Chapter Three
Sirius and Regulus Black were brothers, maybe still are. To say that they have a complicated relationship is the understatement of the century. They grew up eachother’s only friend, forced to rely only on eachother to survive the abuse of their parents. That is until Sirius went to school and found a best friend, a real one. One that Sirius ran away to live with the second he turned sixteen, leaving Regulus without a second though. At least, that’s how Regulus views it.
Sirius would argue a different story. One that involves hours of him begging Regulus to come with him, to get out of that house that had ruined both of them forever. Sirius claims to barely remember that night, but James remembers Sirius crying to him when he had showed up on his families porch. Sirius had asked Regulus to go with him so many times that he lost his voice, he ended up resorting to physical force, trying to pull Regulus with him. That was the first time Regulus had ever hit Sirius. And at the end of the night, all Regulus was left with is the memory of Sirius leaving, and Sirius was left with a bruise so bad he had to wear makeup to hide it. Mostly, both brothers were left without eachother.
Nobody really knew the full extent of their relationship at this point. Not even Sirius and Regulus themselves. Sirius didn’t know why Regulus refused to run away. Regulus didn’t know how much Sirius blamed himself for leaving. Other than them, James probably understood the most, and that was saying something. The amount of people who were close enough to either Regulus or Sirius to know that the other even existed was a very small group. There was a general understanding that unless they were the ones to mention their brother, you do not bring them up. Even if they were brought up in conversation, you had to be very cautious about how you respond. For Sirius, this meant a lot of wordless conversations happening between friends debating how to respond when Sirius said anything about Regulus, it didn’t matter which brother you defended or sided with, Sirius would lash out either way. For Regulus, this meant absolutely nothing. His only friends were Barty and Evan and despite how much James doubted they knew what a boundary even was, they respected Regulus’s as if it was the fucking law. Although, James was unsure how much they actually knew about Regulus’s childhood, again, despite the weird protection James felt over Regulus, they really didn’t talk to eachother at all.
All this to say, James’s decision to not only ask about Sirius, but to suggest the two brothers actually communicate, should not have been one made lightly. It could have easily been a very stupid decision, but James chose to ask it anyways. Not that James likes to cross lines and break boundaries with Regulus, just that, they seem to be different between the two of them. Hell, if James had been Barty and Evan, Regulus would have walked right outside and actually walked the fifteen miles to his own flat. Maybe it is a testament to how much Regulus really trusts James that he doesn’t do that. Maybe, despite his claims to hate James for stealing Sirius from him, Regulus actually wants to be friends with James and understand these things about eachother.
With his answer though, James realizes that none of that is the reason that Regulus is compelled to answer him and actually talk about Sirius honestly.
“I want to. But if I call him once, then I’ll love him again.”
And James suddenly feels very guilty, because this is drunk Regulus. This is not how Regulus wants to be perceived. This is Regulus without the walls that he built for a reason, that not even his emotions towards James should be able to break down. This is Regulus who James did not hand a bottle of water to in the car, but actually handed a bottle of very possibly vodka that Sirius had left from a concert weeks ago. This was very very drunk Regulus, and these were not words that James was supposed to hear.