The party in the Room of Requirement was in full swing right as Lily was about ready to leave. She’d hoped that now Mary was single, she wouldn’t be the only one left alone at the stroke of midnight. Apart from James, that was, although he seemed to have decided not to show.
It was for the best anyway, she and James seemed have been in a weird place lately, harmonious one moment, frosty and barely cordial the next. Lily knew this was partially her fault, but James Potter was such an enigma, she had no clue how to feel about him.
He’d been a bully, yet he’d turned himself into an animagus just to keep Remus company. He slacked off in class, but she saw him patiently explaining his transfiguration notes to Peter for hours. He said he hated Slytherins, but then had welcomed Dorcas with open arms. It didn’t make any sense.
Well, her plan for midnight had failed spectacularly, Lily realised, catching a glimpse of Mary’s curly hair rounding a corner with one of the particularly dashing Ravenclaw boys who were also staying for the holidays. She slumped dejectedly against the pillar behind her, unconcerned by the wrinkles that formed along her cream silk dress. She downed the last of the wine Marlene had given her, remembering how Marlene had winked as she’d poured it before she and Dorcas vanished to some dark corner with rest of the bottle.
Lily had just decided it was time to go when Remus and Sirius spotted her from across the room. Sirius waved a little too excitedly before tugging Remus over towards her. His cheeks were a little flushed and his eyes brighter than usual against his dark curls, but Remus, for once, didn’t seem to mind at all, holding Sirius by the arm and brushing his hair fondly out of his eyes as they weaved through the throng towards her.
“Lils!” Sirius crowed. ‘You look gorgeous tonight!” Then he frowned. “Did I tell you that already?”
“Yes, Sirius but thank you.” Lily responded graciously, sharing an amused look with Remus as Sirius wobbled slightly on his feet, his dress robes becoming more dishevelled by the second. Lily put down her glass, reached over and straightened Sirius’ tie before patting him gently on the shoulder. Then she shot a faux-warning glance at Remus. “You make sure he gets home safe, Lupin.”
“Lily, we sleep in the same room.” Remus said, his cheeks immediately flushing a dusky pink as he realised what he’d said. “You know what I mean.” He added hastily, face still burning. Meanwhile Sirius, who had only processed as far as Lily’s request, suddenly chimed in.
“You’re not going to bed are you Lily? It’s almost midnight.” He looked horrorstruck at the thought.
“Precisely why I’m leaving Sirius,” Lily said sagely, reaching up to pull the pin out of her chignon and tucking it into her purse, letting her hair spill out in a long red curtain down her back. She ran her fingers through her hair gently, relishing the sweet release of pressure from her scalp. “I can’t bear the thought of not kissing someone, not when you all are paired up so nicely.”
“Lily…” Remus’s grey eyes softened with pity. “Stay, please, you shouldn’t be alone at new year.”
“I’ll kiss you Lily!” Sirius proffered helpfully, to which Remus just rolled his eyes.
“Thanks Sirius, I’m sure she’s dying to stay now.” Nevetheless, Remus looked at Lily beseechingly once more, but relented when Lily just shook her head.
“Thanks boys,” she said, and leaned in to hug them both, before releasing them with a wave and walking out into the cold, quiet hallway. The corridor was silent and dark, teachers nowhere to be seen. Tonight one of those special nights where they turned a blind eye to the antics of those poor souls still lingering in the castle for Christmas. Not that Lily minded the special treatment, but she didn’t think the holidays would’ve been any better at home this year, what with Petunia’s increasing hostility and no more Severus to escape from it with.
Banishing Severus’s face firmly from her mind, Lily slipped through the cold corridors of the castle, taking a slightly longer route to avoid arriving into the common room and disturbing the little group of lower years students just as the clock struck midnight. She passed the hospital wing, and had just come to the clock-face looking out onto the icy grounds as the bells above began their slow, deep chimes to herald the new year. Lily paused, letting the sound from above swallow her like an ocean... and the sky outside the window burst into a rainbow of light.
*************
Stupid, he was so stupid.
James ran through the empty castle, his sides burning and parchment fluttering between his fingertips as he chased the little dot marked Lily Evans. The bells reverberated through him like a death knell as he tumbled round corners. Nearly there. Nearly there…
Then he saw her.
James skittered to a halt.
Lily Evans stood before the clockface, looking out onto the wintry night sky, absolutely bathed in light. She looked like an angel, descending from heaven in a flood of sunlight, or a Venus by way of Botticelli, or even as if she were made of liquid candlelight.
He froze while the bells died away, tucking the map into his pocket, afraid she’d disappear if he so much as moved, for he couldn’t be sure she was real.
“Alright, Evans.”
He spoke and she startled, turning through a shock of violet light, the fireworks above illuminating her pale skin like a conjured bluebell flame.
For a moment, Lily stood silent as a deer, while colours flowered over her features.
A flood of blue dusted her eyelids a pale lilac. Her long hair shone like a wine-coloured river across her shoulders as ruby-red, icy-white and gold shimmered across her throat in a kaleidoscope. A sudden burst of green set her almond eyes alight, as if she’d been lit up from within. James felt his breath catch in his throat. Surely it was impossible to be this beautiful without magic. He watched, bewitched, as her delicate mouth began to move through the changing light, her lips now stained a weak fuchsia.
“What are you doing here, James? Go find the others, it’s New Year’s Eve.” Lily’s voice sounded tired and a little like she’d been crying. James stepped forward unconsciously, wishing he could reach out, comfort her in some way.
“But I want to be here, with you.”
Lily smiled wanly and shook her head, her hair shining like the sunset in the cascade of light that fell around them.
“James-” He gently but insistently interrupted. He had to at least try. He needed her to understand.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking Lily. The thing is, I love you. And not like a crush, not like some fantasy of us together. I love you.”
Lily crossed her arms, shifting her feet as if about to walk away. “What do you want me say James? How do I respond to that?”
James ran his hand through his hair anxiously. “Well, the customary thing would be to say that you love me too. But if you can’t say it now, perhaps that you might be able to one day?”
Another firework burst above them, glinting off the tears welling up in Lily’s eyes.
“I do love you James, but as a friend. There are just some things between us that you can’t change. All those years you spent taunting Severus, do you want me to just forget about that?” Lily furiously wiped away a stray tear had spilled onto her cheek. James tilted his head slightly, his brow settling into an unfamiliar expression somewhere between shame and sorrow.
“Lily-” Her eyes blazed now. She lifted her head and dropped her shoulders, her voice barely quivering.
“No. Whatever you were going to say, just…no. Sev was my friend, my only friend for my whole childhood. Even if he’s… gone now, there’s too much there, too many memories. I can’t forget that. I know you’ve changed James, but we’ve only been friends for a year. You can’t love me yet, you barely know me. And I know it’s New Year’s Eve, I know you’re lonely. I know you don’t want to be left in a room with Remus and Sirius with no-one to kiss, but it just doesn’t work like that.”
Lily turned, and just as she was about to step into the darkness, James called after her, shrugging his shoulders in defeat.
“Then how does it work Lily? As crazy as it might sound, I love that you still worry about Snape, I love that you forgive people, even when they don’t deserve it. I love that you were always there for Remus, no questions asked. I love that when you walk into a room, the whole place starts to glow. I love how you care, Lily. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, I know that, but when I’m with you… I feel like I could be a good man one day. And I want to be. I want to become the kind of person you deserve, the kind you can love, however long that takes.”
Lily had turned back to him now, her shoulders shaking with invisible sobs, her eyes wide with disbelief but a soft smile brightening her features. For the first time, James felt a small glow of hope.
“Merlin we can just be friends if you like, but I still had to let you know. Because when you figure out the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you don’t want to waste a single minute.”
James’ words hung in the air between them, his breathing heavy in the silence. Lily seemed to shake herself out of a daze, her smile fading into annoyance. James felt his heart sink. But then she began to speak, her voice wavering as tears slipped unbidden from her eyes, their tracks creating shining trails in the light.
“See that is just like you, James. You say things like that and you make it impossible for me to hate you. And I hate you, James. I really hate you.” But Lily’s eyes softened and something James had never seen before settled into her face as she gazed at him. Something he could only describe as love.
“I hate you.” She whispered, one final time.
Then Lily Evans closed the gap between them and kissed him through the tears.