Everything was so messed up. Albus sat on the frozen cold ground, his expression hard and focused, though there was nothing to see in front of him other than the blank white snow under his black shoes. His eyes could trace this snow and maybe he’d feel some comfort in the cold, but all he could do was sit in silence and think about all the mistakes he’s made to not only put himself in this situation, but Scorpius too.
The icy streets were empty, the houses were dark, and the lights along the streets went out, shrouding Albus and Scorpius in darkness. Albus, with his knees out in front of him, gazed towards the house right across from him and Scorpius, a fine layer of snow piled upon each surface.
It was so quiet Albus could hear every slight shuffling sound Scorpius made from moving his shoes through the snow gathered at his feet, only growing more dense as it fell from the sky. Albus, feeling the ice hit his face and melt down his cheeks, glanced back at Scorpius, who was staring down at the ground.
It was weird for there to be silence between them, it was usually filled with laughter and conversations about the things that annoyed them or stories of their childhood, but now it was silent. So silent Albus felt he was hallucinating from hearing a melody in his head. It was muffled at first, but as he continued to stare at Scorpius, watching snow fall into his hair, it grew louder and clearer.
It was his mum’s voice, singing in his head, something familiar, like a lullaby. He felt a strange instinct to close his eyes and enjoy it, like he was being held in her arms, barely small enough to be there. Instead, he continued staring at Scorpius, listening to the melody in his head, until he realised it wasn’t in his head.
His eyes shifted to a building down the street, sombre lights illuminating the area around it, so subtle he hadn’t noticed it before. It was a church, sleepily alive in the night. Like crickets in the night, the melody grew louder, sadder, slower, and it became thick like the cold night air that made their noses and cheeks red.
Albus breathed in deeply, uncomfortable with how cold the air was entering his body. As he exhaled, he fell back, his knees still pointing to the night sky as he draped his arm over his eyes, protecting them from the snowflakes that began to cover his face and drip down his temple.
He could feel Scorpius’s eyes on him, a silent understanding as he heard him sigh and fall back beside him, the snow dispersing as he did. Albus moved his arm to his hairline, turning his head to look at Scorpius instead.
To keep his mind occupied, he studied how the snow surrounding and mixing with his hair only made it look more white, and how the snowflakes melted on his face, dripping down to his neck and disappearing under his jacket. He had a strong urge to reach out and brush the wet snow out his hair, but he didn’t move, deciding that he liked how it made his best friend’s hair glow in contrast to the dark streets of Godric’s Hollow.
Scorpius didn’t need to cover his eyes from the constant raining snowflakes, the lenses of his glasses shielded his eyes, but he looked slightly annoyed as he continuously wiped them with his sleeve as the snowflakes melted on them. The nearly transparent frames caught Albus’s eyes, and he reached out with his free hand, gaining Scorpius’s attention as he pushed his glasses up from where they’d drooped down, revealing more of his reddened nose from the cold.
The smile that formed on Scorpius’s face when their eyes met made Albus return it. Even despite the danger they were in, and the tense hopelessness in the icy air, their gaze seemed to warm them fine, and for a second, Albus allowed himself to forget everything. He couldn’t think about his father, or Delphi, or even how they planned on returning to their own time. His eyes betrayed him as the snowflakes on his cheeks began to melt faster.
“What do we do now?” Scorpius asked, that soft, helpless smile still on his freezing face. Albus finally retracted his hand slightly, hesitating as he felt the ends of Scorpius’s hair against his fingers.
“What do you suggest?” Albus watched as Scorpius’s gaze shifted to the snow beneath Albus, eyebrows furrowed in thought.
“We could hide in a hole ‘till we catch up with our own time.” The smile on his face made Albus forget to remind himself it wasn’t a serious suggestion as he hummed quietly, watching as Scorpius’s breath became visible through the cold air.
“As pleasurable as it would be to hide in a hole with you for forty years, I’d appreciate spending Christmas with more than just you.” This got a breathless laugh out of Scorpius as his beautiful silver eyes turned to the sky again, leaving Albus to stare at him helplessly, watching his expression grow sombre and dreamy, like he was watching something in the patterns of the snowflakes.
“My parents took me here for Christmas when I was nine…” Scorpius said in a whisper. They were words for Albus to hear, quiet enough that the world would pry in what was meant for the Potter boy, and it made his heart swell. “This just… reminded me of it…” his smile faded, and his eyes became sad. Albus breathed in, desperate to see that gleam in his eyes again.
“What’d you do?” He asked, Scorpius reacting by pulling his sleeves over his hands, becoming numb from the snow.
“Mum distracted me with the Christmas decorations while my father went to the nearest library and bought as many muggle fairy tale books as he could hold.” Scorpius’s smile came back, but there was sadness in his eyes. “He nearly tripped over himself bringing them to us… mum was in a muggle Santa Clause dress…“ he laughed, “dad carried me around on his shoulders and we circled Godric’s Hollow for hours… I don’t remember a word they said, I was too obsessed with the Christmas lights and the different patterns each of the snowflakes had in my father’s hair to listen…” Albus’ smile grew, imagining the look in Scorpius’s eyes back then, possibly his first ever Christmas outside the manor.
“Your father sounds way less uptight than when I’d met him.” He laughed, watching as Scorpius’s gaze shifted back to him, his eyes softening.
“I suppose he’s only like that with some people… like you actually…” Albus raised an eyebrow, causing Scorpius to let out a quiet snort of laughter. Goodness was it satisfying to hear that laugh. “I mean… I know how you are with other people, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. You go all dry and Albus-y.” Scorpius shook his head with a smile, causing the snow beneath his hair to entangle in his locks, remaining unnoticed. “But it’s sort of different with some people, you become less… grumpy Albus, in a way.” Albus turned his head to hide his eyes again, his lips turning up into a smile.
“I’m only like that with people I know and… I guess trust more. Like you.” He paused, waiting for Scorpius to say anything, but he stayed silent, like he knew Albus’s words before he even spoke. “You’re just more… likeable than anyone I know.” Albus didn’t dare remove his arm, as it covered how his cheeks began to burn. “The closest I’ve ever gotten to this is with Rose, and that went down the shitter when she found out about us.” This made Scorpius laugh.
“You make us sound like star crossed lovers.” Albus paused, his eyes closed as he listened to Scorpius’s quiet laugh. He finally turned his head to see him again, heart warming at his best friend’s smile.
“I’ve never felt this way with anyone else before… and that’s nothing to do with me.” He moved his arm from his head, down to his stomach, finally letting the falling snow hit his face. “It was just impossible for me to not immediately love you, even though my father constantly warned us about the whole Malfoy charade.” Albus rolled his eyes, not entirely paying attention to how Scorpius’s breath hitched and how his eyes lit up. “I don’t understand how people can just assume who you are because of who your parents were… that’s how Rose saw you, she didn’t even think to speak with you before she decided who you were. I think that’s why I stayed with you… I know what it’s like when everyone assumes you’re something you’re not…” Albus’s gaze moved down to Scorpius’s hands, which were fidgeting with each other.
“Albus… it’s… sort of hard to believe you’re not what everyone assumes you are sometimes…” Scorpius looked back up at the sky, leaving Albus in silence, watching him, studying every change in his eyes behind his lenses. “Don’t you ever think… what if they’re all seeing something you’re not? What if they’re all actually right..? What if… you’re so blinded by what you believe that you can’t see the truth? What if that’s the real reason you only have one friend?” Scorpius brought his hands to his face, rubbing his cheeks and eyes underneath his glasses. It made Albus shuffle slightly away, like an animal hiding into itself in its pain.
“Would you want different… more friends?” Scorpius looked over, his eyes empathetic as he reached out to grasp at Albus’s sleeve for any sort of contact.
“That’s not what I mean Albus…” he shook his head, gaining Albus’s gaze again. He swallowed thickly before speaking. “I just mean… What if some of what people tell you is true? What if I am just… a worthless spawn of death eaters bound to turn to darkness?” Albus furrowed his eyebrows.
“Scorpius no one knows shit about you because if anyone thinks you’d ever become a death eater they haven’t been with you long enough to have a valid opinion. You’re the most tolerable, modest, sweatiest person I’ve ever met! Why do you think I spend so much time with you and not- you know… my family?” He raised an eyebrow, making Scorpius smile with a shrug, still holding onto Albus’s sleeve hesitantly, unsure if he’s supposed to let go or grip tighter.
“I just figured I was the second best solution-“
“Scorpius, you're not second best.” Albas closed his eyes, slightly irritated with the wet sensation of snowflakes landing on his cheeks. “I don’t want anything anyone says to get to you because I know who you are, and you’ll never be a terrible person to matter how much the world wants you to be,” he insisted, loving the way Scorpius’s gaze softened as their eyes locked again. For a space in time, they just observed each other’s eyes, Albus unable to get the thought out of his head that Scorpius’s gaze could be described as loving.
“I love how you look at the world.” It caught Albus off guard for a moment, and his eyes widened slightly.
“Pardon?” He smiled, adoring how Scorpius giggled at this, a blush spreading across his cheeks.
“I just love how you see things, how you’re able to bring me down to earth with the way you talk… I feel like I could listen to you for hours and never get bored of the things you have to say.” Albus gave him an apologetic smile.
“I already make you suffer through that after I have a bad day.” Scorpius laughed, his face doing that adorable scrunching up expression Albus sees rarely when he laughs.
“I enjoy hearing you talk, even if it’s negative,” he insisted, leaning towards Albus with that gleam in his eyes that made Albus’s world turn upside down. “I’m strangely glad it’s you I’m stuck with, I don’t think I could stand it being anyone else.” Albus allowed that affectionate look on Scorpius’s face to mean something more to him than friendship, numb from the constant feeling of deluding himself into thinking he only felt platonic love for this boy.
“You’d choose me to spend eternal darkness with?” He asked, unable to take his eyes off Scorpius, watching his cheeks grow redder.
“Who else do I need?” He asked, shaking his head. Albus looked up towards the sky, a smile on his face as he viewed snowflakes fluttering down to the ground. After a moment, he sat up, brushing snow out of his hair with his hands as Scorpius sat up beside him, hands squeezing at his sleeves in his lap as he watched Albus. After he felt the icy, wet material fall out of his hair, he looked over at Scorpius, whose eyes were already burning into him.
“Would you like to take a walk?” He suggested, hoping to see only a glimpse of that excited shine in his best friend’s eyes. He had to be satisfied with a sad smile.
“What else is there to do, I suppose…” Albus stood from the ground, brushing snow off his pants as Scorpius stood, pushing his glasses up and folding his arms, watching Albus patiently as he fixed his hair and gave Scorpius a reassuring smile.
“You’re sounding pretty hopeless to me,” he crooned, making Scorpius shrug as the blond followed him to the middle of Godric Hollow’s street.
“What’s left to feel?”
Shoes crunched snow, the fabric of their jackets shuffling against each other’s as they walked close by their sides. Scorpius pulled his sleeves over his hands again, trying to conserve his body heat as Albus shoved his own in his pockets, gazing up at the crying sky with hollowness. Behind his eyes, he was in a warmer, more familiar place, though still, the cold pricked his face and flushed his cheeks.
“Every Christmas, my grandmother would knit every member of my family a sweater with our initials on it in some place.” He gained Scorpius’s attention again, making Albus smile sadly, their pace slowing. “I remember, she used to knit me blue sweaters with a golden ‘A’ on the front. When she found out I was sorted into Slytherin she made me a green and silver one with a little note saying how proud of me she was.” Albus chuckled, it was weak, and Scorpius noticed the strain as he smiled. “I’ve kept most of the sweaters… since I was two…”
Scorpius’s hand found Albus’s, and warmth spread between them as Scorpius interlocked their fingers together, unaware of how much Albus needed the contact. They slowed even more, the houses losing their light, shrouding them in an even darker light but still illuminated by the moon. Albus laughed weakly again, his gaze falling to the snow in front of him, eyes desperate.
“It’s hard to grasp that this could be the first Christmas I don’t get one.” His face only became colder as tears began falling from his eyes, dripping down his jaw onto his jacket. Reaching up to wipe his cheeks, he noticed tears falling down Scorpius’s shining silver eyes, locked on their intertwined hands. Albus squeezed his hand, watching as more tears fell from both their faces and Scorpius reached his other hand over to grip onto Albus’s arm, almost hugging it.
They both needed the contact, comforted in each other’s willingness to cry and not hide away. Even with flushed cheeks, salty wet skin from tears, and snow still scattered in their hair, they were comfortable to release inner childish behaviour in desperation to return home.
“We’ll figure it out, Albus.” Scorpius nodded, not doing a lot to assure Albus, but making the dark haired boy feel more calm by squeezing his hand. “We’ll find our way home.” Albus stopped, looking at Scorpius, like he was pleading with him.
“I’m- I’m not sure I know where home is anymore, Scorpius,” he admitted, more tears running down his face, faster now. “I feel at home with my family, in the house I was raised- but I also feel at home with you, and at Hogwarts… no matter what I call home I’ll end up losing something! I couldn’t choose my family over you but- they’re my family-“
“Albus, please don’t cry.” Scorpius released Albus’s arm with one of his hands, wiping tears from Albus’s cheeks. He found it slightly ironic since Scorpius was crying as well. Scorpius forced a smile, fully facing Albus. “You don’t have to choose between me and your family, it’s okay. They’d never put you in that position.” Scorpius released Albus’s hand and instead pulled him in by his arms, resting his head on his shoulder as both the boys allowed their tears to be soaked up into each other’s tops and hair.
Albus wrapped his arms around Scorpius’s torso, gripping tightly to his jacket, breathing in unevenly as they both held each other in their arms, fearing the unknown of what happens next.
Albus felt better feeling another body held close to him, able to weep and cry with his friend instead of to him, it felt much better than pretending like he wasn’t falling apart.
Albus had lost that big part of his life, whether temporarily, or permanently, he wasn’t sure. What he was sure of was that he had Scorpius still, but it was only a matter of time before he may be ripped away from him as well. He gripped the other tighter, he wanted to hold him forever, hiding away from the world and it’s cold.
A little voice in the back of his head was telling him something, something that made him go tense and tune out whatever other sounds were around him. That voice echoed in his mind. “Tell him.” Tell him what? Tell him that he was the most important thing in his life? Tell him that he could never be replaced? Tell him that Albus stayed up some nights thinking about what could be of their friendship? Tell him what? “Tell him.”
Scorpius pulled away from Albus, leaving the other to lean towards him, unable to describe the pull he felt towards the blond. “Tell him.” That voice whispered as Scorpius wiped Albus’s now burning cheeks. “Tell him.” His mind echoed as Scorpius smiled up at him, something like love in his eyes. “Tell him.” Oh how much he wanted to take him by his hands and do exactly that, but the way Scorpius made his heart swell and his mind race made him lose strength in his legs slightly.
“Albus… are you alright?” Scorpius tilted his head, blissfully unaware of how Albus’s hands burned at holding his waist, and his voice was almost silent in desperation to say something. He couldn’t think of a thing to say, even though he had a whole lot of feelings to tell him about, his mouth wouldn’t form words at his fear. “Show him.”
He pulled Scorpius by his waist and didn’t let himself hesitate to kiss the boy that he loved. The cold face against his made him shiver slightly, but their cheeks burned at each other’s contact, leaning into each other for warmth.
Was it the cold that made Scorpius push his body closer? Was it instinct to just kiss Albus back without question? Or was it something more that made Scorpius okay with the way Albus traced his waist with his hands, or the way his head tilted to deepen their kiss.
Pulling away from his best friend was reluctant to his desire to hear his voice again, to see that gleam in his eyes that made him smile. Thank Godric his smile was so contagious since seeing Scorpius stifle a laugh made all his anxieties disappear. He noticed how the blond’s grip tightened as he spoke, longing in his eyes.
“Was that an ‘I love you’ kiss? Because I really hope it was.” He leaned towards Albus, who’s fond look was rarely ever seen.
“Would you like another one?” He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he tilted his head and listened to Scorpius’s snickering as he kissed his cheek, mind occupied by the boy in front of him alone. The warmth of Scorpius’s body was enough to keep Albus from the cold, and his gaze made his cheeks burn brighter as he pressed his lips against his again, in love with the way Scorpius held his face in between his cold hands.