Chapter 6- Fourth Year
Remus started the day of the full moon the only way he knew how: by eating everything in sight. Lily sent him another quizzical look as he devoured his fourth egg, but this time, she said nothing, only giving him a half smirk. Just as he was about to reach for another slice of toast, a brown barn owl swooped down from a large open window, dropping a letter directly onto his plate. Remus’s eyes lit up as he recognized the neat, flowing handwriting on the envelope—his mother’s. A smile tugged at his lips as he tore open the letter, Unfolding the parchment inside.
Remus,
I wanted to send you a letter before tonight, just to remind you that you are loved. Your father and I are sending our best wishes, and even though I want nothing more than to be there with you and to look after you, I know that you are in safe hands. Please take care of yourself, and don’t spend all day worrying about whether or not you deserve to be at Hogwarts, because I know you well enough to understand the silly notions you have brewing up in that head of yours. I’m so glad to hear, however, that you have a good group of friends to support you through this, even if they don’t fully understand. And you must invite Lily over during the break—she sounds like a lovely girl. Please send me a letter straight away tomorrow so that I know you’re alright. I love you, Remus.
Love, Mother and Father
Remus quickly tucked the letter into his robes, still smiling as he turned to face Lily. “Mum wants you to come over during the break,” he said, gesturing at the empty envelope. Lily’s face lit up, her grin stretching wide as she set her teacup down in excitement. “Of course I will! She sounds lovely,” Lily replied, her voice brimming with enthusiasm. “She is,” Remus murmured in response, his smile softening as he leaned over to grab more toast. Sirius, however, interrupted with a dramatic huff. “Where the hell is our invite?” he demanded, crossing his arms in exaggerated indignation. “Yeah, Remus,” James chimed in, his tone teasing and laced with amusement, “are we not worth writing home about?” Remus rolled his eyes, shaking his head at the display. “You’re both unnecessarily dramatic,” he muttered as he reached into his pocket to reference the letter. “She said you lot were a ‘good group of friends.’” He informed, looking up to see Lily grinning smugly at Sirius and James, who looked caught between being amused at the banter and pretending to be mock-hurt. “Well, we didn’t get the ‘special invite,’ now did we?” Sirius countered, which only caused Lily’s grin to widen as she took another sip of tea. “I guess that just means I’m better than the two of you,” she said smugly, moving her head quickly as James threw a piece of bacon in her direction. Remus watched in quiet amusement as the scene unfolded in front of him, enjoying the argument over which of them was better as he finished his breakfast.
Later that day, the Gryffindors were crowded in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, practicing the new spell Professor Highcart had assigned. Highcart was a middle-aged man with a thick, twisting mustache and dark brown curls that matched its unruliness. He was quickly becoming one of Remus's least favorite teachers. From the very first class, it was clear that Highcart had something against Remus. He had asked for his name just as professor Trelawney had done, and their reactions weren’t dissimilar from each other, in the sense that they both left Remus confused. Where Trelawney’s reaction seemed curious, Highcart’s was guarded and cold, not in an obvious way, but Remus could tell through the clench of his jaw and the twitch of his eyebrow that he was vexed. For the past two weeks, Highcart’s behavior had shifted from cold indifference to outright targeting. Remus couldn’t brush it off as just a quirky teaching style— seeing as every other student was treated with respect, and the behaviour was starting to piss him off. Today was especially frustrating. Remus was on the verge of snapping, ready to storm out of the room or go all wolfy on him. Unfortunately, this wasn’t one of those lessons where he could quietly fade into the background. No, Highcart had chosen today to use him as the demonstration for their new spell—a spell that, according to the professor, would make bats fly out of his nose. Fantastic.
Remus stood at the front of the class, arms crossed tightly, a controlled scowl fixed on his face. The control was deliberate—he was doing his best not to let on just how much he disliked this teacher. “Now, this spell is called the Bat Bogey Hex,” Professor Highcart announced, his gaze narrowing as he moved toward Remus. “I’m sure many of you have heard of it—or even seen it in action. Unfortunately, it's all too common around these school corridors.” He gave Remus a pointed smile, the kind that might have seemed innocent to anyone else but felt sharp and deliberate to him. “Mr. Lupin here has kindly offered to assist with my demonstration,” Highcart continued. Offered my ass, Remus thought bitterly, his patience thinning as he silently awaited his impending humiliation. He had no idea why he was putting up with this—if it had been any other day, he would’ve refused outright. But he didn’t want the full moon to be used against him if the headmaster or his head of house were to be involved. “The incantation for this hex is Volamucus , and this is the wand movement,” Highcart said, demonstrating the swish of his wand before turning back to face Remus. “Now, Mr. Lupin, this may hurt a little, but I’ll use the counter-curse straight away,” he added, his tone dripping with feigned reassurance. Remus didn’t trust that for a second, he could already tell the man was going to take his sweet ass time. Remus wasn’t concerned about the pain, however. After all, he was going to experience something far worse later that night. What bothered him was the thought of giving Highcart any satisfaction. He silently swore to himself—he wouldn’t show any signs of discomfort.
With that in mind, Remus dropped his hands to his sides and gave a slight nod to signal he was ready. Professor Highcart wasted no time, casting the spell with deliberate precision, enunciating the incantation clearly and slowing down the wand movement for emphasis. The effect was immediate. Remus felt a sharp, uncomfortable stirring deep inside his nose, followed by the distinct sensation of something pushing its way out. It was as painful as he’d anticipated, but he stood there, face blank, determined to endure it without flinching. He caught a flicker of what seemed like disappointment in Highcart’s eyes, just before the professor muttered the counter-curse, and with that, another bat—still half-formed—vanished from his nose. Highcart quickly dispatched the single bat that had flown around the room before turning back to the rest of the class. "Thank you for that, Mr. Lupin. You may be seated," he said, tone clipped, as if even the smallest acknowledgment physically pained him. Remus wasted no time returning to his spot next to Peter, his mind still buzzing with irritation. “That was really impressive, how you just stood there with a blank expression while a bat flew out of your nose,” Peter commented, sounding amazed. “I can’t imagine how much that would have hurt.” Remus forced a small, strained smile, nodding as if it had been nothing. If you knew why I had no reaction, you wouldn’t be as impressed, he thought, hands curling into fists at his sides. He turned his attention back to the front of the class, trying to push the simmering frustration down, but it lingered, gnawing at him.
Now that they had learned both the hex and the counter-curse, the class had split into groups to practice. Lily was complaining about how they shouldn’t be practicing such a spell on each other and Remus wholeheartedly agreed, grateful to have someone else to vent with. “It’s just not safe, is it? And it hurts,” she said, watching another bat emerge from Sirius’s nose. Sirius, ever the optimist, had brushed off her concerns, claiming she was being dramatic and that it wasn’t that bad. Naturally, everyone ended up taking turns performing the spell on him. “I don’t know… it just doesn’t sit right with me,” Lily continued, her face set in disapproval as she cast the counter-curse on Sirius so Marlene could have her turn. “I know what you mean. It feels wrong,” Remus agreed, his eyes fixed on Sirius, who was still wrinkling his nose as more bats flew out. “Alright, alright, I’ve had enough,” Sirius growled, clearly fed up, as Lily placed yet another counter-curse on him. “Evans, you were right. I was wrong. We shouldn’t be doing this bloody spell on each other.” Lily gave him a smug smile, ruffling his hair in response, which only seemed to annoy him further. “I love being right all the time,” she said cheerfully, completely ignoring the death glare Sirius shot her way.
“How the hell did you put up with this, Remus?” Sirius grumbled, trying and failing to fix his now-disheveled hair. “Oh, you know, I’ve had worse,” Remus said without thinking, instantly realizing his mistake. He froze, panic rising in his chest. No, he thought, he’s going to ask. But Sirius just gave him an understanding look. “I guess the illness you had would’ve been much worse,” he said quietly, offering Remus a sad smile. Remus’s mouth snapped shut. He had been staring at Sirius, caught off guard by his gentle response. To cover his slip up, he nodded slightly in confirmation, but inside, his heart was racing. Sirius’s hand landed on his shoulder in a silent gesture of support, just as Highcart signaled the end of the lesson.
It was after dinner now, and Remus had begun to make his way towards the hospital wing. He hadn’t bothered telling anyone where he was going, he figured they would find out the next morning anyway. Remus only had a couple hours to go before the transformation really took over so he moved quickly, the pit of anxiety in his stomach growing with every step. When he finally reached the hospital wing, he pushed open the large, arched doors, the familiar scent of antiseptic greeting him as he entered. “You must be Mr. Lupin,” said a short, busy-looking woman in a white nurse’s outfit. She was walking toward him from a back office, her expression focused and professional. Remus, not in the mood for much conversation, gave a simple nod in response. Madam Pomfrey stopped in front of him, offering a small, sad smile. “Well, come along then. I want to make sure you’re set up properly.” Her voice was firm, but there was a softness to it that made Remus feel slightly less tense. He nodded again, awkward and uneasy, before following her as she led him through the castle and towards the whomping willow.
Even though he had seen it before, it was even more intimidating now that he had to step into its roots. The whomping willow loomed ahead, its long branches swaying menacingly in the wind, casting eerie shadows on the grounds below. “Now, I’ve found that the easiest way to enter is by dropping a stick on that knob near the ground,” Madam Pomfrey explained, levitating a fallen branch with a flick of her wand. Remus watched as she carefully guided the branch toward a protruding part of the tree’s trunk and let it fall. The moment the branch touched the knob, it was like a switch had been flipped—the tree stilled, its branches halting their wild movement, and a hidden opening was revealed in the roots. Without hesitation, Madam Pomfrey stepped forward, moving swiftly through the passage. Remus, heart racing, quickly followed.
Inside, the corridor was dark and damp, with roots sprawling across the walls and the earth beneath their feet leading them toward the old shack in Hogsmeade. The path stretched on for only a few minutes before it ended abruptly at a trapdoor above them. Madam Pomfrey opened it with a swift motion and climbed the ladder that appeared, still not saying a word to Remus. Secretly, he was relieved by the silence. Remus had half-expected her to try and make small talk, or worse, offer pity or sympathy—things he wasn't sure he could bear right now. The shack itself was little better than the tunnel, if at all. It was just as dark and damp as the corridor, with the added unpleasantness of creaking floorboards and the occasional groan of the walls. Madam Pomfrey led him into a room that, though equally shabby, was at least free of holes in the walls. In one corner, a small bed was piled with pillows and blankets, none of which stood a chance of remaining undestroyed until morning. Aside from the bed, the only other features were a cracked window and a dilapidated fireplace.
“This is where you’ll be staying,” Madam Pomfrey said, turning to face him as he stood in the doorway. “I know it’s not much, but there are wards around the building and a warming charm in this room to keep you comfortable in the winter.” She paused for a moment, giving him another small, sad smile. “If you need anything, Remus, please don’t hesitate to let me know.” Remus nodded, appreciating her kindness, even if he wasn’t sure how to fully express his gratitude right now. Madam Pomfrey took a step forward, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder—an action that echoed Sirius's earlier gesture. “I promise I’ll be back first thing in the morning to make sure you’re okay,” she said, squeezing his shoulder once more before turning toward the door. “Thank you,” Remus replied, offering a quick, sincere smile. It wasn’t much, but he hoped she understood the depth behind it. With one final nod, she stepped out, closing the door quietly behind her. “First thing tomorrow,” she promised from the other side of the door.
Now alone, Remus took a moment to properly explore the room. The bed—clean and new—felt out of place against the dust-covered floor beneath his feet. His eyes drifted to the window, where the small flickering lights of Hogsmeade provided some semblance of comfort in the otherwise silent and lonely room. At least the sunset was beautiful, he thought, watching as the last traces of pale pink and purple bled into the darkening sky. But soon, the quiet was broken by the undeniable ache that had begun to spread through his body. It flowed through his veins like a living thing, moving with an insidious rhythm, and he could no longer ignore it. Now that the moon had fully risen, its pull on him was stronger than ever. His bones shifted restlessly, fighting against their natural order.
With trembling hands, Remus quickly removed all of his clothes so that he would have something to wear when he woke up in the morning and curled into a ball on the bed. He was shaking now, the telltale sign of his bones giving way. The first snap caused a strangled scream to tear from his throat, the pain flooding him like a violent wave. His arms always went first, followed by his legs, but it was his back that was the worst—an agony that seemed to stretch on forever, though he knew it was nearing its end. Yet, it was the next part that always haunted him. The transformation never ceased to feel like a fever dream, his mind slipping further and further from his control with every second. As his body contorted, all his thoughts were overtaken by the wolf, and soon there was nothing left but raw instinct. All he could do now was pray. Pray that when dawn came, he would return to himself, bruised but alive. But more than that, he prayed that he wouldn’t hurt anyone else.
The sharp, unmistakable scent of iron was the first thing that registered in Remus’s foggy mind the next morning, and he knew immediately that it had been a particularly rough night. He groaned softly, blinking his eyes open, only to find himself staring up at… a white ceiling? Confused, Remus took in his surroundings. This wasn’t the dusty, wooden floorboards and cobwebbed roof of the shack. Instead, he was surrounded by the clean, sterile feel of the hospital wing. His heart rate quickened as he tried to sit up, but a searing pain shot through his chest, forcing him back onto the bed with another quiet groan.
The soft sound of movement outside the curtain caught Remus’s attention, and Madam Pomfrey appeared a moment later, bustling around with a vial of potion in hand. “Good morning, Mr. Lupin,” she said kindly, though her eyes held a hint of guilt. She bent down and gently pressed the potion to his lips. The familiar bitter taste of pain relief flooded his mouth, and he swallowed it down gratefully. Once the potion took effect, Madam Pomfrey settled onto the stool next to his bed, her expression turning more serious. “Unfortunately, I don’t have good news for you, Remus,” she said softly, her voice heavy with sympathy. Fear shot through Remus, his mind immediately spiraling into the worst possible scenarios. His heart thudded painfully in his chest, and it must have shown on his face, because Madam Pomfrey hurried to reassure him. “No one is hurt, dear,” she said quickly, and Remus felt a wave of relief wash over him. “Well, that’s not entirely true,” she added, her gaze drifting down to his chest.
Remus followed Madam Pomfrey’s gaze and saw three large, angry red scars running down the length of his chest. The one in the middle was the largest, starting just below his shoulder and ending at his first rib on the other side of his body. The other two scars were shorter, one on either side of the longer one. A quiet sigh escaped him as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to banish the image from his mind. It wasn’t like he’d never scarred before; his arms and legs were covered in similar marks. But this one—this one was different, and it would be difficult to hide the pain from the others. “I tried to reduce as much of the scarring as I could, but unfortunately, the dark magic prevented me from healing it any further,” Madam Pomfrey explained, her voice laced with regret. It was clear she wasn’t used to being unable to fully heal her patients. Remus gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “It’s fine,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling drained. She gave him one last sad look before standing up. “I’m going to give you a dreamless sleep potion,” she continued firmly, “and then you’re going to stay in bed until I deem you well enough to leave.” There was no room for argument in her tone and Remus was too exhausted to complain anyway. He sank back into the bed, his body heavy with fatigue, and waited for the potion to take hold, pulling him into the deep, much-needed sleep.
Madam Pomfrey finally let him go later that evening, and the first thing Remus did was make his way towards the owlery. He had managed to write a letter to his mother earlier, after requesting parchment and a quill from the nurse. Now, he was eager to send it off right away, wanting to ensure she wouldn’t worry—though he’d been told she had already been informed of his condition that morning.
Remus was climbing the winding staircase toward the owlery, deep in his own thoughts, when he collided with someone else, the force of the impact jarring through his body. He quickly grabbed the railing to steady himself, his hand slipping slightly against the wood. “Watch where you’re going,” a voice snarled from the stair above. Remus looked up to find familiar grey eyes glaring down at him and his body froze at the realisation. “Oh, great. It’s you again,” Regulus muttered, rolling his eyes in a clear display of annoyance. Once again, Remus found himself unable to speak. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around how different the two Black brothers were. Regulus just scoffed and elbowed his way past him. Unfortunately, the elbow made direct contact with Remus’s injured chest, and he gasped, a sharp cry escaping him as the cut reopened. Blood slowly began to stain his shirt, and Remus winced, trying to breathe through the renewed pain. Regulus paused, his eyes widening as he looked back at Remus in shock. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath. Remus clenched his teeth, managing to regain some control over the pain. He shot Regulus a dirty glare before turning sharply, continuing his way up to the owlery. “Don’t you need to get that checked out or something?” Regulus called after him, the question laced with a mixture of irritation and maybe faint concern? Remus’s patience snapped. “Piss off, Black,” he called back, not bothering to face him.
After sending off his letter with one of the school owls, Remus made his way to the familiar window in the owlery. He sat there for a moment, taking a deep breath, before carefully peeling off his shirt and removing the soaked bandages Madam Pomfrey had applied earlier. The sight of the wound made his stomach churn. The bleeding had stopped, but it still didn’t look good. His mother had insisted that Lyall teach him a few healing spells for situations like this—ones that would help him clean and dress a wound properly. He transfigured the old bandages into fresh ones, concentrating as he cast a basic healing spell to close the gash. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do. Once the wound was sealed, he cleaned away the dried blood and wrapped the new bandages carefully around his chest. A quick cleaning charm on his shirt and he slipped it back on, leaning against the windowsill afterwards, exhaling slowly. He hoped Regulus wouldn’t say anything about their brief encounter—it was unlikely, considering he wouldn’t want to admit to having spoken to Remus anyway, so he figured he was safe. Still Remus needed to be more careful, it had only been 8 hours and he had already exposed his injuries to someone. Sighing quietly, he steeled himself to stand. It was probably time to find the others before his absence became irredeemably suspicious.
The minute Remus walked into the Gryffindor common room he was ambushed by Lily. “Remus, what happened to you?” she demanded, eyes scanning him for any signs of injury. “Nothing, Lils. I’m fine,” he tried to reassure her, but this time she wasn’t fooled. “Don’t lie, Remus. You’ve been missing since dinner yesterday , and the others said you didn’t come to bed,” she pressed, crossing her arms with a look of concern that Remus knew all too well. Behind her, James, Sirius, and Peter had all stood up, watching the exchange silently. “I had a really bad migraine, it’s something that used to happen when I was sick,” he lied, remembering the conversation he had with the headmaster a few months ago. Lily’s expression softened instantly. “Oh, Remus. I’m so sorry,” she murmured, pulling him into a tight hug. He hesitated for only a second before returning the embrace, his arms wrapping around her shoulders.
Over her head, Remus noticed James and Peter exchanging an awkward glance, then quickly turning their attention back to the fire. Sirius, however, was still watching him closely, a frown tugging at his lips. When their eyes met, Sirius gave him a brief, sympathetic grimace before turning back to the others. Lily pulled back slightly, studying him with the same look of concern. “Is there anything we can do to help?” she asked quietly. “Nah,” Remus said, forcing a small smile. “I’m feeling perfectly fine now,” he lied again, but this time the smile was more convincing. Lily seemed to buy it, nodding slowly. “Good,” she said softly. “Just let me know if you need anything, okay?” “Thanks, Lils,” Remus replied, his voice quiet but sincere.
He followed Lily towards the couches by the fireplace just as Marlene and Mary came down from the girls' dormitories. “Oh, Remus,” Mary said with a bright smile. “You’re back!” Remus took a seat next to James, who gave him a small clap on the back, before responding. “How badly did you miss me?” he asked with a cheeky grin. Marlene rolled her eyes but smirked as she settled on the carpet in front of the fire. “See? He’s obviously fine,” she teased, casting a glance at Lily, who had taken a seat in the armchair beside them. Lily simply smiled, the corners of her mouth lifting slightly, before turning her attention back to her book. “So, what did I miss?” Remus asked, trying to keep his tone light as he looked around at his friends. “Well, apart from a riveting History of Magic class, not much,” Sirius said, stretching his legs out onto James’s lap. Lily rummaged through her bag and handed Remus a couple pieces of parchment. “I copied my notes for the classes you missed,” she said, her voice warm as she passed them to him. Remus smiled at her in thanks, then flipped through the notes carefully.
“If I were an animal, what animal would I be?” Peter asked later that night. He had glanced up from his Transfiguration homework, where they were learning about trans-species transformations. “I don’t know… something small and annoying, probably,” Sirius responded lazily, flicking his wand to produce small red fireworks that floated in the air. “Well, you’d be a dog, cause you’re a little bitch,” Peter shot back, clearly annoyed with the answer he received. Sirius smirked but didn’t seem particularly bothered by the jab. Mary, however, must have taken pity on Peter. “Peter, I think you’d be something cute, like a bunny rabbit,” she said with a sweet smile. This, of course, was the wrong thing to say seeing as Sirius burst into laughter, and Peter’s face turned red with embarrassment. “I feel like you’d be the bunny, Mary,” Marlene added thoughtfully, and Remus couldn’t help but agree. Mary did remind him of a cute innocent rabbit, even if the innocent part was an act. “I feel like James would be something obnoxious, like a lion or a wolf,” she continued, causing Remus’s heart to race at the mention of a wolf. James, however, looked especially pleased with the thought, oblivious to Remus’s distress.
Turning to face Remus and Lily, James smirked, his eyes narrowing in playful contemplation. “One of you would be a cat, and the other a bird, but I can’t decide which is which.” Lily raised an eyebrow, her curiosity piqued. “Oh really?” she asked and Marlene grinned before chiming in. “Lily’s definitely the bird, I think an owl specifically,” she said, and James nodded in agreement. “Right. That makes you the cat, Remus,” James added with a teasing smirk, glancing toward Sirius for confirmation. Sirius, who had been absorbed in his fireworks, looked up with a frown and gave James a light kick in the ribs. “Remus is absolutely not a cat,” he insisted, continuing to frown as he turned to Remus. “Why not, Sirius?” Lily asked, leaning back slightly and placing her book down on the table beside her. “Because I hate cats,” Sirius explained, his voice matter-of-fact. “But I don’t hate Remus.” James burst out laughing at this, and Remus couldn’t help but smile in return, feeling a soft warmth from the moment. “I’m glad to hear it,” he muttered, going back to reading Lily’s notes.
Remus decided to change his dressings again after his shower that night. The heat from the water turned pink as it ran down his stomach, and as he dried off, he winced with discomfort. Trying to dab at his wound and bend down to dry his legs was a struggle, but he managed eventually. Finally he was ready for bed, and even though he had only been awake for a few hours, the ache that consumed his body left him utterly exhausted, especially after having to hide the pain from everyone. It was a constant battle, one he didn’t think would ever get easier. His mood lightened, however, when he saw Missy curled up on his bed. “I let it in, but if I find it anywhere near me in the morning, I won’t be doing it again,” Sirius grumbled from where he lay on his bed next to Remus’s. Remus couldn’t help but smile slightly at Sirius’s complaint before sliding into bed himself. He muttered a quick goodnight to the dorm and closed the curtains around him. Missy stretched before making her way over to snuggle closer to Remus’s head. He reached out to give her a few soft pats, and she purred contentedly in response. He had survived his first full moon, and no one had discovered his secret. It could change at any moment, but for now, everything was alright. And with that thought, he settled into his blankets, mind slowly quieting. He closed his eyes and let the steady rhythm of Missy’s purring lull him to sleep.