Would You Rather

“Would you rather—“

“Sirius,” Remus sighed, taking a deep inhale of breath as he closed his eyes, “Shut the fuck up—“

“No, no,” Sirius assured Remus quickly, clearing his throat as he regained his voice, “You’ve gotta hear this.”

Remus severely doubted that, but obviously, the idiotic boy beside him would never listen. Sirius cleared his throat once again, though this time with far more theatrics— hitting his chest with the side of his fist as he straightened up in his seat.

Remus was already preparing the annoyed-sigh-and-eye-roll combo he’d be using. He could just sense his future agitation from a mile away.

“Would you rather have the ability to teleport anywhere you wanted— and no, it wouldn’t be painful, and no, there wouldn’t be any repercussions to you teleporting, like breaking the space time continuum, or your limbs flying off, or whatever weird ass shit your thinking of—“

“Alright, man— I get it—“

“BUT,” Sirius cut him off with a harsh sush, leaving Remus to only half pay attention to the rest of his question as he gaped in mild offense, “Every time you teleport, you would first be taken to Snivillus’s exact location, and forced to give him a big, sloppy kiss on the forehead.”

…

Remus raised a brow in vague interest.

“And what happens if I don’t give him a ‘big, sloppy kiss’?” Remus mimicked back in mocking curiosity, unable to help himself.

“Then you won’t be able to teleport.” Sirius’s shrugged simply, that constant, mischievous smirk he often wore just barely gracing his features, “You’re only able to get to your destination after you give Snivels his kiss.”

Remus grimaced in disgust, looking back down to his book in hopes of his dumbass friend leaving him the fuck alone.

Very unsurprisingly, things didn’t go the way he wished.

Realizing Sirius’s was apparently waiting for some type of reaction, Remus gave in with a huff, fidgeting with the edge of his page as he spoke.

“Well, definitely not that one.” Remus responded dryly, his eyes still glued to where his finger folded the worn, borderline disgusting, page of his book. Jesus, their school needed better funding. This piece of shit had certainly seen better days.

Remus saw a flutter of movement beside him, his gaze flickering up quickly to see Sirius wagging his finger back and forth like an absolute idiot, his smirk becoming more prominent by the second.

“Not so fast, Moons— wait ‘til you hear the other option.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but nodded for Sirius to continue, making a point to let out the longest, most suffering sigh he could manage. God forbid Sirius thought he was enjoying himself— that’d be tragic. And very untrue, might Remus add. He was 100% NOT enjoying himself. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

“So,” Sirius picked right back off where he’d left, his posture strutting back out as he spoke, “You can either pick the nasty, horrific, Snape-kissing-teleporting, OR, you could end world hunger forever, but every time one of the formerly hungry people eats something—“

“‘Formerly hungry’?” Remus repeated with an accusing brow, causing Sirius to scoff and roll his eyes.

“Well what the hell do you want me to call them?! Past-starvers?”

Remus grimaced. “That’s actually so much worse, for some reason.”

“Used-to-be-hungry?”

“Nah.”

“Okay, fine. The people who were formerly starving.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “That’s literally that same thing you said before, but with different wording.”

Sirius threw his hands into the air before letting them hit onto the wooden desk, causing a few head to look their way. Sirius, unsurprisingly, seemed to be completely unaware of their gazes, too preoccupied by his own shit.

“Well, what the fuck should I call them, then?!”

Remus looked up towards the old ceiling tiles to think, purposely prolonging the action, just to piss Sirius off. It was clearly working, if Sirius’s annoyed huffs were anything to go by.

“Yeah, I have no clue.” Remus finally answered with a shrug, “Just go back to the ‘formerly hungry’.”

Sirius spent a few moments scowling at Remus before shaking his head, his black curls waving around his head as he recollected himself. Remus rolled his eyes, although he wasn’t exactly sure why. Sometimes, Sirius just naturally pissed Remus off. He didn’t even have to do anything— just his presence was enough.

“Okay, fine. As I was saying— whenever one the ‘formerly hungry people’” Sirius made sure to put a lot of emphasis on the name, sending a sharp glare in Remus’s direction as he continued, “Eats something, all of your clothes are dramatically ripped off of your body, leaving you completely naked. Like, completely. Nothing left but your socks. And no bringing extra clothes in your bag or some shit— that’d be cheating.”

Remus gaped. “Why the hell can I keep my socks?!”

“What, you want me to take those away too?” Sirius’s smirked, causing Remus to let out another defiant scoff.

“Fuck you— there’s no way in hell I’d pick that one. I’d literally just be naked all of the time. Do you know how many fucking people are starving right now?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You sound like Mrs. Potter when I throw away the last bite of Jello.”

“Dude, why the hell are you eating Jello? You’re seventeen.”

“Uh, because it’s amazing?”

“If it’s so amazing, why aren’t you eating the last bite?”

Sirius groaned dramatically, sinking down into his chair to scowl up at Remus as he slouched. Remus simply rolled his eyes at the action, desperately attempting to focus back on his book. His attempt was unsuccessful, unfortunately. Sirius had a natural talent for being a distraction.

“Whatever— enough about Jello. Answer the question. Snape-kissing-teleporting, or naked-world-hunger.”

Remus couldn’t help by snort at the ridiculousness of that sentence.

“You’ve hit a new level of stupidity today—“

“Just answer the question, asshole!”

Despite himself, Remus really did take a few moments to consider. He’s always quick to express his hatred of the dreaded game, but unfortunately, everyone knew Remus couldn’t deny a good Would You Rather question. It was his biggest weakness. One, pathetic, little question, and Remus was basically strapped down to his seat— his undivided attention being dished out without question. Sirius, knowing of this, had personally taken it upon himself to ask Remus at least one Would You Rather question a week— maybe even two, if Remus was incredibly unlucky. This odd form of torture had began some time at the beginning of the summer, and clearly, Sirius had yet to let it go. Stubborn bitch.

“I’d pick the teleporting one.” Remus finally replied, confirming his answer with an unconscious nod of his head, “It’s better than being humiliated 24/7. At least the Snape one would just be between me and him. It’d be torture, but a less humiliating torture, I guess.”

Sirius gaped at Remus, clearly scandalized by his answer.

“‘Just between you and him’?!” Sirius exclaimed, physically recoiling back, “Are you insane?! What if he was outside?! What if he was in the middle of a random In n Out, and, like, half of the school saw you?!”

“I—“ Remus tried to defend himself, but he was quickly cut off by the beginnings of one of Sirius’s infamous rants. Boy, could that kid rant. He talked so much, it was a shock his words weren’t literally overflowing out of his ears or some shit.

“What if he somehow managed to find cure for cancer during one of those dumbass, little science experiments he does, and just so happened to be meeting with the president at the EXACT moment you wanted to teleport to fucking Fiji or some shit—!”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Bro, there’s no way in hell Snivels is finding the cure for cancer—“

“But what if?!”

“I answered your dumbass question, so why are you getting all mad?!” Their loud, furious exchange of whispers was drawing more and more attention, leaving many people to put their assigned books down as they leaned in towards the argument. Nosy freaks.

“Where the hell would you even teleport, Moons?!” Sirius wouldn’t let up on the question, still uselessly attempting to convince Remus to have his clothes ripped off, “You have legs— you can go anywhere you want to go, whenever you want to go there! No need for the Snape-kissing-teleporting!”

Remus rolled his eyes. “That’s putting a lot of faith into my weak ass knees. I give myself about four miles before I literally collapse to the floor—“

“Moonyyyy,” Sirius groaned, rubbing a hand over his face before immediately launching back into his little speech, “You have the choice to cure cancer, but your selfish ass is choosing to kiss Severus fucking Snape, just to keep your dignity and your underwear?! Use your brain, idiot!”

“First of all, the question was solving world hunger, not cancer, you fucking dumbass,” Remus poked Sirius’s forehead as he spoke, lightly shoving the boy’s back into his seat, “And second, it’s starting to sound like you just want to see me naked all the time!”

Sirius cocked his head to the side, smirking as he looked up at Remus, both of his hands raising in mock surrender.

“Hey, I never said I didn’t—!”

“Boys!” A sudden commanding voice broke through the class, silencing everyone immediately. “Is whatever you’re talking about really so important, you had to neglect your work and distract everyone else?”

“Yes, Mrs. McGonagall.” Sirius nodded solemnly, and Remus rolled his eyes as the class snickered. They were so fucked.

“Remus here has just told me he doesn’t want to cure cancer—“

“It wasn’t cancer, it was—“

Sirius put one hand on his chest and the other in Remus’s face as he gazed down wistfully. “It definitely was cancer. I was just a bit shocked by this terrible response, so I felt the need to tell him how much of an idiot he was being.”

Remus was going to argue, but was interrupted by McGonagall taking a sharp inhale of breath— seemingly trying to calm herself before she hit a kid. Sirius, presumably.

“And how, may I ask, would Mr. Lupin be able to cure cancer?”

Sirius smirked up at their teacher— a face of pure innocence.

“Are you sure you want to hear the answer, Miss?”

There was a moment of silence— McGonagall and Sirius seemingly competing in an intense staring contest.

“No, Mr. Black,” Mrs. McGonagall finally lifted her glasses to rub her eyelids in defeat. “I would not. Get back to work, please.”

Thankfully, everyone quieted down again, and Remus was finally able to focus on his work. At least, that was what he was hoping for. Sirius apparently had other plans.

“One more question, Moons,” Sirius nudged him with a whisper, far quieter this time. The asshole was leaned all the way into Remus space, basically laying over his paper. “Then I’ll leave you alone.”

Remus looked up from his work as reluctantly as possible, blankly staring at Sirius with as much disinterest as he could muster.

“What.”

“What if I switched the question, and every time you teleported, your clothes would come off, and every time a hungry kid ate something, you had to kiss Snape.”

“Sirius,” Remus sighed, “I want you to take a good fucking guess which one i’m going to pick.”

“The Snivillus one, Right? Because apparently you want to kiss him so bad—“

Sirius didn’t have time to finish his sentence before Remus kicked the leg of his chair (in hindsight, way too aggressively), causing the legs of the metal chair to fully bend beneath the boy, collapsing the chair completely. Gasps and giggles traveled around the room as Sirius laughed his ass off on the floor beside his broken chair, wriggling around like a worm on steroids that was having a seizure. Only Sirius could pull off such move and still look good.

Mcgonagall charged across the room to the scene of the crime— looking so angry Remus thought her head might pop off.

“MR. LUPIN AND MR. BLACK!”

•••

It was 5:30 on a Tuesday night, and Remus was still at school, watching Sirius do sprints. Well, technically, he was watching Sirius, James, and the whole rest of the football team do sprints, but Remus was really just focused on Sirius at that moment. He only ever watched football practice when he wanted to see Sirius suffer, and after one god awful lunch detention with McGonagall— thanks to the whole chair fiasco— watching him run felt like pure bliss.

Remus wasn’t a complete lazy shit— he played basketball— but thankfully, their season didn’t start till November. That meant Remus had a full three months of doing absolutely nothing to look forward too. He’d been on the varsity team since sophomore year, and in all honesty, it was exhausting as fuck. The season was always difficult, but Remus was no quitter, so he sucked it up and dealt with it.

The only one of his friends who didn’t do a sport was currently sitting to Remus’s right, mumbling under his breath about some random play he had watched James do earlier. Peter was a linebacker on the 8th grade flag football team, but unfortunately, he hadn’t really grown since. His sports career basically peaked in middle school, which was something Sirius brought up every time he was feeling like being an annoying piece of shit.

Such a fucking asshole.

Anyways, it wasn’t like Peter was entirely useless— thanks to his obsession with football, Remus had at least gained a basic knowledge of what was happening in the game. Well, very basic— as in, he could only really tell you with certainty which team they were, and what direction they were currently going. Sometimes.

But, nonetheless, that was a step up from where he used to be! Without Peter, he probably wouldn’t even know what a touchdown was, and he also probably would’ve never cared to find out. He hated football, but unfortunately, he loved his friends.

And, as a result of the massive amount of love and kindness he occasionally harbored, Remus made sure to spend every Thursday and Friday night shivering— his entire face painted red and gold as he cheered his ass off for James and Sirius. He may not have been able to tell you what positions they played if his life depended on it— but that was irrelevant.

…

Yeah. Unfortunately, he wasn’t joking about that. Memory was definitely not one of Remus’s best qualities.

He was a shit ass friend.

He could’ve easily learned their positions, but it would’ve hurt his pride too much to ask. He thought one time that maybe he could just ask a teacher, but they’d probably think he was just joking and laugh at him. One night, he even went so far as to deep dive through their schools web sight, the football roster, the football instagram page, and old yearbooks to try and learn their positions, but for some reason they weren’t listed anywhere. It was like the school was just trying to make him look bad.

You’d think Peter would’ve mentioned their positions in his insistent mumbling about everything they did wrong/what they could improve on, but that was a no-go as well. Remus was just constantly praying his friends would never randomly give him a football test, or something along those lines. He had no idea why anyone would give him a football test, but it was good to always be prepared.

James and Sirius were done just a few minutes later, walking over drenched in sweat and smelling like absolute ass. Just another reason to hate football. Remus scrunched his nose in disgust as his friends smiled.

Sirius opened his arms wide and quickened his pace, approaching Remus far faster than necessary. “Aww, Moony! So nice of you to come for once! Give daddy a hug!”

Remus jumped from his spot next to Peter on the bleachers with a yelp, nearly tripping over his own feet as he tried to back away. Sirius just laughed like a maniac, and started swinging his arms wildly in an attempt to grab him, yelling about how “he knew Remus wanted it”. To make matters even worse, his two other traitorous friends were being incredibly unhelpful— choosing to stand a safe distance away to laugh at his misery.

“Go away you freak!” Remus swatted at Sirius’s flailing arms, and climbed up a few more rows. “Go take a fucking shower!”

With some more struggling, and some eventual assistance from James (the fake ass bitch Remus once called a friend), the James and Sirius managed to very unsafely tackle Remus down to one of the bleachers near the very top. Surely, three boys rolling around on one bench looked ridiculously insane, but his friends had never been the embarrassed type.

James and Sirius held Remus down with matching smirks. Smirks Remus knew meant they were plotting something. James and Sirius had always had this way of telepathically communicating to each other, which was helpful when you were in on the joke, and a pain in the ass if you were the subject of it.

“Remus,” James started, “We’ll let you go right now, if you agree to just one condition.”

“I am two seconds away from flinging you off these bleachers and slamming your head so fucking hard—“

“Just one condition,” Sirius added quickly, “We swear!”

“Alright fine,” Remus conceded with a helpless sigh. This was bad— those two were literally immune to good ideas. “What is it?”

Sirius smile grew, making that feeling of impending doom Remus was feeling increase astronomically. “You have to let us pick your date to homecoming.”

“And,” James continued, not missing a beat, “We get to make the sign. We won’t tell you who it is until the day you ask her.”

Remus immediately shot himself up with a sudden gained strength— managing to throw his annoying captors off with ease.

Remus shook his head wildly. “Absolutely not.”

“Why notttt?” Sirius whined, “It’ll be so fun!”

“No, it won’t.” Remus shook his head, thoroughly annoyed. There was only one thing Remus hated more than football, and that was homecoming. There was absolutely no way he was going, and he knew damn well his friends were aware of that fact. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus could see Peter still giggling; unnoticed.

It was mean, sure, but Remus had to find a way to get himself out of the hot seat. Unfortunately, they way to do that usually involved screwing over Peter.

…

Eh— he’d apologize later.

“Why don’t you pick a date for Peter if you want to make a sign so bad.”

Instantly, the two boys heads swung in perfect synchronization— looking at Peter the way a predator might look at its prey; matching mischievous glints in their eyes. Remus knew he should feel worse for his poor friend, but that was irrelevant.

“You know, that’s not such a bad idea.” James raised his finger into the air with a smirk, as if he’d had some sort of Eureka moment. Peter made a strange squeaking noise that sounded extremely rat-like.

Sirius leaped down to where Peter was still standing, and threw his sweaty arm around the smaller boy. Remus nearly gagged at the sight. Poor Peter. James quickly followed his partner in crime, getting down to his knees in front of Peter, and clasping his hands together in a prayer.

“Please, Wormtail— let us pick your date!” James begged, his face twisted in a pout.

Peter tried to wriggle out of Sirius hold, but it was clear he was trapped.

“No! You guys’ll pick someone ugly!”

Sirius gasped in fake offense. “Wormy— how dare you! You know we’d never!”

“Yes you would!” Peter basically screamed.

“Oh Wormtail—“

“And don’t call me that dumbass nickname—!”

“Hush, my dear Wormy,” James silenced Peter with a nasty finger to his lips and continued. “You don’t even realize that you’re giving away the opportunity of a life time! This could be your chance to finally get some play!”

“‘Get some play’?” Peter spluttered, “You guys suck!”

Sirius immediately clamped his mouth shut, and attempted to contain a snicker. It half worked.

James rolled his eyes, shaking his head at Sirius’s idiocy.

“Low hanging fruit, man—“

“Yeah, suck on this di—!”

Remus clamped his hand over Sirius mouth, refusing to allow him to finish that sentence.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Sirius huffed and rolled his eyes, but thankfully, he stopped talking.

“So, will you do it?”

James and Sirius stared hopefully at Peter as Remus averted his eyes. The whole situation was kinda his fault. He felt maybe just a bit bad, but only a bit.

Actually, no he didn’t. He didn’t give a fuck

Peter finally sighed one last time, his entire body seeming to deflate like a balloon.

“Fine, I’ll do it.”

That idiot had no idea what the hell he’d just signed up for.

•••

“This is the already the third sign this month— give the poor girl a break, James.”

Sirius flipped around to walk backwards in front of Remus. “Remus! Can’t you tell Prongs is in love!? Don’t insult their relationship!”

“What relationship? She’s rejected him every time.” Remus said, rolling his eyes, “She’s probably at the police station right now, trying to get a restraining order.”

“Have faith, man,” Now James was walking backwards as well, just barely avoiding running into a poor old lady trying to shop. “I can feel it— this is the one. I got one of those tarot card reader ladies on my for you page last night, and she told me she saw a relationship in my future!”

Remus sighed, but decided not to argue. Unfortunately, you can’t use logic against insanity.

This was their fourth Walmart trip this week, and it was only Thursday. If they kept this up, Remus was 100% going broke. It’s not that he has to buy anything, it’s just, the second they get to the snack section, his brain shuts down. Thankfully, James is usually the driver of the group, so Remus doesn’t have to worry about wasting even more money on gas.

“Do you know anything that Lily likes?” Peter asked, “Maybe then you can make a sign that doesn’t just say ‘please go to hoco with me’.”

James looked insulted, but Sirius and Remus started laughing their asses off, once again nearly hitting an innocent shopper.

The common public was never safe when Remus and his friends got together.

“I hate to say it, man,” Sirius said between laughs, coming to put a hand on James’s shoulder, “But he’s lowkey right. Your last sign was literally a white poster board that just said ‘I want you’ in red marker.”

“It sounded like a threat— almost stalker-ish.” Remus stated.

“Yeah, it was like a really lazy ransom note.”

“So lazy, it probably made her think you didn’t actually want her.”

“Oh, yeah!” Sirius agreed enthusiastically, “She probably thought it was reverse physiology or some shit! Girls always think you mean the opposite of what you say.”

For some reason, James seemed to genuinely consider this line of thinking, his eyes narrowing behind his thick glasses. He started tapping his chin as well, which made him look like a pathetic villain from a cartoon. It was really fitting the stalker vibes.

“So,” James finally concluded, “If I make a sign that says ‘I don’t want you to go to hoco with me’, she’ll think I actually want to?”

This fucking guy.

Sirius just stared laughing again as Remus’s jaw dropped in utter dismay. “Genuinely, you may be the stupidest person I’ve ever met.”

James huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest like a toddler about to have a tantrum. “Well, ‘great love expert’— what do you think I should do?”

Remus sighed, but James seemed to be asking a genuine question. Eventually, he gave in.

“I think you should get to know her first, and stop making these fucking signs.” Remus said, his tone a bit too harsh. Sirius was laughing even harder now, obnoxiously rolling around on the dirty floor near the Lunchables, looking like a stray dog. Even Peter was chuckling a bit.

“You guys do know you’re making fun of your ride home,” James warned, “One more comment and i’m leaving you stranded.”

“Aww, you don’t mean that, Jamie.” Sirius got up and clapped a hand on James’s shoulder, “Come on, let’s go buy the stuff for your sign.”

James nodded as the group started moving again, planning to split up so Peter and Remus could stay in the food section, while James and Sirius went and bought another poster board. Before they left though, James grabbed Remus’s arm, his brown eyes meeting Remus’s solemnly.

“Do you really think this is a bad idea?”

Remus shrugged. “I think it would be a better idea if you tried to be her friend first.”

James went to nod again, but was interrupted by a loud groan from Sirius.

“Ugh, don’t listen to the ‘love-master’ James,” Sirius exclaimed, “She’ll love the sign, trust.”

A word of advice to literally anyone and everyone— never believe Sirius when he says the word “trust.”

•••

It was safe to say Lily did not love the sign. Shocker— remind Remus to never listen to a word Sirius says.

It was not like this outcome was a surprise to anyone with common sense, but James still seemed to be in a gloomy mood about it, and when James was sad, everyone was sad. That was why the four friends were currently sitting in James’s red Sedan, eating Canes in complete silence after their game instead of celebrating.

James and Sirius had both done really well that night (or at least, that’s what Peter had said, and Peter’s word was law), but even their win against Ilvermorny didn’t seem to cheer up the gloomy boy. They desperately needed a distraction— listening to nothing but chewing for thirty minutes had Remus about four seconds away from shooting himself.

Finally, Sirius threw his chicken sandwich down aggressively, making an awful scratching noise on the styrofoam box he was eating off of.

“Alright, James, no more moping.” Sirius said loudly, wiping his greasy hands on his sweats. “Get your ass out of the drivers seat— I’m going to take us somewhere.”

James looked over, a soft scowl on his lips. “Sirius, you know you don’t can’t drive.”

“Yeah, but Remus can.” Sirius made shooing motions at James, but James didn’t move an inch. “Go on, get your ass to the back seat!”

“Lets be real, Sirius— Remus won’t drive—“

“Nah it’s fine, I’ll do it.” Remus said, quickly shutting his box and shuffling out of his seat. Everyone started to speak at once, for the first time that night.

“WHAT?”

“Actually?”

“YAYY MOONS!”

“But— but,” James spluttered, “You hate driving!”

“Can a man not change his mind?” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “Get out of my seat, let’s go.”

Sirius started clapping dramatically to get James moving faster, and Remus drummed his hands on the back of James’s headrest as well. Finally, James unbuckled his seat belt, a shocked expression on his face as he switched with Remus.

“It’s like I don’t even know my own best friend. Who even are you?” James said with a shake of his head, his glasses slipping down his nose as he buckled his seatbelt. Peter just chuckled and patted James on the back.

“I’m actually so excited,” Sirius smiled, basically bouncing up and down. “I love it when Remus drives!”

Remus furrowed his eyebrows, an amused expression on his face. “Why?”

“You always let me have aux!”

James groaned and Peter just dropped his head to his hands, looking like he was ready to throw himself out the window.

Sirius rolled his eyes as he grabbed the connector. “You’re all so dramatic, I have great music taste.”

“No you don’t!” James yelled, “Last time Moony drove, you made us listen to CupcakKe the whole time!”

“Every time I hear the word ‘CPR’, I get genuine war flashbacks.” Peter added, his voice muffled from where his head lay in his hands.

“Same with ‘Squidward’.” Remus added

“Oh, don’t even get me started—“

“Everyone shut i’m, i’m trying to pick a song.” Sirius pouted, holding up his left hand in an attempt to silence his friends.

“He’s probably going to make us listen to Christmas music, even though it’s barely September.” Remus said, rolling his eyes.

“Well, now that you mention it—“

“NO!” They all yelled in unison, making James laugh and Sirius pout even more, continuing to scroll through his phone.

“I’m being serious—“

“No I’m Sirius—“

“—NO Christmas music. I’m warning you, Pads— this is my car, and I’m not afraid to kick you out.”

Sirius just mocked James’s words under his breath like an absolute child, and ignored him, making James sign and hit his head against Remus’s headrest— not that Remus could blame him. Very reasonable response to Sirius’s antics— Remus was sure he would’ve resorted to measures much more violent in his situation.

“Can I at least put in a request?” James tried, but Sirius just shook his head firmly, his eyes focused on his phone as Remus pulled out.

It wasn’t that Remus really hated driving, he just hated wasting gas money on all of the dumb “side quests” James and Sirius make him do when they’re out. They’ll say they just want a ride to McDonalds, and then suddenly, they’re three hours away from home, looking for abandoned buildings so they can go fucking ghost hunting. There’s only so many “rides” Remus could handle before his wallet becomes completely empty; when Circle K decided on their salaries, they obviously didn’t have Sirius and James in mind.

“So, Sirius,” Remus asked, putting his hand on the passenger seat so he could back out, “Where did you want to take us?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Sirius said, not looking up from his phone, “You can decide.”

See, now that was the exact reason why Remus actually did fucking hate driving. He was lying before— he hated it.

When you’re in the drivers seat, suddenly everyone decides that you’re the one who calls all the shots; the one who makes the decisions; the one who picks the places.

Remus is too indecisive for that shit— that’s why he just makes James take him literally everywhere.

Remus stopped the car abruptly, causing all of them to launch forward— James and Peter both smacking their heads on the front seats.

“Now I remember why we don’t ask Remus to drive.” Peter said, rubbing his head.

James nodded. “An absolute freak on the road.”

“Shut up, James.” Remus scolded before turning to look at Sirius, who was already staring back with a guilty smile. “You better think of something real quick, before I kick you out, and you hitchhike home. You are not allowed to make me drive, and make me decide on a place! That’s unfair!”

“Never mind, I love it when Moony drives.”

“You said it, Wormy!”

“Don’t call me Wormy—!”

“How about…” Sirius interrupted, tapping a finger to his chin, “We go thrifting?”

Remus shook his head. “No, I don’t have money for that right now.”

“Yeah, and we already went on Monday,” James agreed, “think of something else, dumbass.”

“Uhhh,” Sirius looked around the car, as if he’d the answer he was looking for was just plastered on the ceiling. “How about we go find an abandoned—“

“Absolutely not.”

“Yeah,” Peter chimed in, “We did that last Friday.”

“You’re getting too predictable, Padfoot.” James shook his head sadly.

“Yeah,” Peter agreed, imitating James’s look of disappointment, “Pretty soon you’ll be going bald.”

“WHAT?” Sirius whipped around, gaping at Peter, “HOW IS THAT EVEN RELATED?!”

“Look,” Remus interrupted, copying Sirius to allow him to look at his idiot friends. “How about we go to Walmart, buy a shit ton of candy with Sirius’s money, and go back to my house. We can even binge ‘Nailed It’ if it’ll make y’all happy.”

All three boys seemed to perk up at once, and started talking at the same time.

It was so fucking annoying when they did that— Remus was too deaf to handle that shit.

“I love Nailed It!”

“Yes! I love Moony’s house!”

“With Sirius money, right?”

Remus shook his head with amusement and backed out of the Canes parking lot, a satisfied smile on his face. His friends were stupid, but there was no one he’d rather spend his Friday night with.

Sirius was oddly silent as they left the strip, gazing at his reflection in the passenger seat mirror.

“Nah, there is no way i’m going bald.” Sirius stated, “My hair is too luscious.”

“Are you sure?” James reached over the seat, sifting through Sirius’s roots as if he’d was hunting for lice, “I can see the bald spots forming from here—“

Sirius slapped James’s hand, turning around with a fuming expression. James immediately brought his hands up in defense.

“IM NOT GOING BALD!!”

Remus snickered.

“Whatever you say, baldy.”