Chapter 1
Kyung and Yeri are there to cheer for her on the day of the college entrance exam. Seulgi didn't expect these two to end up befriending her, but here they are, posters full of good luck wishes in hand, offering her snacks to get through the day. Jea-yoon is here too, jumping on her as soon as she's close enough for his leash to allow it.
Seulgi wishes Jaeyi was here too.
But she pushes the thought away from her mind as soon as it comes, instead choosing to smile and thank her friends for coming. She even throws in a cheeky remark of not needing good luck to do well. Kyung scoffs while suppressing a grin, tells her she's got her head up her ass, and Yeri just laughs at their banter. The scene makes Seulgi feel strangely fulfilled, even though she knows a part of her is still missing.
As she sits at her desk to take the test, she looks down at her feet. This morning, she had decided to put on the shoes Jaeyi gifted her. She knows they’re supposed to be a symbol of parting, but today they feel more like a promise. Almost as if a part of Jaeyi is still with her.
The exam goes well. Seulgi doesn’t feel that nervous, surprisingly. As she leaves the school, she removes all thoughts of math and science from her mind and takes out a card from her pocket.
She spent quite a bit of time figuring out just where the landscape shown on the photograph was from, but eventually, she figured it out, and that's where she's going now. She even cancelled a celebratory dinner both with her new friends and stepmom to do this, but she just couldn’t wait anymore.
The bus ride lasts all night and then some more. Jaeyi really couldn’t have picked a more remote location without going internationally. Seulgi quickly falls asleep and only wakes up as the bus halts to a stop, both annoyed and relieved that it’s over. She then walks, takes a taxi, walks some more, until she finally gets there.
The beach is completely empty, it almost seems deserted. But when Seulgi starts walking on the pier, she finally sees her. Jaeyi is still far away, and Seulgi can only see her back, but the way the distant figure holds her head up is just so inexplicably Jaeyi that Seulgi’s heart skips a beat. When she gets even closer and sees a skateboard on the ground, Seulgi is sure.
She didn't think about what she’d do once she got there, so she hesitated a bit before finally closing the distance and standing next to her. Almost as soon as she does, she can feel Jaeyi’s gaze on her, but Seulgi’s not ready to look at her yet.
“So this is where you’ve been hiding for the past six months, huh?” she asks instead.
There's a pause, then a sharp intake of breath.
“Seulgi.” Jaeyi whispers, as if too shocked to use her full voice, and only then Seulgi turns to look at her.
Jaeyi looks as shocked as if she’d seen a ghost, and Seulgi almost wants to laugh. She should be the one shocked right now. She had always hoped Jaeyi was alive, but it would be a lie to say that sometimes she hadn’t lost that hope and feared the worst.
Seulgi tries to smile but a tear still escapes her eye. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”
For the first time since they met, it seems like Jaeyi doesn’t have any words to say. Instead, she starts crying as well. It’s the first time I see her cry, Seulgi realizes, and it takes her every ounce of strength to stop herself from just giving in and holding Jaeyi tight until she stops. But Seulgi needs answers first.
“I got tired of waiting, you know.” She says, turning to look at the waves crashing against the pier.
“Huh?”
“You said that I had to wait for you, even if you were late. But I got tired, you know? Why should I wait? Why should I always try to figure you out when you don’t explain yourself?” Seulgi doesn’t actually expect an answer, so she continues her monologue, turning to look at Jaeyi again, who is still crying. “Those shoes you sent me. Were you trying to say goodbye? But then why would you have sent me a photograph of your location? What did you really want, Jaeyi? Did you want me to come or not?”
Jaeyi tries to look away, but Seulgi moves to stand in front of her. “Answer me.” She hates how desperate she sounds, but then again hasn’t it always been like this with Jaeyi? Seulgi has always had to wait for Jaeyi, follow her lead, and then rinse, and repeat. But she’s not letting Jaeyi run away this time.
Jaeyi still doesn’t answer, but instead looks down. “You’re wearing the shoes I sent you.” she remarks, as if trying to stall her answer.
“I wore them for the entrance exam yesterday too.”
For the first time in what feels like forever, Jaeyi smiles. Seulgi can almost already forgive her for making her think she was dead.
But as soon as the smile appears, it fades away, replaced by a painful squint of eyes, a trembling lower lip. “I missed you,” Jaeyi whispers, as if almost scared of being heard.
Seulgi hugs her hard then. Jaeyi hugs her back almost immediately, although somewhat hesitantly, as if she’s scared she’s imagining all this. They stay like that for a while, sobbing into each other's arms, until Seulgi pulls away hesitantly.
“So you did want me to come, huh? So much for playing hard to get,” she grins, attempting a joke.
“I just- I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, but I- I missed you so much.” Jaeyi’s voice cracks at the end, and Seulgi feels a pang in her heart hearing it. “I’m sorry, Seulgi.”
“Oh, Jaeyi.” she says, cradling Jaeyi’s head softly with both her hands. “This wasn’t your fault. Nothing was your fault. It took me a while but at some point, I started to feel so safe when I was with you. You always protected me. Your absence has hurt a lot, I won’t lie, but it’s not your fault.”
Jaeyi finally looks her in the eye, as if trying to communicate something she can’t say in words. But then her gaze changes into something stronger, more resolute, more like the Jaeyi Seulgi remembers, and she suddenly leans in for a quick peck before pulling away, as if her courage had left her as quickly as it had come.
She then looks expectantly at Seulgi, who is half shocked, half annoyed.
“If you’re going to do something, you better do it right.” Seulgi finally says, pulling her in and crashing their lips together.
Seulgi can feel Jaeyi’s lips trapping her own, Jayi’s ragged breaths on her cheek, Jaeyi’s shaking hands holding onto her waist as if she was trying to keep her from slipping away. She’s drowning in Jaeyi, Jaeyi, Jaeyi, to the point where she thinks she might go insane, but she can’t stop either. Jaeyi is the only one with that power right now, because if it were up to Seulgi, they’d stay like this forever.
And sure enough, Jaeyi is the first one to pull away. It takes Seulgi a moment to regain her senses and open her eyes, but, when she does, all she can see is the way Jaeyi is looking at her, as if she’d hung the stars and moon all by herself.
“I love you, Woo Seulgi.” Jaeyi says, no longer whispering, no longer scared. Even the loud crashing of the waves is not enough to drown out the confession.
Seulgi smiles, shakes her head. “It took you a while, you idiot,” she says, moving a stray hair strand away from Jaeyi’s face. “But I love you too, Yoo Jaeyi.”