Perdue
Perdue: Hidden
Regulus sighs and lays back on the grassy hill beneath him. The stars are shinning brightly above him and he wonders if they’ll look the same in Montréal. Probably not.
He isn’t looking forward to the move. In fact, he’s dreading it. He has everything he’d ever need right here, so why would he move?
Unfortunately, it’s not his decision to make.
His parents are sending him and his brother to a fancy boarding school in Montréal, over five hours from the little Ontarian town of Ste. Marie. The town with his whole life.
Another body flops next to his on the grass. Regulus turns his head to look at his boyfriend, James Potter. James smiles at him, and Regulus gives his best approximation of a smile as he can, before turning his head back to look at the stars.
“Have you ever seen a shooting star?” he asks.
He can see James turn his head to look at the stars out of his peripheral vision.
“A few. What about you?” He turns his head back to Regulus.
“Once. I think it might have been a satellite, though.”
James laughs that beautiful laugh of his, and Regulus feels his eyes water. Soon, the only way he’ll hear that laugh is through the phone. He wishes time would freeze.
“I won’t be able to see the stars in Montréal.” Regulus turns his head to look at James.
“Hey. Let’s not talk about the move today, okay? I’m working more to pay for travelling fees, I just need a little more and then I’ll be able to come and see you in Montréal.”
“It’s too soon. I’m not ready to go.”
“Me neither.”
It’s silence for a moment, and then-
“There! Did you see?!”
Regulus turns his head to the sky. “No, what?!”
“A shooting star! It fell right here.”
“What? No, it didn’t,” Regulus scrunches his face up, confused.
“Yes, look.” James picks up a rock.
“What’s that?” Regulus asks.
“The star!”
Regulus giggles. “You’re ridiculous.” He takes it from James, but can’t resist whispering a small wish to it. “Je veux que tout reste pareil.”
He blows his wish onto the rock before throwing it into the pond in front of him.
James turns to him with a small smile on his face. Regulus smiles back, leaning in. Their lips meet, and Regulus knows; everything will be alright.
➰➰➰
Pandora carries a box towards Kreacher’s car, Regulus following beside her. Sirius approaches them.
“Hey, Pandora. You should come visit us in Montréal. I’ll show you around,” Sirius says with a smirk, walking around them.
“Okay,” Pandora agrees.
Sirius leaves.
“It’s, worse, huh. The Beautiful Xeno?” Regulus teases. “Is he camping again?”
“He didn’t respond to my last text,” Pandora replies with a sad little shrug. “Anyways, last I heard he had a girlfriend.”
“Text him again,” Regulus says with a smile. Pandora really likes Xenophilius, she should keep trying. Regulus wants her to be happy when he’s away.
Pandora shakes her head. “He probably doesn’t even remember we talked at the beach.”
Regulus giggles. “No, it’s simple. You just have to be independent. Bring it up: Xenophilius, Pandora, camping in the sand… And if he seems happy, you keep talking. If he seems weird, you’re just the girl who forgot something at the beach and wants it back,” he says with a shrug. It’s not that difficult.
“Yes, I suppose,” Pandora acquiesces.
They reach the car, and Pandora sets down the box. Regulus leans against the car, turns towards her, and sighs. “Can your parents adopt me so I can stay here? If I go, you’ll never be able to get a date.”
Pandora shoves his shoulder. “That’s rude,” she says with a giggle. Regulus joins in, but their laughter doesn’t last long, the seriousness of the situation settling in.
“You’ll text me, right?” Regulus asks, weirdly nervous. Of course she’ll text him, she’s his best friend. Still, a part of him needs to make sure.
“Of course. I’ll text you so much you won’t know what to do about it,” Pandora confirms. She sighs a little, sinking against the car. “You won’t replace me, will you?”
Regulus looks at her. “Are you crazy? Who else could put up with me?” He smiles at her.
“Good point. You are a lot of work.” She smiles back at him, both of their smiles a little sad.
She sighs again, reaching for her phone from her back pocket.
“Smile, Reggie!” She says, holding her phone out for a selfie. Regulus isn’t one for being in pictures, but he doesn’t know the next time he’ll see Pandora. He smiles. He’d like to have a piece of this moment to keep.
➰➰➰
They’d moved once, when Reggie was little, and he’d thought it was for good.
Apparently not.
They were on their way back to Montréal. He wanted to stay in Ste. Marie, but their parents wanted them to get a proper education in Montréal.
At least he had Sirius with him.
Montréal is big. Really big. But Regulus doesn’t have any friends here.
He feels so far away from James and Pandora.
400,000 kilometres, but it feels like a whole different world.
➰➰➰
Regulus’ new school is huge. Way bigger than his school back in Ste. Marie, and he decides right as he’s walking in, that it’s too big.
Sirius stands next to him though, and that helps a bit. Until he doesn’t.
“I’ll meet you here after the bell?” Sirius asks him, starting to walk away.
“You’re abandoning me? No, no, no! Wait, Sirius, I’m talking to you!”
He turns back around. “What?”
Regulus looks down at himself. “Is my outfit okay?”
Sirius rolls his eyes. “Yes, Reggie! The doors are right there, you can go now.”
“Wait! Is there anything in my teeth? Is my breath okay? You never know, what if someone gets too close and it stinks!” Regulus rambles away. Anything to keep Sirius there a little longer.
Sirius puts a hand on Regulus’ shoulder. “Regulus, stop! Really, you’re perfectly fine. Don’t worry.” Sirius turns away, walking towards the school.
Regulus looks anxiously at the school. It’s very intimidating. What if he makes a fool of himself? He doesn’t know what he’s doing!
He looks around, eyes landing on a pretty boy leaning against a column.
He takes a breath and walks towards the doors, he’ll be fine. He looks over at the boy again, and catches his eye. He smiles, and Regulus smiles back. See? He’ll be-
Suddenly he’s on the ground, all his stuff spilled in front of him. Laughter explodes around him. He looks back at the girl he tripped on. She has dark skin and long, braided hair. He feels his face heat up.
He just tripped on a person, surrounded by people, on his first day of school.
He slowly sits up. The girl comes running over to him and he feels heavy with mortification.
“Sorry, are you alright?” She starts picking up his stuff, and he follows.
“Yeah, I’m alright,” he sighs, standing up with his stuff and walking into the school.
It isn’t until he’s standing at his locker, pinning a photo of him and James to the inside with a magnet that he starts to feel better. He’s still embarrassed, but even just looking at a photo of his boyfriend makes him feel a bit better.
A boy comes to his own locker a few down from Regulus’ and accidentally drops a paper. Regulus bends down to pick it up for him. It’s an invitation to a party. He holds it out to the boy. “Here.”
The boy waves his hands. “No, keep it. You can say that Rodolphus invited you.”
Regulus smiles at the paper. “Thanks.”
He isn’t usually one for parties, but he needs to meet people and make up for the… unfortunate event of the morning. Suddenly, a girl comes up to him, squealing.
“My love,” she cries, giggling and pressing a kiss to his lips. “I was looking for you everywhere!”
“Everywhere?” Rodolphus asks with a smile. The girl with curly black hair hums her assent.
She tilts her head towards Regulus. “Have you never seen a couple?”
Regulus realizes he was staring, and quickly looks away. Rodolphus comes to his rescue.
“Bella, leave him alone.”
Bella sighs. “You’re new?”
“Yes,” Regulus confirms, trying not to stare again. He isn’t the best at social cues.
Another group of girls come up to them. “Can’t you let him go for two minutes, Bellatrix?”
“Andromeda!” Bellatrix cries. They both giggle and wrap each other in a hug. “I thought you would never come back from music camp!”
Andromeda pulls back from the hug. “Hello, Rodolphus. Alright?”
Bellatrix brandishes her phone. “Come on, group photo!” All of them gather in front of her phone for the photo.
Regulus gathers his confidence. This is his chance to make friends.
“Do you want me to take it for you?”
Bellatrix smiles at him, all teeth. “No, it’s a selfie.”
Regulus suddenly feels extremely stupid, of course it’s a selfie. He internally smacks himself. Why is he so stupid?
He turns back to his locker and closes it.
➰➰➰
Regulus walks into the bathroom and pulls out his phone to text Pandora. Embarrassingly, he feels like crying. He’s likely just overwhelmed. He just wants to go home.
Regulus: Help!
Pandora: What happened, love?
When Pandora answers, it’s like she’s in the room with him. It’s extremely comforting.
Regulus: I’m dead, my life is over!
Regulus: It’s not even lunch and I’ve messed up twice!
Regulus: I’m a loser!
Pandora: Calm down. I’m sure you’re exaggerating.
Regulus: Barely.
Pandora: How’s the new school?
Regulus: Not as good as Ste. Marie.
Regulus: But I did get invited to a party.
Pandora: See! I knew you weren’t a loser!
Regulus: You’re right. Love you xx
Regulus smiles down at his phone, feeling a bit better after talking to Pandora. She always helps.
He glances at the time, and realizes he’s supposed to be in the auditorium. He sighs, and starts running. He’s off to a really great start.
Regulus bursts through the auditorium doors and everyone looks at him. He hates being the centre of attention.
An old man with a beard calls his name from the stage. “Regulus Black?”
The entire auditorium erupts in laughter. This is truly the worst day of his life.
➰➰➰
Finally. Lunch.
Regulus wanted to eat with Sirius, but he was too busy with all of his new friends, because of course Sirius makes new friends immediately.
Regulus pushes open the doors and walks outside.
He sees a girl sitting alone at a table. “Sorry, can I sit here,” he asks, already starting to sit.
“Sorry, my friends are sitting here,” she replies.
“Right,” Regulus mumbles, standing up.
He starts walking away, looking for a spot to sit. The group of girls from earlier sit next to her.
He’s almost helpless when the girl he tripped over earlier calls him over.
“Hey! Come here,” she calls.
Regulus would actually rather not, but it would be rude to just walk away.
“I promise you, you don’t want to hang out with them,” she calls, referring to the girls.
“Sorry, can I sit here?” Regulus asks. They seem to not hate him.
“Yeah.”
With her is also the pretty boy from earlier and a boy with white-blond hair that reminds him of Pandora’s. He’s also really pretty. What is with the group of friends?
“My name’s Dorcas. Sorry I almost killed you this morning,” the girl apologizes. “I was just trying to get a good photo for the newspaper.”
The pretty boy looks at him. “I saw that. It’s nice to meet you. Barty,” he introduces himself.
The other boy raises a hand. “Evan.”
“Hi,” Regulus mutters a bit shyly. “Regulus. In case you didn’t already know.” He smiles at his hands. Maybe he can be friends with them. “So, you’re in the student newspaper?” He asks, directing the question at Barty.
Evan answers. “He’s in everything. The newspaper, the student council, drama club…”
Regulus frowns at him. “Not you?”
Barty answers for him this time. “He’s too busy with other stuff.”
“Yeah, but it’s so good! Hockey, football, basketball, gaming…”
The group laughs. Regulus relaxes a bit. He likes this group.
“So, how does it work if I want to be in the student newspaper?”
“Ooh, you’re interested?” Dorcas asks.
“Yeah.”
“Just go to the first meeting.”
“Okay, but I’ve never written before.”
“Neither have I. Well, before starting here,” Barty says.
“Good point. And my boyfriend says I should write, so maybe…”
Evan pipes up. “Oh, you have a boyfriend?”
Barty pouts at him dramatically. “Sucks for you. One less for your checklist.” He throws a piece of paper at Evan.
Everyone laughs. Regulus thinks they might not be as good as Pandora, but they might just be the next best thing.
〰️〰️〰️
“Come on, James, you can’t miss the back to school party!” Remus argues.
“It’s going to be fun!” Lily agrees.
“Guys, I can’t Friday! I’m working at the garage,” James insists.
“Oh, come on, James you can’t work on Friday night!” Remus protests.
“Yeah, everyone’s going to this party! Oil changes can wait another day.”
Suddenly his math teacher walks in front of him. “James! I’ve found someone to help with your math.”
“What? Why? I don’t need help, I’m managing.”
“If you don’t catch up, you’ll fail your class.” He starts to walk away.
“Ok, fine, who is it?” He calls at his teacher’s back.
“Heather Gray!” He says, pushing her into the foyer with them, before waking away.
“Sounds like we’re going to spend a lot of time together?” Heather asks, smiling flirtily at him.
James glances at her, smiling back awkwardly. This is going to be a long semester.
〰️〰️〰️
Regulus pulls out his phone to text James.
Regulus: Jamie!
Regulus: I’m going to write for the student newspaper.
James: Amazing. You’re amazing!
Regulus: How’s back to school going?
James: Awful. Guess who Mr Gringo found to tutor me in math…?
Regulus: Who?
James: Your favourite….
James: Heather Gray.
Regulus feels anxiety churning in his stomach. Heather has been trying to steal James from him for… forever, probably.
Regulus: Ugh. She didn’t waste time.
James: Im definitely not excited to do math with her everyday.
Regulus: Wait!
Regulus: You’re going to see each other EVERY DAY!?
➰➰➰
Regulus sighs as he sits down at the table with Sirius and Uncle Alphard for dinner.
“I’m missing everything!” Regulus complains.
Uncle Alphard sighs. “What are you missing?”
“There’s a party at Remus’ tomorrow,” Regulus pouts.
Sirius perks up at the mentions of his friend.
“At Remus’?”
“Yeah.” Regulus turns back to Uncle Alphard. “Can I take a bus there? I have to go!”
“I have an invitation to the party here,” Sirius offers, “You could go with me.”
Regulus looks at him. “I do t want to go with you, I want to go with James!”
“I’m sorry, Regulus, but you just got here, you aren’t going back yet,” Alphard says.
Regulus feels tears welling up in his eyes. “But there’s a girl who’s going after James with big boobs and an acne free face!”
“Heather Gray!?” Sirius buts in.
“You see? Even Sirius knows I’m going to loose him.”
“Listen Regulus, you can’t go back every weekend, okay? Your life is here now.”
“No, Uncle, your life is here. Not mine.” Regulus shoves away from the table storming up to his room.
➰➰➰
When Regulus picks up a FaceTime call from Pandora, she’s at the party he so badly wanted to go to. She brings him over to Remus at the music booth.
“Hey, Reg!” He calls.
“Hey, Remus.Have you seen James? I wish I was there for real,” he says to Remus over the screen.
“Nah, it’s boring! Anyways, James isn’t here. He’s at the garage tonight.”
“Ah, good. The Heather can’t change his mind today!” Pandora jokes.
Regulus laughs a bit.
Pandora leaves the music booth, navigating the crowd.
“Oh my god, look who’s here!”
She turns the camera around and Regulus sees Xenophilius.
“Xeno? Look, you haven’t missed your chance. Take it now, otherwise you’re a lost cause.”
“Yes, I’m going to see him, and even if he doesn’t remember me, I’ll take my chance.”
“Good luck!”
“Bye,” Pandora says before ending the call.
Regulus decides to text James.
Regulus: Hey
James doesn’t answer.
〰️〰️〰️
James is working on the underside of a car when his phone dings. He pushes out from under it to check. He smiles when he sees Regulus’ name.
Regulus: Hey
James is about to answer when à voice rings out.
“Hi!” Heather calls.
James jumps a bit. This is definitely unexpected.
“Uh, hi? What are you doing here?”
“Jonathan is working, and I didn’t want to go to the party alone.”
James frowns. “Um, I’m working too.” He’s literally halfway under a car. He thought this was obvious.
“What’s up with you and Regulus? I could never deal with the distance.”
“Sorry Heather, I need to finish this,” James says, pushing himself back under the car.
After a few seconds of Heather not leaving, he pushes back out.
“Are you just going to stand there, or…?”
“But why can’t we go together?” Heather whines. “I’m alone, you’re alone, it’s Friday. We’re friends.”
James’ phone dings again.
Regulus: Where are you?
“Is that Regulus again?” Heather says, a touch of annoyance in her voice.
“Yes, he’s my boyfriend.” James can’t resist smiling at his phone.
Heather nods slowly, looking disappointed.
“Alright. Good night,” she says, getting up to leave.
“Good night.”
James: Garage
Regulus: You work tonight?!? It’s Friday! Why aren’t you at Remus’? The whole group is there.
James: Yeah, but not you.
Regulus: Don’t hold yourself back. Have fun.
James: But Regulus, I don’t have enough hours at the garage this week because of math.
Regulus: How’s it going with Heather?
James: Fine. She’s alright.
Regulus: I’m sure she’s trying to make you like her.
James: She has a boyfriend.
Regulus: Sounds like you’re disappointed!
James swallows. That’s not at all what he meant.
James: No, Reg, come on…
Regulus: But it’s true!
Regulus: Sounds like you don’t miss me as much as I miss you!
Regulus: You almost never write to me!
James: Why am I working a Friday night during a party? So I can afford to come and visit you.
Regulus: I’m sorry.
Regulus: I just miss you so much.
James: Me too.
James: Goodnight Reg x
Regulus: xxx
〰️〰️〰️
“Hey, Sirius? What times that party?”
“I’m leaving now. You coming?”
“Yeah, let’s go.”
〰️〰️〰️
“Hey, Xeno. Is your girlfriend here?” Pandora asks her crush, Xenophilius.
“What?”
Pandora leans closer to speak next to his ear.
“Is your girlfriend here?”
“No, we broke up while camping.”
“Ah, that sucks.”
He just shrugs making it seem unimportant.
Suddenly the lights are shining in his eyes making them so blue, and they’re both leaning in, and their lips are pressed together.
〰️〰️〰️
James walks into the party, heading for Remus and Lily at the music booth.
“Hey guys, whats up?”
“It’s a party, James, everything’s up!” Lily exclaims.
Suddenly a hand grabs his arm. He turns around to see Heather.
“Come on, we’re playing a game.”
“Alright, come on, guys.”
They all sit in a circle. One of the girls starts the game. “Truth or dare,” she asks James.
“I’m not playing,” he says, turning away from the circle.
“Woah, woah, woah, you have to play, James,” Lily protests.
“Okay, fine. Whatever. Dare.”
The girl smirks. “Kiss Heather.”
James flies up. “What? No, I have a girlfriend!”
“It’s fine, see, I have a boyfriend,” Heather says.
James feels the pressure building. Everyone starts chanting his name. He hates being pressured like this, it makes him feel as if there’s no escape. He squeezes his fist tight.
He glances at Heather, who just shrugs. He takes a deep breath. He shouldn’t do this, but he has to, doesn’t he?
He leans in.
〰️〰️〰️
Regulus is dancing with Barty when his phone rings.
He picks up the FaceTime call from Pandora.
“Hey! This is Barty!”
“Hello Barty, I’m Pandora!”
“Hey!”
“What’s up Pandora?”
“Oh my god, Xeno and I kissed. Like, a lot!”
“Oh my goodness, give me all the details!”
“Oh, it was so sick!”
Suddenly chanting rises up in the background. They’re chanting James’ name.
“Hey, is James there?”
“Uh, I don’t know, let me see.”
Pandora navigates the crowd until finding where James must be.
“Oh, Regulus.”
“What? Whats happening-“
Pandora flips the camera to reveal James locking lips with Heather.
Regulus knew this would happen. Of course.
He can practically feel his heart breaking. He quickly ends the call and rushes out of the house, sitting on the stairs in front.
The air is cold, biting into his bare skin, but he barely notices it over the ache in his chest.
The tears start, and they don’t stop.
Maybe they never will.
She’s got you mesmerized while I die