving my client.”
“And what do you want?” James asks, looking at Lucius. “A picture of Sirius and Regulus having lunch together showing how they get along? Or what?”
“We want a song.” McDonald’s says. “A Regulus song with the Marauders.”
“Absolutely not.” Sirius answers.
“I don’t want to work with him.” Regulus speaks at the same moment. “And why aren’t Dorcas, Evan and Barty here? They’re as much in the band as I am.”
Lucius looks at him angrily. “Ms. Meadowes and Messrs. Rosier and Crouch will not participate in this project.”
“Why not?” Peter intrudes making Lucius stare at him angrily.
“Because our focus is only on you at the moment.” Lucius answers with simplicity.
Used. That’s how Regulus was feeling.
“So, it would be kind of a song by the Black brothers, something the media would love, to clear Regulus’ name and a good marketing move for your third album.” McDonald’s explains.
James denies with his head. “We only have three songs ready, I can’t just leave them aside just because I need a song with Regulus, and another, he’s a guitarist, we already have a very fit guitarist in the band.”
Lucius was already out of patience, Regulus knew that. “Regulus is a great singer, so he would do a duet with you Potter.”
“No.” James answers. “The band is mine and I choose-“
“Excuse me, is the band just yours?” Remus meddles in that discussion for the first time. “It would be a good marketing for the band James, think about it, joining Sirius and Regulus, everything goes in our favour in this agreement.”
"I'm with Remus." Peter says raising his hand, James stares at him in disbelief. "What's the problem? It's just a song."
Everyone looks hopeful at Sirius who was silent for all that moment. His brother sighed loudly, he seemed bored with all that conversation. "Give me the chords and I'll record this shit, but I'll let you know right away that I won't write any music with him."
Regulus turns up his nose.
"And who said I wanted to write something with you?" Regulus laughs in mockery.
"Regulus and James write together," McDonald says. "I think the two have talent to spare, they will be able to work together."
"What?" The two talk at the same time.
"Regulus," Lucius sounds more like a warning, Regulus already knowing that the other was already angry quickly shuts up. "You will use your best composition to write with James, the five will have at least three performances together. When the song comes out, the Marauders' record label will announce the band's third album, and you and the others will announce the tour."
"It seems like a good deal to me," Peter murmurs.
James takes off his glasses and massages his eyes. "And Dumbledore agrees with all this Mary?"
"It was actually his idea, James." McDonald's answers James.
"Do we all agree?" Lucius asks, everyone murmurs something in agreement. "Great, I'll get the papers to sign."
Regulus wanted to scream, warn everyone in that room that it was a terrible idea to sign a contract with Lucius Malfoy, but Regulus was quiet, watching everything carefully.
Remus was the first to sign, Peter went right after, Sirius sighed deeply and passed his eyes through the sheet soon after signed too. Before taking the leaf, James Potter took a sneaky look towards Regulus, but then signed without further demands.
Lucius smiled victoriously keeping the sheet on his desk.
"Great, Regulus won't disappoint them." Lucius spoke. "Everybody dismissed."
Everyone left the room, including Regulus who thanked the heavens for the fact that Lucius didn’t asked for Regulus stay there, alone with him.
Regulus hurried to the outside, finally feeling lighter away from Lucius’ clutches. His brother and his band talked low with Mary, they looked in the direction of Regulus, which made it clear that it was him they were talking about.
It was James who came to talk to him. The brother’s friend seemed a little annoyed with that whole situation. Regulus thought it was funny.
“I know you didn’t want your dead name to go public,” James begins, Regulus wants to laugh at him because James Potter strangely made Regulus feel comforted. “It sucks I know, but this whole situation that your agent put us doesn’t please me, in fact it doesn’t please any of us.”
“You could have denied it,” Regulus replies ironically. “It’s just said no.”
James closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Don’t fuck, you know I couldn’t deny it.”
“Yeay, but I wish I had seen you trying.” Regulus speaks, James rolls his eyes. “Seeing you begging must be a very interesting scene to see.”
“So,” James says completely ignoring Regulus’ last line. “Sirius doesn’t want to work with you, Remus doesn’t want to be near you, and Peter is in charge of finishing the last songs, what’s left for me to work on the music with you.”
Regulus smiles with that information. “Oh, great.”
“Come to our studio tomorrow afternoon, that’s when don’t have anyone there.” James gives him a note written to the address where the studio was located. “Don’t be late.”
“I don’t promise anything Potter.” Regulus whispers into James’ ear. “I bet you’re eager to be alone with me.”
James pushes him. “Not even in your dreams.”
“Maybe not in mine, but yours, I’m sure it is.” Regulus turns around and walks towards the exit. “We’ll see you tomorrow Potter!”
...
“A song just yours?” Dorcas asks incredulously while walking through the hotel room where they were all staying. “Lucius didn’t think of us?”
Regulus sighs deeply, he was sitting in one of the armchairs in the room, with his head thrown down while his legs were resting on the backrest. “He said it’s to clear my name.”
Evan painted Barty’s nails looked up. “And didn’t he think that the band you’re part of wouldn’t help you clear your name?”
“It would be a lot of people on one stage,” Barty replies, Dorcas and Evan look at him in disbelief. “I mean, fuck, look at the marketing move they did, putting two Black’s in one song, that’s fucking awesome.”
“Do you know what’s more fucked up?” Dorcas rhetorical question. “Put a Black to play with he’s own band!”
Regulus lit a cigarette. He didn’t have the patience to discuss that issue at that moment. He understood Dorcas’ irritation and knew that it was not fair to them. Doing that collaboration would bring fame to only five people.
The Marauders and Regulus.
Dorcas, Evan and Barty would be left out of all that. As much as in the agreement there was something that would bring something good to the Death Eaters, which was the announcement of the Tour.
But it was the Marauders who would have the masters of music, if one day they decide that Regulus could no longer sing it, they could do it.
And if the music exploded, who would win most of the profits would be Regulus and them.
No Dorcas, Barty and Evan. Regulus knew it was unfair, but there was nothing he could do, besides helping James write that damn song, because he signed that damn contract.
There was nowhere to run, just accept.
“Cass, I know you’re pissed, I don’t take your reason, but this collaboration will be something to help me and remove the spotlight that Rita Skeeter put on me.” Regulus calmly explains to his friend. “You liking or not, I will have to write that song with Potter.”
Barty blowed his nails to dry faster. “He’s right Cass, this song will be good to clean Regulus’ bar, well we shouldn’t have accepted him in the band.” Barty says now extended his hand for Evan to pass the glitter on the black enamel. “We knew what would happen if we accepted someone like him in the band.”
Reglus opens his eye and arches his eyebrow. “A trans person are you saying?”
“A Black, you idiot.” Barty answers.
Dorcas and Evan laughed.
“That’s our karma, having accepted a Black in our band.” Dorcas says throwing himself on the bed. “So, James Potter hm?”
Regulus nodded his head. He didn't like James, he couldn't stand him, but something made him want to be close to James.
It's kinda fucket up what he was thinking. But Regulus seemed to have some power over James, something that the Potter did not understand very well and Regulus was ready to put that man on the edge.
Regulus knew very well when a man wanted him.
And James Potter really wanted to try Regulus.
Regulus knew that, since he ordered that cigarette two weeks ago, he knew James Potter wanted him.
But his morals and loyalty to his best friend made him deny himself the temptation that Regulus caused in his head.
It was funny, Regulus was ready to test James Potter's limits.
"Oh, he has that Machiavellian look," Evan says pointing to Regulus. "He's thinking about messing with the poor boy."
"He's a twenty-four-year-old man, he’s not a boy anymore," Dorcas murmurs. "You men, always being treated like babies by society."
Barty intrudes. "Yes death to men, die with your dicks, long live the female society blah-blah-blah." Evan laughs at his friend. "Now tell us Reg, how are you thinking of ending the sanity of dear Potter?"
"I'm thinking he's crazy to fuck me, but he has a stronger moral thats speaks louder than his temptations." Regulus responds by releasing smoke up. "He will give in."
Dorcas arches his eyebrow. "You have a very high ego, my dear friend."
"My ego is not high, my sixth sense is just very good." Regulus responds by putting out the cigarette in the armchair he was sitting on.
"I bet you won't be able to take Potter to bed." Dorcas speaks.
Regulus fixes his posture and smiles victoriously. "So my dear friend, I'll take him to bed."
"And what are you betting on?" Barty asks and Evan hits his arm.
"Don't put any more gasoline on the fire, that's a terrible idea." Evan is serious.
Dorcas and Regulus pretend not to listen.
"I bet fifty pounds that you can't take him to bed." Dorcas speaks.
Regulus oven the chest. "So, it's bet."
"Terrible. That's a terrible idea." Evan hums.
"Don't ruins the joke Rosier." Barty answers the friend. "Oh, my nails are beautiful!"
He extends his hand showing his nails painted black with blue glitter.
"Rosier you have talent, in case the drummer's career doesn't work out, well you could become a manicurist." Regulus speaks in amazement with his friend's nail.
"Very funny, who is next?"
Dorcas jumps out of bed and extends her hands. "I want dark red."
And then they spend the rest of the night like this. At some point Barty gives the idea of ordering pizza. The night passes quickly.
...
The studio was an almost sacred place. James liked to be trapped for hours inside that cabin, where you couldn't hear anything. You were there, trapped in your own thoughts, just listening to the instrumental of the music play through the headphones.
Most of his most successful songs had been born in that place, even when James didn't understand anything about composition, Sirius and he spent nights awake testing new arrangements for the songs.
That place was sacred to the two friends, like a little corner that only the two of them could attend, they put their biggest and deepest secrets in the middle of song lyrics.
Now that little corner was being threatened, by someone who had a name and surname.
Regulus Black.
Regulus Black was not like his brother. No, the two were very different, in all possible situations.
If Sirius liked the studio all illuminated. Regulus liked everything dark.
If Sirius had his coffee with two sugar cubes. Regulus drank the pure coffee.
And if James chose something for the song, Sirius was the first to agree, while Regulus was the first to disagree.
Regulus didn't stop complaining about the lyrics that James had brought for him to listen.
"What is 'If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot'? What the fuck are these lyrics?" Regulus asks holding James' draft sheet.
James felt his blood boil. "It's romantic."
"It's ridiculous." Regulus answers by throwing the sheet on the table.
"Yes, because your lyrics are so good," James says taking the notebook that Regulus had brought "'Throw the sailors overboard' or 'abuse me more I like', is it better?"
"Oh how cute, you memorised the lyrics of a song of mine." Regulus speaks clapping sarcastically. "Do you really want to hear me talking bad about all the lyrics present in your diskography? Because like that Potter, I have no problem doing that."
"Fuck you Regulus! Your song barely has verses and the most you can do is make it last two minutes."
Regulus arches his eyebrow. "Oh, don't you think two minutes is a lot? I feel sorry for your girlfriend Potter."
James rolls his eyes in annoyant. "Your song is not a song at most it's a jingle for sad teenagers."
"Better than those little songs about coffee and television. That's pathetic."
"So you also listened to my songs?" James asks clearly to annoy him.
"I listened once and felt my whole brain melting with your stupidity little romantic song."
"That explains why you're so dumb," James replies triumphantly.
"You idiot-"
"Is everything okay around here?" Mary entered the studio holding a box of coffees. "I brought you coffee and donuts. I didn't know your favourite Regulus so I brought the same one that Sirius always asks for."
She put the box on the table. James quickly took the coffee that he was sure was his and took a big sip, dealing with Regulus Black was extremely stressful he could already feel his head hurting.
"Obviously my brother after all this time hasn't changed his fucking taste," Regulus says and gets up taking the donut with pink topping with him. "I'm going to smoke." He leaves slamming the door.
James throws his head back, taking a deep breath soon after. Conviving with Regulus was a very difficult task, the boy was a tremendous idiot, spoiled who liked things just his way. That song wouldn't come out so soon because of Regulus and no one else.
James also hated himself because his gaze kept getting lost in Regulus thighs. Regulus wore very tight black jeans, a green cropped that showed a lot of his skin. James couldn't stay focussed when he was dressing like that.
James was sure that Regulus was only wearing those clothes to annoy him and get his attention.
And he was succeeding.
James drank his coffee again, trying to somehow forget the star tattoo that Regulus had going up his waist, James was tempted to see the rest of it.
"Okay, what happened?" Mary asks calling his attention. "You're very quiet, this is new."
Not even James could understand what he was feeling at that moment. Would it be hate or attraction for Regulus?
It’s probably hate.
"I'm tired Mary, tired of dealing with him.” James complains. "He said my compositions are ridiculous."
Mary widened her eyes. "Ridiculous? You're a romantic man, that's all."
"I tried to explain, but he's determined complaining about my songs!"
"James, I know Regulus must be a pain in the ass, but think on the good side, this will bring a lot of benefits to the band. Putting him to sing with you and Sirius on the same stage, that's what the audience likes."
"He's annoying." James murmurs.
"But the legacy that this boy carries, James, is much bigger than we can understand. Damn, his mother sold out four concerts singing opera and his father managed the fucking Rolling Stones in their golden age. Walburga and Orion are legends." Mary explains calmly. "Their children are too and you know that."
James rolls his eyes. Walburga and Orion were shitty parents. "Legends? They are two fuckers who physically and psychologically abused Sirius."
"The media doesn't know that, or if they do, they close their eyes because they don't want to accept people like them are bad." Mary says getting up. "Try your best to understand Regulus, he has just been exposed to millions of people, a secret that few people should know coming public. Just try to be more understandable with him. What do you think?"
"Yes Mary, it's okay." James answers by nodding his head. "I'll try my best."
Mary smiles and leaves. It doesn't take long for Regulus to come back and throw himself on the couch in front of James. His cheeks were red by the cold that came into contact with his skin outside, he now wore a leather coat, which covered much of his belly and consequently his tattoo. He put his foot resting on the table, not caring about anything.
James for long minutes stood there just staring at him because whether he wanted to or not, Regulus Black was very attractive.
James felt ridiculous for thinking that of his best friend's younger brother.
That was so wrong. James cut off the exchange of glances and went back to moving the piles of papers that were piled up there.
"I went out to smoke," Regulus began.
"Don't tell me? I hadn't even realised it." James responds with sarcasm, still fiddling with the papers.
"Be quiet Potter, let me talk." Regulus answers by taking his feet off the table and getting closer to James. "I had an idea."
James raised his eyebrows. "Tell me then, what was your idea. If it's something related to drugs or a suicide dream, I'm out."
Regulus laughed softly. "You really listened to my album, didn't you Potter?"
Yes. That's what James wanted to have answered. He had listened to the Death Eaters album out of curiosity after their meeting at the festival and then at Marlene's party. And yes. He had liked the songs that Regulus had composed, but no, he was not going to give the taste of victory to Regulus saying that he had liked the songs.
Saying that would mean messing with his ego. And that was out of the question.
"Never mind, tell me what your idea was?"
"A song about wanting something you can't have," Regulus says simplistically. "Like a forbidden fruit, just like Eve with the apple in paradise."
"And since when do you know about the Bible?"
Regulus smiled, seeming to remember something. "My parents were very Catholic, but that’s not the point here." He takes one of the leaves from James' hand and a pen. "Listen to this, 'I think you should know you're his favourite worst nightmare.' What did you think?"
James took the leaf from his hand aggressively. "It's not bad."
"I know it’s not."
"But we have to change some things." James speaks. "I hope you don't have another appointment, we'll spend the whole night working on the lyrics."
"Is that an excuse for you to be alone with me at night? Look Potter, you're cute but you're not my type."
"Don't you ever shut up?" James asks.
Regulus thinks it's funny. "Oh, I shut up, but only on certain occasions."
"Get the fucking guitar, let's start working on this song." James says showing Sirius' guitar that was isolated at the bottom of the studio.
"I don't use Gibson brand," he hums. "Fender is much better."
"I know, but now, at this moment we only have that guitar and you will use it, whether you like it or not."
"Bossy" Regulus grumbles and goes towards the guitar. "I like it."
James rolls his eyes and picks up his guitar. "Come on, put that brain to work for the first time in your life."
Regulus doesn't answer, he sits on his own legs and puts the guitar on his lap starting to play to tune it.
"Shall we start?" James asks.
Regulus bites his lip and then smiles from the corner. James felt dirty for thinking the worst things with that image.
Oh Regulus Black would be his favourite nightmare.
...
It was three in the morning when Regulus and James finally gave up and decided it was time to stop working on music.
Regulus stretches out, causing his cropped to rise even more, showing not only his belly but a small part of the binder.
James was tempted to look at that part. Regulus realises, it is obvious that he would realise.
"Do you like what you see, Potter?" He asks in an annoying way.
James finally stops looking in that direction. "You use a binder."
"I'm fully aware of that." Regulus answers by throwing the leather coat over his shoulders. "Let's go."
"Where?"
"I don't know about you Potter, but I'm starving, let's eat something." Regulus explains smiling gallantly.
James rolls his eyes but gets up from the couch, also putting his coat on his shoulders. The two leave the studio in silence. James lights a cigarette, while Regulus walks slowly through the empty streets of London.
There was very little movement. Almost no cars on the street, only the cold night at the end of February. The pole lights were on and a thin rain fell, nothing that left them wet.
"So, where are we going?" James asks breaking the ice that had settled between the two.
"Hamburger." It's the only thing Regulus answers.
"I don't eat beef," James says. His religion didn't let him eat any animal derivatives.
"Eat chicken burger." Regulus answers simplistically, he gets off the sidewalk and opens his arms.
"I can't eat any meat," James says.
"So you see me eating and enjoy the view." Regulus responds sceptically.
James rolls his eyes. "You're someone really annoying, did you know that?"
"They've already told me that a few times," Regulus replies. "So you didn't write so badly today."
They didn't finish the song, obviously, there was still a long way to go before they finished, probably a few more weeks until they finally managed to finalise it. Regulus was really creative and talented person. His mind didn't stop for a minute, which made him always have more ideas.
However, the boy was extremely stubborn, always wanting things his way.
While James always wanted to have everything in his control, that is, they were two people with very strong personalities having to work together.
James deep down wanted the song to be a success, for all that effort of having to put up with Regulus to be worth it.
Regulus changes the route, passing straight from the hamburger restaurant and going towards a small stall of french fries forgotten in the corner of the street, there was almost no one there besides four teenagers probably drunk and the bored attendant who attended them.
"Two french fries, please." Regulus asks the woman who looked amazed at the two. She had probably recognised them.
James sat on the sidewalk, soon Regulus joined him.
"So," James tried to bring up the subject. "why do you still use the binder?"
Regulus shrugged. "I don't know, it’s easier this way I think. A habit from when I was a teenager that I can’t get rid of it." he doesn't go into more details. "So Potter, tell me why you majesty doesn't like me?"
James laughs.
He didn't like Regulus because Regulus represented everything he did bad to his friend, he was Sirius' family.
The family that abused him all his life.
The family he ran away from when he was only sixteen years old.
James hated Regulus because Regulus represented his friend's sadness.
Sirius was sad because he had left him behind.
Regulus represented Sirius' guilt.
But there was also something that James felt when he looked at Regulus.
Temptation.
He would like to know what it was like to kiss him.
Touch him.
But he wouldn't do that because James was very devoted to his friends.
Especially Sirius. He knew that relating to Regulus would make Sirius hate him.
Regulus represented everything James hated. His pose that nothing could annoy him, acting as if he were the best in the world, his drugs, his clothes.
Everything is a compilation of hate for James.
God, he wanted so much to know the taste of Regulus' skin.
He hated Regulus Black because he felt attracted to that man.
Regulus represents everything that James has always felt angry about.
"You're extremely annoying." It's the only thing James answers. Regulus laughs.
"Right, I'm annoying." He says seeming to write something down mentally. "I don't think that's it."
"No?"
Regulus denies. “I think you hate me because you know you can’t have me.”
James’ blood is freezing. “What?”
Regulus is closer to your ear. Shit, why does he have this habit of whispering in James’ ear?
“I am your forbidden fruit, the little brother of your best friend. An addicted guy who sings about suicide,” he hums making all of James’ hair stand on end. “but you want me anyway.”
“No.” James answers sighing. “I don’t want you. Regulus, you made Sirius miserable, you are the cause of my best friend’s sadness.”
Regulus abruptly moves away. “Be quiet Potter, you don’t know anything.”
James swells his chest, missing Regulus’ heat. “I know enough.”
“You think you know.” Regulus responds by getting up. “I’m going home, I don’t want eat anymore.”
And then he left James alone on that dark street in London. Regulus left, James thought he had touched on a very serious matter for Regulus.
He didn’t care. He had found another way out, if Regulus remained so close he would have done something he would regret.
It was better that way.
...
Sirius was lying on his bed, on the sheets there was a half-naked Remus Lupin sleeping peacefully.
It was always like that.
Remus was on drugs. Sirius was drinking.
And then the two had the best fuck of their lives.
The other day they pretended that nothing happened.
It was a vicious cycle, which neither of them were willing to end.
Sirius gets out of bed, making as little noise as possible, leaving the room, letting Remus sleep peacefully without him around.
He walks unpretentiously to the living room of the house they shared. Everything was dark, the room was just being bathed by the moonlight that entered through the window slit.
Sirius made a coffee, putting two sugar cubes and sat on the couch. Observing a nothing, he had started writing a song before Remus entered his room, maybe he should go back to work on it while James didn’t come back from the studio.
Regulus.
These name flowed through Sirius’ head, every hour of his day.
Sirius missed his brother. But Regulus was no longer that shy child who used to imitate Sirius.
Now Regulus was an adult man, with a personality that Sirius did not know.
Walburga really took Regulus out of Sirius’ life.
That was so unfair.
“Pads,” the voice was James’s. “It’s five in the morning, what are you doing awake?”
“Remus is in my room.” Sirius responds by taking the mug to his mouth. “How was it with Regulus?”
James threw himself on your side sighing loudly. “Exhausting. Your brother is a very Exhausting person.”
Sirius laughs. “I imagined.” Sirius extends the notebook that there were some notes of yours. “I wrote that today.”
James takes the composition notebook and carefully reads every word Sirius had written. “ ‘you’re turning into something you’re not, Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry’ is this somehow about Remus?”
“Yes.” Sirius lies, that song was actually for Regulus.
“Okay, Pads, I love you, you’re my favourite person in this world, and I also love Remus, but I’ll be realistic now.” James throws the notebook on the table and stares deeply into Sirius’ eyes. “What you do is not healthy.”
“I love him.” Sirius speaks melancholy, this part he wasn’t lying but talking about Regulus with James is not something Sirius is very willing to do, he knows that his relationship with Remus is something that bothers James to this day so using that in his favour seemed correct at that time.
“I know, but every time you guys fuck, either you’re drunk or he’s high. It’s not healthy.”
Sirius feels his insides turn over. “I can’t stay away from him.” Now he was telling the truth.
James pulls him into a hug. “All right, all right.”
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Sirius asks in a whisper.
“Yes, of course, everything to see you well.” James finally speaks.