Christmas Trees
Regulus
“I’m going for coffee with Pandora,” was the first thing Regulus said to his brother the next morning.
Sirius blinked at him for a moment. “Okaaay.” He replied, taking a sip of his tea. He was sitting on his couch with his feet piled in Remus’s lap, who was reading.
Regulus cringed at the awkwardness. He didn’t mean to abandon Sirius on his first day here, but Pandora had asked to meet up, and he had woken up late and only saw the message five minutes ago. Sirius seemed to sense his panic because he sighed in a very older brother way before saying, “It’s fine Reggie. Don’t stress about it. Do you know where you’re going?”
He felt an odd warmth in his chest at Sirius’s understanding. Obviously, being Regulus Black meant that he pushed that feeling away and hid behind sarcasm. “Obviously I know where I’m going Sirius, I lived here until I was fifteen.” He snorted. Sirius just held up his hands in surrender.
“Whatever you say. Tell Pandora I said hi, I always liked her. She was definitely my favourite out of your friends, but don’t tell Dorcas I said that.” Sirius replied, taking a sip out of his mug that had a stag, dog, wolf and rat on it.
Regulus rolled his eyes at his brother, “I will. See you later.” He said as he left the room to grab his coat.
“Bye Regulus. Have fun.” Remus called, not looking up from his book.
“I will! Bye!” Regulus called as he walked out of the door.
When Regulus arrived at the small cafe on main street, the first thing he felt was a deep sense of nostalgia. When he walked in he was reminded of all the time he’d spent studying here as a teenager, or hanging out with his friends. He’d even gone on a date with Barty here when he was fourteen and they decided to give dating each other a try. It hadn’t lasted long of course, but good memories.
The cafe is small, but it has a welcoming air that is severely lacking in Starbucks. It is decorated for the holidays, with wreaths and garlands scattered on the walls and a Christmas tree in the corner. As Regulus walks in, his eyes automatically scan for the woman running the place, and he finds her behind the counter. Euphemia Potter, James’s mother, and quite possibly the kindest woman Regulus has ever met.
He made eye contact with her and heard a loud gasp as he walked toward the counter. Effie was an older woman, with tan skin and dark hair that was graying at the temples. Her brown eyes were warm and kind, and she had smile lines on her face.
“Regulus?” She asked, disbelieving. “Is that really you?”
He nodded, emotions clogging his throat. Effie was always so kind to him, when he’d show up at her cafe with bruises littering his body and wouldn’t leave for hours, scared to go home. Sirius might have gotten Effie as mother in his later years, but Regulus had her first. Her and Monty looked after him when he sought refuge from his mother in this very cafe, giving him extra food and letting him talk about whatever made him happy at the time.
“How have you been dear? Better yet, where have you been?” She asked.
“France. My parents moved us there in my last two years of school,” He answered. He knew she was aware of the real reason he left, because his mother was scared that staying in this town would make him more like his brother. “I moved a couple towns over after graduation, and Sirius invited me for Christmas.”
Effie smiled and her eyes crinkled. “That’s wonderful dear. I’m happy you two have each other again.”
If Regulus was a more vulnerable person he would heave teared up. “Thanks Effie. You wouldn’t happen to know if Pandora is here would you?”
“Yes dear, she’s just over there,” Effie said, pointing to the table in the corner that Regulus used to favor. “Would like to order anything?”
Regulus gave Effie his order and went to sit with Pandora. They started talking in the way only best friends can, about anything and everything. It seemed like no time had passed when the doorbell rang and a familiar red head walked in.
Lily Evans walked in, as vibrant and beautiful as ever. Regulus was always jealous of her in school thanks to James’s public declarations of love for her. Now, he could feel that resentment rising up in him again, but pushed it down. He was an adult now, and he had moved on from James.
“She looks well,” Regulus said to Pandora, “I figured James would have worn her out by now.” He joked, referring to Lily’s adamant dislike for James in their formative years.
Pandora looked at him strangely as he heard footsteps approaching. He went to take a sip of his coffee as Lily came into view, sidling up Pandora.
“Hey beautiful,” She said, kissing her cheek.
Regulus choked on his coffee, as Pandora giggled at him. Lily looked at him. “Are you okay Regulus?” She asked, brows furrowing in concern.
“You-what,” He started, but his confused brain finally connected the dots. “Lily is who you’ve been seeing?!” He asked Pandora, who only nodded, too busy looking adoringly at Lily.
He groaned and slumped down in his seat. “Why did this not come up in conversation at any point since you moved back here?” He asked miserably, knowing he’d just made an absolute fool of himself.
Lily looked at them both, confused. “Why, is that a problem?” She asked, straightening up with color flooding to her cheeks. Regulus hurried to correct his mistake, making Lily mad was the last thing he wanted.
“No of course not! I’m happy for you both, of course. I just thought you were married to James was all. I met Harry last night and figured he was yours.” He said.
Lily visibly relaxed. “He is mine,” She said. “Me and James were married for a couple years, but we ended things two years ago. We coparent Harry now.”
Regulus just nodded, mind spinning. He kept trying to remind himself that just because James wasn’t married to Lily didn’t mean he wanted Regulus. That was an insane leap to make, and Regulus would not do it.
“Speaking of kids, I should get home to mine. I left Luna with Sybill, but you should come by and see her sometime Reggie. I know she’s missed you since we moved.” Pandora said, standing up and grabbing her bag.
“I missed her too.” He said. It would be good to see his godaughter again, it’d only been a little over a month, but it was hard when they were used to seeing each other every day.
“It was nice to see you Regulus,” Lily said, smiling at him. His earlier mistake seemed to have been forgotten.
“You too.” He said, not knowing what else to say. He and Lily had never been friends, but now that she was dating Pandora, they’d have to try.
They said their goodbyes and Regulus promised to visit Luna sometime that week. He drove back to Sirius and Remus’s place, mind a blur.
The first thing he said when he burst through the door was, “Did you know that Pandora and Lily are dating?”
Of course, he didn’t realise they had company until the words had already left his mouth. James Potter sat on the couch, coffee in hand, with Harry in his lap. He was wearing a dark red sweater that was tight in all the right places. Regulus could feel his eyes lingering so he ripped his gaze away.
“Did you not know that?” James aksed, and Sirius chuckled. Regulus felt his cheeks heat up at how deep James’s voice was.
“Obviously not,” He said. Setting his bag down on the island and opening the fridge to distract himself.
“Did Pandora not tell you she was dating Lily?” Sirius asked, snuggled up to Remus who was once again, reading.
“Well, no, not really. She told me she was seeing someone. And that it was a woman. And that she had red hair. And that she grew up here.” He said, cheeks burning as James laughed. He slammed the fridge door, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Regulus, how did you not know it was her?” He asked, and Regulus met his eyes across the room, anger fading quickly as he was reminded why he hadn’t considered Lily a possibility.
“I just- well I never considered the possibility that you two wouldn’t end up together.” He mumbled, looking away. The silence felt heavy and he could practically hear the gears turning in everyone’s heads. From the sad, pitying look his brother was giving him, he must know the impact that notion had on him.
“Reggie!” Harry said, breaking the silence. He seemed to suddenly realise Regulus was there, climbing off his father’s lap and running up to him, candycane in his mouth. “Reggie, can you do the eyebrows thing again?” He asked, looking up at him with his big green eyes.
Regulus felt his lips twitch in an almost smile. He raised one eyebrow at Harry and felt himself grin when the little boy laughed. Suddenly James swore from across the room.
“Harry, we have to go pick out a tree soon, before you have to go to your mom’s.” He said, one hand ruffling his hair as he stretched. His shirt rode up just slightly, and Regulus’s mouth watered.
Harry pouted, looking between his dad and Regulus. Suddenly, his eyes lit up and he smiled wide. “Dad, can Reggie come with us?!” He asked excitedly.
Oh no, Regulus thought. I cannot be subjected to James Potter all alone, without my brother and Remus there as a buffer. I’ll do something stupid.
Honestly, Regulus was baffled that Harry would even suggest such a thing. James seemed surprised too, but quickly recovered, smiling at his son.
“Of course, as long as it’s ok with Reg.” He said, the nickname rolling easily off his lips, reminding Regulus of the past, and they way he’d always pretended to hate James calling him that. Now, it didn’t seem so bad at all.
Harry looked at him, hope in his eyes, and Regulus couldn’t say no. As he got into James’s car, he prayed that he wouldn’t do anything too stupid.
James
James honestly didn’t expect Regulus to agree to Harry’s request that he help them pick out their tree, but here they were at their town’s Christmas tree farm. It was a nostalgic place, reminiscent of Christmases past. James remembered coming here with Lily when Harry was still a baby. It seemed like just yesterday.
He glanced at Regulus, who also seemed to be lost in memories. He knew instantly what Christmas Regulus was thinking of.
The Black family wasn’t one for a happy, good old-fashioned Christmas. They always had a fake tree that was more imposing than welcoming. But when James and Sirius were thirteen, and Regulus was twelve, James’s parents had invited the brother’s to go shopping with them. Sirius was always over at their house anyway, so he was basically family, and Regulus tended to hang out at Effie and Monty’s cafe.
Sirius and James, being the mischievous teens they were, had started a snowball fight with the whole family by nailing Monty in the back of the head. Even cold, aloof Regulus had joined in, pelting both James and Sirius with snowballs. When he hit James in the face he laughed, and James remembered thinking it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. Regulus had sounded so free, and the image of him, cheeks flushed and smile wide was burned into James’s brain forever.
James is tugged from his thoughts when Harry grabs his hand and drags him away. “Let’s look at the big trees first!” He says, and James also sees that he’s taken Regulus’s hand and is leading them toward trees that most definitely will not fit in their house.
“Haz, I don’t think those ones will fit in the living room,” He said, but it was pointless to argue with a five year old.
Harry dragged them to the largest tree in the whole lot. It was definitely beautiful, with full branches and a dark green color. But it was literally three times James’s height.
“This is the one,” Harry said reassuredly, looking up at the tree and nodding. Regulus stifled a laugh beside him and James repressed a sigh. When Harry decided what he wanted, it was extremely hard to sway him.
“Haz,” He started, but before he could even get out what he was trying to say, Harry was pouting at him, using the full force of his cuteness to get what he wanted. James hated saying no to his son, but that tree would not fit in their house no matter how much Harry wanted it.
“You know Harry, I think this tree has nargles.” Regulus said suddenly, causing Harry to whip his head toward him where he was examining the branches of the tree.
“What’s a nargle?” James asked at the same time Harry said, “Ohhh, Luna was telling me about those. I guess we probably shouldn’t get this one then.”
Harry was sulking, but he wasn’t throwing a tantrum, going to look at the other tress in the area. James looked to Regulus questioningly, but he mouthed ‘just go with it’, so James did.
“Harry what about this one?” James asked, leading them over to the smaller trees. Harry pouted, hard.
“But it’s so small.” He said, turning his big green eyes on them again. Honestly, he was too cute and he knew it.
“Well maybe if you get the one your Dad wants, we could get hot chocolate later,” Regulus said, pointing to the hot chocolate stand. Harry instantly brightened.
“Ok Reggie!” He said, taking Regulus’s hand once again. James stood there amazed as Harry began chatting Regulus’s ear off. He was really good with Harry, something James wouldn’t have suspected. Kids had never really been a thing he would associate Regulus with, but he knew he was Luna’s godfather. Still, seeing it shocked him a bit. It also made him feel kinda warm, which was odd since it was the middle of winter and they were out in the snow.
They bought the tree, and after it was loaded on the back of James’s red pickup truck, they bought Harry his promised hot chocolate. He drank it greedily as they sat at one of the picnic table near the entrance.
“So Regulus, how have you been?” He asked, cringing at the awkwardness in the words. He wished desperately for things to go back to the way they were years ago. James had never had a problem talking to Regulus in the past, in fact that was just about all he’d done for a while. Regulus always listened to him, and while it was hard to get him to talk back, to open up even a little bit, James could tell he enjoyed their conversations on some level. He even thought they were starting to become friends before Regulus left.
Regulus took a sip of his hot chocolate. “Good. I got a job as a veterinarian.” He said, looking down at his cup.
That was an odd thought to James. He had known that Regulus loved animals, but he had never given much thought to Regulus having a job. In his mind, Regulus was still fifteen, a thing of James’s past.
“Do you like it?” He asked, also drinking his hot chocolate. It was good, but he burned his tongue a little bit.
Regulus’s eyes lit up. “I love it. I get to help all those animals, makes me feel good, y’know? Being able to do something good. What do you do?” He asked.
“Oh, I work at the cafe. Not right now of course, I get the holiday season off because of Harry.” He said, ruffling his son’s hair underneath his hat. Harry was happily drinking his hot chocolate, and seeming oddly content. Kids his age were always on the move, and Harry was no exception, but he had moments of stillness. It seemed this was one of those moments.
“I always loved that cafe,” Regulus mutters, more to himself than to James. “Spent way too much time there as a kid.”
James chuckles. “That you did. My parents loved you though. Even before Sirius came along it was always ‘Regulus this, Regulus that’. They always tried to get you to come over too, but you never did.” He said, thinking back. Regulus was a strange child, standoffish and cold. Still, Effie and Monty had loved him, always encouraging James to include the younger boy. And he tried. Fuck, he’d made great progress by the time Regulus left, but by then he wasn’t just being nice. He had grown to care for Regulus quite a lot over the years. That still held true today, even though it was different now.
James watches as Regulus’s eyes cloud over with sadness, and he bows his head in sorrow. He supposes remembering all that must not be great for him, considering the things his parents were doing at the time.
“Reg, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel-” James started, but Regulus waved him away, looking into the distance with that same look in his eyes. His breath puffed out in front of him in a cloud and when he spoke his voice was gravelly with emotion.
“I’d always wished I had gone you know. At least once, just to know what it would be like. I can see why Sirius ran to you guys. I wish I had too.” He says, meeting James’s eyes. There’s regret there, and an aching loneliness that James knows he can never fully understand.
“Come now,” James says without thinking. “On Christmas we all have dinner, me, my parents, Sirius and Remus, and even Lily. They’d love to have you.”
Regulus looks surprised, but he recovers quickly. He opens his mouth and James thinks for a minute that he’ll refuse, but the longing seems to win out and he smiles. It’s a little sad, and a bit broken, but it’s there and it’s hopeful.
“Ok.” He says, finishing off the last of his hot chocolate.
James beams as they get up and make their way to the car. Harry is on a sugar high and insists on holding both their hands so they can swing him in the air. His laughter is contagious, and James finds himself chuckling along. He looks over to see Regulus smiling wider than James has ever seen, all traces of melancholy gone. It automatically makes his smile widen.
Regulus catches his gaze and rolls his eyes fondly. It makes James’s heart stutter for just a moment.
That night, James replays the day over in his head, and gets stuck on Regulus’s smile for hours.