Claus-trophobia
“You good there?” James smirked at how still Remus had gone, the boy staring in wonderment at Sirius curled up against him, asleep with his head pillowed upon Remus’s chest.
“Shut it,” he murmured back, but there was absolutely no bite in it. His eyes never left Sirius’s form.
Faintly, the sounds of the film were still playing in the background, the glare of the screen casting a soft glow about the room. Hope was dozing quietly on the armchair beside the window, Mr Lupin having excused himself at the end of the last film, not that many of them were awake to protest it. Peter was still drooling all over James, who had long since finished his hot chocolate.
He stared at the contours of his friend’s face, shadowed harshly by the light of the telly. Stared at the adoration in every line of his expression. It wasn’t often James called him out on his obvious pining, but just this once, “Why won’t you tell him?”
Remus made a bitter-sounding scoff.
“I’m not joking,” James insisted. “Why won’t you tell him?”
Hazel green eyes gave him a look like he was being deliberately obtuse. “Because I don’t want to lose him.”
James’s brows drew in, a gentle crease forming between them. “You think you’d lose him if you told him, you want him forever? I don’t understand.”
Remus sighed and looked back down at Sirius. His gaze traced each dip and curve of his slumbering face like he was attempting to memorise every little detail. “I know I would. I have nothing to offer him.”
“You don’t need a bloody dowry, mate,” James frowned. “You’re enough on your own.”
“It’s not about money, necessarily. Or, at least, not entirely.” He brushed a strand of hair out of Sirius’s eyes with an aching level of gentleness. “It’s about a future. I… No matter how hard I work, and no matter how well I do at Hogwarts, it’s still going to be nearly impossible for me to get a job. I’m a registered lycanthrope at the Ministry, and I’ll have to disclose that when applying for employment, and word is going to spread.” He swallowed thickly. “I’ll be pushed right to the fringes, and I can’t even turn to the Muggle world now, because I have no qualifications there, and my magic… my magic won’t be happy trying to live a muggle life. So, I’ll be stuck. On the edges of both worlds for as long as I live, which won’t be long anyway, since I’m a packless wolf.” He took a calming breath. “That’s not a life. Not one he deserves, at least. He’d come to resent me eventually — and that’s if he even wants me half as much as I want him.”
“Remus…” James managed, a breathy sound that barely made it out and past the thick knot that had lodged itself in his throat. “That’s not your future.”
The boy made a pained noise. “Prongs, I know you’re a font of eternal optimism, but I have to be realistic about—”
“No,” James cut in, more serious and intent than he could remember himself being about anything ever. “That’s not your future, because I would never let it be.”
“Mate—”
“No, look at me for a second,” James requested firmly, his voice quiet but unwavering. Remus reluctantly acquiesced. “I had hoped you’d know this by now, but I love you.”
“Not even you can love me hard enough to solve all my problems.”
“Maybe not,” he admitted, “but if you think for one second that I would be able to live with myself if I sat by and watched you suffer, then you have another thing coming.”
A series of complicated emotions flickered across Remus’s face lightning fast. “You’ve already helped me more than I can ever repay you for. I mean becoming an animagus for me… That’s…” He took another deep breath. “But I’m not just going to take hand outs from you for the rest of our lives.”
“I know,” James told him evenly. “That’s why I’m going to hire you.”
Remus suddenly stilled. “What?”
“I wasn’t going to say anything until I had a better idea of what you wanted to do post-Hogwarts,” James revealed, “but I have had every intention of hiring you for years. I’m an Heir, remember? I’m in need of everything from accountants, to property managers, to political advisers, to charity organisers… Quite honestly, if you name a job, I’m sure I have something for you, and if not, I’d make it happen.”
His friend didn’t move a muscle, just stared uncomprehendingly at him.
“I know that makes me every inch the selfish rich prat you accused me of being when we first met — deciding to nepotism hire you just because we’re friends — but I don’t really care. You’re smart, you’re competent. Whatever position you take on, I know you’ll go above and beyond, so I’m not worried about what anyone thinks. I reckon your NEWT results alone will be enough of a justification for putting you on the payroll.”
Remus still didn’t react.
“Of course, if you really don’t want that, then we can figure something else out. I have a lifetime of schmoozing people ahead, and I’m sure I can get someone to employ you, one way or another,” James mused, beginning to get a little nervous. “But if I’ve learnt one thing from having a Slytherin mother and a Lord for a father, it’s that I’ve been born with advantages that I can and should use for good. Hiring you isn’t only good, it’s logical, and that’s what I want to do if you’ll let me.”
Abruptly, Remus started laughing. Full-on, belly-laughing, dislodging and waking up Sirius, the sound just loud enough to wake Peter and Hope too.
“Wha—?” Sirius blinked his eyes open in confusion.
“Shhhhh,” Peter mumbled, curling closer to James and waving an irritated hand. “I w’s sleeping.”
Remus continued to laugh so boisterously, Hope eyed her son and raised a bemused brow. “What’s so funny, Anywl?”
Remus grinned wide, still chuckling. “I have the best friends in the entire world, Mam.”
Oh. James preened like a peacock, his worry fading away as a smile crept onto his face. “So, you’re on board then? I was starting to think I’d offended you.”
“Offended?” Sirius repeated with accusing, narrowed eyes. “What did you say?”
For once, Remus ignored him. “I’m on board, boss. Hire away, boss.”
James winced. “Let’s not make that a thing. I don’t wanna be your boss.”
“Too late now,” Remus grinned, mischievous and elated and bright. “You’re not just my future boss, you’re the big boss. Top of the food chain boss.”
James resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. “What if I order you not to call me boss?”
“No can do, boss.”
“I’m confused,” Peter looked between the two of them, still half-asleep and dazed.
“Me too,” Sirius agreed.
“Me three,” Hope tacked on.
“It’s nothing, Mam,” Remus told her, unable to fight down his smile. “James and I were just talking about our futures.”
“Because we do have futures,” James emphasised meaningfully. “Both of us. And you’re right, you have the best friends in the world. And family too.”
‘You have a pack,’ he tried to say with his eyes.
Remus seemed to get it, another laugh bubbling out of his throat whilst everyone around them looked befuddled still. “I guess I do.”
“Which means you ran out of excuses,” James tacked on, deliberately not looking at Sirius and staring Remus down.
The boy shook his head, a faraway look in his eyes like he was daydreaming. “I guess I did. Fuck, I’m gonna have to be a Gryffindor about this now, aren’t I?”
“I’m gonna be on your arse until you do,” James admitted with a smile.
“I still have no idea what’s going on,” Sirius pouted, irked to be left out.
“You will.” James reached over and patted his head condescendingly. “You will.”
“Oi!” Sirius slapped his hand away in retaliation. He accidentally elbowed Peter as he did so, which had the blond boy squawking. Peter surged up to tackle Sirius, who gunned for James, who tugged Remus into the fray, and the four boys grappled childishly while Hope laughed on in the background.
At that moment, the door burst open.
“HO, HO, HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
James paused, halfway through putting Peter into a headlock whilst Sirius squashed him into the ground from behind and Remus wheezed, trapped under them all, his head whipping to the sound of the intruder. And there, in the doorway, was a man dressed in red. White fur lined the edges of his coat, a floppy hat upon his head and a long white beard, not unlike Dumbledore’s, adorning his face.
Santa Claus. In the flesh.
“Not this house, you fiend!” Sirius screeched like a war cry, all at once rolling off James’s back and scrambling to his feet. He surged forward to tackle the man who had just invaded the Lupins’ house, and James was up in an instant, right on his tail. Together, the two of them bowled Santa over, slamming him into the ground.
“You can’t just break into people’s home, sir!” James told him whilst the man yelped, trying and failing to get away.
“How did you even get in?” Sirius panted out, wrapping himself around Santa like a koala bear, weighing him down whilst James scrambled for enough leverage to keep him pinned. “The Lupins don’t have a working chimney!”
“I know!” A familiar voice bellowed, and James paused. That voice… Was that…?
“Incarcerous!” Peter called out over the chaos, and ropes flew from his wand to wrap up Santa Claus. He’d finally got to his feet and stood proudly a few feet away, glaring right at the Christmas Criminal. “I will not have you judging the Lupins’ décor!” Peter announced emphatically. “We’ll set the muggle Aurors on you!”
“I think they’re called police-men,” Sirius offered helpfully.
“We’ll set the muggle police-men on you!” Peter corrected. “Where do you get off breaking and entering like that? We’ll not allow it!”
“You messed with the wrong house, bitch!” Sirius declared fiercely. “No-one hurts this family!”
Just past Peter, James caught the partially-horrified, partially-amused, partially-touched faces of Remus and Hope. And that’s when James knew they’d fucked up.
Slowly, James turned to look into the face of the bearded man. There was so much of his features covered by white beard hair, but James’s heart lodged in his throat at the sight of familiar hooded eyes. “Mr Lupin?”
“Yes!” The man cried desperately. “It’s me! It’s Lyall! This is just a costume!”
As one, Sirius and Peter froze. Carefully, James tugged the beard down at a snail’s pace to reveal Mr Lupin, red-cheeked and wild-eyed. It was a fake beard. “Oh.” James paled. “Oh no.”
“Oh, Merlin!” Sirius abruptly turned as white-faced as James. He scrambled to undo the ropes by hand, but it was a fruitless endeavour.
“Mr Lupin?!” Peter went red with mortification. He hurried to drop the incantation and the ropes slackened, finally allowing Sirius to pull them away.
Sirius, who was babbling apologies and looking stricken. “Oh, Merlin, Mr Lupin! I didn’t know! I didn’t realise it was you! If I had known— Oh, Merlin, I’m so sorry! I’m so, so, so, so sorry!”
Once the man was free, James gracelessly fumbled to his feet, hurrying to help Mr Lupin up. “I cannot apologise enough!” James’s heart beat a horrible rhythm in his chest. The words felt woefully inadequate. “We just attacked you in your own home,” he realised, horrified with his behaviour.
“It’s alright, it’s alright,” Mr Lupin heaved out, sucking in large gulps of air to replace the wind they’d knocked right out of him. “No harm done.”
“You okay, Cariad?” Hope called out gently, looking like she’d landed on amused, bizarrely enough.
“Bruised ego, bruised backside,” Mr Lupin reported, though he too was starting to look faintly amused, a smile beginning to pull at the corners of his mouth.
“I am so sorry,” Sirius blurted out again, looking utterly overwhelmed. “I thought it was the Santa bloke trespassing on your property.”
“A right guard dog, you are.” Mr Lupin patted his shoulder twice. Sirius made a strangled sound.
Remus, on the other hand, began to laugh. Again. “Oh my God.” He doubled over, bracing his hands on his knees. “A guard dog!” He repeated hysterically through his cackles. “Of course, you would bark at the mailman! Of course, you would!”
Though in the dark about Sirius’s animagus form, Hope’s laugh was a light and airy sound as she joined in. “That was very sweet of you!” She giggled. “Tackling Santa like a common criminal! Oh, of all the responses!”
“It was instinct!” Sirius defended self-consciously.
“Well, I know which boys to call if I need someone roughed up,” Mr Lupin began to chortle too. A low and deep sound.
The three Pureblood boys were utterly mortified.
James buried his face in his hands. “I can’t believe this. And after you welcomed us into your home, too.”
“Well, you were trying to defend it,” Hope politely hid her laughter behind her hand, though James could see the mirth dancing in her eyes.
“A very rousing defence, indeed,” Mr Lupin joked.
“It’s just…” Peter wrung his hands, embarrassed. “We know Santa breaks into people’s homes, and we don’t think that’s right.”
“Yeah, Santa’s a menace,” Sirius agreed quietly. “Should be on a wanted poster, he should.”
“You also know, Santa’s not real,” Remus croaked out, still cackling like a hyena.
The tips of James’s ears reddened. “Oh, yeah.”
“Oh, no,” Peter’s eyes were wide.
“Oh, fuck,” Sirius hung his head in shame. “We forgot.”
“Clean forgot.”
“Completely and utterly.”
Remus finally seemed to calm down a touch, grinning at them widely. “I love you lads, so much.”
Hope took pity on them. “It’s commonplace for people to dress up as Santa and give children gifts or hear their Christmas wishes. We know you’re older now – too old for it, really – but we thought it might be a fun thing to do anyway. Especially since you didn’t get the experience as young kids.”
“That’s so nice,” James lamented. “Cocked that one right up, didn’t we?”
Mr Lupin stooped to retrieve a small sack that James hadn’t realised he’d had. He must have dropped it in the fray. Now though, he held it up with a twinkle in his eye. “Eh, we can still do it. You think you made the nice list this year?”
James could visibly see Sirius biting back a comment about being a naughty, naughty boy. To prevent that calamity, he said, “Well, I tackled a very nice man after he invited me into his home on a special holiday, but other than that, I’d like to think so.”
Mr Lupin reached into the bag with a grin.