Apricity

Remus eyes Sirius as Sirius sets his record player up on a small table near the kitchen. Feels the urge to be near him. He finds comfort in Sirius. 

Remus, Lily, Evan, Peter, Dorcas, and Pandora are all making dinner. Very slowly, Remus might add, despite their being highly overstaffed in his opinion. If he wasn’t so drunk, this might stress Remus out. Sirius had wanted to help, claiming he’s worthy of the chef title, but the group decided he was too wound up to avoid burning anything or making a mess. Mostly, it was Lily arguing against him. The others simply understand that it’s best to comply with her. “You’re all drunk! You’re wound up, too!” Sirius had said. Actually, they really aren’t wound up. Drunk, maybe. It’s quite a calm group, except Lily, at least right now. Sirius puts on Aladdin Sane, and wanders off somewhere.

“All I know is, I can’t imagine a world where McGonagall would be with a man. I mean come on,” Dorcas says as she dries off the bowl she just cleaned. Hands it to Evan.

“You don’t think she’s secretly shagging Dumbledore, then?” asks Peter.

Pandora looks disturbed. 

“Dumbledore?” Lily says, in utter disbelief.

“She must have higher standards than that, yeah?” says Evan.

“Yeah, the fuck?” Remus agrees. “My money’s on Madam Pomfrey.”

They all gape at him. 

“Oh my God, Remus! You see it, too! I have to speak to Marlene about this. You know how she’s close with Madam Pomfrey, and she’s been insisting on it for, like, a year now! We knew it! Fucking called it!”

“She curses?” Evan says, looking up from the bowl he’s pouring something into, at Remus. Evan points a thumb toward Lily.

Remus shrugs. 

Well, she didn’t, Remus supposes. He knows she’s probably just drunk, but he’s satisfied with this new development for his friend.

“Well, I’m not a child anymore, Evan. I just never thought to start adding the words to my sentences, I guess, never felt natural…” Lily says, wobbling a bit. “I’m going to find Marls. She must talk with me about this. Queer Hogwarts staff! And Sirius, soon, we need to talk about Mary Poppins, remember? Remus,” she points at him, “you are not safe from me. I am talking to you after your.. friend. Don’t let me forget.”

Well, Lily is clearly quite drunk. Remus stops from cutting the onion he was halfway through, trying to forget what she just said. He washes his hands, and begins to rummage through cabinets to find Lily a glass, for water. He ensures that Lily makes it to Marlene in one piece, offering Marlene a warning look as he passes her off. James, Mary, Marlene, and Barty are in a small sitting room playing a game, but Remus doesn’t know where Regulus went. Probably back to his book. 

As Remus returns to his cutting station after delivering the glass, Evan moves to stand next to him. Casts a silencing spell. It’s not often that someone just does that in the middle of a room of people socializing. Remus is pleased with this.

“Your friend, eh?” Evan says, smirking.

“Bugger off, Rosier.”

“Come on. I get it. Barty’s mad for me.”

Remus looks at him. 

“Are you not together?”

“Merlin, does everyone think that?” Evan says, annoyed. “No, we are not together.”

“Some people never come to a point where it feels necessary to become official. You just have a unique relationship,” Remus says, shrugging.

Evan considers this.

“Got experience with that?” Evan replies. “Figures. You two act like fools when you’re around each other, you know that?”

“Do I need to point out your hypocrisy?”
“No.”

Evan turns around to lean on the counter, facing into the kitchen. 

“How many people know about… you know.”

“Not many. Sirius. I’d be shocked if James and Pete don’t suspect. And I’m sure Lily knows, obviously. No idea about the rest.”

“I’ve never told anyone,” Evan says. 

“You could tell us. I plan to. I really don’t think anyone would care. Honestly, Peter might be the only straight one here.”

Evan turns to look at Remus. Evan begins to laugh, as he removes the silencing spell and retreats to his mixing bowl. Remus laughs too. 

“You’re fucking funny, Lupin.”

“How’d you even meet Mary and Lily?” Remus asks, following Evan over, remembering seeing him in the Gryffindor common room. Dorcas, Pandora, and Peter are all in the room with them, but toward the other side. They’re busy assembling various dishes for dinner. Everything is mostly done. Pandora is finishing up a pie. 

“I think Mary fancies Barty. Or Regulus. Maybe both? I don’t know, but she came up to me at school, started asking where they were at and what kind of music they like, and stuff. I was a little confused, but she was super nice,” Evan answers. 

Evan is pleasant, Remus thinks. Handsome, too. 

“And then Lily walked by us in the hallway, and said they needed to go so they could decide on decorations. Mary dragged me by the hand, and I didn’t really know what to do,” he continues,  “It was fine, I was bored. Don’t care much for decorating, though.”

“Huh, sounds like them, yeah,” Remus says.

“You hang out with them a lot?” 

“Yeah. Lily, especially. We help each other with school a lot. Mary used to date Sirius, but she kind of just stuck around after they broke up. We’re good friends.”

“I like this group, you know. It’s a good balance,” Evan says, putting down the spoon he was using. He’s done mixing, and looks around for the pan of cooked steak Dorcas just finished. 

Evan brings it over. “And your theory? You may be right,” he leans in closer to whisper, “you really don’t think James or Mary are…?”

Remus casts another silencing spell. 

“Straight? Nah.”

“Hey!” Sirius barks, entering the kitchen, plastic cup in hand. “What are you two whispering about?”

Remus removes the silencing spell. 

“If it was your business, Padfoot, we wouldn’t have been whispering, yeah?” Remus replies, displaying a light smile on his face.

Sirius blushes.

“Don’t sass me, Lupin, that’s my job,” he says in response.

“And what’s mine?”

Remus and Sirius are staring at each other. Remus can feel the uncertainty in Evan’s body language beside him, unsure whether to leave them to sort out their tension, or to stay and pretend this isn’t happening. Evan goes back to tending to the food.

Sirius is drunk, too. Perhaps more than Lily was. 

He sighs in defeat. “I don’t know, Moony,” he says, wandering over toward Remus. 

“Moonyyyy…”

“Sirius.”

Sirius crashes into Remus, setting his cup down on the counter behind him. Remus wraps his arms around Sirius, holding him. 

He smells like pine and cinnamon. Like Christmas. 

Sirius is so… warm. And he fits nicely into Remus’ arms. 

“Moony,” Sirius breathes into Remus’ chest. 

“Do you need to lie down, Sirius?”

“Can you take me?”

“Yeah.”

Remus grabs Sirius’ arm and begins to guide him out of the kitchen, toward the living room. Sirius leans closer, and clings to Remus’ right side. Sirius is stumbling, but Remus keeps him steady. 

“You’re my favorite, Moony,” Sirius slurs a bit as he speaks.

“Not James?”

“James is my best friend. You are too, but you’re also my favorite,” Sirius stops walking. Looks at Remus. They’re standing in the living room alone now, staring into each other's eyes. Beautiful, Remus thinks. Perfectly designed face. He finds himself filled with such a strong desire to touch him that it feels like his individual cells are trembling in anticipation. 

Greedily, Remus cups Sirius’ face with his hands. His skin is warm on Remus’ hands.

“You’re drunk,” Remus says softly. He lowers his hands.

“Yeah, you, too.”

“You’re worse.”

“Yeah.” Sirius laughs a bit, sways side to side. “Moony…”

“Yeah?”

“Will you stay and lay with me?”

Fuck ignoring him. Fuck cooking dinner.

“Okay. Here?” He gestures to the couch. 

“You want to?” Sirius says, eyes widening a little, “James said you were too tall for me to share with you.” Sirius is smiling now. It makes his eyes look like galaxies. 

“If I get in the way just, you know. Shove me aside?”

“I’m not going to shove you,” Sirius looks as though he considers it as he speaks. “Well…” He looks at Remus with a mischievous glint in his eye. 

“See? Good plan. Not like it would wake me.”

“That’s true. You die every night, I swear. Like you’ve been drugged.”

Remus shrugs. Grabs a blanket from the pile in the corner of the living room, and lays down on the couch. 

Rather than using the open space at the other end of the couch, Sirius simply lays right on top of him, wrapped in his own blanket. He wouldn’t do that sober, right? Remus doesn’t much care. He likes it. A normal amount. The pressure is nice, he thinks. Sirius is making him feel safe. Outside of the occasional pat or brush, Sirius and Remus are rarely physical with each other. 

“Is this weird?” Remus asks.

“No,” replies Sirius, still slurring his words. “Unless you think so. Is this okay? I’m cold is all.” 

“Sirius, I’d kill anyone that tried to move me right now.”

===

Special POV: Lily

Lily is embarrassed. How could she display such behavior? On night one? Merlin, it’s just gotten dark out!

She’s laid out on the bed her and Pandora will share at night, waiting for the wine to wear off. 

Pandora. How lovely is she?

Lily likes girls and boys. She doesn’t talk about it much, except with close friends, because not everyone is very accepting, but she’s certainly a romantic. She’s waiting for the one. Well, Pandora is certainly someone. She’s so… weird. Smart, mysterious, kind, otherworldly. Lily has never met anyone like her. Does Lily fancy Pandora?

Maybe. Lily considers a long term relationship with her. Everyday tasks with this… angel by her side?

Yeah. She supposes she fancies her. 

Only one bed. Of course. 

Why is Lily so drunk? She’s not sure if she’s ever been this drunk before. She’s finished her water, maybe she should get more. 

Lily gets up, slowly adjusts as she stands, stretching. Stumbling to the door, she freezes as she hears a sound on the other side of it.

Two knocks.

“Hello?” Lily says. Her voice cracks a bit. 

“It’s Pandora. Are you decent?”

Lily opens the door. 

“Hi, um,” Lily can feel her face heating up. Can she stop bloody blushing? “Hi.”

“Hello, can I come in?”

“Well, yes, it’s your room, too, silly,” Lily loses her balance a bit and has to hold an arm out to lean on the wall. Pandora walks in, nearly brushing Lily as she passes. She smells so good, Lily thinks. Like jasmine and citrus.

“I think I’m going to lie down for just a little bit. How do you feel? You can join me, if you need to rest,” Pandora says. 

“Yes.”

Pandora smiles. “Okay, ” she says. Pandora begins gesturing to the side of the bed further from the window, clearly the spot Lily had just been laying on. “I don’t feel it’s right that you’ve chosen this side of the bed.”

“We could switch.”

“I can move your things for you.”

“No.”

“Fine.”

Pandora picks up her bag from where it was placed on the floor near the door, and brings it over to set it on her new side of the bed. 

The room starts to spin.

Oh, 

Fuck. 

Lily is so dizzy right now.

As time starts to slow, Lily barely makes it to the bed with her life. Or so she feels. She plops down right on the spot where she laid before. Pandora’s new side. She knows she’s now intruding in her space, but Lily quite literally cannot move, or she is going to vomit everywhere.

Pandora says nothing for a moment. 

Lily just sets the empty glass down on the bed, next to where her head already lies. 

“Are you alright?” Pandora asks, sitting down next to her. To Lily’s utter shock, Pandora brushes a strand of her back from her face, and puts the back of her hand on Lily’s forehead. Room is spinning, spinning. Pandora’s hand is ice cold. Snow queen, ice angel… Lily’s thoughts trail into vague nonsense. 

“I’m getting you water. We’re going to bed.”

“What? But- but I just need some time, Pandora, just some time,” Lily slurs.

“Evans…” Pandora says quietly. She turns and heads back to the kitchen to get Lily another glass. 

“Can you call me Lily? Evans is what the boys call me.”

“Lily.”

Once Pandora leaves the room, the nausea only worsens. Lily practically sprints to the toilet.

===

Special POV: Pandora

Pandora now wishes she had just grabbed the glass in their room from before to refill. Waste of dishes, she thinks. 

Pandora isn’t tipsy anymore, which is as far as she got before she began to feel sick and immediately vowed to be done for the night. Tomorrow might be better. 

Lily Evans. A strange girl. She is so many things. Pandora reviews some of them in her head. 

To start, Lily is bossy. A know-it-all, but in the least insufferable way one could be. She’s also very smart, and is, by all means, destined for success. Very put together. Pandora appreciates that.

People like Lily. She is likeable. Pandora likes her very much. She wants to know everything about her. Pandora knows most would consider that weird, but she was never bothered by that particular accusation. 

Lily is also loving. Genuine. She clearly lights up the people around her. 

Open-minded, hot-headed, motivated by love. Hm, Pandora thinks. 

She feels like she should stick around more people like this. Pandora isn’t sure how she makes other people feel. 

“Everything alright in there, Dora?” Evan asks as Pandora enters the kitchen. She opens the cup cabinet immediately, remembering the one Remus got the first one out of. 

“Yes, not to worry, Evan. We’re going to rest,” she says, as she picks up a glass from the top shelf.

“It’s early,” Peter says, somewhat in protest. 

“I am tired. I sleep when tired. And Lily doesn’t feel well.”

“Okay, alright…”.

“Where are the others?” Pandora asks, filling the glass in the sink. 

 “Merlin only knows…” Evan says. 

“Sitting room,” Remus answers. “One of them.”

Pandora hums and heads back to her room with a full glass of water. 

Lily has removed her shirt. 

Her black lace bra collaborates well with her body, Pandora thinks, before gasping and covering her eyes with one hand.

“Sorry,” Pandora says.

“It’s okay. Hot. It’s hot. You can look at me. I’m not sick anymore, I got it out, just hot.”

“You know, there’s an upstairs balcony at the end of the hall. I could take you out there to cool off and get some air,” Pandora offers, handing the water to Lily. 

“But you’re sleepy, you want to lie down, you said. I can take myself to the porch. Balcony. But thanks. You’re very kind. I just need a minute… Dizzy,” Lily says, laying back down, trying not to spill the water. 

Pandora takes it and sets it on the dresser. 

Pandora is never so nervous? She’s hardly even tired anymore. She sits and waits with Lily. 

“I’m going to the balcony now,” Lily says suddenly, getting up. 

“Lily.”

Only a name exits her mouth, but Pandora feels like she’s just screamed a love confession at Lily’s face. Maybe Pandora is still drunk. She certainly feels like it at the moment. She’s surprised she’s putting together coherent sentences. 

“Put a shirt on. And I’m coming with you.”

“Let’s go,” Pandora says, walking out the door past Lily, waiting for her to follow. It takes a second.

===

James is pretty sure Barty is just making shit up to terrorize him and Mary. Mostly him.

They’re seated in a circle on the floor, playing a “drinking game” where Barty is the “dealer,” but he just draws cards from a deck and decides how many drinks everyone has to take. But then, also, certain cards mean he gets to ask someone of his choice truth or dare? James is a little confused about it. They’re all pretty fucked up right now, and James supposes none of them had the willpower to try and protest. 

“King of Hearts, Potter, take fifteen. Mary, take six. Marlene, take two,” Barty says.

“Barty!” Marlene smacks his knee, looking at him, exasperated. 

“Wow,” says Mary, sympathetically eyeing James.

“Sorry, McKinnon, gotta keep things even,” Barty says, shrugging. 

Even?! James thinks, as he starts chugging his drink. It’s not like he’ll turn down a challenge. He doesn’t even bother to count.

“Five, spades. Mary, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Mary replies. 

“Do you fancy Regulus?” Barty asks.

James freezes. Regulus. He really doesn’t know why he dislikes the idea of Mary and Regulus together so much. He supposes they do make an attractive couple…

Mary blushes, just a bit. “Umm…I mean..” she tucks hair behind her ear. “Maybe a little?” She looks up at Barty. 

“Ha!” Barty says. “I fucking knew it! You are not subtle, MacDonald.”

Mary shrugs. “Can’t help it. I like a dangerous man,” she says. Mary scoots closer to Barty. 

“New rule,” Barty says. “If it’s an ace, I get to pick two of you to fight.”

Barty pulls another card. Two of diamonds.

“Potter takes twenty four,” Barty is fighting a losing battle with a laugh.

“I’m fucking out of here,” James says, getting up from the couch, immediately forgetting his earlier thoughts about turning down challenges. Barty begins to laugh harder. 

“James, wait, no!” Marlene says. 

“Don’t leave, we can play something else,” Mary adds. 

“I’m going to be sick,” James replies.

He is. He’s headed to the bathroom right now. He should have left the game before trying to take fifteen drinks in one go. 

Merry Christmas. 

===

Regulus is enjoying this holiday. The house is lovely, not at all like the one he grew up in, despite the two houses sharing an owner. It’s warm, spacious, homey. Regulus enjoys the style of the furniture and decorations. He’d live here. 

He thinks he’s seen every inch of this house now. Except the basement. He’s not drunk enough for that. 

Roaming around a hallway upstairs, Regulus notices that one of its windows leads to a ledge on the roof. He would like to sit and smoke right there. He opens the window, peers out to ensure he isn’t about to kill himself accidentally, and climbs through with feline grace. 

It’s cold, snow is still falling, so he casts a warming spell around him and shuts the window. It’s windy. The moon is very large tonight, almost full, glowing behind the clouds. A few stars are visible, but blotchy clouds conceal the ones of a lesser brightness. Regulus finds Sirius’ star, but not his own. 

Regulus lights his last joint, which he kept in his cigarette case, and smokes the whole thing. Fuck it. Nothing to do. 

As he puts it out, he hears a door click below him. Who would be going outside right now?

Regulus scans the house below. A balcony is just under him, to the right a bit. Someone must be on it. 

Holy fuck. Regulus is so high right now. 

“Is this better?” Regulus can barely hear a girl say. She’s quiet. Pandora?

“Yes, yes, thank you, Pandora…” another girl says, louder. Lily. Lily is with her. She sounds drunk. 

Regulus, despite himself, supports Sirius’ efforts to set up Pandora and Lily, which he’s heard talk of from just about everyone. He’s not typically one for romance, but he is one for seeing Pandora happy. And he approves of Lily.

Of course, he’s known that Pandora doesn’t have any romantic preferences for a while. She just randomly told him one time, and Regulus didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t care. She never would care about that sort of thing; Doesn’t concern herself much with other peoples’ opinions of her, as far as Regulus can tell. 

“Did you know that Sirius and Regulus were named after stars?” Pandora asks Lily. The mention of Regulus’ name startles him slightly. 

“Yes, of course! The Black family uses a lot of celestial names,” Lily replies, slurring. 

“Look, there’s Sirius there,” Pandora says. Regulus pictures her pointing at the sky. “And there’s Regulus. The heart of the lion. True to their stars, they often are.”

Regulus looks up, searching again for his star. And there it is. The clouds have cleared in a small space around it now, the star shining bright. 

Suddenly, Regulus wants to speak to them. But he won’t interrupt their moment. The girls are still talking, though they’re too quiet to make out their words now, and Regulus sits for a few more minutes. He realizes he wants to bring his book out here, gets up onto his feet, climbs back inside, and shuts the window. 

James comes into view at the end of the hallway as Regulus turns. Oh, Merlin. 

He’s beautiful. That makes Regulus happy. Is he smiling? He should not have gotten this high around so many people. 

“Hi, Reg!” James says. He starts to walk toward Regulus. 

“Hi, James.”

“Are you.. okay? I mean, you just look a little. You know…” James waves a finger side to side, pointed toward his eyes.

Fuck, Regulus thinks. Why is this so embarrassing? He nods in confirmation. 

“I got you a surprise gift,” James says. 

Regulus doesn’t like surprises. He’s appreciative of James for having so far eased him into every surprise. 

“Did you?” Regulus asks in response. James loves surprises, so Regulus is choosing not to spoil his yet. He smiles internally.

“Do you want it now? Or whenever our Christmas is?”

“Christmas.”

“Okay.”

For a minute, they’re just looking at each other. James has always been a larger-than-life figure to Regulus. He was always a concept, his brother’s friend. Sirius’ best friend. Sirius’ new brother. But Regulus never really got to know him. This is all new, and it’s weird for Regulus. He can’t believe this is really happening. 

“What are you doing up here?” Regulus asks.

“Uh, well actually I ah,” James rubs the back of his head, “I was playing this game with Barty and Mary and Marlene and… Barty was just making me drink like twelve, twenty, twenty four, you know, like large amounts of drinks and I just got sick. I didn’t want anyone to hear.”

Regulus can’t do anything right now but smile at him, ever so briefly. He then remembers words are an option, too. 

“Fucking hell, why did you keep playing? You let Barty make the rules?”

“I don’t know, I was so drunk… but I think I sobered up in the bathroom.”

“Want to smoke?”

Of course he doesn't. Regulus doesn’t know why he said that. 

“What, like a cigarette?”

“I’m out of weed, but I can steal some from Sirius. Or a cigarette, if you’d rather.”

“Nah, I’m okay. Don’t smoke much. Wanna go see if dinner’s almost ready? Dorcas was finishing up when I walked by the kitchen.”

“Okay.”

They go downstairs together, James taking the lead. 

Dinner is, in fact, almost ready. Peter is sticking his head essentially inside the oven, checking on some food, and Regulus isn’t sure how he hasn’t jumped back in pain at the heat. Regulus decides to find his seat in the dining room. His corner seat. He’s the first one at the table. Food sounds unbelievably good right now. 

Pandora and Lily. He should go tell them dinner is ready. 

He gets up and heads back toward the stairs.

“Where are you going?” James asks, as Regulus begins his ascent to the upstairs. 

“Pandora and Lily are on the balcony up here. I’m going to get them.”

Regulus doesn’t wait for an answer as he continues up the stairs and walks toward the balcony door. He opens it. 

“Regulus.” Pandora says, sounding delighted to see him. 

“Hello,” says Lily.

“Hi. Dinner is ready,” Regulus quickly moves back inside and shuts the door, thinking he’s being considerate by not intruding on their space. 

Pandora opens the door, and pokes her head in behind him. Regulus turns to face her.

“She needs air. We’ll come down in a little while,” Pandora says softly. 

“Okay.”

Regulus goes back down the stairs, hearing the balcony door shut.

He finds his seat still empty. Barty has sat next to it, at the head of the table. There’s a plate on Regulus’ spot. 

“Saved your corner seat,” Barty says.

“Thanks.” He always chooses the corner seat. 

Regulus takes his plate into the kitchen to get his food. He fills a glass with water, and returns to his seat. Others have filled in at the table. James sits on the opposite end, same side of the table as Regulus. Marlene is two chairs down from Regulus, and Evan and Dorcas sit across from him. 

“Whoever was on cooking duty, come here so I can kiss you,” Marlene announces. She’s already a few bites in. 

“Agreed,” Barty says.

“Thanks, guys,” Dorcas says, “you can thank Evan, Dora, Lily, Peter, and Remus, too.”

“Oh, I only meant the kissing part. Food tastes like shit,” Barty replies, just before he takes another comically large bite.

Dorcas rolls her eyes. 

Everyone’s made it to the table except for Pandora, Lily, Sirius, and Remus. Regulus is quite surprised his brother and Remus didn’t beat him to the kitchen to make a plate. Sirius always eats a lot, and Regulus knows lycanthropy causes increased appetite around the moon. Just as he’s thinking this, he hears James ask Mary where they’re at. He presumably doesn’t get an answer, because James gets up and leaves the room, brows furrowed. 

“Now that I’ve met you lot, I’m puzzled at the lack of pranks Gryffindor has been the victim of for the past seven years…” Peter says toward the Slytherins. 

“We dabble,” Barty replies. 

“We have more ambitious preoccupations, usually,” Regulus says, “aspirations involving a successful career, for example.”

Marlene and Barty erupt into laughter. Everyone else at the table, except Peter, smiles. 

“Funny, Black,” Peter says.

“We should collaborate and fuck with Dumbledore,” says Evan. 

“Now, that one,” Mary says, leaning forward and pointing her fork toward Evan, “I second that.”

“Fuck yeah,” Barty agrees.

“I don’t always partake, but for that old man, I could be convinced,” adds Dorcas.

“There you are,” Marlene says. Regulus looks up to see who she’s referring to. Pandora and Lily.

Marlene and Mary emerge from their seats to go and fuss over Lily. Pandora heads to the kitchen to grab her food. 

“Are you feeling better now?” Mary asks Lily, an arm over her shoulder, guiding Lily to the kitchen.

Regulus finds it foreign, the way the girls treat each other. Shameless expressions of love, all the time. He begins to picture himself as Lily right now, friends encircling him, touching him, and asking him questions. The slight, fleeting ping of envy in his chest vanishes as he remembers who he is, and how that would realistically make him feel.

Marlene and Mary return to their seats once Lily has safely made her way to the kitchen. 

By the time Lily returns, Regulus has finished his plate. Wants another. He wonders if there will be dessert. Regulus likes sweet things. 

Pandora sits next to Dorcas, and Lily between Pandora and Mary. Still no James, Remus, or Sirius. Regulus is growing curious, now. What could they be doing? Just about anything, he supposes. 

===

Moon’s got Moony, James thinks, looking at Remus’ feet hanging off the arm of the couch from where James stands behind it. Of all the people currently staying in this house, Remus is high on the ‘likely to pass out before dinner’ list. He’s tired a lot, especially when it's almost the full moon. James approaches, prepared to shake his friend awake, when he’s startled by the sight of Sirius Black laying on top of Remus. 

What the fuck? 

Finally! James thinks. He’s not completely blind. It’s obvious to anyone that spends time around them that Remus and Sirius have a… special connection. Longing glances, constantly talking about each other (especially Sirius about Remus), poorly hidden jealousy, blushing when the other speaks, James could go on. But they’ve never done anything like this. 

“Oi!” James says.

Remus opens his eyes. Stirs a bit. He woke up fast. James thinks he was probably half asleep.

“He got too drunk,” Remus says.

“You two need to get a fucking room,” James replies, sounding more excited about this than he intended to let on. 

“Shut up. And we don’t have one.”

“Dinner is ready. I know you’re hungry…” James says, trying to convince him. It’s very difficult to move Remus once he is comfortable. He’s like an old man, sometimes. 

“I’ll eat later.”

“I’ll bring you food.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I’m going to do it.”

“I owe you.”

“You shut up.”

James goes and gets a plate for Remus. 

Seriously, what were they doing? Laying in each other’s arms? James and Sirius do it all the time, but it’s different. Sirius is James’ brother. They’ve been physically affectionate since they met. Remus and Sirius though…

They don’t just touch each other like that. Sirius is the type to slap James on the back when they laugh, or to get in James’ space when he’s being friendly, but not to Remus. He is always cautious with Remus, considerate of his personal space. James supposes years of growing up with Regulus taught him how to make people like them feel comfortable. 

James is delighted for his friends. He wonders what tugs at his heart. It isn’t quite affection for them, though that’s there too, it’s more like…

Envy?

===

Piercing winds slice through the air, assaulting Sirius' face. He’s going to blow away. Sirius does not know where he is. All he knows is there is void all around him, and his family is going to die. 

Sirius doesn’t see Regulus. But he can feel him slipping, trying to hold on, resisting the winds pulling him into limbo. James is there, too, clinging to something.

Sirius isn’t moving, though. The winds can’t move him. Someone holds him. 

Warmth envelops Sirius as he feels Regulus fade away into eternity. No. He screams for his little brother, but he can’t move, or make a sound. And he feels safe. Why does he feel safe right now? His brother is gone. Regulus. 

Is Sirius dead?

He hears a voice. Someone is talking. 

“Sirius.”

Remus. 

“Remus,” Sirius mumbles as the white void clears out from around him. He opens his eyes a bit. 

Oh. Sirius is laying on Remus. He sees his friend’s grey shirt, and the fireplace in front of him. Becomes aware of Remus’ arms wrapped around his body. 

“Do you want to eat?” Remus asks him. 

“Mmm, yeah,” Sirius says, sleep still in his voice.

He isn’t quite as drunk now, but Sirius is so groggy he isn’t sure he could walk. Well, no one’s going to carry him. 

Sirius sits up, moving to the unused side of the couch to give Remus some room. He feels guilty. He knows Remus likes his personal space. He’d drunkenly invaded it. 

“Sorry…” Sirius says, looking at Remus apologetically. Being near Remus was the only thing that had made sense to Sirius at the time, but, he never does make much sense, does he?

Bold, but can’t be his normal, witty self when Remus is there anymore. Determined to make his friends comfortable, but throws himself onto Moony without giving him any room to refuse it. Gay, but has dated half the girls at Hogwarts.

Remus didn’t say anything, though, except…

Sirius, I’d kill anyone that tried to move me right now.

Well, Sirius thinks. He’d forgotten that. 

“I don’t care, Sirius. It’s fine.”

“I just-- I know you like your space, and you shouldn’t have to push me off of you to get it--”

“Sirius. I’m not allergic to touch, or anything. I liked it. It was fine.”

He liked it?

“Oh, really?” Sirius is smirking now. He can’t help it. Remus just makes Sirius want to giggle.

Remus gives him a look. 

“I’m getting food. You coming?” Sirius asks.

“Nah. Already ate. James brought me a plate.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I was comfortable.”

Sirius goes to the kitchen to make himself a plate. The food is still warm. 

===