He’s been staring at it for what feels like hours now, the amazon package mocking him. He’s had it for a couple weeks now but has yet to open it. He doesn’t know why he took it out of its hiding spot, it should’ve stayed under his bed with the clothes he has yet to hang up, old stuffed animals and shoes.
Effie bought it for him the first time it'd happened, when suddenly his legs didn’t have the strength to keep him up anymore, at least not fully. Despite having multiple moments where he could have used it, he’s kept it hidden from his friends mostly from himself. Even looking at the pristine box makes him feel weak. Afterall what kind of sixteen year old needs a cane?
There’s a light knock on the door startling him from his thoughts.
“Mind if I come in?” Peter calls through the door.
Remus panics. His room is a mess from his fall, chair on its side and his once neat stack of books in a giant heap on the ground. He’s sure he looks worse, a bruise already starting to form on his face and thigh. He wants to say no, that Peter can’t come in but he fears that just might make the situation worse.
“Remus?” Peter says again, as he creeks open the door and Remus knows he’s screwed.
“Woah, what happened here?”
“I fell,” Remus admits, his eyes still trained on the box.
“Oh okay,” Peter says and the two fall into silence.
It's one of the things Remus likes most about Peter, how unlike Sirius and James he doesn't mind being left in silence for a bit.
“Did you faint?” Peter asks after what feels to be too long to continue a conversation.
Remus shakes his head and whispers “No,”
“What happened then?” Peter asks and the two once again fall into silence.
How does one explain that their legs don’t work anymore? That somedays for some reason they just can’t hold the weight of the rest of him. It’s not quite like his knees buckle more as if he’s forgotten that he’s paralyzed from the weight down. He can feel it happening sometimes, his legs become heavier than usual and trying to move them feels like trying to deadlift a thousand bricks. It would be easier if his friends even knew what was going on, but he knows the only way that can happen is if either he or Effie tells them neither of which he would be happy with.
Peter doesn’t ask the question again nor does he ask another question, he just takes a seat on his knees and drums against them with his fingertips while humming a song that he seems to make up on the spot. It repeats four of five times before Remus speaks.
“Sometimes, my legs don’t work.”
Peter stops humming momentarily as if trying to process this new information. If he looked up at him, Remus is sure he’d be able to see the gears turning in his head. The humming resumes after a moment and Remus takes that as his cue to keep speaking.
“I don’t know why it happens or what causes it. It just does I guess."
The words feel wrong as he speaks and he balls his hands into fists. This time there are no medical terms he can use to describe it, nothing that Peter can google later to truly understand. Remus finds that he himself doesn’t even understand what’s happening and that scares him.
“What’s that?” Peter asks, breaking Remus' track of through before he can truly start to spiral.
Remus looks away from the package, following Peter’s line of sight to see it too rests on the amazon box.
“It’s nothing,”
“Can I open it?”
Remus doesn’t know why but he finds himself nodding and Peter slowly crawls toward the box as if it’s some type of trap. His hand rests on the box and traces the tap, before he sticks his nail into it, tearing it apart. Inside the box is a black cane, folded neatly along with an instruction packet. Peter carefully removes the cane from its packaging tossing the instructions aside.
“It’s ugly,” Peter says after a few moments of silence and Remus doesn’t know what to say.
Peter unfolds the cane and the pieces click together the only sound in the otherwise quiet room. He leans it against Remus’ book case before standing up and leaving.
Remus has felt alone before. Plenty of times when his mother got cancer and his father left unable to take the pressure. And again when his mother died. But this feels different somehow, worse almost. Because Remus had expected those things, but he hadn’t expected Peter to leave him alone. From outside he can hear Effie’s car start, he’s sure that if he looked out the window he’d find Peter inside of it but he doesn’t. He stays rooted to the floor, eyes trained on the shining back cane. The light from outside reflects off the metal and onto his face, once again mocking him. Remus nearly screams.
He slumps onto his side, eyes still trained on the beast. It feels like hours that the two stare at each other in equal hatred. He’d roll over if he had the energy, but of course he doesn’t he never does. If he did he’d stand up and rip his cane into pieces before tossing it out the window, preferably into something on fire.
Mobility aids are supposed to be freedom, that’s what everyone online tells him. But he feels like a ball and chain. Not that he needs one considering he can barely stand. A knock sounds at the door again, but Remus doesn’t bother answering.
“I’m back,”
Remus looks up to find Peter standing in the doorway, a target bag in hand.
“Sorry I left without saying anything, I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Wanted what to be a surprise?” Remus croaks and he wonders how long Peter has been gone if it already hurts to speak.
Peter falls back to his knees and dumps out the bag. Out of it falls a series of book themed stickers, stickers covered in moons, cats, dogs and more along with a bunch of other junk.
“What’s this for?”
Peter shrugs “I told you, you’re cane is fucking ugly.”
Remus barks out a laugh at that, the sound so unexpected it seemingly shocks them both. He can’t remember the last time he’s laughed genuinely. Nowadays every laugh of his is either faked, sarcastic or bitter.
“Ready to decorate?”
It starts off easy enough. They take the backs off a couple of stickers and start to put them on, careful not to cover any of the dots and joints of the cane so it can still fold and adjust. Somehow James gets involved and he decides it needs a keychain or something of the sort. When he comes back Sirius is with him carrying a line full of fake leaves and flowers.
The room is full of laughter and they viciously assault Pan; Remus’ cane though of course not his idea. By the time they're done, Sirius and James are covered in glitter and glue, Peter is covered in burns from attempting to use the hot glue gun and Remus is…happy.
Pan looks like a force to be reckoned with, the first layer a bunch of book themed stickers that read “sad, read a book” and “books are better than people”. At some point James had gotten out an old sticker machine he’d gotten a few years ago and they’d created their own sticker that read “MARAUDERS” the “S” hanging off the edge. The second layer is worse covered from head to toe in the fake vines Sirius had brought in, they even cover the handle and one of the three keychains James had added, claiming Remus needed one for all three of them. It’s the ugliest thing he’s ever seen but Remus loves it. When they show Effie she’s speechless, and immediately buys him a new one, it’ll come Saturday. Remus doesn’t plan on using Pan anytime soon, instead he sets him by the door as a reminder that he is loved.