Marlene sat slouched on the steps of their apartment building, the sharp bite of winter air cutting through her coat. The frost nipped at her fingers, and she shoved her hands deeper into her pockets. Dorcas was late again. The text had read, Be there at eight, but it was pushing nine-thirty now, and Marlene’s patience was wearing thin.
The first thing she said when Dorcas finally appeared wasn’t a greeting but a clipped, “Minus four degrees, Cas. Thanks for that.”
Dorcas looked up from her phone, her sharp cheekbones accentuated by the streetlamp’s glow. She let out an exaggerated sigh and muttered, "God, Marlene, you’re always so dramatic. Work was hell. What do you want me to say?"
“You could’ve texted.” Marlene’s voice was sharp, biting. It wasn’t the first time Dorcas had left her waiting in the cold.
Dorcas sighed. “You’re always mad about something, Marls. Can’t you let it go for one night?”
Marlene’s laugh was dry, humorless. "One night? You mean like all the nights I’ve spent trying to be someone you don’t roll your eyes at, someone you actually want to come home to? Because it doesn’t feel like that person exists anymore, Dorcas."
They trudged inside, the warmth of the hallway doing little to thaw the tension between them.
“You know I’ve been working nonstop,” Dorcas started, but Marlene cut her off.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re saving the world, I know.” Her tone was acidic. “And I’m just… here. Filling in all the cracks, trying not to spill over.”
Dorcas’s face darkened, her tone dripping with condescension. “Oh, please. Grow up, Marlene.”
Marlene snapped, pacing now, her words tumbling out like she’d been holding them back for too long. “you’re so quick to tell me what I’m doing wrong. ‘Get a job, Marlene. Why don’t you quit smoking? Maybe if you…’ Maybe if I what, Dorcas? Turned into someone who doesn’t piss you off just by existing?”
Dorcas stayed silent, her jaw tightening. That silence was worse than any argument they’d had. It was heavy, accusatory without saying a word.
“I’m not skinny enough, I’m not calm enough. God forbid I get drunk or lose my temper or fuck it, maybe even breathe wrong. You hate it when I’m messy, but you hate it just as much when I get it all together. Who am I supposed to be for you, Dorcas? Because I’ve tried a thousand versions, and you’ve hated every single one.”
Dorcas crossed her arms, her face unreadable. “You think it’s easy for me? Being with someone who… explodes over everything?”
Marlene’s laugh was bitter. “Explodes? Right. Because God forbid I show any fucking emotion. Unless, of course, it’s your emotions we’re talking about.”
Dorcas’s jaw clenched, her tone sharp. “And what about your friends, Marlene? You know I can’t stand being around them.They're all constantly dragging you into some drunken mess.”
“Oh, my friends?” Marlene shot back, eyes blazing. “You mean the only people who actually like me for who I am? Sorry they don’t bow down to your perfect little world. But maybe if you spent less time judging them and me… you’d see they’re not the problem.”
Dorcas’s eyes narrowed. “That’s rich, coming from someone who can’t go a week without some catastrophe. They enable you, Marls. You just can’t see it.”
“No, they accept me for everything I am—the bad decisions, the nights I fall apart, the parts of me you roll your eyes at like they’re too much to deal with. They don’t pick me apart and leave me wondering what’s left. Can you even say the same?”
The words sat between them, jagged and unresolved. Marlene’s chest heaved as if she’d been running, but it was more than that. It was the catharsis of saying aloud what she’d been screaming inside. For the first time in months, she felt… free. Like she could finally breathe without it hurting.
Dorcas shook her head, picking up her coat. “I can’t do this with you right now.”
“No, you never can,” Marlene murmured, more to herself than to Dorcas.
The door clicked shut behind her, and the silence that followed was deafening. Marlene stood there for a moment before grabbing her own coat. She didn’t know where she was going, but anywhere felt better than here.
The cold outside didn’t sting as much now. It was like the frost could burn away all the pieces of her she didn’t want to carry anymore. She stood there for a moment, watching her breath cloud in the air, the weight in her chest finally easing. The chaos inside seemed to still, as if the biting air had locked it in place, frozen it so she could step outside of herself for just a second.