Would You Rather

“I say we be Teletubbies.”

“I say you shut the hell up.”

“Aww, come on, Moons,” Sirius attempted to wrap his arm around Remus’s shoulder, but their awkward, squished position on James’s bed made it a bit difficult. “I’ll even let you be the purple one!”

“His names Tinky-Winky—“ James attempted to correct, but no one listened.

Remus hadn’t forgotten about Halloween. It may have seemed like he had, but he hadn’t— believe him. Being friends with James and Sirius, there was simply no way to. They were fucking Halloween-oholics.

Was that a real thing? Yes, yes it was.

After their previous Spirit Halloween trip had been a bust, Remus was hoping and praying that his idiotic friends would somehow just forget about costumes entirely. He should’ve known that was wishful thinking— those assholes never forgot stuff. Especially when said stuff just so happened to piss Remus off.

They were pretty much always pissing Remus off.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, it was raining. Why the hell did that matter? Great question— ask James. The idiot absolutely refused to drive in the rain— he said the combination of wet roads and his shit eyesight gave him goosebumps. What the hell did that mean? Who knows.

It was a fair reason, in all honestly, but Remus still liked to give him shit for it.

Remus is also pretty sure Sirius is scared of thunderstorms, but that’s a story for another day.

Right then, they needed costumes. Badly. Halloween was in, like, a week, and they had nothing. No ideas, no money, and no driver. Well, Sirius and James always had money, but they were irrelevant.

And technically, Remus could just drive them back to Spirit Halloween in place of James, but Remus fucking hated Spirit, so why the hell would he do that?

That’s how they all ended up piled onto James’s bed, crowded around a tiny MacBook and in shitty moods. Lovely.

To make matters worse, Peter’s fat ass was basically lying on top of Remus’s leg. Remus was pretty sure he was losing circulation.

He was losing his fucking mind.

“Remus,” James looked over at him from his spot on the other side of Sirius, “Would you rather do Among Us Crewmates, or Fortnight characters?”

Remus grimaced. “Is none of the above an option?”

“Which Fortnight characters?” Peter asked.

“Does it matter?”

“I call Peely—!”

Remus smacked Sirius on the back of his head, making the boy yelp and successfully shutting him up. “No. Keep thinking.”

Sirius scowled, but eventually, they all went back to scrolling through Pinterest. They were using Remus’s account, and had clicked on so many Among Us memes, his algorithm was 100% ruined. Fucking assholes.

“Guysss,” Remus groaned, smashing his head into James’s comforter, “Can we please just go to Dutch Bros?”

“You driving? Cause I’m not.”

“Yes,” Remus rolled his eyes dramatically, but James didn’ even look away from the screen long enough to see it. “I’ll drive, you lazy asshole.”

Sirius was scowling again, this time for seemingly no reason. “You just want to see McKinnon— you don’t actually want a drink.”

“Uh, yes the hell I do?” Remus rolled his eyes, responding dryly, “It’s finally Hot Chocolate season.”

“You’re such a little bitch, you know that?”

“Woah!” James finally tuned into the conversation, his eyes widening at the pair. “Calm it down, guys—“

“Me? A Bitch?” Remus gaped, “Have you met yourself?!”

Remus wasn’t even sure why he immediately got defensive. He was probably just riled up from sitting there for so long.

Sirius sat up in the bed, and was matched quickly by Remus. “Don’t turn this on me— you’re the one trying to ditch us for McKinnon!”

“I’m not trying to ditch you, we’ve just been doing this for fucking hours! We’ve had no ideas—“

“Yeah, because you’ve shot all of them down!”

“Guys—“ James tried again. Once again, he was ignored.

“—And I didn’t even want to do fucking costumes in the first place!”

“You don’t want to do anything, Remus!” Everyone went silent. Government name dropping always meant shit was getting real. It didn’t happened often. “You just want to hang out with your new friends, and never hang out with us!”

“What the hell are you talking about?! I’ve hung out with them two fucking times— give me a break!”

“FINE, IF YOU WANT A ‘BREAK’ SO FUCKING BAD THEN WHY DON’T YOU JUST FUCKING GO!”

Everyone stopped moving. It was like time had stopped. Remus and Sirius argued a lot, but they never really fought. No one really knew what to do— not even Remus himself.

Remus just stared at Sirius, who was breathing heavily, both of them no longer sitting on the bed.

Without looking back, Remus turned on his heal, storming out of the room without another word.

If that asshole didn’t want him there, he wasn’t going to waste his time trying to stay.

Fucking bitch.

•••

Remus and Sirius were fighting. That much was probably obvious, but still. It was awkward for everyone involved.

James and Peter were walking on eggshells, trying not to pick sides, teachers were concerned about the lack of disruptions, and even asked Remus and Sirius if they needed to go to the counselor’s, and the Lily was just pissed off. Why? Who knows.

Well, actually, Remus does know. She thinks they’re both being fucking stupid— which first of all, is entirely incorrect. Remus hadn’t even done anything— it was Sirius who had started that fight! And he didn’t even have a reason for it! It was out of no where!

Lily thinks Remus should just apologize, but he refuses. Remus shouldn’t be the one apologizing, Sirius should! It was his fault!

So, because everyone he knew was currently being fucking weird, Remus had to resort to desperate measures:

Hanging out with Gideon and Fabian.

There really wasn’t anything wrong with them; they were just— idiots. And not idiots in the same way as James, Sirius, and Peter— Gideon and Fabian were genuine idiots. Like, the type of kids you dreaded getting picked on for popcorn reading.

But, although they may not be able to read above a second grade level, they were reliable for one thing:

Weed.

It wasn’t that Remus had necessarily went looking for Gideon and Fabian— they had just kinda— found him.

Remus was minding his own business, shooting hoops in a park near his house (bored out of his fucking mind) when they just showed up out of no where in their shitty pick up truck— smoke coming out of the windows and all.

Now, about an hour later, Remus was in the twins’ kitchen— somehow forty minutes away from home, high out of his fucking mind, and hungry as hell. How did the twins even go to his school when they lived this far away? They were such confusing people.

Unsurprisingly, it was hard to be pissed off at someone when you could barely form a coherent thought, which, luckily, made Remus’s anger towards Sirius momentarily fade away.

Remus started opening random cabinets nearby in search of food, completely disregarding the fact he was being totally disrespectful. It didn’t matter, anyway— the twins were barely even conscious.

“Yo yo yo yo, Loopy,” Fabian wandered over to Remus, putting his hands on both of Remus’s shoulders and lazily smiling at him with half lidded eyes. “Have you ever had Gram-chos?”

Remus blinked slowly, having to squint one eye to focus on Fabian. Actually, it might have been Gideon. He didn’t really know. “Uhhh, noo?”

“Really?!” Fabian/Gideon’s eyes widened, making Remus begin to giggle uncontrollably, dropping his head away from the twin’s almost manic stare.

“What the hell are Gram-chos?”

“Gram-chos?” The other twin appeared out of nowhere, making Remus jump, and the original twin giggle at him. They were all the giggly type of high, which just made everything incredibly funny. “What the hell are Gram-chos?”

“That’s what I was saying—!”

“Graham Cracker Nachos!”

“Ohhhhh— ew!”

Both Remus and the other twin grimaced, making them all laugh until they couldn’t stand. Where the hell were the twin’s parents? Did they even have any? Remus was too gone to care. Now, they were just lying on the floor, staring up at the bright ass kitchen lights.

Remus moved his hand to hit one of the twins. Probably Gideon. “You should make that light go away.”

Most-likely-Gideon just stared at the light, squinting really hard at it as if he could make it turn off with his mind. When nothing happened, he sighed, looking back over at Remus. “I tried— it won’t work.”

Most-likely-Fabian snorted. “Nu uh— you didn’t even get up!”

“I don’t have to get up— the Alexa is connected to the lights!”

“Yeah,” Fabian was snickering, making his sentencing hard to understand, “But— but you didn’t even talk to her.”

“Yeah huh I did!”

“Guys,” Remus interrupted, now covering his eyes with his arm to avoid the light, “We should get drunk.”

“Ooooh!” Gideon and Fabian chimed in unison, beginning to nod aggressively from their respective places on the floor. It looked like it hurt.

“I like the way you think, L— Loops!”

“Do we have any?”

“We could get some.”

“Where?”

“Store.” Remus answered. The twins nodded again, ooohing in unison once more.

“Smart guy over here!”

“We needa keep this genius around more often!”

“Alright,” Remus interrupted them, finally sitting up, “Let’s go. Store!”

Both of the twins whooped, immediately jumping up to their feet.

“Store!”

For some reason, the twins insisted on walking to the store— which was actually just a shitty little gas station. The lights were really green, and Remus could already feel a headache coming on. He needed to get drunk faster.

To make matters even worse, it was raining. Well, actually, it was just sprinkling. Gideon and Fabian clearly didn’t care— they were just trying to see if they could hit a ghost in the rain. Spoiler alert— they couldn’t.

One long, and cold, walk later, their little group was finally welcomed by the stuffy warmth of the gas station.

The store was very small— much smaller than the Circle-K Remus and Fabian worked at. The entire place was packed with aisles which were far too close together, making everything feel a bit claustrophobic.

There were only a few other people inside— the cashier, and some other random person opening one of the fridges on the back wall.

Remus looked over to Fabian and quirked a brow, making the other boy snicker. “You got an ID?”

Fabian and Gideon put on matching smirks— both whipping out nearly identical fake IDs with stupid ass names. Fabian was Timmy, and Gideon was Jimmy. Wow. On any other occasion, Remus would call them fucking stupid, but at that moment, he just laughed.

They walked through the tight aisles to the fridges, where Gideon gasped with excitement.

“Yo, Black!”

Remus whipped his head over to the kid Gideon was referencing to. Shockingly, Remus did not find who he was expecting. The boy had very similar hair to Sirius, but it was much shorter, and he was wearing a neat uniform with an expensive looking coat. He looked rich as hell. When the boy turned his head, Remus’s eyes widened.

“Holy shit!” Gideon yelled, beginning to approach the kid. “You look just like a guy I know!”

He wasn’t lying— this guy was like a complete Sirius look-alike. A much lamer, skinner, and shorter doppelgänger of their friend.

“I know, right! I totally thought that was Black!”

Gideon snorted. “Racist ass— he’s white!”

“I’m talking about, Black, not black people—!”

“Alright, shut the hell up.” Remus interrupted them sharply, not wanting to deal with their mindless arguing. Remus suddenly felt very sober. “What’s your name?”

The kid scowled, turning his nose up at Remus. “Why should I tell you?”

“Uhhh, because?”

The twins snorted, and Remus internally groaned. Clearly, he was still higher than he thought.

Somehow, Remus’s pathetic attempt of a reason seemed to work. The boy narrowed his eyes at Remus.

“Regulus Black.”

Black?! Regulus Black?! Everything else about this kid could be chalked up to a basic doppelgänger, but there was no excuse for them having the same last name. They even had matching first names as well— they were both named after fucking stars!

“Yoooo!” The twins yelled in unison. Jesus Christ, they were loud. “So you are Black!”

“Nu uh, are you blind! Look how pale he is—“

“Are you Sirius’s brother?” Remus asked, his brain feeling as though it was running on overtime. He was too fucking high for this— now was not a great time.

“Why should I tell you?”

Remus shrugged. He had no good reason.

“Hey, little Black,” Fabian giggled, “Wanna come get drunk with us?”

“Nah, he probably don’t drink— look!” Gideon pointed to Regulus’s coat, which had an unfamiliar crest on it. “He goes to that Catholic school.”

“Durmstrang Academy?! Damnnnn! You’re rich rich—!”

“Where do you live?” Remus asked, totally off topic. He definitely sounded like a fucking creep, but he was just curious. It was weird as hell meeting Sirius’s supposed little brother— especially since Sirius was so secretive about his life. Remus didn’t even know he had a fucking brother. It kinda hurt, knowing one of his best friends was hiding this big of information from him.

Shockingly, Regulus once again just fucking answered. This kid was a real idiot— maybe he wasn’t Sirius brother after all

Actually, that makes no sense— Sirius is an idiot too.

“In Grimmauld Place.”

“Damn! This kid’s just giving us all of his information!”

“He’d definitely give a scammer his social security number if they asked nicely.”

“Hey, maybe we should ask!” Fabian attempted to drop his voice to a whisper but everyone could still very clearly hear him, “Grimmauld Place is one of those nice ass gated communities! We’d be rich!”

“You’re Moony, right?”

Remus blinked in surprise at the nickname, snapping his head over to Regulus curiously. He immediately started rambling.

“Yep. Well, it’s actually Remus, but yeah. Moony. How do you—?”

“Pretty lame nickname.”

Remus gasped in offense. “It’s not like I made it up! It was an app—“

“I don’t care.” Regulus interrupted, sharply. Asshole. “Just— could you please not tell Sirius you saw me? Make sure they don’t either.”

That was the first time Regulus had directly referenced Sirius. This really was his fucking brother. Remus really met Sirius’s fucking brother at a gas station! Should he beat him up? He feels like, based on James’s description of Sirius’s family, that he should beat him up.

Unsurprisingly, Remus did not act on that thought. He was too lazy.

“Oh, don’t worry about them,” Remus waved dismissively in the twins’ direction, “They’ve probably already forgotten.”

“Okay, then promise me you won’t tell
him.” Regulus was staring directly at Remus, making him want to flinch away from his gaze. His eyes were almost identical to Sirius’s, just slightly bluer, and much more sad.

Eventually, Remus sighed. “Alright, fine. I won’t tell him.”

Regulus let out a little sigh of relief before immediately collecting himself. “Good. Goodbye, Remus.”

“Er, bye, I guess—“ Remus was about to turn away to join the twins again, who were now playing catch with BuzzBalls, when Regulus stopped him— putting a hand to his chest.

“Wait, I just—“ Regulus cleared his throat, looking down to the floor to avoid Remus’s eyes. “Has he ever talked about me?”

Remus didn’t want to hurt the poor kid’s feelings— he may have been pissed at his brother, but that didn’t mean he had to be a dick. Remus knew Sirius’s family was shit, but this kid seemed okay. He means— he certainly didn’t fit Remus’s version of how he imagined Sirius’s family, if that was anything to go by. He was a bit bitchy, but that was to be expected.

But, despite all of that, Remus didn’t want to lie. Sadly, he shook his head, and was met with a firm nod from Regulus.

“Thank you. And thanks for not lying.” Regulus said, looking back up at Remus, an earnest look on his face, “Take care of him, alright?”

“Uh, yeah.” Remus nodded, unable to deny, “Of course.”

“Good. Okay, goodbye for real, Remus. Thank you.”

Remus would’ve responded, but he didn’t have the chance— the twins essentially kidnapped Remus, grabbing him around the shoulders and basically dragging him out of the store— chip and BuzzBalls i’m hand.

Remus stared blankly head, even as they went back out into the startlingly cold rain.

What the fuck just happened?”

•••

It was the night before Halloween, and Remus knew he had to apologize. Whether it was all of Lily’s scolding, meeting Regulus, or that fact that James refused to give Remus or Sirius rides to and from school until they made up, he didn’t know.

It was most likely the last one, though— yesterday’s walk in the rain had been absolute shit.

Remus was really starting to hate the rain.

Anyway, that was irrelevant— Remus had to apologize to Sirius. Really the only problem now was that he had no idea how.

Also, he had no clue what he was apologizing for.

Also also, he couldn’t even find Sirius in the first place. You’d think that Remus would just be able to ambush him in English or some shit, but apparently, the day Remus finally decided to apologize just so happened to be the same day Sirius decided to skip. Great. Just great.

Once the school day ended, Remus texted James to see if he knew where the hell Sirius was, but apparently, he didn’t. Whether or not that was true, Remus had no idea.

Suddenly, Remus remembered a very helpful fact— Sirius was sharing his location! They’d all downloaded Life360 last year (Sirius’s idea, by the way), and had been using it ever since to stalk eachother, yell at each other when they lie about their location, and cheat in Hide and Seek ever since. Very unfortunately, the Hide and Seek one happened the most often. Remus hated playing Hide and Seek with those assholes.

Taking out his phone, Remus opened up the app— zooming in so he could see where the hell Sirius had run off to.

Once Remus found Sirius’s little profile picture (A black dog), he quirked a brow in confusion.

He was in a church parking lot. Why the hell was he in a church parking lot?!

Remus groaned dramatically at his phone. Getting to the church usually wouldn’t be a problem, but unfortunately, Remus didn’t have a car.

Welp, looked like he was taking another walk in the rain.

Periodically, throughout his extremely wet and depressing walk to the church, Remus checked Sirius’s location— just to make sure he hadn’t left.

Luckily, he seemed to be staying put. Once again— what the hell was that idiot doing in a church parking lot?!

When Remus finally arrived, he paused, looking around the nearly empty parking lot until he spotted a singular grey Chevy Impala on the other side of the lot— almost obscured from view.

Remus squinted at the unfamiliar car, trying to determine whether or not he knew it’s owner. Was Sirius in there?

Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do but walk up to the random car. Remus really hated waking up to cars— he had this irrational fear of getting kidnapped. Now, he knew that if he was the one walking up to the car, he himself probably looked like the kidnapper in that situation— but that was irrelevant. What if the kidnapper just jumped out and shoved him in?! It was unlikely, but possible.

The closer Remus got, the more apparently obvious the car’s purpose became.

There were 100% people fucking in there.

Remus openly grimaced, dropping the hand he was using to shield his face from the rain to stare in clear disgust. What the hell was he supposed to do?! Now he was just a fucking creep standing behind people having sex! In a church parking lot!

The fucking car was rocking back and forth! This was terrible!

Suddenly, Remus remembered why he had walked up to this car in the first place, making him groan extremely dramatically, rubbing a rain soaked hand over his face.

He was standing behind a car where Sirius having sex! What the hell was he doing?! This had to be one of his top ten worst life experiences.

Genuinely, what the hell was he meant to do? Knock on a fucking window? Jesus Christ!

Well, he probably shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Maybe Sirius was in a different car— one where he wasn’t doing… that.

Remus checked his friend’s location, where he saw his and Sirius’s icons basically on top of eachother.

Fuck. Now what?

Before Remus could even conceptualize a plan, one of the car doors swung open, allowing a nearly naked Sirius to wave him over. Oh hell no.

Remus immediately shook his head, making a big “X” with both of his arms, but Sirius ignored him.

“Get your bitch ass in here!” Sirius yelled over the rain, making Remus roll his eyes.

Reluctantly, Remus stepped closer to the passenger seat of the car, where Sirius had the door cracked open just a bit.

He could literally hear whatever girl Sirius was fucking complain— why the hell was he doing this?!

Without giving it much thought, Remus threw the door open, jumping quickly inside of the car and immediately soaking the seat.

Sirius had pants on, but the girl (who Remus had never met, by the way) was basically fully naked, covered only by some random blanket. She looked like she was about to fucking shoot someone. Whether it was Sirius or himself, Remus didn’t know.

“Hey, Moons.” Sirius said dryly, avoiding eye contact as he sat back in the poor girl’s driver seat, gazing blankly at the foggy windows. Fucking disgusting.

“You do realize this is a church, right?”

“Remus,” Sirius cut him off with a roll of his eyes, “What the hell do you want.”

“Well,” Remus grimaced as he knocked the girl’s bra off of the center console with his elbow, “Right now, I want to have this conversation literally anywhere else.” Remus turned around to face the girl, who was still scowling at him. “I am so sorry—“

“Just tell me what you want to tell me— Marley doesn’t care.” Sirius snapped.

Remus raised a brow. “‘Marley’—?”

“Get to it, please! You literally tracked me down, so you obviously have something to say.”

“Well,” Remus rolled his eyes, turning back around to Sirius, “I feel like we shouldn’t have this conversation in front of ‘Marley’.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Why d’you keep saying her name like that?”

“Ugh, whatever Sirius, it doesn’t matter.” Remus groaned. “Could we please just go outside?”

“I don’t know, Remus,” Sirius pointing towards the back with his thumb, where Marley was still sitting silently, “I was kinda in the middle of something.”

“Oh my God, you are such a fucking asshole.” Remus groaned once again, sinking down into his chair and burring his hands into his face.

“Alright, alright.” Marley suddenly sat up, still holding the blanket around her body as she began throwing Sirius’s clothes at him. She shared many similarities to Marlene— curly blonde hair, brown eyes, tall, grey car…

Okay, so not that many similarities, but a few major ones— just enough to make this entire situation really fucking weird.

“Sirius, get out of my car, and Remus, try to take Sirius’s big fat fucking head out of his ass when y’all get home, okay?” Remus and Sirius both gaped at Marley, sharing matching looks of mutual shock as she shoved Sirius’s stuff into his hands.

How the hell did she even know Remus’s name? He hates when that happens.

Once they snapped back into reality, Remus and Sirius immediately began climbing out of the car, both apologizing to her for very different things.

The rain had only gotten stronger in the short interaction, trashing down onto the boys’ backs while they watched Marley furiously drive away.

The second she was out of the parking lot, Remus grabbed Sirius’s shoulder, silently leading him until they made it inside of the old ass church. It was a Catholic church, and for some reason, the doors were unlocked. Lucky them.

They walked in complete silence, dripping water all over the wooden floors, until they finally decided to sit down in one of the pews. Sirius awkwardly kicked at the pew in front of them, fiddling with his clothes. He was still shirtless, and probably fucking freezing.

Remus sighed, throwing his wet ass Dora backpack onto the floor and taking out the random spare hoodie he kept inside. Whenever it rained really hard, Remus brought an extra hoodie, just in case a sweater wasn’t enough. Without looking over, Remus handed Sirius’s shivering form the old hoodie, ignoring the way the boy’s head snapped over to look at him during the exchange.

Seemingly, without giving it much thought, Sirius immediately began struggling to get the hoodie on— accidentally getting it stuck on his fat ass head, and nearly making Remus snicker.

He couldn’t laugh yet— this was a serious matter. Ha.

Once Sirius finally managed to fight the hoodie on, Remus looked over, taking in the sight of his friend. Of course, that fucking asshole made the worn hoodie look better than Remus ever could— even while looking like a beaten-up wet dog. Remus rolled his eyes, looking back towards the front of the church, and finally deciding to speak.

“Do you have a crush on Marlene?”

The way Sirius nearly jumped out of his skin was almost reminiscent of a cartoon. Sirius gaped at Remus.

“What?!”

“Come onnn, Sirius,” Remus rolled his eyes, “You just fucked a girl named ‘Marley’. I wish I would’ve take a picture— they could’ve been long lost twins— Marlene would’ve ate that shit up—“

“Moons, I—“

But Remus didn’t let Sirius finish, he just barreled on. “It’s fine if you do, Sirius, really. I don’t like her— she’s just my friend! I mean, if you would’ve just told me this earlier, we could’ve avoided this whole fight! I was so confused about what you were mad about, but now it all makes sense! I didn’t mean to seem like I was stealing your girl or whatever— if you would’ve told me, I would’ve helped or something. Honest!”

For a second, Sirius just stared at Remus, a curious look in his eyes. He didn’t say a single word— just stared. Remus quickly became uncomfortable with the scrutiny of his piercing grey eyes, moving his head back to the side and giving Sirius a confused side eye. Finally, Sirius broke.

“Yeah,” Sirius sighed, letting out a soft chuckle, “You’re right. I’m sorry for making this seem like your fault, Moons— I was just… jealous.”

Remus sighed, slumping back into the pew and smiling at Sirius. “So, you forgive me? I hate fighting with you— this has been a fucking shit week.”

“Yeah, I forgive you, Moony.” Sirius smiled warmly back at Remus, making him feel inexplicably light and airy inside.

“Also, quick question,” Remus asked, making Sirius quirk a brow, “Do you want me to help you with Marlene, or do you want to just do all that shit by yourself.”

Sirius slid over to Remus, throwing his perfectly dry arm over Remus shoulder and clapping him in the chest.

“Don’t worry, dude— I’ve got it.”

•••

You’d think that Remus’s friends would be the trick-or-treating type of people— they act childish as hell, so it would only be natural that they did childish things as well. Well, for just this one holiday, that statement was actually incorrect.

Sirius, James, and Peter were fucking party animals.

James and Sirius had just finished their football season. Unfortunately, Hogwarts hadn’t done too well in the playoffs— they were fine, sure, but they were beaten by Mahoutokoro in the quarter finals. Who the hell was naming these schools? No one in town had a fucking clue.

Anyway, end of the season meant a significant increase in alcohol consumption for Remus’s friends. They stayed clean during the season, but the second they were done, it was like their only hangout idea was “get blackout drunk and do dumb shit.”

Remus couldn’t complain— he’d never deny an opportunity to drink. He was just as bad as them.

That year, for Halloween, Sirius genuinely had one of the best ideas Remus had ever heard.

They were going “Party-O-treating.”

The name needed work, but that was irrelevant. Essentially, Party-O-Treating just meant that Remus and his friends were going to attempt to go to as many parties as they could in one night, and try to take a shot of the strongest alcohol possible in each of them. Also, to avoid driving drunk, they asked Lily to join them and be their DD.

It took quite a lot of work to convince Lily of such a stupid fucking plan, but after hours of begging, and a bit of costume rearrangement, they were ready to go.

And, because this was Sirius’s idea, there was, of course, a competition involved— first one to throw up had to get onto the school announcements, and sing “Astronaut In The Ocean” by Masked Wolf. Sirius even said that they would make the loser do fortnight dances in the video, just to increase the humiliation factor.

Surprisingly, Lily was extremely excited about this punishment— she even called one of her friends on the announcement crew to confirm they would be allowed to do it.

To make matters even worse, the announcements were pretty much the most public place they could possibly do such a thing. Every Friday, the school would somehow connect to all of the TVs at once and play the announcements in every classroom. Everyone would see it. It would be terrible.

Luckily, Remus absolutely wasn’t going to lose.

Yeah, he knows he says that last time he lost a bet, but this time he was being serious.

Remus had an insane alcohol tolerance, and, very fortunately for him, the rest of his friends absolutely did not.

He had this in the bag.

To get to all of the parties, Sirius was using Snap map to find where the most people were grouped together. Luckily for them, Sirius was a fucking hoe, so he had basically the entire world’s population added on Snap. Also, a bunch of people just had open invite parties posted to their story, so they had lots of options.

Most of the parties probably weren’t going too be costume friendly, but hopefully, Remus will be too drunk to care.

They were all wearing matching Teenage Mutant Nina turtles outfits, because apparently, while Sirius and Remus were fighting, James and Peter came up with the idea, went out, and bought them all.

Those little shits might be annoying, but they were definitely great friends.

Remus was Donatello, Sirius was Leonardo, James was Raphael, and Peter was Michelangelo.

Lily also had a matching costume— they managed to convince her to be April last minute, and just built her costume out of things in her closet. Lily even had the red hair— it was perfect.

Their first destination was Frank Longbottom’s house. His party was where most of the jock kids were going, so obviously, they were all invited. It was also probably the only party that was actually meant for costumes, so that was a major plus. Wearing a fucking mask and a turtle shell around the wrong crowd seemed like a nightmare.

“Alright,” Sirius addressed the car from the backseat, really taking on his role of group leader. Very Leonardo of him, lowkey. Remus tried not to laugh at how fucking stupid he looked in his costume, but it was hard.

“No talking— we’re going in and out. We’re trying to get to as many of these as possible, remember?”

“Yep, we get it, man,” James rolled his eyes, “I’m pretty sure you were the only one who actually needed that reminder.”

“Okay, fuck you guys,” Sirius scowled without any real malice, “Let’s just go then.”

Despite the whole speech, as soon as they entered Frank’s house, they each were instantly distracted. Peter apparently spotted a friend from Chess club or whatever the hell he was in, James and Sirius started talking to a few of the football boys, and Lily and Remus had found Mary.

They were all really bad at this.

It was about an hour, and many cups of jungle juice, later before they finally took their shots and moved on to the next house. Sirius found this one on some kid named Barty’s story, and luckily, this one was also a costume party. They were getting surprisingly lucky with this!

The house was only a few neighborhoods away, and was a bit bigger than Frank’s house had been. There were also significantly more people in the front yard— who most of which were puking their guts out. Yuck.

The second Remus and his friends entered the house, they were instantly deafened by the insanely loud music. Jesus Christ, they needed to get out of there fast.

Already sensing that Sirius and James were probably going to get distracted, Remus grabbed their arms, dragging them through the sweaty crowd until they reached the drinks table back in the kitchen. He was just praying that Peter and Lily would follow, and luckily, his prayers were answered.

The kitchen was much quieter than the rest of the house, and there were only a few other people wandering around nearby.

“Alright,” James rubbed his hands together menacingly, seemingly sizing up their options, “Pick your poison.”

“I vote Vodka!” Remus raised his hand instantly. He saw a bottle of Tequila near the punch, and Remus would rather die than do Tequila shots.

As if reading his mind, Sirius smirked, raising his own hand with a shout.

“I say Tequila!”

Remus rolled his eyes at his annoying friend. “You’re only saying that because I wanted Vodka!”

“Nu uh!” Sirius was fully smiling, not making his lies convincing in the slightest, “I just really like Tequila!”

“Bullshit! No one likes Tequila— they tolerate it.”

“Well, my vote goes to Tequila, then.” James raised his own hand, shuffling around Peter to stand near Sirius. “The whole point is to do the worst alcohol possible— and Tequilas’s definitely the worst.”

“James!” Remus gasped, absolutely betrayed. Both James and Sirius just laughter— the fucking traitors.”

“I say Tequila too!” Peter went over to stand by James again. Remus just rolled his eyes and gave up. Predictable as hell— of fucking course Peter sided with James.

“I hate you all.”

The next party wasn’t even at a house— it was a weird ass, outside, park party thingy. By this point, everyone was pretty drunk, so in all honesty, Remus had no clue what the hell was going on.

Sirius was trying to jump onto Remus’s back and pretend to be a backpack, Peter was “connecting with nature” by attempting to do “grass angels,” and James was just trying his hardest to talk to Lily, but that’s to all of the alcohol, he was definitely just embarrassing himself.

They were at that strange stage of drunkness where you weren’t too far gone— just gone enough that you’d agree to do weird ass shit you’d never do sober.

Tipsy, if you will.

The drinks table was just a plastic folding table near the park playground, which instantly caught James’s attention. Not because of the alcohol, no— James just really wanted to go on the swings.

Sirius, of course, agreed— shortly followed by Peter. That just left Lily and Remus snickering after them, too lazy to chase them around the park like exhausted parents.

“I say we leave them, steal the car, and go home.” Remus sighed dreamily, imaging himself warm and cozy in his bed.

Lily snorted, and reached her hand up to lightly thump Remus on the back of the head.

“Calm it down there, cowboy— I’m making one of you do that music video, even if it’s that last thing I do.”

Remus groaned loudly, rolling his eyes.

“Fine— no British Bake Off for you.”

Sirius really wanted to play Truth or Dare, but unfortunately for him, Peter was slowly losing consciousness, Lily thought the game was fucking stupid, and Remus would rather die.

That just left James and Sirius, loudly playing Truth or Dare instead of giving Lily directions to the next house. Eventually, when Lily realized they weren’t going to look for another party any time soon, she pulled over— putting the car in park and taking out the keys.

The game of Truth or Dare was hardly entertainment— both of the boys were stubborn and reckless, so they were just picking dare over and over again.

“A—alright,” James hiccuped in between his words, and was squinting at Sirius through the sliver of his eyes he still had open. James was a sleepy ass drunk. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare!” Sirius responded instantly, with noticeably much more sentience than James.

“O—okay.” James tapped his chin for a second, leaving back into his chair to think. “Uh— convince Lily to kiss me in less than an hour.”

“Bet—!”

“Nope!” Lily quickly cut Sirius off, immediately twisting the key back into the ignition, “Come on, Sirius— Chop chop! Lots more parties to get to!”

“But you’re gonna make me—me lose my dare!” Sirius pouted, his mask somehow half on his face and half being used as a headband.

“Tough luck, man. Let’s go!”

“Wow— I think parents should just start doing this to get their kids to bed. They’re fucking knocked.”

Lily snorted. “This is James’s car, right?”

“Yep.” Remus definitely wasn’t as drunk as the rest, but after about seven more parties, and lots of other drinks he idiotically decided to add as well, he definitely wasn’t all there. He was half responding to Lily’s questions, and half rocking his head back and forth, giggling at how heavy it felt when he did so.

It was about five am, and it was safe to say Remus was fucking exhausted. They would’ve gone home long ago, but none of them had puked yet, so Lily was genuinely planning on waiting in the car until one of them woke up and barfed.

Lily had all of the boys rolled on their sides in a line down the back seat, looking like a bunch of turtle flavored sardines. Remus made sure to take about one thousand black mail pictures of the whole affair— and a couple more, just to be sure he remembered everything by the morning.

“Alright, come here.” Lily dragged Remus out of the passenger seat by his shoulders, and watching him as he stood there absently. He could easily walk, he just didn’t want to.

“Remusss,” Lily whined, shaking his limp form back and forth, “Please, it’s Halloween! I want candy!”

“Wait!” Remus gasped, making Lily jump slightly, “Me too!”

Lily smiled softly with amusement. “Yeah?”

“Yep. I reeeeally want candy.”

“Alright then! Let’s go get it!”

Remus threw both of his hands in the air involuntarily, and cheered. Okay, maybe he was a bit drunker than he thought.

“Yeah!”

As soon as the walked into Walmart, Lily grabbed a cart— instantly acquiring Remus’s attention.

“Wait wait wait.” Remus stopped Lily in her tracks by holding her shoulders, taking a moment to rest himself on her head. He almost forgot he was still lying on her until she laughed and knocked him back, nearly making him trip and break his neck.

Remus snapped back into it, suddenly remembering his question.

“Could I sit in the cart?”

Somehow, Remus managed to make Lily agree to pushing him. He really didn’t remember how, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was the fact that the air conditioning in Walmart felt really fucking good. He felt like he was flying.

“Re— mus—“ Lily grunted, slowly pushing Remus down an aisle, “You’re too big! Get out!”

“No.” Remus stated plainly, closing his eyes to avoid the harsh florescent lighting. He heard Lily groan.

“Dude, I can’t push you anymore. You gotta walk now, babes.”

“Nooo!”

“Remus,” He couldn’t see her face, but he could tell by the tone that she was putting on her “don’t fuck with me” face. He squinted an eye open, giggling like an idiot when he saw he was right.

“Remus, it looks like I drugged you.” She laughed softly.

“You diddd.”

“Okay, here,” Lily slapped his face, making him open his eyes. Jesus, he was tired. “I’m going to go get us candy, and you’re going to sit here and wait for me, okay?”

Remus nodded slowly, laughing at the strange dizziness in his head as he did so.

“Alright, be right back! I promise!”

“Okayyyy!” He called after her, but she was already long gone.

When Lily arrive again, she threw the bag of candy onto his stomach, making him flinch into himself with an awkward “oomf!”

Remus cracked an eye open again. “W’dya get?”

“Uhh,” Lily looked over the cart to Remus’s stomach, squinting her eyes at the bag, “Reeses Pieces Peanut Butter cups, Twix, Snickers, and Milky way.”

“Alrightttt, bet.”

As soon as they arrived back at James car, candy in hand, Lily yelped in surprise.

“Fuck!” She threw her hands up, gently nudging Remus out of the way so she could get to the drivers seat, “One of them puked!”

Remus nodded, but didn’t really comprehend her words. He was holding tightly onto their candy like it was a new born baby— ensuring none of it fell on the floor.

“Remus,” Lily called him, making him slowly wander towards her voice, “Where does James keep paper towels?”

“Towelsss…” Remus repeated slowly, looking up to the dark nights sky to allow himself to think better. Lily got out of the car and pulled Remus’s head back down.

“Think, please! I don’t want dried throw up in James’s car.”

“Ewww,” Remus grimaced, “Nasty.”

“Exactly.” Lily nodded, slowly, “That’s why I need you to tell me where the towels are.”

“Uhhh…” Remus really did try thinking, but his brain was coming up blank. “I—I d’know.”

“Ugh! It’s fine— it’s fine. Whatever. The idiot can just have dried puke in his car— who cares! His fault—!”

“Who did it?” Remus unknowingly interrupted her rant, looking down into the open door of the back seat and grimacing at the sight.

“Oh shit— I have no clue. Does James have a dash cam?”

“Uhhh, no?”

“Fuck!”

“It’s okay,” Remus replied lazily, returning his head back to the sky. He knew one of the stars was Sirius, he just wasn’t quite sure which one. “We can just say it was Pete.”

“Y’know what, Remus?” Remus looked over at Lily at mention of his name, narrowing his eyes at her.

“Hell yeah.”