To Be Alive For The Very First Time

Regulus walked into the Black family common room, tension filled the air like it did most rooms in Grimmauld place. But this one was different, all the members of the black family were gathered as well as some members of other varying important pure blood houses. His mother and father sat on the sofa in front of him, his father looking unimpressed and his mother wanting answers. 

She stood up when he choked on his words, struggling to do anything but clutch his wand as he delivered the news. 

“Out with it Boy.” she demanded. 

“Sirius is dead, and so is the werewolf. Sirius Refused to leave the dead mutt's side.” He said with as much disdain as he could muster. There was an outwards cheer he could hear from around him, and his mother for the first time in his life, Smiled. 

“Well done.” she said, embracing the young Black. His father stood as well then finally speaking, “about time, that Traitor had no businesses being alive to tarnish the family name any more than he has, him and his werewolf. They deserved to burn.” 

Regulus nodded, Sirius was a traitor to the family and the entirety of the pure blood line when he started going out with mud bloods, let alone when he decided to fancy a werewolf and run off with him. Even when the family had tried so hard to turn him to the right path it seemed his brother was only destined for self destruction. 

‘At least he was happy’ Regulus thought, Sirius was always miserable when he was in this house, surrounded by their family. Even as a child he was never truly happy until he went to Hogwarts. Until he met James Potter, that's when he finally, from a distance, saw his brother bloom. Parts of him were still hidden but more than ever before the true Sirius Black was revealed. He was happy that even though it wasn't with him, that he was never able to experience becoming their true selves outside of their family with Sirius. That Sirius still got to do that. 

Then Remus Lupin came along in his final year, and in Sirius’s words, showed him what it was like to be alive for the very first time all over again. Remus Lupin, the werewolf, showed him what he wanted to make out of his life. 

And that life lead them to death. 

They celebrated that night, the death of a traitor and a werewolf. Nothing could've been better for the Blacks, they cleared their name, and their youngest son even delivered the final blow. The Dark Lord himself even congratulated Regulus for his accomplishment, and told him he hoped to work with him in the future once he graduated from Hogwarts. 

The black haired boy smiled at this, it was all perfect. 

—-------------

Remus Lupin walked down the long and winding hallway following a guide who was supposed to show him to his new dorm and introduce him to his new roommate. It wasn't normal to see a 7th year student arriving as a new student at the beginning of their last year of school but Remus Lupin just had to be the exception he supposed. He was thrown out of his last school for being a “dangerous werewolf”, there wasn't anything dangerous about him. He didn't even have his wand on him when he was cornered by a group of Anti-lycanthrope boys who had been bullying him since he had arrived there after getting out of his last school in 5th year. 

They tried to perform the Imperious curse on him, make him “know his place” as they so kindly put it towards them. 

The so-called “jokes” started as soon as the public knowledge of him being a werewolf got around, it was easy to ignore in the beginning. The group of boys called him Mutt instead of his name, as so many Wizards with Anti-Lycanthropic views did to werewolves. They threw around his wand telling him to go fetch, Left scraps and Dog food in front of his door. One time even left a collar with the word “Vicious” engraved onto it. 

He tried reporting it to the teachers multiple times, but it was clear the boys were not the only people in the school with such views against people like him. 

But everyone has a breaking point, and Remus refuses to be controlled like an animal. So he acted like one. He tore that room apart as well as the boys, none of them ended up with life threatening injuries. Remus knew better, if they did he'd end up getting marked as Dangerous and either risk being put down or under stricter ministry observation until a trial. 

Even with his multiple reports of the bullying that occurred Remus still lost the battle between the school and angry parents. 

Hogwarts was quite literally the last school that would take him in, His caseworker made that very clear when talking with him before she dropped him off. He couldn't afford to be kicked out of any more schools. 

The Guide looked back at him with a certain glare, there was no doubt she knew what had happened. He was sure his roommate would as well. Remus was surprised to even have a roommate, usually no one wanted to room with a werewolf. That was unless his roommate happened to be one too. Which he seriously doubted. 

Werewolves were rare nowadays, thanks to the prejudice that came with being one and the protections that were placed against them to stop the spread of the “disease”. 

Soon enough they arrived at a door the guide stopped at, He had apparently been sorted into Gryffindor. And was going to be placed accordingly in their two person dorms. The other knocked and Remus could hear a faint “come in” from the other side before the door opened. 

He was met with a long haired boy with silky black curls that came down to frame his face. Remus was almost taken back by such a pretty looking boy, he was expecting the person who got stuck with him to be some horrid lowlife who either didn't care or had no power to fight. He didn't know if he was expecting the person to be ugly per say but he wasn't executing them to be this, Pretty. 

The other locked eye with him, His stark grey eyes stuck out the most to him, There was a moment's hesitation in them,like he wasn't sure if he should Remus in the eyes or if it was dangerous to do so. 

But the boy said nothing to him and greeted the guide warmly. He learned that her name was Pandora which was more than the girl had ever given him other than a short ‘follow me’ and not speaking a word to him other than that.  “This is your new roommate Remus Lupin, we know it's late but he ran into an issue. And just finally arrived”  The reason he was late was because the full moon was last night, that was the unspoken reasoning between the three of them. 

“Well get him in then” the other said as he opened the door wider. 

The guide silently slipped away after Remus entered the room and the door was shut behind him. “It’s nice to meet you,” the other said. 

Remus took a look around the room, half of it was decorated while the other half lay barren. There was a rug that ran through the middle of the room that Remus had no doubt the other brought with its tacky nature. There was quidditch equipment on the ground by the bed and some clothes thrown out on a chair yet to be put away. 

“I suppose it’s nice to meet you too,” he said to the boy. Setting his bag down on what was now his bed. 

Side of the room was bare but had the essentials and Remus supposed that’s all he needed for a year. He knew there wasn't a future for him here. There likely wasn't any future outside of the few jobs werewolves were able to scrape up for Remus. He began to unpack his things from his bag. He could hear some rustling behind him, before the other boy's voice spoke up once more. 

“My name is Sirius in case you were wondering” He said. 

Remus hummed in response, “didn't think you'd be wanting me to know your name” he said to the other not looking away from unpacking his bag. 

He could hear the offense he had taken in Sirius’s voice, “Why on earth would I not want you to know my name, we are roommates after all” he asked the taller boy. 

Sirius was lying down on his bed, wearing a tight stark black undershirt with light blue jeans. Obviously the others were casual-wear and not his uniform for classes. It was still an odd choice in Remus’s opinion, but he was the one who got stuck with him. So maybe his prettyness was just an offset to his horrid personality. Remus turned to look at him, “well you obviously got stuck with a short end of a stick here. I figured you'd have some sense of anger towards me” 

And just like that he must've struck through to what Sirius truly was, and not just a charming facade. 

“No, well yes, of course I didn't choose to room with someone I don't know, especially someone with your condition. I figured you would want to be alone until they can get a handle on it or god willing it can be reversed of some sort-” he decided to stop this idiot from rambling. 

“Well my..Condition as you so kindly put it can never be reversed. No one can ever fix it. And I understand it's not ideal, that's why I thought it'd be better for us not to speak, you can pretend i don't exist like everyone else does. And trust me it's not a pleasure to room with you either.” Remus bit. 

He knew it was harsh and that he was baiting the other to say things like that but remus would rather know now than later if Sirius was one of the wizards who thought werewolves were something to fix, even though trial and trail of experiments and spells and decades of research proved that they could never be fixed. They had to live their lives like shunned broken products. Ones with potential that could never be explored. He didn't want to get close to this boy only for it to end with him being humiliated and belittled, Thinking he was a friend. 

Remus wouldn't put himself through that again. This only proved his point. 

A nice and friendly person whose imitation of a kind person faded the second he was riled up and given the chance to explain his true emotion outside of a facade. 

Sirius looked like he didn't know what to say, his mind was racing to find something to save the conversation. “I didn't mean it like that, I was trying to be sensible to what it might be like to live like that, and make this a pleasant arrangement as it could be for the both of us. I don't want to live with a man who hates me” he said to remus. 

“And I don't want to live with someone who hates what I am.” Remus said. 

“I was only trying to be nice,” Sirius said to him. 

“Well try all you want but your “nice” isn't very sincere” Remus told him. 

The black haired boy was growing angrier by the second, “why are you being so defensive i haven't even done anything to you. I was only trying to be pleasant.” 

Remus said nothing and returned to unpacking. 

Sirius said nothing as well. 

And that's how the roommates ended their first night together. 

—------------------------

Remus sat down at the desk of his DADA class, taking the seat closest to the door and farthest from the rest of the class. He didn't feel the need to interact with his classmates, they weren't his friends. And no matter how much he wished otherwise he knew they would never be.

There was no use in making a home where there was none.

The bell rang signaling the start of class, the teacher had yet to arrive but most people were here by now. There were a lot of whispers and pointing in his direction, he could hear it all. It was clear word had gotten around and not just among the muggle borns and half bloods. The whispers were the same as always, some people wondered if they would even survive the class and others thought Remus was going to snap. But what made Remus look up was the sound of the chair beside him scraping on the ground.

There sat a pretty boy with curly black hair.

Sirius Black, his roommate.

It was no surprise the boy was here, they shared many of the same classes, but never really spoke to each other. Sirius had made a habit of sitting as far away from Remus as possible and talking to anyone but him, which was fine with Remus. He had no interest in talking to Sirius or anyone in their house, he was here to graduate and then move on.

That was his only goal, no friendships would get in the way.

They both sat in silence, waiting for the teacher to arrive. The whispering around them continued, and soon enough the teacher walked in.

The classroom was quickly silenced, and the lesson began.

It was a lecture and the class was split into pairs, the partner system was not required but encouraged for the practical lessons. Remus didn't pay attention, he already knew this material and had a good handle on it. He could've aced the final and passed without studying if he really wanted to, but he wouldn't. He had a plan, and a plan didn't include him slacking.

His goal was simple: graduate, find a job, and then leave the wizarding world forever. He was a disgrace as a human and a monster as a werewolf. He knew the best option for everyone was for him to disappear. No one would care.

But then he was pulled from his thoughts by a voice next to him,

Sirius Black was his partner.

Sirius looked at him expectantly, a textbook and parchment in front of him. The professor had called for partners, and Remus was clearly his. He was about to tell the black haired boy off when the professor interrupted him.

"Remus Lupin and Sirius Black will be working together, please move closer so you can work together." the professor said. 

Remus sighed, his plans were already going awry. He moved his things over, and began working with the black haired boy.