WHAT IS REAL, ANYWAY?
The group of boys sat on the soft grass outside the castle, a serene spring breeze ruffling their hair as they gathered together in a rare moment of calm. The sun was beginning to set, casting an amber glow across the grounds. Regulus, still trying to piece together the fragments of his life, sat between Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier, the familiar faces only adding to the confusion swirling in his mind. His eyes flicked between the Marauders, trying to make sense of their easy camaraderie and banter.
Peter, as always, was the first to break the silence, his voice hesitant but curious. "How much do you remember, Regulus?"
Regulus shrugged, his brow furrowing as he spoke, his thoughts muddled. "Not much," he admitted, the emptiness of the blank spots in his mind making his voice feel hollow. "I know I was sorted into Slytherin… still share a dorm with Rosier and Barty. I think… I’m still the same person I was, but I don’t know what’s real or not." He glanced down, running his hand over the grass, trying to steady the racing thoughts in his head.
Remus, leaning casually against a tree with his legs spread apart, looked over at him, his expression thoughtful. Sirius, perched between Remus’s legs with his head resting on Remus's shoulder, glanced at Regulus with a smirk. "Do you remember your childhood?" Remus asked gently, clearly hoping to pry open a part of Regulus’s memory that might bring some clarity.
Regulus hesitated, his eyes unfocused as he searched the shadows of his mind. "I remember it," he said slowly, his voice quiet, "but… I don't know how much of what I remember was real."
Sirius chuckled from where he was nestled against Remus’s chest, lifting his head with a playful grin. "If you remember your mother being a pain in the ass, then it's real," he teased, nudging Regulus lightly with his elbow.
Regulus couldn't help but let out a laugh, the sound escaping him like a burst of air. "Oh, I remember her all right," he said dryly. "She was unbearable." He paused, then added, "I remember dad being a monster." The words slipped out without thinking, a dark truth he'd buried deep.
Sirius puffed up, a defensive note creeping into his tone. "Well, that's odd—you're Dad's favorite, but only because you play Quidditch,"
Regulus raised an eyebrow, looking sideways at Sirius. "Is that so?" he asked, still piecing together the relationships in this strange new version of his life.
Sirius grinned, glad to change the subject. "Yeah, even though I’m the only one who can actually make a goal," he said with a wink.
Regulus smiled faintly, the memory of a distant, complicated relationship with his father flashing in his mind. Something had changed about Orion, he realized. The man who had once been a monster in his eyes—his tormentor, his cold, distant father—was different now. Regulus couldn't figure out how, but it was undeniable.
Barty, always eager to push boundaries, leaned forward, his gaze sharp. "Do you remember us… dating?" he asked, a teasing edge to his voice, though it didn't quite reach his eyes.
Regulus’s expression twisted into confusion. "What?" he asked, unsure whether he had heard correctly.
James, who had been silent up until that point, immediately bristled. His usual bravado turned into a protective ire, his face reddening with indignation. "Barty, what the hell are you on about?" he snapped. "Regulus and you are not dating."
Barty shrugged nonchalantly, unfazed by James's outburst. “You wouldn’t know if Regulus and I were dating, James,” he said with a sly smile, his tone implying something that made Regulus feel uneasy, though he couldn’t quite place why.
James was still scowling, his frustration clear as he shot a pointed look at Barty. "Well, I would know if Regulus had a boyfriend," James retorted, crossing his arms over his chest as though it were a simple fact.
Regulus blinked, his heart giving a slight jolt at James’s words. "How would you know?" he asked, the question slipping out before he could stop it. His voice was quiet, but there was something in his eyes that caused a brief silence to fall over the group.
For a moment, everything went still, the question hanging in the air like a cloud. James's face froze, caught off guard by Regulus's directness. The words hung between them, and Regulus turned his face slightly, avoiding their gazes.
Rosier, sensing the tension, shifted the conversation. “So, what else do you remember, Regulus?” he asked casually, trying to steer things in a less charged direction.
Regulus paused for a moment, considering. “Well... I remember that Sirius and I didn’t always get along,” he admitted, glancing at his brother.
Sirius laughed, rolling his eyes. “That’s an understatement,” he said, grinning. “You were always so bloody jealous that I got to be the first Black to get sorted into Gryffindor, and my connection with James only made it worse. You felt like I’d abandoned you.”
Regulus blinked in surprise. “I—wow. I never realized that’s how it felt for you.”
Barty, clearly enjoying the banter, piped in. “I remember how much you used to hate James,” he said, raising an eyebrow.
Regulus looked at Sirius, his curiosity piqued. “What changed?” he asked, his voice laced with skepticism.
Sirius scratched the back of his neck, looking slightly sheepish. “It was probably around fourth year,” he said. “That’s when Remus and I started going out, and... well, I guess it kind of helped open things up between us.”
Regulus stared at him, incredulous. “Wait... you and Remus are openly dating?”
Sirius laughed, shaking his head. “Did you forget everything, Reg? Of course we are.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, sarcasm dripping from his tone. “Of course I don’t remember. Why would I?”
“Fair enough,” Sirius chuckled. “But, let me tell you... When we went home for Christmas break, and mother found out I was dating a boy, she—”
Regulus’s eyes widened. “She was mad, right?”
Sirius grinned, his tone mischievous. “Mad? She was livid. Spilling fire out of her eyes, practically. She didn’t just want to toss me out of the house, she wanted to throw me in a bloody portrait for it. ‘Toujours Pur,’ my ass. But, you know, you’d be surprised. She didn’t disown me right away.”
Regulus felt a shiver of discomfort, the thought of his mother’s wrath creeping in. In his timeline, he imagined she’d have done much worse—Crucio, maybe. But not this mother. Not here. This one, apparently, wasn’t the same. Regulus forced his attention back to the conversation.
“...Dad calmed her down a bit. Still, they don’t approve of Remus, but I don’t give a damn. They’re still holding onto their old beliefs, but they can’t change me.”
Regulus nodded, taking it all in. “So... that’s when you we started talking again?”
Sirius grinned, clearly proud. “Yeah, pretty much. It took a while, but we’re solid now. You stood by me when things got tough.”
Regulus felt a surge of pride in his chest but said nothing. He wanted to ask Sirius if he was out of the house in this world, too. If he had left his family, like in Regulus’s timeline. But he held back. The question felt too heavy to ask right now.
Remus, who had been sitting back and enjoying the conversation, suddenly spoke up. “I don’t even want to imagine what Walburga is going to do when she finds out about that tattoo of yours,” he said, his voice filled with amusement.
Regulus raised an eyebrow. “Tattoo?” he asked, confused.
Sirius grinned widely, pulling up his sleeve to reveal the runes etched into his arm. “It’s an old magical language,” he explained. “I'm telling her it says ‘I love my mum.’”
James, who had been quietly listening, burst out laughing. “She’ll never believe that, mate. Not for a second.”
Sirius shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t care.”
Regulus blinked, processing what he’d just heard. He finally understood—Sirius hadn’t left the house, hadn’t abandoned him in this world. He was still with his family. And a sudden wave of relief washed over him, mixed with something he hadn’t expected: happiness.
Without thinking, Regulus reached out and hugged Sirius, his arms wrapping around him tightly. It was something he had never done before, but in that moment, it felt like the only thing that made sense.
Sirius froze for a second, then, clearly surprised, laughed and ruffled Regulus’s hair. “Okay, okay, Regulus. That’s a bit too gay even for me,” he joked, his voice teasing but warm.
Regulus couldn’t help but laugh, the weight in his chest lifting for the first time in what felt like forever.
The first week in this new reality passed by, and Regulus still couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Every day felt like an exhausting exercise in determining what was real and what wasn’t. Some things remained unchanged—his schedule, for one. He still had Defense Against the Dark Arts with Professor Withers on Tuesdays, Potions with Slughorn on Wednesdays, and Herbology every Friday. His dorm mates were the same too: Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr., who still harbored a burning hatred for his father.
But the biggest change? The sheer amount of time he now spent with Sirius and his friends—the Marauders—and by extension, their circle of friends: Lily, Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas. They seemed inseparable, always congregating somewhere in the castle. And, of course, James was always there.
Regulus found himself struggling with that. His feelings for James hadn’t changed at all. He was still hopelessly in love with him, and spending so much time together was nothing short of torture.
James was attentive, funny, and effortlessly charming. Regulus couldn’t help but notice the little things: how James would hold the door open for him without thinking, the way his laugh would light up a room, or how his hazel eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. But it was impossible to forget that James was dating Lily. That fact lingered in every glance, every casual touch James shared with her.
At first, Regulus thought—hoped—that maybe he and James had been together in this timeline. James’s friendliness and familiarity were so disarming, so warm, that Regulus began to wonder if there had been something more between them before he arrived.
One day in the Gryffindor common room, James had dropped onto the couch beside him, his grin as effortless as always. “You doing alright, mate? You’ve seemed a bit... I don’t know, off.”
Regulus hesitated, startled by the genuine concern in James’s voice. “I’m fine,” he replied stiffly, avoiding James’s gaze. “Just adjusting, I suppose.”
James nudged him lightly with his shoulder, his tone teasing. “Well, if there’s anything I can do, let me know. I’m pretty good at cheering people up, or so I’ve been told.”
Regulus forced a smile, his chest aching. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
But the illusion of hope shattered one afternoon when he stumbled upon James and Lily in a quiet corner of the library. They weren’t doing anything scandalous—just leaning close, their foreheads almost touching as they whispered to each other. James’s hand was resting on Lily’s, his thumb stroking her knuckles absentmindedly. The look in his eyes was soft and full of affection, and Regulus’s stomach twisted painfully.
As he watched the both of them Peter sat beside him, chattering away about nothing in particular. Regulus barely paid attention until Peter mentioned, “James and Lily have been like that since summer, you know. Sickening, isn’t it?”
Regulus’s fork clattered against his plate. “Since summer?” he asked, his voice sharper than he intended.
Peter nodded, oblivious. “Yeah. Honestly, I didn’t think they’d last at first, but they’ve been going strong.”
Regulus’s heart sank. So that was it. James and Lily had been together since summer—long before Regulus had arrived in this timeline. Any fleeting hope he’d clung to dissolved, leaving behind a hollow ache.
Now, spending time with James felt even harder. Every smile, every laugh, every shared moment only reminded him of what could never be. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away.