We Bought a Zoo
Monday, 5 October 1998
“Everyone stop talking,” Harry yelled to absolutely no effect. All the 8th Years plus three 7th years were crowded in the 8th Year Common Room after dinner.
“Oi!” Ginny yelled, “shut the fuck up!”
The room went silent immediately.
“Thanks, Gin,” Harry said shooting her a grin, “really not sure what I’m gonna do without that backup during quidditch.”
“Lose, probably.”
“We’ll see about that,” Harry said with a laugh, “anyways, you all know why you’re here. Tonight is the full moon, tomorrow we take these leaves out of our mouths and hide the potions away for a rainy day.”
He looked around the still quiet room, “really? I don’t even get a little laugh? Whatever,” he continued, “sunrise is at 7:30 tomorrow morning so let’s meet in the hallway at 6 and head outside together, we’ll have phials for everyone and once those are struck by the moon’s pure light we’ll head down to the chamber to do everything else. Sound good?”
Once he had everyone’s agreement, he let them go about their days, flopping onto a couch half on top of Neville and reaching out to take Teddy from Hermione.
“No,” Hermione said, hugging a giggling Teddy closer, “my godson, you can’t take him.”
“Please,” Harry said with a pout, “I miss him.”
“I’ve been holding him for 5 minutes,” Hermione argued, “he’s 6 inches away from you, I think you’re alright.”
“Fine,” Harry said with a long-suffering sigh, “steal my son, see if I care.”
“I think the whole point of this conversation is that you care, mate.” Ron said with a laugh.
They spent the rest of the evening in the common room until Teddy started yawning and looked to be on the edge of a breakdown.
“Unhand the infant, Granger,” Harry said, standing up, “it’s bedtime.”
“Fine,” Hermione said with a sigh, giving Teddy one last kiss on the top of his head before handing him over to Harry.
“You coming, Nott?” Harry asked as he made his way to the door.
“Where?” Theo asked, looking up from where he was sitting with Blaise and Daphne across the room, when he noticed Harry heading for the door holding Teddy he started to put his things away and stand up as well, “yeah, coming. Just a second.”
“Alright,” Harry said, pausing at the door before looking around the now quiet room, “what?”
“Nothing,” Blaise said, biting back a grin, “goodnight guys.”
“Night,” Theo called over his shoulder, oblivious to the looks they were getting, having become entirely distracted by Teddy.
Once the portrait swung shut, the room remained silent for a few seconds before Draco said, “I knew they were dating … but since when was it like that?”
“He hasn’t been in our dorm in 2 weeks,” Blaise said, “like literally has not stepped a foot through the door.”
“New bet,” Susan called from the corner of the room, that got everyone’s attention. The betting pools at Hogwarts were a thing of legend.
“What’s the bet, Bones?” Parvati asked.
“Date that Theo calls Teddy his son to someone in conversation.”
“Is the date that Harry calls Teddy Theo’s son or Theo Teddy’s dad a separate pool?” Justin asked from where he was sitting at Susan’s feet.
After weighing the question for a minute, Susan decided, “yes, two separate pools.”
* * *
Tuesday, 6 October 1998
Godric graciously let Luna, Susan, Harry and Neville out of training at 5:55, after making them start training a full hour early, so they could work on their “class project.”
Theo met the group downstairs holding Teddy, “you lot reek.”
They all just shrugged before heading through the portrait hole where they found the rest of their class along with Ginny and Astoria.
As it turns out, Theo had gotten rather used to the sight of the four in full armor, dripping in sweat, and holding any number of weapons they’d forgotten to put down. He simply stepped over to stand next to Hermione and wait for the group to start moving to the dungeons.
Everyone else was not, in fact, used to that sight.
The hall went quiet as everyone stared at the four.
Luna and Susan both had their hair braided down their backs, Neville’s hair was just pushed back, but Harry’s hair was getting a little long for that so after one too many mishaps caused by hair getting in his eyes, he’d started letting the girls pull it back in buns or braids. Today, it was pulled half back in a bun.
All four of them were in pitch black dueling robes and covered in visible holsters. Everyone had gotten used to the thigh holster with a dagger and a wrist holster with a wand, people had even gotten used to Harry’s fang.
They had not, however, had a chance to get used to each of them having a sword holstered at the hip and Harry and Neville with axes slung across their backs.
“What the fuck?” Blaise asked.
“What?” Neville asked, pushing his hair back off his forehead as it started to fall as it dried.
“Have you lot recently returned from battle?”
“No?”
“Then why do you look like you’ve recently returned from battle?”
They all turned to each other, looking rather confused.
“Ah,” Theo said, looking up at them again, “the weapons.”
“Shit,” Susan said.
“Whatever,” Neville said.
“Let’s go,” Harry said, starting to walk toward the door, Luna, Neville, and Susan falling rather naturally into rank around him, “I don’t want to have to keep a leaf in my mouth for a whole second month just because you lot have never seen an axe before.”
“I think it’s less the weapons and more the fact that you lot look like you’ve stepped off the page of a history book,” Draco chimed in.
“These are modern dueling robes,” Harry argued, as if that was the point of contention.
“But -” Draco started before he was cut off by Hannah.
“I really feel like it’s not worth it, Draco.”
“I think you guys look hot,” Ginny added.
“Agreed,” Astoria said.
“Thanks,” Harry said, rolling his eyes, “I’ll be sure to let the Founders know that, if nothing else, training is a good look on us.”
Realizing they were unlikely to get any further explanation, everyone just followed the group of four down the stairs until they reached the lawn.
Thank Merlin it was a clear night, otherwise they would’ve had to do this all again. They each grabbed a crystal phial from Hermione and, as one, 30 wands rose to undo a sticking charm. Once the phials and leaves had been struck by the moonlight, they turned back toward the castle where Harry asked for passage to the Chamber’s brewing room.
“Alright,” Harry said once everyone had gotten into the room, “Hermione, Padma, and I labeled the boxes and sorted ingredients. Instructions are on the board if you need a reminder, let’s get this done.”
They each moved around the room until they found a box with their name on it, dropping one of their hairs into the phial before they started passing around silver teaspoons so they could add a measure of des, taken from a place that hadn’t been touched by sunlight or human feet for at least seven days, to the mixture. The final ingredient was a Death’s-head Hawk Moth chrysalis. With that taken care of, they each stoppered their phials and placed them into the labeled box.
Harry, Hermione, and Padma moved around and collected the boxes before locking them into a large box at the back of the room.
“Done,” Harry said, “everyone should be able to spot a lightning storm but just in case you’re in an inner classroom or something when it strikes, everyone grab one of these coins. Those of you in the DA will recognize them.”
“And for those of you who weren’t in an illicit vigilante group,” Hermione continued, “they’ve got a double protean charm on them and will warm when a new message appears. Harry and I have master coins, when the time comes we’ll send a message and everyone will meet where we did this morning, we have to be outside, in the storm when we take the potion. Got it?”
“Great,” Harry said once everyone had nodded, “can we be done now, I want to shower.”
“Or,” Susan said, a slightly mischievous look in her eye, “we could go into the dueling room that Sal said next door and put on a little demonstration.”
That suggestion was met by a resounding cheer.
Sighing, Harry stepped toward the wall and hissed the command for a door to appear into the dueling room.
“I actually haven’t been in here,” Harry said as he stepped inside, “goddamnit.”
“What?” Susan asked.
“Look,” he said, pointing at the wall.
“We’ve been tricked,” Susan said, sounding rather defeated.
“I wouldn’t say tricked,” Godric responded, “just not so subtly shoved in the right direction. You were all just too tired to notice.”
“What is happening right now?” Pansy asked, the rest of the class hadn’t stepped into the room yet after Harry’s outburst, not sure what was waiting for them.
“They’ve probably just discovered that there’s another portrait,” Theo said, “you get used to them talking to themselves.”
“Wait,” Daphne said from the back of the group, “we can see the portraits, just not talk to them right?”
“Yeah,” Hermione confirmed, “we saw Slytherin in Harry’s living room but haven’t seen the others.”
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Daphne said, starting to push people toward the door, “I, for one, want to see what the Founders actually looked like.”
“That’s cool and all, I really just want to see some sword fighting.” Draco responded.
“Get your asses in here!” Harry yelled, “Theo could you maybe call for Mimi to take my son somewhere where there aren’t giant blades everywhere?”
“Already done!” Theo called back as he handed Teddy over and Mimi popped back up to Harry’s quarters.
“Thanks,” Harry said, shooting Theo a grin as everyone filed inside.
“Hadrian, activate the dueling wards, please,” Salazar said.
“Yes, grandfather,” Harry said before hissing a request for the wards, a light blue, shimmering dome appeared around the four heirs, leaving their classmates around the room, “does anyone want to tell Lavender where we are? She should be awake by now.”
“Got it,” Hermione called, conjuring her otter to send a message off to Lavender, “could you open a door for if she comes?”
“Course,” Harry said, doing exactly as Hermione asked before turning back toward the portrait, “what torture do you have in store?”
“I believe we were working with the axes,” Godric responded.
Luna and Susan each let out a whoop before leaving the dome of wards to join their classmates who all looked to them in question. Realizing they hadn’t been able to hear the direction, Luna said, “Godric said that we were working with axes, which is only those two. Neville because it’s one of his chosen weapons and Harry because of the Goblin Warrior thing.”
“This is so not fair,” they heard Harry whine, actually whine, at the portrait, “Neville’s axe has two blades and mine only has one.”
“You’re also stronger, faster, and more powerful than me, Harry so shut up.”
“What your brother said,” Godric teased, “less about the you being stronger, faster, and better, and more about the you shutting up.”
Luna and Susan were both giggling.
“Is Godric giving Harry shit again?” Theo asked.
“Yeah,” Susan confirmed, “it really might be his favorite hobby.”
It was a full hour later, when an incredibly sweaty Harry and Neville were laying on the floor of the dueling room, both bleeding a bit from various knicks, that Godric finally let them go.
“I don’t think I can stand up,” Harry panted.
“Luna and Susan didn’t have to do anything,” Neville responded.
“I hate them,” Harry said.
“Me too.”
“Get up you lazy gits,” Susan called, “it’s time to shower, maybe we can actually go to breakfast in the Great Hall today.”
“Fine,” Harry sighed as he rolled over.
“Haz, help,” Neville said from the floor, his eyes closed and his arms stretched out like a toddler waiting for their parent to pick them up.
“We’re the same size, Nev,” Harry responded, “I am not carrying you upstairs.”
“You’re the worst brother ever.”
“That can’t be true,” Harry argued, “there has to be at least one brother worse than me.”
“My brother tried to poison me once,” Salazar informed them.
“See,” Harry said, pointing toward the portrait, “I’ve never once tried to poison you.”
“Fine, so you’re better than Uncle Sal’s brother, though it doesn’t sound like there’s much competition there.”
“There really isn’t,” Salazar confirmed.
“Whatever,” Harry said as he hauled himself to his feet and then reached out to pull Neville up, “let’s go, I’m starving.”
“You’re showering first,” Theo informed him, “you two smell worse than normal.”
* * *
Friday, 16 October 1998
Only a week and a half passed before coins started heating in people’s pockets.
They rushed from wherever they’d been in the castle to find Harry and Hermione standing at the end of the 3rd floor corridor with Professor Mary MacDonald.
Harry was holding the box with each of their phials inside, absolutely grinning.
“Is this everyone?” he asked as Hermione started counting, at her nod, he cheered, “let’s go!”
Everyone followed him down the stairs and out the door at the entrance to the Clock Tower where they waited in the cover of the overhang for him to open the box and pass out the phials, all of which had turned the correct shade of blood red.
“Alright,” Mary said, “you all know what to do. I’ll be here in case anything goes wrong.”
“Who’s going first?” Hermione asked.
Instead of actually responding, Neville and Harry each grinned and ran into the ran before they stopped, faced each other, and threw back the potion. Everyone watched as they each hunched over slightly, and their forms started to blur.
It seemed that everyone had agreed to let these two test it out as they all waited where it was dry to see what was going to happen.
Harry’s hair seemed to lengthen before it started to spread across his body, Mary apparently realized what was happening before anyone else as she laughed and said “of course,” though her laugh edged on hysterical when she noticed Neville grow antlers.
“What?” Hermione asked, looking over at their cackling Transfiguration professor.
“Look!” she said, pointing. Where Harry and Neville had been standing now stood a Grim and a stag, staring at each other in shock, “oh this is too good,” Mary said, “I can almost hear Sirius yelling ‘I told you so’ in James’ face right now.”
“What do you mean?” Ron asked, looking rather amused by the situation.
“Harry was rather particular to Padfoot over Prongs, Sirius always said that when Harry became an animagus, he’d be a Grim just like Sirius, it’s why he called him pup.”
“You have to tell Harry that story,” Hermione said as she grabbed Ron’s hand and pulled him into the rain, followed closely by Ginny and Luna.
In short order, a fox, a Jack Russel terrier, a horse, and a thestral had joined the Grim and the stag.
Theo, Blaise, Draco, and Greg followed close behind; becoming a wolf, king cobra, snowy owl, and brown bear respectively.
When the rest saw it working, they followed their classmates into the rain.
Seamus became a fox as Dean morphed into a giant newfoundland. Parvati was a Bengal tiger while her twin, Padma, became a doe.
The Ravenclaw boys stood together as Terry became a wildcat, Michael a greyhound, and Anthony a bobcat. Next to them, Lisa became an eagle while Sally-Anne became an eagle owl.
Daphne and Astoria stepped into the rain together, swallowing their potions and morphing into a raven and a black cat.
Pansy was a lynx, Millicent a bulldog, and Tracey a tabby cat.
The Hufflepuffs followed Susan into the storm. Justin became a St. Bernard, Wayne a golden retriever, and Ernie a rather impressive boar. Hannah was a lioness, Megan a tabby cat, and Susan a badger, exactly like her Patronus.
Mary stood at the door and watched the world’s weirdest zoo run and (attempt to) fly in the rain, splashing in puddles and rolling in the mud.
Between the random animal noises and the crashing of thunder, she didn’t notice McGonagall step up next to her.
“Why do I feel like this is Harry’s doing?” the Headmistress asked.
“Because you know him too well?” Mary responded.
McGonagall let a smile ghost across her lips before she pointed out to the stag tackling a Grim and a terrier, “I assume that’s Messers Potter-Black, Longbottom, and Weasley?”
“It is,” Mary confirmed, “which do you think is which?”
“Mr. Weasley is the terrier, it’s his Patronus. Which means Mr. Longbottom is the Grim and Mr. Potter-Black is the Stag.”
“You’ve got Harry and Neville switched,” Mary said.
McGonagall let a laugh slip at that, “oh, I’d wager that Mr. Black is being insufferable right about now.”
Mary just smiled as she leaned back against the wall.