Why I Stopped Chasing
It was a cool winter evening. The moonlight peaked through its phase to give off a bit of a soft gleam. Amy laid in her bed, candles lit, fairy lights gingerly twinkled and calming classical music playing through her headphones. Allergies, possibly a small cold, had really messed her up and she needed the rest. However that wasn’t all that was keeping her down tonight. Physically she felt congested but inside the small flicker of guilt that had lingered for years, gnawed at her gut.
Closing her eyes she didn’t notice the near ominous specks of green light seemingly appear out of nowhere. Growing more and more until a small breeze brushed past her quills, eliciting her to look at where it came from. Considering her window was shut tight for the winter. Upon seeing a familiar red and black silhouette, with a rather obvious green chaos emerald in hand, she slowly lifted her head in confusion.
“S-Shadow?”
“Apologies for barging in without knocking.” His usual demeanor that reminded her of a tuxedo chao, evident whilst putting the gem in his jacket pocket.
“It’s…fine. Why are you here?”
“Your friends are worried and I couldn’t take the insistent, worrisome whining. According to them you haven’t been…yourself lately.”
“Yeah well that’s what happens when one is struggling to breathe due to allergies and a possible cold.” A more sarcastic smile as she gestured to herself and the multiple small tissue boxes on her bedside table. He raised a brow, arms folded that clearly stated he wasn’t convinced this was it.
“What?”
“Is this really what’s bothering you?”
“I mean I couldn’t fake this nor did I want it.” She groaned, laying her head back down.
“You’ve stopped chasing after him.”
Amy blinked, glancing at one of her scented candles. The guilt continued to make her feel so queasy, she hadn’t been able to eat properly for days. Shadow noticed her annoyed and irritated expression instantly vanish to one look he was very familiar with. The pain in her eyes, evident as it was easy to read. But it wasn’t so simple.
“Yeah” She finally spoke with simple and soft acknowledgement. “So what if I did? It’s probably for the best. Not to be rude, Shadow, but why do you care if I do or don’t?” Watching him be the one to look at the same candle before shutting his eyes and giving a more…heartfelt answer than she expected.
“The same reason you reached out to me back when we were enemies.” Amy blinked as memories of her begging and pleading with him to save the earth, that he is more than revenge and that if anything else she would care for him. Gesturing to her bed, he sat down as they just looked at the flickering flame for a bit.
“At first it was out of embarrassment.” She began. “Once I realized that what I was doing was desperate, obsessive and really unhealthy, even if I never meant to do it, I felt…awful. The guilt grew overtime and while I’ve always been reassured and proven that our friendship and my help isn’t a lie, I can’t shake off the past version of me.
There are three things that got so lost in translation. I don’t believe in the whole ‘love at first sight’ bs. At first I thought it was just deep admiration. But I kept getting strong intuitions of us together and those kept getting stronger overtime. Some turned out to be visions. Heck the amount of times I tried using my tarot cards to prove it- and it came true. Though I haven’t in awhile when I learned that it might’ve been wishful thinking on my part.”
“You do have a true gift for reading people as well as your strength.” Pausing, she couldn’t help but have a small smile peak through before continuing.
“I think overtime…I truly have fallen for him naturally. It’s part of why I have backed off.”
“Seems…counterproductive.”
“You know the old saying ‘If you love someone, set them free.’-”
“ ‘If they come back it was meant to be.’ I believe the rest of the saying goes.” Catching her tilted yet admiring expression he coughed and glanced away.
“Maria and I studied much literature when we were on the ARK.” Amy knew she shouldn’t push, but every bit of information he willingly gave about that part of his life, she cherished in her heart.
“My point is this. What I love about him, among many other things, is that drive of freedom, adventure and living in the moment. The thought of being with someone, that traditional idealistic stigma of ‘settling down’ would terrify anyone that doesn’t want that for themselves. I may not always look like it, but that life is so boring to me. It ties into the third point in all of this.”
“You long for that sense of freedom too.” Shadow guessed as it slowly clicked.
“I rather go see the world, go on journies that I can’t always experience back home. Live my life to the fullest. I may not want everything that Sonic does, I am my own person after all, but I wanted him to see that I wouldn’t want him to change, ever. But my actions would seemingly counteract my intentions, even if I tried to talk about my honest truth. Though I will admit, I’m not my best at communicating when I feel so flustered, annoyed and not thinking clearly.”
“Seems pretty clear to me Rose.”
“Yeah well, he’s not here.” She giggled nervously before reaching for a tissue, and hand sanitizer, before turning away.
“So you stopped chasing after him because-?”
“I stopped chasing after him to one, stop being so clingy, two to try and convey that I want him to live his best life as I try to live my own. Three so I can truly ask if this was honestly meant to be or if we have to stay friends, which….I’m okay with.” A brief pause as she wanted to say one more thing that was another reason why. One that had red highlights, can be broody and is sitting her listening to every word she had said. Her heart still yearned for Sonic….but it now also yearned for Shadow’s.
“I think I understand.” Shadow’s voice broke the growing silence. “But…do you still care for him in that way?” Holding out his hand for hers before gently pulling her upright.
“Yes. There is…one other factor but…I can’t say what just yet.” Amy breathed softly as she felt her head being guided to rest on his shoulder.
“Faker truly doesn’t see what’s right in front of him.” The usual annoyance in tone was added in with something else she wasn’t expecting. This level of care seemed so out of character and yet, also felt so right.
“I’ll be okay with that if he never does…I’ll have to be okay with that. Besides, he’ll always make me laugh and will be there to help if needed.” Amy giggled, letting this moment linger a bit before slowly laying herself back down.
“I’ll tell the other’s I’m okay and once fully over all this.” Gesturing to her face, tissue in hand. “I’ll be back for more adventures.”
“I’ll let you rest.” Shadow got up and pulled out the gem. Preparing to go back and let the other’s know she was fine and needed rest.
“Shadow, wait!” Amy called out as he glanced over his shoulder. “Thank you for checking in and hearing me out. I deeply appreciate it.” She smiled as he rolled his eyes before giving a small smirk.
“Anytime, Rose. Chaos Control!” Another flicker of a breeze and she pulled the blankets over herself, drifting back to sleep slowly.
Meanwhile a blue hedgehog unintentionally found himself outside her window, originally preparing to make a visit, but lingered in on the conversation. Heart pounding and a blush against his cheeks.
‘I should’ve known this was much more than what it seemed. Especially since it’s you, sweet Amy.’ Sonic thought before slowly peeking through the window, opening it slightly just to cover her up more with blankets. Running a hand through her quills with a soft smile.
‘You mean so much more to me Ames. One day I’ll make sure you know….soon.'