Back to the Tower
Wednesday, 2 September 1998
Maybe it’s good we have Astronomy on day one, Harry found himself thinking as he worked to force himself to climb the stairs. He’d arrived alone and a full hour early knowing that this was going to be incredibly difficult. He hadn’t been in the tower since that night.
At the first landing, he found Draco.
He looked paler than usual, which was impressive to say the least, and was staring blankly up the stairs.
Without saying a word, Harry simply wrapped an arm around his friend’s shoulders and urged them both forward.
Without a second thought, Draco wrapped his arm around Harry’s waist and accepted the comfort.
Words weren’t needed.
They both knew what the other was thinking, they’d had many conversations about it.
This was the place where whatever was left of their innocence was lost. Draco was forced to be a killer and, when he wasn’t able to follow through, had watched as his beloved godfather had taken on the sin in his stead.
Harry had spent the previous hours fighting tooth and nail to get into and out of that horrific cave. The nightmares that plagued him about that place had gotten worse after Kreacher told them the story at the beginning of their hunt and had only gotten more visceral when he’d discovered Regulus’ place in Harry’s life.
He’d then returned to the school, to a place that was meant to be safe, somewhere where they’d be able to get help only to find it overrun by Death Eaters and to witness Dumbledore’s death at the hands of someone he’d been told to trust. He hadn’t known until a full year later that the death had been planned. Though at that point he’d had a little trouble processing the whole murder plot because he was just a little upset over the whole ‘you’ve gotta march to your death now’ thing.
But here, on the Astronomy Tower, Draco and Harry had witnessed something horrific.
Now, they were expected to attend class like nothing had happened.
Once they made it to the top, the pair moved toward the railing and looked out over the grounds. Draco softly started naming the constellations he could see, and Harry took comfort in the medial task of pointing to a new configuration and then listening to Draco tell him the name and explain the mythology.
That was how their classmates found them an hour later. Sitting with their feet dangling off the edge, Harry’s arm around Draco’s shoulders and pointing to random spots in the sky with his free hand while Draco rambled on.
Everyone knew not to ask questions.
A few minutes later, Professor Sinistra arrived, and they spent the next hour and a half reviewing what they’d learned and discussing what they’d be working on this year. She let them leave early, telling them to get to bed.
One nice thing about the 8th years being together for all of their classes was that the professors could plan for certain things. They had Herbology and COMC back-to-back because they’d already be outside, and they didn’t have a class during the first period on Thursdays because they’d be up all night with Astronomy. It was well thought out.
Harry was rather glad that Teddy was spending the night at Grimmauld. He was exhausted from the day, and he knew his nightmares were going to be particularly horrific after going back up to the Astronomy Tower for the first time.
The other nice thing was that Neville had gone back up to his office after lunch and convinced Godric to use the normal breakfast and first class periods for their training on Thursdays after Astronomy. He’d apparently had to argue quite extensively that four sleep-deprived people swinging axes, swords, and daggers about was a recipe for disaster.
Neville had said it was about as insane of an argument as the one they’d had that morning when Godric had said they should all carry their chosen weapons on them at all times. And, while Susan’s dagger could theoretically be sheathed and carried without much fuss, Neville’s double headed axe and Luna and Harry’s swords might raise some questions. They’d eventually convinced him that they’d be just fine carrying daggers and that there was no reason for them to walk around with axes and swords inside a school that was surrounded by stronger wards than Gringotts.
They’d gotten out of Astronomy early, but it was still after midnight and, even though they weren’t going to start training until 8 the next morning, Harry knew he should be heading for bed.
But, at the same time, he knew he was going to have an incredibly difficult time sleeping.
As the group made their way back to the third-floor corridor, Harry was stewing in his anxiety over the nightmares he was sure he was about to face. He knew it wasn’t just going to be what had happened on the tower, but also what had happened before.
He’d spent a lot of time thinking about Regulus in the last two months. It made sense. He’d spent his whole life thinking about his mum and dad and he’d only known about his papa, as James’ journal said Regulus would’ve been called, since this summer. But it was more than that.
In July, Harry had turned 18. Regulus’s birthday had only been a week prior to Harry’s. He was currently the same age his father had been when he’d discovered the Horcruxes. Come January, Harry would be older than his father had ever been.
On May 3rd, Harry had walked to his death. The feeling was fresh in his head after his feet had taken him to that very clearing that afternoon. Harry wasn’t sure what had made him wander there but thought it might have been a sign from Death or a nudge from his subconscious that there might be aspects of that moment he hadn’t processed yet.
That said, he knew what it felt like to walk toward your death with your eyes open, and he knew in his heart that was exactly what Regulus had felt when he went to that cave.
As it turns out, that left Harry with a lot to think about. And he knew that tonight he’d be plagued by dreams of that stupid fucking cave. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to it.
As if he could read Harry’s mind, Theo’s hand slipped into Harry’s, their fingers intertwined.
“I can almost hear you thinking, love,” Theo said, keeping his voice soft and quiet so no one would overhear.
“I’m not sure how to explain.” Harry responded.
“You don’t have to, but I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you, Theo,” Harry said with feeling, “thank you.”
“Always.”