The first time James Potter entered 12 Grimmauld Place he was barely 13. Sirius insisted he hosted James for dinner at least once after three years of the Potter’s welcoming Sirius with open arms.
James was greeted at the door by Walburga Black, her cold stare akin to late November air. “You must be James.”
“Yes ma’am.”
James ignored the fact they’ve met many times before, whether she was pulling Sirius by the ear out of his house, or finding James and Sirius covered in dirt playing near the local playground. James had to go through a three hour lecture from Sirius about etiquette, he was determined to not mess it up.
Walburga looked him up and down then opened the door fully. “Come in.”
He nodded and let out a quiet thank you, then stepped inside. Walburga led James to the dining room, where everyone was already sitting at the table. Sirius was across from his father, and sitting next to him was his little brother. James had never met Regulus before, and when Walburga gestured for James to sit next to him, James happily obliged.
Georgia, Georgia, I love your son
And when he gets older, he might be the one
He might be the one
The summer air was stifling. James and Sirius were sprawled across James’ bed, shirts sticking to their chests from the heat. “The AC isn’t doing jack shit.” Sirius complained loudly.
James could only grumble in agreement, too uncomfortable for any sort of response. “Y’know what we should do?” Sirius said, turning to look at James.
James moaned in response. “We should head down to the pond and swim a little.”
The image of cooling, refreshing water flooded James’ mind; he nearly jumped up from excitement. “That sounds wonderful. Fuck it, lets see how late we can stay out before our parents come looking.”
Sirius grinned.
The pair then hurried out of James’ room and down the stairs. They shot a quick goodbye to Effie, who was knitting in front of the air conditioning unit, and rushed out the door.
A light breeze accompanied them on their walk to the pond, making the warmth a little more bearable. The two headed off into a path in the woods, where midway through they spotted a figure crouched under a tree. “What the fuck?” Sirius exclaimed. “Who is just… lurking in the middle of the woods?”
The figure turned its head to look at the two, a dark curl falling over their face. “Wait, is that Regulus?” Sirius asked.
“Looks like it.”
“Oi! Reggie!” Sirius shouted. “The fuck are you doing out here?”
Regulus brushed himself off and stood up. “I didn’t want to be home. What are you doing here?”
“James and I were heading to the pond for a dip. It's hot as balls out here.”
“That it is.” Regulus said, and started to turn back to whatever he was doing before.
“Uh Regulus?” James called out.
Regulus turned around, a slight look of confusion on his face. “Yeah? What do you want?”
“Yeah James, what?” Sirius hissed under his breath.
“Would you um, would you like to join us?” James stammered out.
James had spoken to Regulus maybe once since the dinner he went to the year prior. It was truly odd that he would ask this, and everyone - including him - thought so.
A look of amusement crossed Regulus’ face. “Sirius, would you mind?”
Sirius, absolutely bewildered, replied “Uh, no? Maybe? I’m confused.”
James internally cringed. He had created such an awkward situation. He knew the brothers were sort of close, but also sort of hated each other. He never really understood their relationship. He was an only child, how could he? “It’s settled then. Let’s go.” James announced, hoping that his faux confidence would put an end to the uncomfortable environment he’d created.
The three then started to make their way down the path, Sirius and James rambling to each other while Regulus slinked behind them. They eventually arrived at the pond, the water glistening and inviting. Sirius and James immediately tore off their shirts and leapt in. James dunked his head under, then came up for air and turned his attention to the shore. He watched Regulus stand there, his fingers dancing across the hem of his shirt like he was debating taking it off. He eventually did, tugging it off in one swift movement and oh- oh. The sunlight cast his pale skin in an almost heavenly glow, the mountains and valleys of his hip bones seeming almost angelic. A thought crossed James’ mind of wanting to bite them, but he quickly shook it out because, what the fuck? He quickly turned to Sirius, missing Regulus staring back at him. “C’mon Reg!” Sirius called. “Don’t be a pussy, the water's cold but it's so nice!”
Regulus, determined to not appear like a wimp to his cool older brother and his even cooler friend, leapt in.
The three swam for hours. There was barely even a twinge of animosity between the two brothers, and James found out he quite liked Regulus’ pessimistic attitude. Regulus felt like the polar opposite of him, and James somewhat relished in that.
Eventually the sun started to dip behind the horizon, the air cooling, and they decided it was time to go home. They crawled slowly out of the pond. James snatched his towel and began to dry off, then turned to look at Regulus and Sirius. They were engaged in what seemed like an intense argument. “Not my fault your little sidekick randomly invited me! I didn’t plan to be here!” Regulus snapped at Sirius.
“Yeah, well, it's common decency to not steal someone's towel when they too need it!” Sirius shot back.
James chuckled. Brothers. “Sirius,” He said, attempting to mediate. “Just do, like, that dog thing you do.”
Sirius turned to grin at James. “Wonderful idea.”
Sirius then started shaking. Violently. Water sprayed off him and out of his hair, falling everywhere, and resoaking Regulus. “What the fuck!” Regulus exclaimed, then hurried out of Sirius’ splash zone.
Once sufficiently dry, the three ambled back down the path to the road. Regulus began to head off down the street to his house, but looked back once he saw Sirius wasn’t following. “Where are you going?” Regulus asked.
“Sorry Reg, I’m sleeping at James’ tonight.”
Regulus’ face immediately fell, then he turned on his heel and stomped down the street. James watched him go. Regulus didn’t look back.
–
Effie and Monty didn’t mind Sirius and James coming home after dark, they even set aside plates of dinner for the two. As they ate, Sirius was suspiciously silent. “Are you alright man?” James asked, a little bit of chicken spraying out of his mouth as he did.
“Yeah, it's just…” Sirius trailed off.
“Something to do with Regulus?”
Sirius turned and looked at James, slightly surprised James knew Regulus was on his mind. “Yeah actually. Our parents are going to kill him for coming home so late. I think he thought I’d be there too, they usually go easier on us when it’s both of us.”
“Maybe check in on him?”
“Yeah, I’ll call him.”
Sirius grabbed his phone and typed in Regulus’ number, only to be sent to voicemail. “Well shit. Either his phone got taken, or he’s being a little prick. Probably the latter.”
James laughed and the two continued to eat. They chatted a bit more, but Regulus was in the back of both of their minds the whole time.
Georgia, Georgia, he has beautiful bones
And he never lies or picks up his phone
After that day, Regulus joined the pair’s adventures more often. Sometimes Sirius would bring him along, other times they’d find him whilst on their way to make more mischief. Either way, it appeared that none of them minded the newfound company.
It was a rainy day when the new found friendships came crashing down. The sky was dropping buckets, and the three of them were trying to catch frogs in a nearby swamp. James and Sirius were diving into the mud, throwing globs of it at each other and cackling while Regulus watched, clean and dry. “You two are idiots.” He stated after Sirius dropped mud down James’ shirt.
“Yeah, but we’re having fun,” Sirius shot back, “Look at you, where's the joy in just standing?”
“Where’s the joy in having to shower like your life depends on it later?”
“Fair.” James said, then with one swift movement, dropped a huge chunk of mud into Sirius’ hair.
“Asshole!’ Sirius exclaimed, furiously trying to get it out. “Not my beautiful hair!”
“There was already mud in it!” James exclaimed.
“I need to shower. Now. Can’t have my lovely locks stay dirty.” Sirius said, then grabbed James’ arm to yank him out of the swamp.
“Alright, alright.” James said as he was pulled out.
Regulus turned and began to walk through the woods back home, Sirius and James behind him. “Bet you wish you were as clean as him, huh?” James said to Sirius, gesturing to Regulus.
“Nope. He has no fun, like, ever.” Sirius said, then a devilish smile crossed his face. “I have an idea to fix that though.”
Sirius sped up until he was directly behind Regulus. Then, silently and swiftly, he shoved Regulus and sent him flying into a mud pit.
A surprised sound escaped Regulus’ throat as he landed, then he immediately scrambled up. “What the fuck Sirius? Why on earth would you do that?” He said, aggressively rubbing himself in an attempt to clean up.
“C’mon Reggie! It’s just a bit of mud!” Sirius teased.
“You think I wanted to deal with ‘a bit of mud’? No! That’s why I stayed off to the fucking side!!” Regulus said, with something stirring in his eyes James had never seen before. Actual, genuine, rage.
“I explicitly stayed off to the side, where I could stay clean and dry, but no. You had to be a fucking prick and shove me.” Regulus continued. “I don’t know why I would ever agree to do anything you two meatheads, you both are the bane of my fucking existence. For two people who think they’re the life of the party, I have never met less fun people.”
“Regulus, you’re just jealous that I can enjoy myself. Not my problem you think you're better than us.” Sirius said, anger also creeping into his voice.
“I don’t think, I know.” Regulus said coldly, then turned to set off down the trail. “Have fun with your idiot friend.”
“He’s awfully dramatic. It’s not that big a deal.” Sirius stated.
Regulus turned a corner around a tree, and it would be a long time before James would see him again.
And sometimes in the pouring rain
He'll fall in the mud and get back up again
James was well into being 16 the next time he went to Sirius’ house. Sirius had caught some sickness that had taken him out of commission for a bit, and James had a stack of missing assignments to deliver. He knocked on the door, and was surprised to see Sirius’ father opening it. “Ah, you’re that Potter boy Sirius is always with.” He said, surveying James.
“Yes sir. I have some of his school assignments to drop off if that’s alright.”
Orion waved dismissively at him. “Yes yes. His room is upstairs, go on. I’m too busy to be dealing with him.”
James nodded and quietly slinked up the stairs. In the hallway he was greeted with only closed doors. One however stood out. It was plastered with do not enter signs, and when James put his ear to the door, he could hear faint sniffling on the other side. Undoubtedly it was Sirius, stuffy from his ailment. He knocked once, then gently turned the knob. It was not Sirius.
Regulus lay on the floor, curled into a little ball, and was sobbing. He whipped his head up to see James standing there, and his previously sorrow filled face contorted into a mix of surprise and embarrassment. “What. The fuck. Are you doing here.” He hissed, wiping tears from his cheeks.
“I- I’m sorry. I- thought this was Sirius' room. I have his assignments, I’m dropping them off and-”
“Get. Out” Regulus almost screamed.
“Yeah, yeah, of course, sorry man I-”
James was then shoved out of the room. The second door he tried was in fact Sirius’ room, much to his relief. “James!” Sirius exclaimed. “I missed you!”
James dumped his stack of papers on the nearby desk. “I missed you too, man. Had a wonderful interaction with your father just now.”
“He left his office for something other than getting another drink? Shocker.”
“Yeah he opened the door for me.”
“Ohhhh yeah. Mom’s refusing to interact with any of us right now. Been a week since she's said a word to me or Reggie.”
James sat on the edge of Sirius’ bed. He knew when Sirius talked about specific things about his parents, it was serious. “Is everything alright man?”
“No yeah, well, ish. Mom went through Reggie’s journals and uh, turns out, he’s gay.”
James’ breath caught in his throat.
“I don’t know exactly what she found in them, or what Reg said but Mom didn’t really take it well,” Sirius continued. “It doesn't really fit her idea of like, an ideal family.”
“Shit man,” James let out lowly. “That fucking sucks.”
“Yeah, I mean, I’ve been sick so I haven’t been able to check in on him. And I know he like, doesn’t really like you, but can you see him? Check if he is okay?”
James decided to not tell him about walking into Regulus’ room by accident. “Yeah sure. I’ll let you know.”
Sirius shot him a small smile then let out a whooping cough. “Thanks dude. Now, get out of here. I don’t want to get you sick.”
James saluted and with a quick goodbye, left the room. He found himself face to face with the paper covered door again, debating whether or not to heed its warning. Eventually, he decided to ignore the ‘Do Not Enter’ after he heard a strangled sob from the other side. James knocked on the door gently, and he heard the noises stop. The door creaked open, and one of Regulus’s gray eyes appeared in the crack. “Oh.” He said. “Did you not get the fucking message the first time? Leave me alone.” The door began to shut but before it could, James stuck his fingers in between the crack. “Wait,” He said. “Sirius wanted me to check in on you.”
The door opened back up a little. “He did?”
“Yeah, he uh, he told me what happened, and he wanted me to check and see how you were doing.”
Regulus opened the door entirely and ushered James in. James was slightly shocked by this invitation, and even more shocked that he was in Regulus’ room. “I don’t want my parents to hear whatever you have to say.” Regulus mumbled.
“Yeah no yeah of course man,” James rambled. “So uh… are you good?”
Regulus looked up at James, eyes puffy from tears. “What do you think?” He snipped.
James cringed. Yeah, obviously he wasn't okay. “Sorry, that was a dumb question. Can I do anything for you? Do you need to talk, or…”
“What does Sirius think?” Regulus asked, in a whisper so quiet James almost missed it.
“What does Sirius think? About what? You’re um… sexuality?” James repeated and Regulus nodded.
“Sirius, well Sirius is worried. Not about you being- uh gay, or whatever. Like just about how you’re doing. He thinks your parents are being awful, that's nothing out of the regular.”
“Did he say anything about what he thinks about… me?”
“Well truth be told, I don’t think he cares. You're his little brother Regulus. He loves you so much, and I don’t think anything could change that.” James said as he sat down on the bed.
James hoped that the words leaving his mouth were the right ones. He never had much experience comforting people, especially not people in this specific situation. He looked up at Regulus, who seemed to be standing closer to him than before. Regulus was looking back down at him, tear stained cheeks and watery eyes, and James couldn’t help but think about how pretty he looked. “So he’s okay with it? He doesn’t think I’m… dirty?” Regulus asked.
“Yeah man, yeah he’s okay with it. And no, he doesn’t think you’re dirty. Why would he think that?”
Regulus shifted uncomfortably. “It’s kind of what our mother has drilled into us. That anyone who’s… like me, is dirty. Gross.”
James' jaw fell open. “Regulus, that’s absurd. You’re not dirty, and I’m sorry that anyone has ever made you think that.”
Without warning, Regulus launched himself at James, wrapping his arms around him in a hug so tight that they fell back on the bed together. James took him into his arms, and Regulus’ body began to heave with sobs again.
“Thank you.” Regulus whispered as he buried his head in James’ shirt, tears flowing freely.
James slowly began to rub his back. “It’s okay dude, trust me. Your parents suck, there's nothing wrong with you, you're okay.” James mumbled.
Regulus continued to cry, so James continued to hold him. Eventually, the crying subsided, and James looked at Regulus. Regulus had fallen asleep. James then turned to the window. The drapes were slightly parted, revealing a dark sky littered with stars. James was left with two options: Waking up a sleeping Regulus who seemed to be at peace for the first time in god knows how long, or letting his parents know that he would be sleeping at Sirius’ tonight. He looked down at Regulus, and picked the latter. As he rubbed Regulus’ back with one arm, he gingerly pulled his phone out of his pocket with the other. He shot a quick text to Effie:
Hey Ma. I’m going to be sleeping at Sirius’ tonight. | >
He gently put his phone on the side table, then pulled Regulus tighter into his arms. He adjusted himself so they were both fully lying on the bed, then he let himself drift off as well.
And if you find me
Will you know me?
Will you take me
Or will you fall?
Regulus and James never spoke of that night. No one but them knew it happened, with Sirius sick in bed, Orion being his usual avoidant self and Walburga ignoring Regulus, it was easy for James to slip out in the morning like nothing ever happened.
Regulus started to hang out with James and Sirius more often, tagging along on every one of their adventures. Sirius, while confused at Regulus’ sudden presence in his life, welcomed it with open arms, and James of course didn’t mind. They grew especially close the summer they were 17 and 16, with the Black brother’s sleeping at the Potter’s nearly every night. Effie and Monty accepted Regulus the same way they did Sirius, and it was the most at home Regulus had ever felt.
The three spent their days swimming, laughing, running and playing. Sirius occasionally stole bottles of whiskey from his father’s stash and they spent nights camping out in the fields, drunk on both alcohol and joy. Regulus and James never spoke of how on those nights, if Sirius fell asleep before them, they would end up intertwined, staring up that sky.
“So which one are you?” James asked late one night where Regulus’ head had found its place on his chest.
“What?” Regulus replied, tilting his head slightly upwards in an attempt to look at him.
“I know that’s Sirius,” James pointed up. “Which one are you?”
“I’m behind the trees I think.” Regulus replied. “You can’t see me from down here.”
“I want to see you though.” James replied stubbornly.
“Like I said, you can’t see me from down here.”
“Then I guess I’ll go to where I can see you.”
James then shoved Regulus off him, earning a quiet ‘dickhead’ from the younger one, then set off towards the trees.
“What are you doing James?”
James turned to look at Regulus. “I’m going to climb up to where I can see you.” He said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“This is a bad idea James, you're wasted.”
James shrugged, then grabbed a tree branch and started to climb.
Regulus was right, it was a bad idea. James fell ten feet up the tree, landing him in a cast for the foreseeable future.
–
“This sucks.” James grumbled.
They were stuck in the middle of another heatwave, and the trio had found themselves back at the pond. Regulus and Sirius were relaxing in the cool water, while James watched with jealousy from the shore. “Yeah, well, maybe don’t break your arm climbing a tree while drunk, idiot,” Sirius replied.
Fair enough.
Sirius went back to splashing around, relishing in the cold relief. Regulus was floating on his back, basking in the sun’s warmth while still cool. James couldn’t take his eyes off the younger one, just watching him gracefully float around. Sirius watched James watch Regulus, and took it as a sign that James just wanted to be included, nothing more. “Hey James!” Sirius called to him. “Judge me and Reggie’s breath holding contest?”
“I am not doing that,” Regulus said lazily.
“Why? ‘Fraid I’m going to beat you?” Sirius teased.
“Never.” Regulus replied.
“Only one way to find out!”
“Fine.”
The brothers stood in the water while James counted them down.
3
2
1
They both dunked under the water, and for about a minute the water was still. That was until Sirius launched out of the surface, chest heavily and breathing in air greedily. “Jesus,” He sputtered.
He then turned to the side Regulus was on. “He fucking beat me? No shot.”
“Yeah man. Didn’t come up for air once.”
“How long has it been?”
“Around a minute and a half.”
They waited about a minute more for Regulus to come back up. Regulus didn’t come back up. “Hey Sirius?” James said, an edge of panic in his voice. “Is he usually this good at breath holding?”
“I uh- I don’t know.” Sirius replied, fear in his voice as well.
“Grab him, yank him back up.”
And Sirius did just that. Regulus came floating back up to the water, eyes closed. “Fuck fuck fuck, is he? Is he okay?” James said, panic fully embedded in his voice.
Sirius slapped Regulus across the face. Regulus’ eyes flew open. “What the fuck?”
Relief flooded every part of James’ body. “You can’t just do that Reg! We thought you drowned for a sec!” James cried.
“Obviously I didn’t,” Regulus said, rubbing his redding cheek.
“James is right,” Sirius said. “You gave us a hell of a scare.”
“Losers.”
“Stay mad that we care about you.”
“Oh sure.”
Sirius and Regulus continued to squabble, up until Sirius got so pissed he just up and left the water. “James, I’ll meet you and this little fucker at home.” He said, grabbing his towel then storming off.
James and Regulus were left staring at each other, up until Regulus erupted in laughter. James was shocked, he’d never see Regulus filled with such unbridled glee. “Oh how I love pissing him off,” Regulus said, wiping tears of joy from his face as he exited the water.
“Dude, you genuinely scared us.” James replied.
Regulus shook out his hair a little, then began to dry off. “It wasn’t that bad. No way you guys care about me that much.”
James was shocked. “Of course we do! You’re the new addition to our duo, well now, trio I guess.”
Regulus appeared genuinely surprised by this. “Oh! Um, well, thanks I guess.”
He wrapped his towel around his waist then gestured to the trail. “We should probably go back, yeah?”
James nodded.
Here is my day plan, here's my new machine
He is a fine new addition, so young and so clean
So young and so clean
James woke up that night in a cold sweat. His mind replayed the nightmare he’d had. Regulus’ cold body on the shore, water in his lungs and life gone from eyes. Regulus had drowned. While every rational part of James knew that it was just a nightmare, Regulus was fine, James still felt the need to go make sure. James found himself outside the door to the guest room across the hall, staring at the wood. With a light rap of his knuckles, he heard stirring in the room. Regulus was awake at this ungodly hour. The door swung open, and Regulus stood in the doorway, a confused expression on his face. “James? Is everything okay?”
James couldn’t help his eyes trailing down Regulus’ body, as Regulus was adorned in only boxers, nothing else. Hair messy, heavy lidded, tired eyes, James thought Regulus looked good enough to eat. James shook the thoughts out of his head and looked Regulus in his eyes. “Yeah, sorry, I just had a nightmare about you and wanted to make sure you were like, still alive.”
A smirk crossed Regulus’ face. “Y’know if you’re up late and Sirius is asleep and you just need someone to talk to, you don’t need to make up a lie.”
“I’m not lying!” James protested. “Forgive me for having a nightmare that someone I love drowned and then wanting to check in on them!”
“Ah, well, I’m alive.” Regulus said, with no discernible emotion on his face. “You can go back to bed now.”
James nodded slowly, then Regulus shut the door on his face.
He came up through the water without a sound
With my back to the shoreline, I dreamt that he drowned
I dreamt that he drowned
A week or so later, James did find himself up at night, full of energy, wanting to talk with Regulus. So, there he was, back at the guest room door. He knocked gently and the door creaked open. Regulus stood there, hair damp and adorned in a loose T-Shirt. “James? What’s up?”
“Hey man, so, can I take you up on your offer to talk?” James said.
“Sure,” Regulus replied, then opened the door fully to let James in.
James flopped on Regulus’ unmade bed. Regulus lay down with him. “So,” Regulus said. “Nice to know I am second to Sirius on your choices of people to talk to.”
“What?”
“Sirius is asleep, and you, being you, need to run down your social battery before bed. Am I wrong?”
James was bewildered. “No? Yes? Uh, Sort of? I do need to chat, I’m so full of energy, but you’re not my second choice. I have no idea if Sirius is asleep or not. I just wanted to talk to you. Like we used to do when we’re camping? Before I broke my arm?”
A barely noticeable surprised expression crossed Regulus’ face. “You just… wanted to talk to me?”
“Yeah man. What made you think you were… what was it? My second choice?”
“I don’t know.” Regulus said simply. “I guess I’ve always assumed I was, for both you and Sirius. You are both closer brothers to each other than to me.”
Maybe it was the fact that they were both overtired, but the words the both spoke were fully honest.
“That's not true Reg. I mean, you are Sirius are blood brothers. You two get each other in a way I never could.”
“I’m not so sure about that.” Regulus replied.
“No, you don’t get it Reg. Sometimes, when we’re having those occasional deep, serious talks, when he looks at me, I know he needs you, you're all that he sees.”
This caused Regulus to sit in silence. “Well,” He said finally. “Still. I am most definitely not your closest brother. I don’t even really see you as one.”
James let out a little laugh. “Sorry Reg, I don’t see you as one either.”
Regulus looked confused. “Really? But, the other day, you said you loved me? I know that wasn’t as a friend, we aren’t that good of friends. What else but a brother?”
James Potter had never given much thought to what his sexual identity was. He just assumed he was straight, nothing else. But now, with Regulus’ words, he knew all of these years, the time spent wanting to be near Regulus, talking to him, having his head on James’ chest, all of that and the feelings that came along with them, made him the antithesis of straight.
“Reg?” James whispered, turning to look at Regulus. “I’m going to do something, but you have to promise you won’t be mad.”
“What? What do you mean Jam-” Regulus started to say but was cut off.
James had grabbed Regulus’ face in his hands, pulled him closer over the bedspread, and pressed his lips to Regulus’.
It wasn’t a kiss filled with lust, there was no tongue, no teeth, just a gentle simple kiss, because James just wanted to kiss him.
James wasn’t really surprised when Regulus pulled away. He knew this would happen, and he knew he probably just fucked everything up, but he couldn’t help hoping it wouldn’t.
“Why would you do that?” Regulus breathed, his face unreadable.
“Do what?” James said, attempting to play it cool. “Kiss you?”
“Fucking obviously.”
“Well, uh, it sounds kind of dumb but I just… wanted to kiss you.” James said plainly.
James felt Regulus start to shake next to him. “Fuck, I’m sorry I-” James started.
“Why would you do that?” Regulus repeated, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. “I- don't- you just wanted to kiss me? You.. do you like men?”
James stared at Regulus, who seemed to be turning into a wreck right in front of his eyes. “I- I guess? I mean I never really thought about it before but, I guess I do? I think- I think I like you Reg.” James stammered.
Regulus sighed. “James, you can’t do this. How did you know?”
“Know what?”
“Everything. How I’ve felt about you since I was 12. What I wrote in those journals. DId my mom tell Sirius and Sirius tell you? Is this some sort of prank?”
James’ brain short circuited. Was Regulus saying that for the past four years, he’d liked James? That couldn’t be true, there was a solid spell for about a year and a half where Regulus didn’t even look at James. “Reg…” James started. “What are you talking about?”
Regulus looked like he was stuck halfway between feeling sad and being confused. “James, you didn’t know? You did that on your own accord? This isn’t a prank?”
“No Regulus, I just… wanted to kiss you.”
To James’ surprise Regulus crawled on top of him, and looked him straight in the eyes. “Promise me you aren’t lying?”
“No Reg, I’m not,” James breathed out.
Suddenly, Regulus’ lips were on James’ again. James sighed, pleased that he was in this situation, but still confused. He kissed Regulus back, but then paused and lay his head back down. “Reg, I’m confused. What were you just talking about?”
Regulus tucked a loose curl behind his ear. “I- I like you James. I have.”
James’ heart fluttered. “Reg, you're lying. You wouldn’t talk to me for like a year.”
Regulus’ face turned a deep red. “Well, that's sort of a long story. I uh- I was scared you thought I was.. I dunno…. Dirty.” Regulus whispered the last word.
“Reg honestly, I haven’t really thought much of anything negative about you. I actually liked that you were a little prick. I just… didn’t put two and two together. And of course I don’t find you dirty, like I said that night where I slept at your house, yknow about a year ago? You aren’t dirty, anyone who has told you such is wrong. ”
Regulus smiled and James pulled him in again, letting Regulus fall on top of him. Regulus nestled his head into James’ chest and James took a deep breath in, inhaling the scent of the Potter’s shampoo in Regulus’ hair. “James..? Will we… I dunno.. be something?”
James smiled. “I would sure hope so.”
A little happy noise escaped Regulus’ mouth and James chuckled. “Sirius might kill us,” Regulus mumbled.
“He might. But I’m sure he’ll get over it.”
And if I breathe you
Will it kill me?
The remaining weeks of summer were spent mostly the same. The three boys spent their days doing the same old activities, but at night James and Regulus were never apart. Sneaking into each other's rooms, they spent their nights awake, talking, holding each other, laughing, breathing, living.
Late one night, about a week before school started back up, James and Regulus were up to activities the average teenage couple would get up to, when the door to James’ room slammed open. “James!” Sirius exclaimed. “I just had the best idea for a-”
Sirius paused in the doorway. James’ hair was messed up, his glasses tossed to the side, and Regulus was on top of him, lips pink. “What. The fuck. Is going on here.” He stated, expression hard.
James cringed and Regulus scrambled off of him. “Sirius…” James started at them time Sirius asked, “Are you fucking my little brother?”
“No!” Regulus shrieked in response.
“Sure as hell looks like it.” Anger was creeping into Sirius’ voice.
“Sirius, we should talk.” James said calmly.
“Yeah of fucking course we should talk. Regulus, get the fuck out.”
“You can’t tell me what to do!” Regulus exclaimed.
“Reggie, he’s right. I think Sirius and I should talk alone.” James said, earning a bratty pout from Regulus.
Regulus got up, and marched out of the room, leaving a fuming Sirius and slightly worried James. “So you want to explain why I just walked in to you making out with my brother?” Sirius said, words sharp enough to draw blood.
James cringed. “Sirius, as much as I would love to say it isn't what it you think it is,”
James paused. “Actually I am very pleased it is what it is, but that doesn't matter. I uh, me and Regulus, kind of… are a thing?”
James could see the gears turning in Sirius’ head. “How long?” Sirius asked finally.
“About a month of us… actually being something. I will say though the buildup has been much longer.”
Sirius stood silently. “Siri I don’t want you to think this is something that it’s not, so please, ask me anything and I’ll be honest. I promise.”
“I didn’t even know you liked men.” Sirius whispered.
“Neither did I, until Reggie. I guess… I mean… I’ve kind of really only liked Reggie.”
Sirius’ face was now softer. “And you didn’t tell me?”
James stood up from his bed as he replied. “Well, I kind of didn’t know until we first kissed about a month ago.”
“He kissed you a month ago? And you didn’t tell me? James, we tell each other everything.” Sirius said, all anger previously present gone.
“I’m sorry, I just… didn’t know how to. Also for the record, I kissed him.”
Sirius now seemed shocked. “You… kissed him?”
James nodded. “Shit. James you actually like him, don’t you?” Sirius said.
James nodded again. “Sirius, I think I’ve been in love with your brother since the first dinner I had at your house.”
Sirius choked. “You love him?”
“Yeah man, I’m sorry but I think so. I think I’ve been falling in love with him for the past 5 years.”
Sirius nodded slowly. “Well, I guess you have my blessing.” He said finally.
James laughed. “Your blessing?”
“Yes. My blessing. You should’ve asked for it ages ago but like the merciful older brother and best friend that I am, I’ll give it to you now.”
James laughed again and pulled Sirius into a hug. With a quick two claps on the back, James said, “I think you should go talk to Reggie.”
Sirius nodded and went to leave. “Don’t be an asshole!” James called after him.
–
James’ bedroom door creaked open. Regulus peaked his head in. It had been about an hour since Sirius left the room, so James assumed their conversation was finished. “How’d it go? Is everything okay?” James asked.
Regulus nodded and crawled into James’ bed. “He’s honestly a lot more okay with it than I expected.” Regulus said. “We talked about everything, and he was definitely more calm than I expected as well.”
James hummed happily and Regulus rested his head on James’ chest. “James?” He murmured. “Sirius said something.”
James stiffened. “What did he say? Oh if it’s anything bad I’ll kill him.”
“No, no it's nothing bad. It’s just… Sirius said you were in love with me?”
James relaxed. “Ohh yeah. Well I am, did you not know that?”
Regulus laughed a quick short laugh. “Are you being serious? We aren’t even officially dating or anything, and you've never said it! How would I know?”
James mulled this over. “Well shit yeah, I guess you're right.”
James grabbed Regulus’ shoulders and positioned Regulus to be looking straight at him. “Regulus, now that Sirius knows, I think I should properly do something. Regulus Black, I have spent all the years since I was 13 falling in love with you. If you would have me, I’d love to call you my boyfriend.”
It was cheesy. So cheesy in fact, Regulus let out a very un-Regulus-like giggle. “Yeah sure.”
He planted a quick kiss on James' lips. “You're an idiot.”
James smiled a goofy grin. “Now I’m your idiot though.”
Regulus fell on top of him, and the two stayed like that until they began to drift off. Right before James was fully asleep, he heard Regulus whisper four words.
“I love you too.”
Will you have me
Or watch me fall?