Chapter 9
It's Saturday, she showers and gets ready for the party. She does her hair and makeup going all out, this is something she'd dreamed of, she never thought it would really happen so this is a big deal for her. When hair and makeup is done it's time for the outfit. She feels hot,beautiful and sexy when she looks in the mirror. All her curves on display but still managing to cover her arms.
But as she goes to the door she pauses a bit if panic setting In, so many thoughts take over her mind. Will Tom like my outfit, why do I care so much if he does, is this outfit too slutty, what if I've messed up badly already, what if I embarrassed myself, I don't really know how to dance, so many possible things can go wrong.
Then she gets a text from Mattheo saying to come down when she's ready. This boosts her confidence a bit, being asked to show up and he's supportive. They are all supportive even if I mess up they will find some way to make it okay, right?
She goes to her goodie bag and finds the vicodin and puts a few in a little bag and stuffs it in her bra. She has a feeling she might need some help relaxing.
Dobbie used to bring her drugs and alcohol, he couldn't stop the beating but he wanted to help ease her pain even if the drugs weren't good for her it was the best he could help. This resulted in her having quite a collection of drugs and pills.
So she heads down to the party.
Mattheo- “ Tom you finally gonna come clean and tell her”
Tom- "Not tonight”
She walks in and she catches everyone's eye
Mattheo-"You better make your move tonight fast cause everybody is gonna want her”
Tom walks through the crowd towards her, they part for him. He goes to her and puts out his hand, she takes it and he leads her back to where he was with the guys.
Wow eveyones looking at me, this is a lot. Oh Tom, I wish his face gave more away about how he felt. I can't tell if he is pissed or glad to see me. I need a drink.
Theo‐ “ You look great Meeri”
Mattheo- “ You want a drink”
Merri- “ Yes a shot vodka please”
Mattheo- “Whoa okay one shot coming up”
Tom still hasn't said a thing, he's just standing close behind her.
Mattheo comes back with their drinks and she downs her shot, no chaser and no reaction as if she just had water. Mattheo and Theo are equally impressed and curious if she's never partied. How did she do that?
Meeri- “ I want to dance”
Mattheo looks at Tom but he's still just a statue, so Theo speaks up, goes to her and gives her his hand and leads her to dance
Mattheo- “ Dude unfreeze or something I can't do this for you”
Tom- “ I upset her yesterday I said the wrong things”
Mattheo- “ The way she's looks at you dude, try”
She has fun dancing with Theo, she feels the eyes on her but is determined not to let that ruin this moment. A guy comes over and tries to dance with her but Theo gives him a look that sends him away.
Meeri- “ Why'd you do that”
Theo- “ Did you want him”
Meeri- “ Well no but, why do you care”
Theo- “ Just think there's someone better for you"
She turns and looks at Tom still standing like a statue, she sighs and wishes she could read that look. Theo notices the sad look on her face when she turns back.
Theo- “ If you want him you gotta be straightforward”
Meeri- “ What no, I just oh fuck idk”
Theo- “ Come on break”
He leads her off to the side and he lights up and has a smoke.
Meeri- “ Can I?”
Theo-” What”
Her mind is fraying a little, all the staring and confused feelings about tomorrow she needs a mind cleanser and is fed up with using her words. She grabs Theos cigarette from his lips and takes a deep inhale, letting some of her tension leave her as she exhales.
Theos in shock, she's also so shy and asks before she does anything but now she's being bold and brazen, he doesn't mind it's just a different side of her.
She hands back his cigarette and leaves him to go get another shot. She dances alone, getting lost in the parting. She may have never been to a party before but has danced and gotten intoxicated before seeking any distraction from her mind. She would take pills, drink straight from her bottles, use her mp3 player( one of her few possessions) and dance, getting lost in the music and feeling, well rather enjoying the absence of feelings.
Guys approach her but with a flick of her wrist She uses magic to send them away, they aren't who she wants and meaningless hookups isn't something she is after. She never thought she'd open her heart to someone else ever again after Blair and her baby but Tom has wormed his way In her mind and heart. He gave her attention, compassion, friendship and her broken mind saw that and desperately clung to him, forming a one-sided obsessive bond, making her reliant on him.
He keeps an eye on her the whole time, but remains stuck to the wall unsure what to do. He upset her and this morning he could tell she was still upset, he doesn't want to upset her more. At this point they can still heal and have their friendship but what he wants to communicate isn't something he can take back and if this is all one sided and she's just being nice and sees him as a friend then he could ruin this and lose Her. He knows how he thinks about her is more than friendship but it also isn't like the romance books, he's a bit too obsessive for this to be a normal attachment.
When he reads something interesting he wants to share that fact with her, when it rains he thinks of her remembering how it's her favorite,when they have to go to separate classes he dreads it. He doesn't just miss her, his mind is consumed wondering about every little detail. That's part of why he likes having her near him so much. It gives him peace of mind that she's okay, knowing no ones bothering Her, keeping her safe, but when they are apart those concerns take over and it becomes quite inconvenient. So he wants her by his side always and hopes she will accept his obsessive, possessive affections.
As the night progresses and she has more drinks, her thoughts hurt her more and more, so she slips away and has a vicodin to shut up her thoughts and it works. Now she's dancing, enjoying the high, she no longer cares about the guys coming over to her, she doesn't send them away but also doesn't respond she's in her own world. The pain is gone, the thoughts are gone, all that exists is the music.
Tom sees the guys around her but doesn't interfere. They aren't getting handsy and she's not even responding to them so he just watches.
Then trouble enters, Draco comes to the party and when he sees her in a slutty outfit surrounded by guys he can on longer stand off to the side. So he storms over to her and grabs her arm In an attempt to drag her away but she slaps him in the face hard making his nose bleed.
Draco- “You bitch how dare you hit me”
Meeri- “Aww are you so pathetic you can take a slap”
Draco- “Come with me now”
Meeri- “No”
Draco- “Oh so you like being a slut with guys all over you, oh father won't like this.”
Oh those were the right wrong words, the grabbing already brought up how father would drag her around and how he threatens to tell on her how original what a little bitch.
She kicks him in the nuts and when he fall she shoves him down and stand over him pressing one of her heels Into his chest. He's gonna tell on her and father will take her back home, so why not actually deserve it and not be punished over a slap.
Meeri- “Your pathetic Draco coming in here acting like my brother, you haven't been my brother in years. Brothers protect their siblings and you, you turn me to the wolves every chance you get in hopes of father's approval but you'll never get that you weak bitch. So go ahead tell father, tell him I'm a slut, tell him I hurt your fragil body and how you couldn't even fight back cause you're weak. Just a pathetic pretty boy dependent on daddy.”
A crowd has gathered to watch this and the guys push their way to the front and watch, they don't stop this it obviously seems like this was a long time in the making and needs to be let out.
Draco grabs his wand and tries to fight back, he fires a blast at her one that should have sent her flying but it has no effect, the shield she always wears blows off his shot. She takes out her wand, not to cast a spell but to cut him. Her wand is special and the tip is coated in glass which is sharply pointed. She leans down and runs the sharp tip across his cheek, cutting him.
This freaks Draco out, he's so uptight about his image and the idea of getting a scar makes him panic.
Draco- “Your crazy bitch, this better not leave a scar, you'll pay for this”
Meeri- “Oh it will scar Draco I promise you that, how's it feel having your perfect Image ruined huh, it will leave a scar a tiny one but it will crush you. One scar is all it takes to unravel how weak you are.”
She steps off him and takes a step back
Meeri- “Go tell father
Draco runs off to check his wound and write to father.
Tom was impressed watching her take out her buisness With Draco, he knows there's probably a lot of hidden means to what she said, so many things he doesn't have the pieces to understand. The one thing he knows for sure though is that scar business, they must weigh heavily on her but she bares it all, she gets up every day even though she's been through much. Oh Meeri what a mystery you are and oh how strong.
The crowd disperses and goes back to partying and she sneaks out of view to wash down 2 more vicodin with a shot of vodka. Draco ruined her previous high and now she wants the world to disappear, to not remember any of this in the morning.
She's not even sure she wants the morning because she knows what will happen next, father will take her home, the chains will be back on, her body and mind will be brought to the brink of breaking over and over again until she's a husk strapped down in the padded room.
She'll never feel the fresh breeze again , never have a big breakfast spread, be encouraged to use her magic,have a new interesting book, have a warm cozy room, go on walks whenever she likes, never have meals with the boys, hear Matheo and Theo talk about how hot some girl is, and Tom she'll loose him and that hurts her the most.
Never hearing his voice telling me about his new book, never feeling his hand on my back offering comfort, never getting another magic lesson from him, never falling asleep in his arms, never hugging him again, never having the chance to become more. These thoughts hurt even with her mind blurred by the drugs. The pain of knowing she will lose Tom is too great to be numbed. Her connection with Tom had built something new within her, and now she feels It being torn apart and it's agonizing.
She only brought 3 pills with her, she was planning for a fun night not a night she never wakes up from. So she stumbles her way back to her room leaning heavily on the wall for support. Once in she locks her door not just with the key but with a spell, she doesn't want to be interrupted. Her mind is screaming at her,{ PILLS MORE PILLS} {BLADE OH CUT DEEP, PRESS HARD, CUT DEEP} these two things keep repeating and getting louder she can't ignore them and she can't fight them. She gets a pill bottle and blade bag and goes to the window. She wants one last fresh breeze.
She opens the bottle of benzos and pours them all in her hand and downs them all with her bottle of fireball. She then sits on the floor and rolls up her left sleeve, grabs a new blade fresh and sharp. Usually She cuts across diagonally but today she goes horizontally Starring near the crook of her elbow pressing down hard and dragging It all the way down to her wrist.
The blood is so pretty, what a pretty color hidden away, oh I hit beans good sould make this go faster. Because of the pills she doesn't even feel the sting or pain she just sits watching the blood flow and thinks how pretty it is. She dips her fingers in the blood smearing it around.
She has overdosed and passed out from blood loss before on separate Instances so this isn't a new feeling. She's not scared, at least she got to finally have it out with dravo before she dies but she does have one regret, Tom she wishes she took the leap and expressed her feelings even if it didn't work out. She would have liked to die having felt the touch of his lips just once even If it was brief that would have been enough.
She feels the backout coming but accepts it, she knows she's been living on borrowed time and that her death would come sooner rather then later, she's just glad it's by her hands and not anothers.
Tom saw her leave and thought it best she looked pretty wasted and it's better she leave now then with a boy.
Mattheo-” So did you talk to her”
Tom-” No and she's gone to bed”
Theo-” She left already? “
Mattheo - “ Go to her you'll probably do better saying your piece in private”
Tom- “ I won't bother her tonight she's probably tired”
Mattheo -” I know you don't get this stuff but you really can't wait longer otherwise she'll give up and that door won't be open to you any longer”
Theo-” He's right she might be tired but tonight's the night Tom, she turned guys away all night and kept looking at you”
Tom-” Okay I'll go”
He hates admitting it but they have superior knowledge in this matter, they notice things he doesn't. So he heads to her room luckily he has his speech on him and he's as ready as he'll ever be.
He knocks, no answer she might be asleep or didn't hear like last time, so he goes to unlock the door but it doesn't work it's magical locked. This sets off alarm bells for him, so he uses a stronger spell and breaks threw her looking spell. He gets In bit its dark all are off and that smell, iron? No that's blood. He turns the lights on and looks to the bed but she's not there, she's slumped against the wall unconscious and bloody.
He goes to knees before her and checks her pulse its weak but still there. He looks around for something to wrap around her arm, he finds a shirt but also the empty bottle of pills and his heart sinks again and his pulse speeds up more. He needs to act fast. He wraps her arm up tightly, puts his jacket over her and picks her up, she needs to get to the infirmary.
Oh of course a crowd to get threw, oh fuck that.
Tom- “ MOVE NOW”
He is so loud, his tone so dark and dangerous everyone moves to the walls and he rushes through. The guys panic a bit wondering what's going on and then they see Tom's carrying something, no someone, then they spot the white hair and know its Meeri and push their way through the crowd after them.
Tom- “ Come on Meeri Please Please I never got to tell you how I feel, oh I'm sorry I was so slow”
He gets her to the infirmary and orders people around quickly. She's taken from him and receives care, he's left to sit alone waiting his thoughts eating him up. He sits there looking at the blood on his hands and finds that it's spread to his clothes as well. Oh she has to be okay.
Theo and Mattheo come crashing through the doors startling Tom.
Mattheo- “ What happened”
Theo- “ Where is she”
Tom- “ They are working On her, she she took pills and cut herself”
Mattheo- “ Tom are you okay”
Tom-” She needs To be okay”
Theo-” She will, she'll pull threw”
Tom-” I cant just sit here I need to do something”
That's when he gets an idea, he has so many questions and needs answers. She can't give him answers but someone else could.
Tom-”Come were Getting Answers”
Mattheo-” From who”
Tom-” Draco”
So they march out, set on the war path for Draco's room. Tom doesn't knock, just opens the door and walks in, finding Draco sealing a letter one most Likely to their father. Theo and Mattheo stand behind Tom and block the door.
Tom-” Your going to answer my every question, and if you lie we'll I'll take a note from you sister and add a new scar for ever lie or half ass answer”
Draco-” Wh what's going on”
Draco is terrified, Tom looks pissed, is giving off scary energy and is covered in blood. And the Death glares from the back up is only adding to the effect.
Draco stands up holds his hands up, he doesn't want trouble thinks this must be a mistake.
Tom takes Draco's wand and sits him down.
Tom- “ what caused the rift between you and Meeri?
Draco stays silent to long resulting in toms wand at his throat.
Draco‐” She was saying lies about father, being an attention seeker, she wouldn't back down that's what separated us”
Tom-” What specificly did she say about your Father?”
Draco- “ That he Is cruel, mean, hurts her, gives her nightmares, won't let her out”
Toms not happy with these answers they are so vague, those are things a child would say, wait, no.
Tom- “ How old was she when she said those things”
Draco-” 6 or 7”
Fuck, no.
Tom-” You believe there is no truth to what she said”
Draco-” They were obviously lies”
Hes oblivious, what she said all those months ago he remains blind to the truth,oh merlin he doesn't know anything.
Tom-” When Your home did you see her often”
Draco-” No Only on Christmas and birthdays”
Tom-” what about Her room what color was it”
Draco-” I don't know what kinda question is that”
Tom add another cut below the one Meeri made.
Drac-” Okay okay was last time I was in her room was when she was 4 it was lavander”
Tom‐” Did she ever have friends over”
Draco-” Umm no”
Tom had been over to Malfoy manor before with the guys, he never saw her, never saw a girl room, oh she was there somewhere the whole time. Tom knows his next question but doesn't want the answer
Tom-” Does malfoy manor have a dungeon”
Draco-” Of course it's a proper old house”
Mattheo- (whisper)” fuck”
They put it together too. They never saw a girls room,never saw or heard of another sibling. She went to her brother seeking help from her father who hurt her and he shut her out. She'd been under them suffering all that time.
That's all the answers Tom needs from draco, he knows so little any more time here is useless so he turns and walks out the guys follow.
Mattheo-” Tom ”
Tom-” He doesn't know anything,only she has the truth”
So the return to the infirmary,the doctor is done working on her. She lies in a bed still unconscious, Tom goes to her side and sits planning to stay here and wait till she wakes. A nurse comes by and says she will be okay they got to her quick enough to pump her stomach and get blood back in her. That only gives Tom a little bit of relief, the dread won't leave him till she wakes up.