Harry felt like he was drowning and wasn't able to find a way to surface. His relationship seemed to be nosediving further and further, and he didn't know if he was going to be able to save it or if it was even worth it to anymore. He knew what people had said when they'd first gotten together and was starting to see that they might have had a point that he's now finding, finally after several years. Everything had been great in the beginning but was now tainted that every moment felt like icicles waiting to fall and break him. It's worse knowing that despite this all, he still loves Augustus, even if he may not anymore, knowing that he did at least at one point.
"You look beautiful." Augustus says as he stared at where Harry was descending the final few steps of the grand stairs of the ballroom.
Harry doesn't reply but a flush can be seen creeping on his cheeks. He walks down towards where Augustus is waiting at the foot of the stairs. A hand is extended and taken as Augustus sweeps Harry off to mingle with others at the ball at one of the Black Manors in France that still survived. Moving into the manor had been easier knowing that Grimmauld was too painful, much like staying in England was. He'd been unsure about Augustus's motives asking to be his date to one of his own balls (in his own manor no less), he really should stop caving to Narcissa's insistence to mingle with others but agreed since he'd found himself enjoying Lord Rookwood the more he got to know him. The two Lords made a dashing sight as they mingle with other Lords and Ladys, heirs and heiresses, and danced with no one but each other throughout the ball. They were the talk of the ball with many in two very different camps on whatever relationship the two had.
Harry trailed the hallways of his manor now that he was back from England, wishing he'd never gone in the first place. He was starting to realize that it was becoming more and more likely that the relationship was not going to be salvaged. He wondered why he kept bothering to go back to England so often anyway but knew that was a lie. He had hoped that whatever had gone wrong could be repaired and it'd be like nothing had gone wrong for so long. But the lying to himself was starting to take a toll on him and the appeal of a happy relationship again was slipping through his fingers much like his childhood, if it could even be called that, once did. Anytime he and Augustus were together, it was becoming more and more apparent that Augustus wasn't seeing his face when he was looked at. He couldn't entirely blame Augustus but wished that he'd been able to be enough for him. It seems he may never be enough for anyone.
"Are you sure the pain is worth it Harry?" Neville asked as the two stared out at others from their alcove at the Ministry gala.
"What do you mean Nev?" Harry asked even though he had a pretty good idea already.
"Augustus. I know you like him, and he likes you for now, but it's not easy to just give up on someone like that. Especially if that person has died." Neville says finally turning to look at Harry.
Harry doesn't respond or turn to look at Neville, not wanting to see the expression that he's seen several times by people questioning his and Augustus's relationship. He understands, he truly does but he wishes everyone would leave him the fuck alone. He tries not to make Neville's concern into something it's not since Neville is one of the few he misses since he'd left England for France. The war left scars on many, but none as much as Harry who'd be thrust into it without his say since forever, really and was one of the reasons he'd left the country even if he still participated to a degree since he was a lord of several houses. But since he and Augustus went public with their relationship earlier in the month, it's typically been one of two responses they've received. They were happy for him while being a bit concerned, or they had every problem under the sun with it. The second camp were typically the worst about it whether it was because 'Lord Rookwood was a Death Eater', 'Lord Rookwood worked with You Know Who and you're The Boy Who Lived now the Man Who Conquered', 'Augustus is Dark whereas you're Light', to 'Rookwood and Dolohov had something going on', Rookwood is in love with Dolohov', Rookwood is not over Dolohov', 'Augustus will never be over Antonin's death'. It was always heart breaking when they brought Antonin Dolohov into the mix since the man had sadly died in the war and Harry knew that something had been up with the two.
"I'm fine Neville. I'm not trying to replace anyone."
Harry stared across the table at Augustus Rookwood. He wondered if the man realized this was the end or if he just didn't care. The two were at Grimmauld for once despite Harry hating to be here with every fiber of his being. The dinner has so far been nothing, but tension filled silence as if the house was waiting with bated breath for the eventual dissolution of the relationship that has become a farce. Harry sets down his utensils and stares across to Augustus as the dishes are whisked away who takes a sip of his drink before meeting eyes.
"I'm sure we both know this isn't working anymore. It's been four years that started out wonderfully but have devolved into nothing but hopelessness. I'm sure you once loved me but that is no longer the case. You don't see me anymore; you see Antonin. I hope I never was a replacement for the hole in your heart from his death. Kreacher has a trunk in the parlor for you with all your things that migrated to my manor over the years for you when you leave. I still love you, probably will for some time, but I can't keep being pitted against someone who died in the war. I hope the rest of your life is well to you. Goodbye Lord Rookwood." Harry says holding eye contact before getting up and leaving the dining room.
Harry walks towards the parlor, doing everything to keep from looking at the trunk and heads through the floo back to his manor. He doesn't hold any qualms about leaving Augustus there knowing Kreacher and Dipsy are still there and will take care of everything once Augustus has left before coming back to the manor themselves. He takes a moment to himself since he hates international flooing but knowing that at least he's not ushered off immediately since it's his own home. He knows that he will have to tell everyone eventually, he can't see Rookwood telling others, he's never been one to gossip or for it, but decides he can worry about that tomorrow. For now, he can change into his nightwear and have a good cry for the loss of his relationship because he does still love Augustus Rookwood. He almost wishes that Antonin Dolohov was still alive because then it'd been easier knowing that it's not a dead person's face that's being seen over his own. It'd be easier if he were hating a living breathing person, he can't hate a dead man.
Augustus Rookwood was many things in his life. He'd never seen himself really being a husband or father though many tried to for the Rookwood name. The only person who he might've considered anything ever with really had been his best friend Antonin Dolohov, who while in the same boat also had the backing of all that came with it on the international scale as well as Great Britain. Nothing had ever happened between the two though despite the many close calls or whatever gossip others came up with in regards to them. Antonin dying in the war had been difficult for him, so he'd resigned himself to dying a bachelor, not that that bothered him all that much considering he was already up in age by the end of the second war anyway. What he hadn't anticipated though, was the way that one Harry James Potter had managed to worm his way into his heart. It first started off simply with being friends before it slowly delved into love, which rightly surprised Augustus. The age gap didn't cause him to bat an eye though he knows some did considering by the point that people started whispering about them, Harry was now Lord of several houses and freshly 21 while he was 50. He was surprised that Harry also didn't bat an eye at the age difference despite knowing he'd grown up in the muggle world and large age gaps like theirs would be cause for many problems. When the two finally did end up going together, he ignored what people said as while some were happy, many had problems whether it was their differences or if they thought he was just replacing Antonin with Harry. Those typically he silenced in any way he could without getting in trouble because those were typically the ones who were crueler in their delivery of their comments.
As Harry walked away from the dining room, Augustus sat there holding onto his glass with slowly whitening knuckles. He doesn't startle as slowly the table is cleaned of everything until he manages to break his glass. He looks down to see broken glass and the fire whiskey dripping down his hand. He watches in a daze as Kreacher appears in front of him, cleaning the mess before taking care of his hand which had started bleeding as well. He stares at the house elf detached from himself, taking a moment to realize he seems to be having an out of body experience. He watches as Kreacher helps him up and down to the parlor where he notes that there is indeed a trunk waiting for him. Seeing the trunk seems to allow him to come back to himself.
"I truly have messed up it seems. I thought I'd been doing well." Augustus says absentmindedly as he stares at the trunk. "I didn't even know."
Kreacher doesn't say anything as he snaps his fingers, shrinking the trunk and carefully placing it into Augustus's hands. The two stare at each other for some time. "Some haunts come back when we least expect. Even when we don't realize until it's too late."
Augustus stares at Kreacher knowing that's probably the nicest he could've gone about the dismissal. He knows that others will be vindicated with their broken relationship, but Kreacher seems to be one who will miss it knowing that they'd been good for each other. As he floos home and stands there staring at his seemingly colder manor, he realizes that Kreacher somehow seemed to know what was happening but knew that he couldn't do anything for the two with the past coming back to haunt Augustus without him even realizing but Harry knowing and apparently trying to salvage ruins in the end. He finds himself wishing for something, what he doesn't know but something all the same because everything has changed now. The only thing he knows for sure now, he will die a bachelor because if Harry Potter couldn't be it, then there was going to be no one.